The funniest humorous jokes

After all, good jokes come from clever hands by accident, while jokes created by force and hard work have no lasting vitality. Then if the vitality-filled connotation jokes are in front of you, will you still miss them? Next are the funniest humor jokes I have carefully prepared for you, welcome to watch!

The funniest humor jokes ( Popular articles)

1. Yutou went to visit the top martial arts master and asked: Mr. Master, you have fought hundreds of battles, big and small, without losing a single one. What is the secret? Is it an innate advantage or an acquired hard work? Master Show your weapon: Have you seen this judge pen? It was given to me by my confidante when I was young. This is the secret of my success. Fish Head: Why? Master: With the pen of a close friend, you can win every battle.

2. In geography class, a girl refused to listen and put on makeup underneath. The teacher walked up to him and asked: Can you describe your face using two place names? The girl couldn't think of it, so she asked him what it was. The teacher replied: Dalian, Taiyuan.

3. A certain hospital stipulates that people get off work in the middle of the afternoon. For emergency patients, there is a sign hanging at the entrance of the outpatient department of the hospital, which lists various details in a long way, including where to find the nurse, how to contact the nurse, what to do before the nurse comes, etc. Then, the last paragraph of the sign said: If you really have time to read this fine print, then your illness is not an emergency. Come back after work tomorrow.

4. Chatting online. Goddess: Do you know what you are in my heart? Male loser: What is it? Goddess: Half of you are a male god. The male loser was flattered and quickly asked: Who is the other half? Goddess: The other half is menstrual disease.

5. After the spring rain, the petals fell to the ground. Xiao Li and his girlfriend were walking under the crabapple tree. His girlfriend looked at the falling petals and said: I am standing here and you can kick me. It will be fun! Only after we broke up did Xiao Li realize that his girlfriend was asking to kick the tree, not the human being!

6. A pair of lovers were walking when a strong wind suddenly blew up. The man hurriedly put the girl in his arms: This will hold you well! The girl was moved to tears! Asked: Am I so important? Man: Yes! I will be safe if I hold you.

7. The big bad wolf ate grandma and lay on the bed pretending to sleep. After a while, Little Red Riding Hood came, and the Big Bad Wolf said: "Little Red Riding Hood, come here and let grandma see you." ?Little Red Riding Hood said: ?You are not my grandmother. The Big Bad Wolf was shocked: How could you tell? Little Red Riding Hood said: Your penis is exposed. ?Share fairy tale jokes and wish you happiness.

8. Two colleagues chatted. A: There is bad news and good news. Which one should you listen to first? B: The bad one. A: The bad news is that there is no good news. B: Let’s hear the good news first. B: The good news is that there is no such bad news.

9. Xiao Wang couldn’t bear the loud snoring of his new colleague, so he asked his boss to change rooms. The boss asked: Why? Xiao Wang: He snores at night. Boss: Why are you eavesdropping on people snoring when you don’t sleep at night? Xiao Wang: Okay, I was wrong!

10. The United States votes in the morning and will know who the president is in the afternoon. North Koreans tell Americans with disdain that we don’t have to vote, we’ve known this since we were kids. The Russians smiled faintly, our president will be the president when we are tired, and we will be the president when we are tired. A Cuban looked at everyone in confusion and asked weakly: Brother, can the leader be changed? The Iraqis replied loudly: If they can be changed, why can't they be changed! If you don't change it yourself, the Americans will change it for you!

11. Why doesn’t the United States dare to attack North Korea? Answer: North Korea is poor. A missile costs millions, and it will pay for everything it bombs. Question: What's going on between the United States and North Korea? Answer: Adolescence meets menopause! One wants to take care of everything, while the other dares to mess with anything.

12. There is a blue sky in the White House, which is both salty and sweet. John Kerry came to the rescue, with Biden and Hagel at his side. Hillary is broad and fat, Condozali is a good guy, Locke has an iron arm and a powerful fist. Gates Sr. is still very skilled, and Panetta is full of courage. These five rats were sworn to Jinlan, universal democracy and American values, and a petition office was opened in North America.

