Boring text messages

1, no right to decide] The wife gave birth to a girl but confidently said: It is a man's genetic decision to give birth to a boy and a girl. How can you blame me? The husband said with a wry smile, I invite you to buy matches at home. Do I have the right to decide such a big thing as having a baby?

2. On a clear afternoon in Wan Li, you and I walked on the empty street. You said: The sky is beautiful. I said: white clouds are blossoming. You said: what a cool wind. I said: Who farted so smelly!

In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and you stood in the field, dressed in rags, with dark skin and tears in your eyes, saying, is it worth shelling to steal a cabbage?

4. On a windy day, my bicycle fell down one after another. I only heard a classmate say while helping the bicycle: Whose Mercedes ran over my BMW? !

Childhood is a dream, youth is a painting, youth is a poem, prime of life is a novel, middle age is a prose, and old age is a philosophy. Every stage of life has a special artistic conception.

6. Father and teacher talk about his son: Please tell me how my son studies history. When I was a student, I always failed the exam. The history teacher replied: History repeats itself!

7. "Why did you clip the thermometer to your ear?" The intern asked the old doctor, "It's over!" I must have put the pen in the patient's * * *! "

During the operation, the doctor said to the dying patient wearing an oxygen mask: Come on, take a deep breath, and hold your breath as long as possible. Patient: Is this the need of treatment? Doctor: No, the electrician informed me that the power was cut off for five minutes!

9. In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment, once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day is? " The classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"

10, migrant workers ridicule: dense high-rise buildings, I can't find my home, wandering around the world in crowded streets, I carry a heavy shell and try to climb up, but I will never catch up with soaring housing prices (if I disappear one day).

1 1. Colleagues went to see customers, probably because they were nervous. As soon as they opened their mouths, they said, "Hello, Miss Liu, what's your name?" Sweat ~ ~ ~ ~

12, the carrot saw the sausage and said, Wow! That's rich. They're all dressed in leather. Sausage: What's this? Look at sausages, they are wearing real leather, and we are also wearing artificial leather.

13, Lao Wang never does housework. On his wife's birthday, he said to her: Today is your birthday, don't wash the dishes. The wife said happily, great! I didn't expect Lao Wang to say again: Leave it till tomorrow!

14, I saw a penny on the side of the road and was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?

15. A lady with real temperament never shows off everything she has. She doesn't tell people what books she has read, where she has been, how many clothes she has and what jewelry she has bought, because she has no sense of inferiority.

16, Sun Tzu said, "Goodness is goodness, that is, the school informed the parent-teacher meeting. Who will you let go?"

17, five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang and called a hundred-dollar bill: "Hey! Your son is here. If you don't want us to kill the ticket, you can exchange yourself for him! " The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "tear it up, you won't even have a dollar if you tear it up!" " "

18. There are two boys quarreling in the kindergarten. One of them shouted, I'll go back and let my father blow your father's head off. Another child smiled: My mother said my father had no brains at all!

19, I forgot my key for the nth time when I was young. Her husband, who hates iron, patted her head and said, "Why is your head so long?" Let the donkey kick? "Xiao Hu shouted," stop kicking! "

20. Ge You once went to the toilet, and Ge You invited a friend to dinner. He went to the toilet on the way, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous. Friend: Often? Ge You: Yes! It is often the person next to you who urinates and suddenly turns around and shouts, "Isn't this Ge You!" (Haruki Murakami's classic quotations)

2 1. When a person gets on the bus, the driver stops him: "Read the card". He picked up the card and whispered, "Mountain City Card". The driver said, "Look over there". He walked to the place where the driver pointed and read aloud: "Mountain City Card"

22. The "sin" shared by men and women is "children". Since God created mankind, everyone is required to contribute to the continuation of mankind and the quality of future generations. What is the specific division of labor? Men die for money, women die for love.

23. Another time, a friend asked me, I think which man is the most handsome in history? I said Pan An, but he despises Yang Zongbao. I asked why. He said proudly, "You don't know that Mulan fell in love with him at first sight?"

