One, two, three, four interesting phrases

1. Ask for a funny joke or phrase, 1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles.

Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death. If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees! The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you."

The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe." 6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message.

The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~ 7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli. 8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch! 9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone! 10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls! 1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig! 12, the beauty of learning is that people are confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

13 I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy! 14, have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in my last life, I brushed it in my life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, but H turned his fucking head! 15, two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried, and the farmer gave them two 7 pieces. 16, your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs! How to tell the authenticity of RMB? Prepare 100 yuan. Fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If there is, it is true. If there is no traffic, it is fake. One day, several officials and his men went to a restaurant for dinner. A waiter (female) in the store just came to the hotel, and she is a dog of 18 years old. After entering the restaurant, she has no experience.

The leader said, "Miss! Tea! " Miss: "1234567" (originally he thought it was to ask him to check the number of people, and he had no experience) Leader: pour tea! ! Miss: "765432 1" Leader: "What are you talking about!" Miss: "I am a dog".

2. Collect funny sentences. Looking back, there is a dog behind.

When flowers bloom in spring, I sleep in the bushes. 1. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person ... 2. Chop the wire with a kitchen knife, and there are sparks and lightning all the way.

3. I have been suffering from insomnia recently, and I wake up every 16 hours. Everyone says I am ugly, but in fact I am beautiful.

I never bully the weak ~ ~ ~ I didn't know he was weaker than me before bullying him. A gentleman is just a patient wolf. 7. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me? ! 8. Why not find a quiet place and count the brain cells by yourself? 9. I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

10. Life is only three days, and people who live in yesterday are confused; Those who live in tomorrow wait; People who live in the present are the most practical. 1 1. The road to success is always under construction.

12. I really want to make money into my hobby. 13. The boy I once loved had the most handsome back in the world.

14. A woman without talent is a virtue. I must be too evil. 15. The sign of immature men is that they can make heroic sacrifices for their ideals, and the sign of mature men is that they can live humbly for their ideals.

16. There are always a few mistakes in the long road of life. 17. I want the whole world to know that I am low-key.

18. I accidentally want to grow old with you. 19. It's brave to face his face without makeup.

20. Wear cheap goods and Wenzhou shoes, and the whole body adds up to no more than 200 yuan. Only the bag in hand can be regarded as a high-grade leather bag, because its English name is "Gaojipibao". 2 1. There is love besides teeth.

22. Don't say love to others easily, don't stubbornly open other people's hearts, just make a joke and leave. Most people want to change the world, but few people want to change themselves.

The latest summary of the reasons why the red apricot hangs on the wall: 1) The wall is too short, 2) the tree is too high, and 3) the wind is too fast.

3. The most classic and funny short sentences and quotations 1. Push me again and I'll play dead for you! I have not only a car, but also my own! I'll buy it for you if you like.

(after realizing that the other person is angry) Oh, no, it's "Brother, I'll buy it for you!" " "There are so many people look down on me, who are you? I won't tell you if you kill me, but you haven't made a beautiful plan yet! 6. Not only am I lucky, but I also have athlete's foot! 7. Mirrors always reflect light! 8. Is there a P for handsome? Probably eaten by a pawn! 9. Give it to me, and you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong! 10. Relax, I'm not a good person.

1 1. Don't worry about what will happen to my girlfriend following me-as long as she lays eggs all her life, we will break them immediately and never let the principal and parents know! 12. How dare I charge you if you don't thank me! 13. Don't tell me to bring it on-I'm in love for two generations! 14. If you ignore me, I will be a dog! 15. When will there be a bright moon? Ask Yi Zhongtian! 16. I can't reach it. Try putting my left foot on my right foot. 17. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died! 18. Do you like me? Actually,

I started. In fact, I also ...

Well, to be honest, I actually like me. 19. Do you want water, water or water? You choose! 20. Castle Peak is still there, but it is a little red. 2 1. Hey, what to say and what not to whisper. 22. What can you say about a scholar? 23. Yuck, don't ask a single man such a question! 24. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital! 25. Don't think I'm out of reach just because I'm handsome. In fact, I am a sea of rivers. 26. Today the weather is fine, windy and rainy. 27. As a typical failure, you really succeeded! I really want to kill this bug, but my tongue is not long enough. 29. The feet of three shoemakers stink to death. 30. In this golden autumn of red leaves and maple leaves.

3 1. One cuts the thyroid hormone, and the other does not. 32. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow! 33. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. Pay back the money you owe! 34. A: Where to eat? I am broke. Let's eat out, it's my treat-the hose. 35. See if there is anything left behind? 36. There is a dragon on my left and a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my waist. 38. A: It's hard for me to swallow this evil spirit without compensation. How can I let you die? 40. She is so fat that my thigh can't twist her arm. 4 1. If there is a way to learn, do it first, and learn to cook porridge from the endless sea. 42. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren. 43. I have finished my homework! 44. Have you done your homework? B: Yes! Well, it's still warm under the P-share.

Do you want it? 45. Who is sitting in the village today? He doesn't even clean the blackboard! 46. How much is this pair of shoes? 47. I was really blind at the beginning. 48. Is this blind man blind? 49: Kill you with what, dear.

50: The cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you! 5 1: my advantages are: handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome. 52: What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters! 53: Others pretend to be experienced.