The funniest humorous jokes (classics)

1. I was waiting for a friend at McDonald’s. There were some junior high school students around me who were eating hamburgers and doing homework. I felt that the children were also quite happy. Unfortunately, my parents are busy at work and can only eat junk food for dinner. Suddenly one of the boys said to the other: "Why should we explain to the teacher that we eat McDonald's with class fee?"

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2. When I was a child, I was in the park with my cousin, and a familiar figure appeared from behind. Isn’t that my second uncle? So I ran over excitedly with my cousin, and we shouted along the way: “Second uncle, second uncle.” Uncle, when I was about to run over, the man turned his head, and I realized that it was not my second uncle, so I said, "Twenty-nine, thirty, three-one", while continuing to run forward.

3. A few children were shooting a ball under a big tree and accidentally hit the ball into the tree hole. The tree hole is very deep and the ball cannot be taken out. Just when the other children were at a loss, a child reached into the tree hole and took out the ball easily. The children praised in unison: Liu Bei still has a way.

4. ?Big sister, your old Wangdu is still following other girls every day. ?Just follow. You see the dog on the street chasing the car every day. Even if it catches up, will it still drive the car?

5. When I was in love in college, I took a walk in the evening and it just happened. Affected by the typhoon, there was a strong wind in the school! He hugged me in his arms and muttered: This will hold you well! I was moved to tears! He asked affectionately: Am I so important? The guy replied: It's heavy! You can't blow away with your tonnage. If I hold you, I'll be safe.

6. My classmate put a tortoise patch on the back of my clothes when I wasn’t paying attention. I never noticed it and didn’t tell me after putting it on for several days. Then I finally found out and asked My mother: Didn’t you see this sticky patch when you were washing clothes? My mother said: Yes! I asked: Then why didn’t you take it off for me? My mother said innocently: I thought it was a trademark, and I was afraid of washing it. It's broken. I took it off and washed it, and then glued it back on when it was dry.

7. My wife just finished watching "Rambo" recently. I told her that there was a second one and asked her to search online. Half an hour later she got mad and said she couldn't find it. I went over to check it out. , she is searching for "Second Blood".

8. To be fair, otaku girls are one of the most ideal partners. They have topics to talk about and are easy to support. But occasionally, I have a friend. The girl is a otaku who I met online at the comic exhibition. She is considerate, lively, gentle and cute. "This guy has not been in good health since he was a child. Once he had leg cramps and was in great pain on the bed. He texted the girl and asked her to come and send me some calcium tablets. After a while, the girl happily held a mobile hard drive and opened it. Home front door.

9. The young monk asked the master: Why am I sometimes happy and sometimes depressed? The master replied: This is a Zen idea. Young monk: Why sometimes my heart feels like still water, and sometimes my heart is burning with desire? Master: This is a Zen technique. Young monk: Why do I sometimes love the silence in this temple, and sometimes miss the hustle and bustle at the bottom of the mountain? Master replied: This is a Zen opportunity. Little Monk: Master, what exactly is Zen Machine? Master: Idiot, I mean you are greedy!

10. This morning, only about half of the students came to Ma Si’s class, and the teacher glared at the monitor: What's going on, where are the other people in your class? The class monitor is a girl. She hesitated for a long time and couldn't say anything. Tears were about to fall. She was so aggrieved. A boy next to him whispered: Some can't get up, some can't get up, some can't get up, and some can't get up!

11. The donkey will no longer grind. What good can it do if it keeps grinding around all day long? The owner gave it a pair of black eye masks, saying that it would be good to wear them when the sun is shining and go to a far away place. The donkey was very happy and followed its owner for a day. In the evening, the owner said he would rest at this family's house. The donkey sadly discovered that after a day's journey, the donkey's shed was no different from the owner's.

