Humorous blessing short message daquan

1, girls! How can there be so many white horses? Just find a donkey to make do with it. Don't wait until one day all the donkeys are robbed, leaving a pile of mules, and there is no hope of breeding the next generation!

2. From a distance, the memory is surging, and from a close look, the middle of the lake is full of waves. I don't want to be gentle, just say it! You are really annoying, very annoying, very annoying ... lovable, never tired of watching it, haha!

3. In this world, you are the most amazing; Beat you and don't fight back, scold you and cry; I don't pay attention to food and shelter, I don't wear clothes in winter and summer, I live in circles all day, I'm not impatient or anxious, I'm rich and I can read text messages. I like you best in the animal kingdom!

4. Did you receive a short message today last year, which made you remember it vividly? If you receive this message, it proves that your mobile phone has been infected with virus, please immediately throw it into the water and soak it for one day.

I found that the people who received this message have the following incredible and perfect changes: First, their mood has actually become comfortable. Second, life has actually become full. Third, the most important thing is to look handsome.

6. Bees are raised to pick flowers, puppies are raised to look after the house, calves are raised to pull plows, princes are raised to become frogs, thieves are raised to catch * *, and you are raised to eat and drink Lazar and prepare to brush people, haha!

7. Earthworms finally opened a noodle restaurant after several years' efforts, dealing in dried noodles, instant noodles and dragon noodles. On this day, the shop was full again, but the earthworm was worried. People ask: Why not cook noodles for customers? Earthworms cry: whoops, everyone wants to eat handmade noodles.

8. When you are tired, give yourself an encouraging smile to make the pain less thorough; When you are lonely, smile in the mirror and tell yourself that you are not lonely. Did you laugh today?

9. The father asked his son what he was writing. The son said, "I am writing a letter to my grandmother." Father smiled and said, "You can't write yet. How can you write a letter? " The son said, "Nothing, grandma can't read anyway."

10, if you miss me, please blink your left eye; If you love me, please blink your right eye; If you want to love again, please blink; Okay, stop blinking. For your hard work's sake, I will reward you with a peanut and congratulate you on the success of the monkey show!

1 1, I am waiting for you wholeheartedly. I am very happy to have you, love you 100%, and it is hard to see you all the way. Millions of people are looking for you, never losing you, holding your hand and growing old with your son.

12. In an exam, a pair of deskmates handed in two identical papers, but the teacher thought they definitely didn't cheat. Why? Answer: They also handed in blank papers!

13, girls have a new love, boys and girls quarrel: girls: what do you know? She is a sea returnee and has just returned from America. Boy: What's the big deal? I am also a returnee. I came back from Shanghai yesterday!

14, if there are no flowers, spring will be lonely, if there is no * *, the four seasons will be mediocre, if there is no me, you will lose someone who cares about you the most! Without you, the rabbit will ask: Who should I race with?

15, good news: the new marriage law stipulates that a woman can find four husbands. One earns money, one does housework, one runs diplomacy, and the last manages nightlife, which was officially implemented on March 8.

16, tea, fragrant to drink; The road should be straight; Eat delicious food; Friends, be sincere; Paws, if you want incense, spray it. Ah! This one with a mobile phone is not bad Ha ha!

17, when others praise you, I am worried that others praise you not enough; I didn't mean to be different, so how can you have outstanding taste? As a typical failure, your old man is really successful.

18, round face, emitting a long-lost fragrance. The power of transmission, the disguise that penetrates my eyes. The rising heat is like a warm sun melting ice. Your relationship with me is like steel. How can I leave you? -My dear beef noodles!

19, the flower cat came and the mouse nest was in a panic. Mother is busy assigning work: the boss will block the door and the second will block the window. When mother saw the third child, it caught fire! Shout loudly: Mouse, stop playing with your mobile phone. You are handsome and seduce cats!

20, feel tired, have a rest and relax; Bored, throw it away and go out for a walk; Feel bitter, forget it, buy a sugar lick; What should I do if I miss you? I have to go to the pigsty. Wow, I haven't seen you for days, and I'm getting fat again.