24. One day, two brothers were eating grass. Niu Ge: How does the grass taste over there? Niu Ge: Strawberry. Niu Ge: Really? I want to eat it, too. After tasting it, Niu Ge said, it has no taste at all. Niu Ge: Yes, grass is tasteless.

25, my wife is at home, often scolded, afraid of coming home late, and pretending to be a winner when she loses the card! My wife travels freely every day and drinks after singing. A few nights is not enough!

26. The mental patient said to the doctor, "We all like you and think you are much better than the previous doctor." Doctor: "Thank you, why?" Patient: "You look just like us."

The teacher told the students that Columbus discovered North America. When the class was over, the teacher said, It was many years ago. A little boy was surprised and said, the teacher has a good memory!

28, we often want to live beautifully, and we need to pay great patience. We don't complain, we don't explain, and we have to let go. We are definitely a talent.

29. Lao Mi complained to his wife: "Modern people are really horribly sensitive. If you say anything casually, they all think you are talking about them! " The wife narrowed her eyes and said warily, "You're not talking about me, are you?" ?

30. A professor was giving a lecture, but a girl in the class didn't listen or remember. The professor was furious and complained to him: I'm exhausted up there, but you don't move down there. Don't blame me if you have no goods in your stomach in the future! (Say hello to the company)

3 1, the female secretary was sitting on the manager's lap when his wife suddenly appeared. The manager said sternly to the female secretary, "Write it down: no matter how difficult the company economy is, there can't be only one chair in the office."

32. Doctors are gynecologists who specialize in treating infertility. He has been practicing medicine for many years. One day, a grateful patient sent a plaque to express his gratitude, which read: out of thin air!

33. What usually attracts a man is a woman's indifference, but a man finally marries a woman who admires him. A woman without talent lives by getting married, while a woman with ability lives by herself.

34. "Mr. policeman, please put me in prison!" I just drank wine for half a day, hit mosquitoes with sticks and hit my wife on the head. ""Did you kill her? " "Bad is bad, so please lock me up quickly. "

35. Men are inspired by smart women, seduced by beautiful women, attracted by elegant women, and played by powerful women; Women are played by rich men, crossed by attractive men, kidnapped by lying men and used by men with low status!

Joe complained that the post office was too inefficient. When my love letter was sent to my girlfriend, she had been married for several years! John: You are better than me! After receiving my love letter, my girlfriend actually left her grandson to date me …

37. A foreigner bought Chinese cabbage in the market and asked for a piece. He took out all the change and needed another dime, so he said, "I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair." The stall owner was speechless: "I don't want your hair."

38, Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, nice!" The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!" The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "The swordsman said," you talk, I walked first! "

39. Grandpa retired and went to a university for the aged. The grandson of the first grade asked curiously, "Grandpa, you are still studying!" " "

40. Father: Children shouldn't lie. When I was your age, I never lied! The child asked seriously: How old did you start lying?

4 1, I finally know how to calculate the "precipitation probability tomorrow" during my internship at the Meteorological Observatory. The director asked ten people in the office, "If you agree that it will rain tomorrow, please raise your hand." As a result, three people raised their hands. ...

Lao Wang is afraid of his wife. He was scolded by his wife for stealing two boxes of rice cakes, and he couldn't figure out how to tell his fortune. Sir: May I ask your rank? Lao Wang: Kneel till midnight. Sir: No, dare you ask the age geometry? Lao Wang said angrily, but there are only two boxes of rice cakes …

43. Grandpa said, "What happened to my reading?"

44. A psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on the pillow. Doctor: Just sing. Why did you turn over? Patient: Are you stupid? A side is finished, of course, it's time to change to B side.

45. First love: I only have her in my heart. Madly in love: My mother told me to go east, and my wife told me to go west, so I went west. Lovelorn: My lover is married, and the groom is not me.

46. This is an old legend: at midnight, pick up the phone and press the button, and you will hear it. . . . . . . . . . . . . You Dial. Yes Electricity. Words. Yes Empty. Number. . .

47. A man without setbacks is not thick enough, and a woman without pain has no history. It's better to be hurt by being loved than never to be loved. Throwing caution to the wind, after all; In the end, it is worthwhile not to regret.

48. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, cucumber and watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.