Classic humorous jokes

Famous books, classics and humorous jokes

Lu Bu: I don't love my master, I don't love beauty, I don't love mountains and rivers, and I don't pester the world of mortals. The following is a complete collection of classic humorous jokes compiled by the joke column. Let's laugh together!

Classic humorous jokes (1) 1. MSN signature of the king of the daughter country: the elder surnamed Tang, sweet to sorrow.

2. Yutu's blog: Dear friend, if you love it, please love it deeply. At this moment, I was in tears. Although I said to myself more than once: Yutujing, you must be happy! ? However, he is a person like the wind, crushing my elegant dignity and making me as lonely as fireworks? Stay, okay? Elder Tang, will there be a banshee in the Western Heaven to love you for me?

3. Tang Priest's short message: Empress, this is Sanzang. We have arrived in the lion camel country, missing you and kissing you. If you don't reply to text messages, it's inconvenient for your apprentice to be here.

4. Bajie: Brother Monkey, did you propose to the fairy Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you want to shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help. ..

5. Tang Priest: Amitabha Buddha, poor monk Sanzang, visiting Guanyin Bodhisattva. I was shocked to hear that Bodhisattva Gui is the director appointed by the Buddha and is choosing a candidate for the role of Buddhist scriptures. The poor monk came to audition. When we met for the first time, the poor monk took a bath first and asked the Bodhisattva to wait, so the poor monk came to serve tonight.

6. Bajie: Hey, monkey, is there any magical power that can make me lose weight quickly? As you know, Master always touches my chest before going to bed every night. If you dream, you still pinch it. It's killing you!

7. Tang Priest: Your Majesty, don't worry. When I go to the Western Heaven, I will never mention all kinds of sentient beings to the Buddha. All the buddhas in the sky are made by ordinary people, and when they sigh, they become positive results. Who cares about the lives of ordinary people? The poor monk devotes himself to being a Buddha, seeking only the perfection of merits and entering the west for bliss. The so-called sentient beings, people have hardships to say, do poor monks fart matter! The reason is the same as today's full court officials and their careers.

8. Master, Bajie and Brother Sha don't cry. My old grandson also knows that this demon is good in nature and has given us a lot of joy along the way. However, the Jade Emperor decreed that this demon has nothing to do with heaven and the Western Heaven, and it is necessary to kill it because of its cultivation of self-cultivation and rumors. Heaven has sent the thunder department to kill the demon with lightning. I went to see it. It's an electric donkey, and it will die unsatisfied. If I follow my old temper? It's just that Tian Dou and I have suffered a lot. Let's leave now.

9. Tang Priest: Donor, I am from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Can you stay here for one night? Hey? Donors? Donor, would you please open the door? Fuck!

10. Tang Priest: Wukong bastard! Don't do this! Those benefactors are not monsters. How can you persist in teaching and kill people at will? ! ? Oh? Are they businessmen who buy land in Gai Lou? Amitabha? Five classics, with five Buddha crowns to help teachers; Wukong, lend the golden hoop to the teacher! No, Bajie, give me your rake! Fuck you.

Classic humor joke (2) 1, Wukong: You don't know how to live and die. Fairy! Do you know my best wishes? This stick is as heavy or as big as you like. I usually carry it with me, but it is as big as a toothpick and as thick as a bowl when I hold it. Show off and never meet your opponent!

Banshee: I have met many monks. I've never seen you so scoundrel and smelly. Wukong: @ # $% # * @

2. Daotong: This is the ginseng fruit of our Wuzhuangguan. I don't know which one my predecessors want to eat. There are Barbie dolls, blue cats, naughty ones and Fuwa's. .....

Tang Priest: Good! I want a fuwa. But I don't want a girl. ....

Daotong: Huanhuan is a boy?

Tang Priest: OK, I'll eat Huanhuan. If you ask me, it's better to eat baby boys, because eating baby boys can eat more.

3. Tang Priest:? Apprentice, I met several elder sisters with children these days. Everyone pulled us and whispered, Master, do you want oil? So it's really India?

Bajie: Master, did you buy it?

Tang Priest: Buy a fart! Every time you are captured by goblins, you and Wukong, the two animals, rush in and blow them up. What else can I buy? I might as well buy some hand cream!

4. The reason why the master and apprentice are unmarried is:

1. The Tang Priest is handsome, knowledgeable and prestigious. Unfortunately, he has been a Buddhist since he was a child, and he is only a vegetarian and has a thin body. He was repeatedly harassed by lecherous and hooligans in the Western Heaven, causing serious psychological obstacles, so that he avoided women and never got married.

It's a pity that Wukong was born an orphan. At that time, there was no free compulsory education and no money to go to school to receive formal sex education. In his early years, he roamed the rivers and lakes and made a scene in heaven. He has been trapped under the Five Elements Mountain for too long. I guess my ass was crushed. After that, he stopped being close to women. No wonder he called a monster when he saw a beautiful woman.

Bajie is very lucky. He was the only one of the four apprentices who had first love, but it was also for the broken thing with Chang 'e's sister. After all, it's all? The moon caused the disaster? . Then I fell in love with Miss Gao in Gaolaozhuang. Although he was opposed by everyone and even brutally persecuted, Bajie promised to wait for him to learn from the scriptures (and never came back). It can be seen that Bajie's infatuation with Miss Gao Shen was learned from heaven and earth.

Gu Yong said to Sun Quan: Jingzhou should have been owned by the master, but it was taken away by Liu Bei, leaving us in a position of being caught between Scylla and Charybdis. I secretly thought that we should sneak attack Jingzhou when Guan Yu went north. Although we are suspected of betraying our allies, we have to do so at the moment of life and death.

Hearing this, Sun Quan put his chin in his hands and his eyes flashed. Looks like I'm going to sell the alliance. So what?

2. Kong Ming: Master, I think you should pay close attention to Xiao Qiao.

Liu Bei: To win the world, why should we attach importance to a woman?

Kong Ming: Because as far as I know, among the people you care about, Cao Cao, Sun Quan, Zhou Yu and others also care about her.

3. The demons have a meeting. ? Tang Priest's meat is delicious, but the Monkey King is not easy to mess with. His weapon is so powerful that I can't take it away from him. ?

? What if you can accept it?

? Next. . . . . . It's a time to witness miracles. ?

Liu and Zhang were drinking when they saw a big man pushing a car and stopping at the door of the shop. When they entered the store and sat down, they called the bartender, Pour the wine quickly, and I'm going to rush into the city to join the army.

Liu Bei looked at him: nine feet long and two feet bearded; If the face is like a heavy jujube, if the lips are coated with fat; Cheng, lying silkworm eyebrow, beautiful and dignified.

Liu Bei wants to invite this person to discuss something important. He asked: Why?

Liu Bei replied: since ancient times, beauty has been the life. This product can definitely play!

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