2 1. One day, the stone was thirsty and took an apple to fight. As a result, Apple got hurt. Si Tong picked up a cup and drank a glass of apple juice. Later, when the stone was hungry, he went to fight with the egg. The egg was kicked into the river by a stone. As a result, the stone has egg soup to drink again

22. As the saying goes, people can't judge by their appearances, and the sea can't be measured. Some people are ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside. Although they are short in stature, they are ambitious. Everyone praises you-that's what you are!

23. In spring, the flowers are overflowing; In summer, there is enthusiasm when the sun is shining; In autumn, the harvest is no longer depressed; If I give you more grass in winter, you won't be cold. Ha ha! I wish you happiness!

24. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are really in trouble, then I will turn off my phone …

Every time a drunk takes off his clothes at the door and enters the house, his wife can't help but open the door. One day, he was drunk again, took off his clothes and started knocking at the door as usual. The door opened and a voice came out: Next stop, Fuxing Road.

26. I will miss you forever. I miss you again and again every day until I forget the time. Without you, rice is not fragrant, dreams are not sweet, and people can do nothing. I really miss you, honey. Renminbi!

27. There are plenty of grass in the sea, and there are few generations. Now the only child is a treasure, and it is hard to find without a car or a house. The skin is white and beautiful, why doesn't anyone pick it? Where can I find a reason to be single? Well done in family planning!

28. Dear users: Hello! Due to the ugly appearance and outdated style of your mobile phone, it has seriously affected the appearance of the city and hindered the development of mobile communication services. This station decided to send a signal to destroy the mobile phone after 10 minutes!

29. I admire your persistence, knowing that I don't like you, you still don't give up pursuing me. Last night, you sang to me and kissed me secretly. Facing my love for you, I can only say: I swear, I hate you for ten thousand years! Dead mosquito!

30. A joke: Congratulations on being admitted to frog university, toad department and shameless class. Please take the 250 bus to Fool's Road and get off at Fool's Street with the proof of mental illness! Please stand at the school gate and giggle when signing up!

3 1, I'll tell you a secret: when I get rich in the future, I'll definitely buy you a lot of sweets, such as milk candy, fruit candy, assorted candy, wave candy, chocolate candy, soft candy and QQ candy-I don't believe it, but I can't cure your tooth decay!

32. The boy invited the girl to dinner. Girl: Do you want to get married? Boy: Not yet. Girl: What a coincidence! I don't want to get married either! Boy: Then what kind of relatives are we? Girl: I just want you to invite me to dinner.

Xiaohong took her boyfriend home and introduced him to her parents. "He is the most famous star in this city and scores the most goals in every game." "Then which position does he play?" "He is the goalkeeper."

How noble it is that you work from morning till night every day just to bring us sweetness! I want to thank you. Without your efforts, how could our sweetness come from? Thank you, bee!

35, buddy, you have been targeted by detectives recently. The detective told me: "Your love 2: Love her, love her; Your heart 2: give it to her, give it to her; Your eyes 2: look at her, look at her. " Dude, look down calmly. Detective 2: One is your wife and the other is your mother!

36. Taoist Tang: Disciples, what is the fastest way to learn from the West in 2 1 century? Wukong: Flying is faster than riding! Bajie: Shenqi is faster! Friar Sand pulled out his gun: I heard that this thing can be sent to the west soon.

37. Happiness always owes money, happiness always stops, and happiness's phone always stops. Special notice to you: pay in time, start on time, and constantly forward this information to make the plain life full of new ideas!

38. The north wind roared, the winter rain continued, and the snow fell. Friend, I know you are cold, but it doesn't matter. I brought you a microwave oven. Bake it yourself when it's cold! Have fun!

39. doctor: "hey! Wake up! " Patient: "What is it?" Doctor: "It's time to take sleeping pills." Patient: "Oh, I almost forgot."

40. You have encountered a once-in-a-century flood, a once-in-a-century snowstorm, a once-in-a-century extreme cold and a once-in-a-century earthquake. Come to think of it, your life is really worthwhile. TEPCO, congratulations!