12. Xiao Yuer begged the Zen Master to solve the puzzle of life, but the Zen Master closed his eyes and meditated and did not answer. Xiao Yuer asked him again and again, but the Zen master had no choice but to take a piece of paper and pen and compose a verse, saying: "The swan bird flew away, and there was a lone tree in the courtyard." One night is a dagger, and Confucius said there is one less horizontal stroke. Xiao Yu'er was puzzled and asked the Zen Master for an answer. The Zen Master said angrily: "Damn it, that's when I'm sleepy and dead. Don't fucking bother me again!" Haha, share a joke, I wish you happiness.

The funniest humorous jokes (selected articles)

1. When I was in middle school, a classmate was late. When he ran to the door of the classroom out of breath, he saw the mathematics The teacher was in class, and the classmates were very frightened. The teacher stared and asked, "Why are you here?! I, I'm late for dinner? Who knows the teacher yelled: "I'm late for dinner? You didn't eat your plate?!?< /p>

2. It’s so abominable! I don’t know whose Bluetooth is called “There is an old sow” recently. Every time I turn on Bluetooth, it says "There is an old sow" that wants to pair with you. . . .

3. I am quite forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to pull out an umbrella when I go out to do errands on rainy days, so I already have ten umbrellas at home.

4. The beautician came to Kaifeng Mansion. ?I am here to provide you with beauty services for free. ?Really? Bao Zheng was excited, ?Please help me remove the blackheads. ?Okay, Sir, please lend me the tiger head guillotine. ?Share a cold time travel joke and wish you a good mood every day and always be happy.

5. Procrastination has become common in Tiangong recently, and work efficiency is extremely low. The Jade Emperor made up his mind to rectify this unhealthy trend. In order to kill him as a warning to others, he decided to operate on Li Jing. The heavenly soldiers captured Li Jing, and Li Jing shouted that he was wronged, and I don't have procrastination. The Jade Emperor sneered and said: Sophistry! Everyone knows you are the procrastinating Li Tianwang. Share a joke and hope you don’t procrastinate in doing things. I wish you a good mood every day and happiness all the time.

6. She is the most perfect woman in the world. She was born in a famous family and was generous. She was young and plump, fair and beautiful. She was well-educated and courteous. She had numerous properties and a fortune of tens of millions. However, unexpected events took away her husband's life due to a terminal illness. But obviously she was not Devastated by the cruel life, she managed to bury her husband and get back on the road. She was active and active in the advertisements on every telegraph pole for large sums of money seeking a child.

7. On this day, Avalokitesvara studied the Buddhist teachings of the four masters and disciples, and rewarded them with a white dragon horse. The one with the highest level was allowed to ride on it. Sanzang kept talking, thinking that he had a chance to win. Unexpectedly, in the end, the Bodhisattva actually gave the white dragon horse to Sha Monk. Tripitaka was not convinced and asked why. The Bodhisattva replied: Because of Shakima.

8. One day in the summer, I saw a buddy buying knee pads and asked him if he wanted to play ball and exercise? This guy said something that took me a long time to understand. He said: The weather is hot and the mat is too hard.

9. I saw a super connotative ID on the forum today: ?My girlfriend’s diabetes caused me to get tooth decay? It’s so connotative!

10. My husband came to the airport Pick up the wife. Wife: Why are you looking so sad? Look at the couple over there, talking and laughing. How happy they are. ? Husband: ?He gave it to her. ?

11. I heard from a friend that he went on a blind date. After the meeting, both parties were quite satisfied. After the meal, my friend offered to drive her home, but she was stuck in traffic for two hours. She was worried! I couldn't bear it anymore, so I got into the back seat and asked the girl if she had a drink bottle. The girl blushed and took out a mineral water bottle. At this time, the buddy said gorgeously, "Is there a Nutrition Express? Now they are a couple." . What a harmony...

12. A girl asked: Samsung is getting bigger, Apple is getting longer, and Nokia is getting tougher. Nowadays, girls don’t know which one to choose when buying a mobile phone. Netizens commented: Domestic production takes a long time!