Why don't boys take the initiative to chat with me and ask me out?

I have written some methods to deal with "boys don't take the initiative to chat with me and ask me out" before, but it doesn't seem to be of any use, because even if I tell them these methods, they still dare not do it, so the key problem is not how to solve the problem of "boys don't take the initiative to chat with me and ask me out", but why I know what to do, but I dare not do it.

This is going to talk about a phenomenon I have observed in my feelings, that is, many people don't really know themselves. I mean, they don't know what their fears and fears are. I don't know how I look at this problem. I wonder if I can look at the problem from another angle? I don't know where my current cognitive thinking mode came from. Wait a minute. It is because they don't know themselves that many people don't realize that their intuitive thinking is wrong. Intuitive thinking is actually the behavior guidance of most people.

Let me give you the simplest example of redemption. Many girls can't help pestering and beating each other when they are redeemed. That's because their intuitive thinking thinks that if I don't pester each other, they will really run away with others, or they will forget me.

But is this really the case? Of course not, in fact, their intuitive thinking is not to solve this problem, but to solve anxiety, which is a means for them to relieve their emotions, because pestering can alleviate their inner pain.

This is subconscious thinking. Most people who have no or almost no love experience simply don't realize that boys and girls will make such mistakes.

But why did you make such a low-level mistake that was repeatedly explained on the Internet? Didn't the customer see it himself?

Impossible, most people know, but they can't do it. Why not? Because the client has no idea what kind of person he is.

Let me give another example that I often say:

The children want a toy. Are toys controlling children, or are parents who buy toys for their children more controlling?

The child played with toys for a few days and then threw them aside; Parents can choose to buy or not. Obviously, parents have control over their children. This truth is easy to understand. However, I have met many girls in love. In fact, they are just toys in that case. On the surface, they seem to be queens, but in fact, they are just toys. This is not objectifying women, but playing with yourself. Once together, I worry every day that I will be abandoned by my children. Isn't this a toy? However, many girls don't realize that I'm just a toy in a relationship. This is not how boys look at girls, but how girls look at their own performance. That's what I want to say. Many girls don't realize that this is what I think of myself.

Therefore, when you know yourself, you can define your role in the relationship. When you find your place, you will know how to maintain the relationship with each other, but there are really many people who have no place in the relationship. It seems that when I am in love, your boyfriend is responsible for all my needs.

At this time, if one day boys don't follow the established rules, girls are likely to make noise.

For example, in the past, boyfriends used to punch in every morning and evening, and girls were very comfortable in this established relationship rule, but she never thought about whether she could stand it if boys stopped punching in the morning and evening. Therefore, once boys don't follow the rules, girls will lose their sense of certainty, and fear will make them feel that their boyfriend is going to break up with me. Isn't this a typical giant baby? No flexibility to adapt to reality.

If you were a boy, would you find such a girlfriend? What needs can this girlfriend meet?

Another example:

Boys and girls are having an affair. The week before, they had a good interaction and met once, but the boys didn't take the initiative to invite girls the next week.

Then, the girl asked me: Why didn't the boy invite me? What is the reason? However, I think girls are thinking in the wrong direction. This direction of thinking is completely meaningless when there is no principled problem in their relationship and the girls have not made mistakes. In fact, girls should not think about each other, but should think more. Why do they ask such questions? Why is my mind waiting for an invitation? It's actually more convenient for her to know herself.

So far, I have told three cases, which seem to be related to our theme "Why don't boys take the initiative to chat with me and ask me out?" This is irrelevant, but it is not the case. We should not try to find out why boys don't take the initiative, but why I ask such a question.

This is like the 8-level progressive problem that I shared with the internal students the other day to solve emotional problems. When you ask yourself these eight questions one by one, you can actually find the answers yourself.

Because how to solve emotional problems is actually the last step, and there are two steps ahead, that is, knowing yourself and understanding reality.

When you know yourself, you can accept the reality and then do it in the right way to solve emotional problems. You will certainly do well.

In the process of waiting for boys to take the initiative, many girls will feel very painful emotionally, and even have malicious thoughts, and then they will have huge negative emotions, and they can't adjust this negative emotion. The essence is your own needs, desires and lack. The internal conflict between the two.

So why is it so painful now? Never? This is a reflection of their own lack of ability, because usually in daily interpersonal communication, such people actually find it difficult to solve practical problems or constantly escape. If you look carefully, there must be some clues that are the same as those in your relationship.

Because work or daily relationships are not enough to trigger their deep-seated needs, it is not very painful to escape from the past. This kind of emotion is tolerable for them, even such people don't realize that their behavior is escaping.

However, in feelings, they can't escape, because feelings will trigger their innermost desires and cause them extreme pain. At this time, they often make a lot of impulsive behaviors or make a lot of impulsive mistakes. This essence is that the past evasive behavior can't help them adapt to the emotional problems they are encountering at present, because the habitual evasive behavior in the past doesn't work. They often say, I don't know what to do. But if you don't know how to do it, you should think about how to do it instead of running away.

Because it is a habit to avoid this behavior without knowing how to do it, it is impossible to solve the problem at all. The deeper reason is that you are afraid of not being liked, accepted and rejected by the other party. Fear and desire constitute the inner conflict, which is the root of anxiety. It is with this anxiety that most girls ask me, "Why don't boys take the initiative to chat with me and ask me out?" This question. Only a few people ask me because they have no feedback after taking the initiative, and this kind of problem can really be regarded as a problem that needs to be solved, while the former needs to solve not the problem itself, but its own problem.