4 1, broadband has just been installed at home. I promised my husband that he would play during the day and I would play at night. After dinner, I urged him to make way quickly. He was pathetic and wouldn't let me, so I smiled. Now you let me go to school, and at night I let you go, and he immediately stood up and giggled.

42. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to miss you. The only thing I do during the day is to miss you. The last thing I do before going to bed at night is to miss you. The most important thing in my dream is to miss you-when will you pay me back?

43, haha! You finally showed up. Do you know that I have been looking for you for many days? Now you finally show up automatically. I will never miss this rare opportunity. I'll crush you, you dead cockroach!

44. I accidentally broke the refrigerator door and the air conditioner came out. It's getting colder and colder. It is estimated that the refrigerator will not be repaired until next spring, so you must put on more clothes and keep warm during this time!

45. Dad bought a bowl of beef Lamian Noodles on Sunday and took it home for Beibei. On Monday, Beibei showed Lily the delicious Lamian Noodles. Lily asked: Do you know how beef Lamian Noodles is cooked? Beibei thought about it and said, maybe it was pulled by a cow.

46. I heard that you were very proud recently: Putin helped you get off the plane, Bush was your driver, Madonna accompanied you up the stairs, Kim Hee Seon cooked chicken for you, Andy Lau took out the garbage for you, and even I sent you a text message. Friend, you are angry!

47. Whether you miss me or not, my heart is with you. I won't leave or give up. Whether you follow me or not, my belief is firm. Come to me, or let me come to you. Pay the bill, I like it in my heart.

48. A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat a panda. "You have a cold," cried the panda. Why do you want to eat me? " The tiger said: "the advertisement says that you should eat white and black when you have a cold!" " !

49. Love you forever; Pet you and never get tired of it; I love you every minute; Protect you, ups and downs; I can't eat a day without you, because I can't eat without you!

50. I have no second thoughts about you; You are half-hearted to me. I send you two short messages every day, and you don't reply to either word, but it is 22 at a time. I wish you happiness!

5 1, you have the right to remain silent, but every message you reply will be a witness of our friendship and will also be a voucher for me to invite you to a big meal in the future. Don't be stingy with your fingers. For our friendship, please reply more messages!

52. A man and his wife went to the temple to play, but the wife couldn't walk halfway and let the man carry her. An old woman saw it and said seriously, "You see, you are also an educated person. It's no use going to the hospital early when my wife is ill. " .

53. The Mid-Autumn Festival is here. Do you want moon cakes? Ok, now please do as I say, and you will receive moon cakes. First, put the handle of the mop horizontally at the door, and then cross it. This is the "crossing handle" I gave you!

54. Pick up the phone, but put it down. I wonder if you still care about me now? You are in the apprentice, with soldiers on guard and German shepherd escort, and you will never see each other. I have to send you a short message: reform well and try to reduce the sentence!

55. You always say that I am worthless, and I can't make two sentences with one stick. I can't sleep, complaining that the moon is too bright makes you unhappy, but I also have fun. Come on, put on the ring-48k pure iron. ...

56. My son doesn't know how to pray before a banquet. Mother: All you have to do is say something I told God! The son bowed his head obediently and began to read: God! Why should I invite you to dinner on this hot day? What a nuisance!

57. Seeing the mountains from a distance is colorless, and hearing the water can be heard from a distance, knowing that it is not a painting from a distance, because it is color blind. Cold ling doesn't feel dawn, and birds are singing everywhere. Count your wallets in the corner and see how much they are worth. Someone shouted. Whoever stole my wallet, I ran away.

58. There are two words I've always wanted to say to you. Today, I finally got up the courage: the first sentence, I love you and I like you very much; The second sentence, don't take the first sentence seriously Haha, remember to be happy!

59. Happiness means that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman beats small monsters. But for me, happiness means that you are fattened, healthy and then slaughtered, haha, piggy.

60. The moon will not shrink back because of the darkness of night, the sun will not hide because of the indifference of the world, the river will not be cut off because of the indifference of the mountains, and the orangutan will not give up because of stupidity ... Look at the news!