54: I am fat, not a boor. 55: If Taiwan Province Province doesn't recover, I won't pass Band 4! 56: I won't go to work until the sun comes out; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep! 57: Running snail.

58: Look at the Forbes Rich List every morning. If my name is not on it, I will go to work. 59: Talking about money doesn't hurt feelings, but talking about feelings hurts money the most.

60: I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without seasoning packets. 6 1: The accountant said, "Come and get your salary later. I have no change here. "

62: Have you seen my powder? Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum. My name is Yu, and my nickname is Runtu.

65: Yangzhou fried rice, please, with more chopped green onion and one egg less salt. Pack it and take it away. 66: Once I was on the street, a group of girls stopped me. They said I was handsome, but when I denied it, they hit me and called me hypocritical.

67: both house and rot, the future is uncertain. 68: Make a cup of Sanlu for the client to drink.

69. The most mysterious department in history: related departments. There is no denying that mosaic is the biggest obstacle to the progress of human nude art in this century! 7 1: There are only two things I can't do in my life: not this and not that.

72: People have backgrounds, and I have backgrounds. The ideal of meat is the life of Chinese cabbage.

74: White Horse … Where the hell are you! Did you lose your prince and dare not come to see me? 75: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you? 76: Don't treat shrimp as seafood.

I am an angel. I can't go back to heaven because of my weight. 78: Your mother is your father's cousin? 79: Picking up girls is like hanging QQ. Coax her for 2 hours every day, and it will soon be sunny.

80: There are too many liars and obviously not enough fools. 8 1: I just killed Spinosaurus on the road, swam across the river, climbed to the top of the tower and kissed your princess.

82: I smiled at the sky from the horizontal knife, and then I went to sleep. 83: Your mobile phone is cheaper than the phone bill.

Xiu Yuan Road is far away, so let's take a taxi. 85: My life has a side and a side, and your life also has an S side and a B side.

86: I am not afraid of stealing tools, but I am afraid of stealing children to understand technology! Failure is not terrible, the key is success or not. 88: College students nowadays are so incompetent! Come and copy the porn and cut it out! 89: If you have time to learn Feng Shui, you can make up for the regret that you can't afford a good house before you die.

90: Ming Sao is easy to hide and hard to prevent.

4. Do I want a humorous short sentence 1? Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you! There are so many people who look down on me. Who are you? Everything will be fine, and all shall be well.

Most people only do three things in their lives: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied. 5. Don't be afraid of being used, but you are afraid of being useless.

6. Other people's money and wealth are things outside their bodies. 7. Women please themselves, and men are pitiful to please themselves! 8. Stay in Qingshan, but there is still no firewood to burn ... 9. Strongly protest that the TV series was interrupted during the advertising time! 10. God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made my heart ache and made my bones and muscles tired.

1 1. Eat wild vegetables at home if you have no money; If you have money, go to the hotel to eat wild vegetables ... 12. My principle is: I won't commit a crime unless others commit a crime against me; If someone attacks me, I will be angry! 13. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right way will be crowded. 14. Occasionally, when you live in silence, you will feel great, but when you live in silence, you will feel miserable ... 15. The generation gap is-I asked my father, "What do you think of the chrysanthemum table?" Dad thought for a moment and said, "No!" 16. at first glance, you are not so good, but at second glance, you might as well look fierce.

17. You can't eat a fat man in one bite, but the fat man is eaten in one bite! 18. A woman who knows little about men finally becomes a man's wife, and a woman who knows everything about men finally becomes an old woman. 19. God gave us acne while giving us youth.

20. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated. 2 1. I am also an infatuated seed, but it rained ... and I drowned.

22. Money is not everything. Sometimes you need a credit card. I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

24. I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with my mouse, then select a hundred-dollar bill, press "ctrl c" and keep "ctrl v". 25. People are afraid of being famous pigs and being strong, while men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

26. If it is a mistake to have money, I would rather make the same mistake again. 27. If marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

28. Never hang yourself from a tree. Try it on the surrounding trees several times. 29. Everyone has at least one dream and one strong reason.

30. Mature people don't ask the past, smart people don't ask the present, and open-minded people don't ask the future. 3 1. Love is like two people pulling a rubber band, and the injured one is always unwilling to let go! 32. If the heart has no place to live, it will wander everywhere! 33. After meeting me, you will suddenly find that being handsome can be so single-minded! 34. When I was a child, I didn't study. My mother said, "When I grow up, I will let you marry a bachelor who sells pork."

Now educate my daughter: "study hard and grow up to marry a bachelor who sells pork." 35. I ordered two dishes in the canteen at noon. I was shocked when I ate the first one: Is there anything worse in the world? I cried after eating the second one: there really is! 36. Cherish your life-if God keeps you alive, you must have a plan.

37. Work, take a step back and broaden the horizon; Love, take a step back and broaden the horizon. 38. We have some differences: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

39. Mom said that it is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply. 40. Don't say that women are too realistic if men don't have skills, and don't say that men are too playboy if women don't have strength.

4 1. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad. 42. Many people have jumped off buildings recently, so be careful not to be hit.

43. Look into my eyes and you will see persistence and sincerity except chewing gum. 44. Be sure to be reborn as a woman in the next life, and then marry a man like me.

45. Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art! 46. I have not only a car, but also my own car. 47. Men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin! 48. If you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind! 49. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me! 50. What's the use of "handsome"! Finally, it was not eaten by the "pawn".