6 1, "Tibet II" poem: "A boat hat with a thread and an inch hook; Sing a song, drink a bottle of wine, and catch a river alone. " Boat, two oars; Hook, second ring; Wine, Erguotou; Autumn, eyes and eyes. I know your "two" best, so I'll give you a poem "Zang Er", you know. I wish you happiness.

62. Your characteristics: like a plate of jade with large and small pearls on your face, the height is different from a distance, and it is uneven from a close look, with two cakes in your eyes; A unkempt little boy looks like a fool; Your style: Confidence Brothers and Xifeng Group.

63. I heard that you have been enlightened recently. After being lucky enough to get the guidance of the enlightened monk, your Taoism has made a qualitative leap, and your master likes you very much, so the old man gave you a dharma name: Enlightenment (Five Virtues)! Is it?

64. I miss you in lonely days, forget you in crazy days, love you in chic days, and hate you in days when I don't hear from you; Where the hell is that son of a bitch? Why didn't he call back?

65. The nanny has a loud voice. The host told her that all the people who came here tonight are important people. Please keep your voice down. After dinner, the little babysitter wanted to go to bed early after cleaning up, so she leaned into the man's ear and whispered, "Then I'll go to bed first."

66. Women are like flowers. If you cultivate them with your heart, you can cultivate their body and mind. If they follow their own inclinations, they will be miserable. Women are like water. If you take care of them gently, you can break the wind and waves. If you leave them alone, you will burst into tears until you are shot on the shore!

67. An ant married an elephant. The elephant looked at the thick guest list and said, "You have too many relatives!" " The ant hummed, "So what? All this adds up to less than a relative in your family. "

68. Xiaoming was puzzled when he heard Xiaoli grinding her teeth during her nap. The teacher told Xiaoming, "I grind my teeth when I sleep because of calcium deficiency." Xiaoming suddenly realized, "I used to grind my teeth into powder and eat calcium supplements!"

69. The holiday is coming soon. My boyfriend sends a short message to his girlfriend who works in the finance department: Good luck, dear. Count your money until your hand cramps. After a while, my girlfriend replied: the money counter is broken, and my hands are cramped when counting money. What a crow!

70. Leaders choose couplets for their units. The first part: Bai Jiahei promised not to rest on Saturday; Bottom line: five plus two Sunday breaks are not guaranteed; Horizontal batch: work hard! In order to make progress, beautiful women put pressure on themselves and put this in the bedroom. The next day, my boyfriend disappeared. ...

7 1, A: My brother was bitten by a mosquito yesterday and his whole hand was swollen! My uncle was stung by a bee last month and his whole foot swelled up. C: My sister was stung by something before, and now her whole stomach is swollen.

72. I miss you not because I am lonely, but because I miss you. I won't miss you every day, but I will miss you especially one day. The special day has arrived again. In your festival, I wish you a quick mood and good health!

73. Mr. and Mrs. A Q found two concert tickets and a note in the mailbox. It said: Guess who sent it? When they came home from the concert, they found their house ransacked. Leave a note on the wardrobe: guess!

74, the world record Gisenyi, today's selection is cheeky, the pig is less than one centimeter and the hippo is only five centimeters. In the end, the champion turned out to be you-five feet thick. Congratulations! Congratulations!

75. I used to think that university teachers were all good people and smart. But today I met you, my teacher, and I realized that this is not the case at all. Teacher, let me pass the exam.

76. In an English exam, I met a particularly difficult reading comprehension. The representative of the history department with poor English got high marks and shared his experience: I only know numbers, life and death, men and women.

77. There is a beautiful woman who wants to check her future partner through the computer! Beauty should fill in two conditions for making friends as required: 1, and be handsome. 2. Have a car. After a while, the answer came out: "chess".

78. I don't want to "bean" you to play, I don't want to "ginger" your army, I just want to "apple" you to "oil", you are not a "sugar emperor"! Alas, reasoning, "garlic" you malicious, dear ... price.

79, two butterflies to lose weight: dear, you lose weight, be careful of rising blood pressure and fat accumulation; Dear, eat less delicious food, you will regret it; Dear, you practice with me; Back to eighteen through time and space!

When you first appeared beside me, I didn't pay much attention to you. I always thought there would be something better waiting for me, but as time went by, I got to know you better and found that you were the best … trick.

8 1, you are a banknote, a wallet, a dime, a shovel, a tomato, a knife, a rag and viscose. Our relationship is the most reliable, our feelings are the best, we have my support when we are in trouble, and you pay for our meals!

82. Two tigers, two tigers, fall in love, fall in love. All men, all men, so abnormal, so abnormal ... Today, I heard an eight-year-old girl singing on the roadside.

83. It's hot, and it's kissing day again. At this time of year, I can't restrain my desire to kiss you. I want to hold your cold skin with my lips, lick your cold sweat and enjoy kissing you. I'll kiss you right away, my ice cream.

84. Personnel Manager: Sorry, your major doesn't match the position we recruited! Interviewee: What do you mean it's wrong? Do you have to major in * * * *?

85. I asked God: If aliens invade the earth, there are Superman in the United States, Altman in Japan and Xifeng in China, but unfortunately she has already left, what should we do? God said: it doesn't matter, as long as the person reading the text message is there.

86. Performance of depravity: Morning begins at noon; Time is basically spent on the computer; Serious lack of exercise; Indulge in games; Three meals are not balanced. None of this matters. The most important thing is that you haven't invited me to dinner for a long time!

87. On the way, I heard an uncle shouting excitedly: Yes! The national football team scored 3 goals! That's right! This is men's football! Yes, yes! It's a game with South Korea! What? Same to you? Right, right, right! The other side is also a men's football team!

88. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? Are you dizzy …

89. Say the last sentence I love you, and then let me hug you for the last time. You know, my tears made me want to give up on you, but I was too fat, so I had to see you again, my dear ice cream.

90. Looking at your thin body day by day, I feel so uncomfortable that I can't eat and sleep. I beg you, don't lose weight again. If you keep losing weight like this, people will think I'm … I'm feeding you lean meat!

9 1, your phone bill balance is insufficient, please recharge it according to the prompt: burn a hundred-dollar bill to ashes, open the back cover of the mobile phone, pour in the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation!

92. This short message is a lucky message. When you receive it, you will get a mysterious prize. This award is unique in the world, specially customized for you, and will always belong to you. The prize is: this message! I wish you happiness!

93. Measure the bed by measuring the window, jump on the bed and lean against the wall to measure the bed. The wall is longer than the bed, the bed is longer than the window, the window is longer than the bed and the bed is longer than the wall, so the wall is longer than the bed. If you don't study hard, you will hit a wall.

94. Do you want to know the taste of clearing your mouth on a hot summer day? There is a milky fragrance at the entrance, which is silky and intoxicating. (Dove Chocolate) Text me back and I'll send it to you.

95. If you want to live a wonderful life, I will be very happy. Wave to happiness, bow to happiness; Pay tribute to health and smile at good luck; Nod with the struggle and embrace the dream; If you are blessed, thank me for being old; Thank me for a lifetime!

96. Your message is as insidious as a rose, and your words are as unfathomable as algebra. This is the danger of hiding a knife in your smile. This is a sign before you kill someone. So, you have a nickname-Mei Dai is unlucky.

97. I understand that every short message sent to you will make you unforgettable! I know, every word I write to you makes you forget all about eating and sleeping! But I want to know, when do you owe me this meal?

98. There are several kinds of rice noodles in the rice noodle shop, which are common in 4 yuan, but cross-bridge rice noodles are 10 yuan. Why? Answer: because you have to pay the bridge fee! Excuse me, what can't I wear in thunderstorm season? Answer: beret (thunder hat).

99. The doorman cleans in front of a family building. Suddenly, a watermelon skin fell from the sky and landed on the head of the doorman. The guard looked up and sighed: fortunately, it is watermelon skin! Laughter came from the window: Do you want watermelon?

100, I will be very happy with you, you are my pistachio. Every time I get close to you, I feel warm, and tonight is no exception. After waiting for a long time to finally meet you, I want to say loudly: I love your computer!

10 1, no one can replace your position in my heart, no one can make me unforgettable like you, no one can be as charming and capable as you, and want to say that I love you very much, RMB!

102, a person's window is often broken. So he posted a piece of paper "There is nothing valuable in the car", thinking that it should be all right. Who knows the next day, the glass was broken again, and a few words were added to the paper he wrote, "I'm sorry, just to confirm."

103, I am infatuated with your smooth body. I miss your surprise. I will take you to the big house to register. I swear, I must come to you. But the hateful third party stole my happiness, my dear bank card!

104, I miss all your flowers in spring, all your sunshine in summer, all your fruits in autumn and all your snowflakes in winter. After the text message was sent, I thought, buddy, it's time to pay back the money!

105, when * * carries it with him every day, when the plane can take off at any time, when the scalper stops at the station, when fishing enters the website, when "fake fathers" run rampant, and "fake mothers" fly all over the sky, when Lanzhou cookies string red on the internet, what are we left with?

106, countless soul collisions, countless dream poems, it is fate that makes us meet, it is fate that makes us fall in love. May thousands of blessings from Qian Qian turn into snowflakes and fall on your side!

107, I love your obsession, miss your fever, see your blush and heartbeat, and can't stop dreaming. Please don't run away, I want to hug you! Ah! Money, just kidding, don't care!

108, saying that I love you for ten thousand years is too exaggerated and untrue, but loving you all my life is my lifelong pursuit; It's too extravagant to want to be with you forever, but it's always my wish to be with you. I love you, RMB!

109, a secret was discovered, which is very strange in modern society: the cat drank coke, the sheep fell in love with the wolf, its wings began to disappear, and autumn never came back, and the orcs thousands of miles away actually serenaded.

1 10, a man found a great world secret in his dream, so he quickly wrote it down when he seemed to wake up. When he woke up, he saw on the paper: the banana is very big, and the banana skin is also very big!

1 1 1. All relationships that are not aimed at marriage are hooligans! Hehe, I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day! Don't be a hooligan, don't be fooled by hooligans! Can find the right one!

1 12. according to the research of American mobile communication, most mobile phones have a very mysterious function: divide 24000 by 96 with the calculator of the mobile phone, and the name of the owner will be automatically displayed on the calculation screen. Try it quickly!

Darwin: This man thinks that human beings evolved from monkeys. Even though his grandfather may be a gorilla, he won't feel uneasy about it. ? However, his grandmother may find it hard to accept.

1 14, Xiaojun's father enrolled Xiaojun in the Olympics class. Xiaojun asked his father what the Olympics were. Dad knew Xiaojun didn't like studying, so he lied to him and said, well, the Olympics is to teach table tennis and swimming. Xiaojun believed it and was so happy. In the first class, I wore swimming trunks and was laughed at for two hours.

1 15, the female earthworm and centipede were discovered by the male earthworm, and the male earthworm was heartbroken: Why? Am I not good enough for you? The female earthworm retorted: What a shame! You haven't hugged me for a long time!

1 16, only those who dare to face themselves can see the way forward; Only those who dare to face the darkness can see the dawn; Only those who dare to face you can see your face before makeup: you are a relative of Bajie!

1 17, if someone misunderstood you, I will defend you; If someone slanders you, I will help you clarify; If someone wants to take advantage of you, I will be rude to him. If someone wants to hit you, I will … cheer for him!

1 18, it's very hot in summer. Some people say that sleeping with pets can calm your heart, so it's not so hot. I tried to do it. As a result, my penguin died the next day, and I plan to sleep with you tonight.

1 19, you have red enthusiasm, orange liveliness, black calmness, blue melancholy, green vitality, gray peace, purple romance, white elegance and yellow heart. No wonder people named you "Little Goat"!

120, interesting talk about dinner: dinner is not everything, you can't do anything without it; One meal a week is a normal person, one meal a day is a celebrity, three meals a day is a social butterfly, and more meals a day are waiters.