Please tell me a joke! ! My girlfriend is suffering from depression, and the doctor asked me to make her laugh often.

A man kept a parrot, which was so powerful that it killed all the other birds kept with it.

Later, the owner brought back an eagle and placed it with it. When the owner came to take a look, there were parrot feathers hanging outside the cage.

The master said: "I won't do it this time."

But when I looked carefully, I saw that the eagle was dead, and the parrot was naked and said: "This grandson It's so awesome, I can't beat Ya Ting without taking off my shirt. "

A driver drove a truck full of hens and teased his parrot. When a beautiful girl hit the car, the driver took the parrot. Put it in the cargo box with the hens and ask the beauty to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver asked the beautiful woman tentatively: "Can I kiss you?" The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said, "No." After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head and said: "No." The driver said angrily: "If you can't, just get off." After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beauty to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver stopped. Reluctantly, she asked again: "Can I kiss you?" The beauty still shook her head, "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head, "If not, just get out." After repeating this three times, they finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw There were only a few hens left, and the parrot picked up one of the hens and asked: "Can I kiss the beautiful woman?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Can I hug the beautiful woman?" The hen still shook its head. The parrot said: "If you can't, get down." The hen was thrown out of the car...

The little white rabbit was walking in the forest when he met the big bad wolf and came towards him. "I gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I will let you not wear a hat." The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.

The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I Let you wear a hat."

Rabbit was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That same day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one, and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you could beat her up, Tutu. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want a fat one or a thin one?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf's heart sank. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "So, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and said more I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Damn, I asked you not to wear a hat."

The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

The prisoner was executed. During the shooting, due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It's so fucking scary...

A primary school student confessed his love to his teacher, whom he had a crush on for a long time. The teacher said it was wrong, but he didn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't bear it anymore and said: I don't want children. The primary school student said: I will be careful! ".

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director convened a meeting with the patients.

The director said: "This afternoon, There are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone should go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate and stood neatly. When I coughed, everyone applauded together, the more enthusiastically the better; When stamping your feet, you must all stop, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is ready,

I can give you meat buns to eat tonight. As long as one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember

? "The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember! "

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this time, as the director coughed, All the patients applauded and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, they applauded with everyone and walked into the hospital.

In the hospital, the dean stamped his foot, and all the applause stopped. Only the leader was still applauding with a smile on his face

The dean was very satisfied. Suddenly, a sick man as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd. He strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face with a round fist, and shouted angrily - —“You don’t want to eat steamed buns anymore? ! ! ! ”

There were three people who were testing their marksmanship together, with a black man holding something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man’s head, and then At a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces. He blew the gun and said: I'm Zorro!

The second man put it on the black man's head. A cherry, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot the cherry to pieces. He blew the muzzle and said: I'm007

The third person put a gun on the black man's head. He picked up a sesame seed, and then raised his hand and shot the black man's head from a distance of 100 meters. He also blew the muzzle of the gun and said: I'm sorry...

A scientist arrived in Antarctica and met a group of penguins. He asked one of them: "What do you do every day?" The penguin said: "Eat, sleep and play beans." He asked another one: "What do you do every day?" The penguin also said: "Eat, sleep and play beans." "He asked many, many penguins, and they all said: "Eat, sleep and play beans.

Later he met a little penguin, which looked very cute, and asked it: "Kid, what do you do every day?" The little penguin said: "Eat and sleep." The scientist was stunned for a moment, and then asked: "Why don't you hit Doudou?" The little penguin said: "Because I am Doudou." ”

The Magic Pig

One day, a man walked into a bar, followed by a pig...

Four of the pig The legs were gone and replaced with four wooden sticks.

The bartender in the store asked the man: Your pig is so strange, why does it have no feet?

The man replied: My pig is very powerful. I think back then our family was very poor and lived in a thatched house, but this pig sniffed in the backyard

In the West, oil was discovered, which made me rich. I built a bungalow and a swimming pool.

The bartender was so surprised that he was speechless. After a while, he asked again: By the way, what happened to his feet?

The man said: You know, my pig is very powerful. One day, my five-year-old child drowned alone in the swimming pool. As a result, it jumped into the swimming pool and took my son out. They also helped him perform mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration!

The bartender was even more surprised and asked again: What happened to his feet? . . . . .

The man started to get a little impatient: I have told you, this is a very powerful pig. One night there was a fire in my house. He woke up the whole family and put out the fire alone! !

Bartender: Sir! I'm asking you why your pig has no feet. . . .

The man replied with an unhappy look: If you had such a powerful pig...

Would you eat it all at once?

Psychological test:

Press down if you think you have a high IQ

Press down if you think you are quite humorous

Click down if you are quite attractive

Click down if you think you are quite handsome

Quiz results:

During the Iraq war, it was quite shameless The three most popular words: peace, war. Found, connect these three English words and read them aloud three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (The fart was made by me)...

Hurry up and watch CCTV1 now. The White House in the United States was bombed and the entire building collapsed. The police have cordoned off the entire Washington. 19 people died, 32 were injured, and 11 One person disappeared and one was deceived.

One day the devil kidnapped the princess, and the princess kept shouting

The devil: "You can break your throat by screaming... No one will come to save you..."

Princess: "Broken throat...broken throat..."

No one: "Princess...I'm here to save you..."

Devil King: "Say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here..."

Cao Cao: "Devil King...what did you ask me to do..."

Devil King: "Wow...I saw a ghost"

Ghost: "Damn! I've been discovered..."

Damn: "Ghost, you can see me..."

Devil: "Oh, My God!"

God: "Who called me?"

Who: "No one calls you..."

No one: "I Where can I be? You're just pretending!"

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?"

Who: "Me again? Are you looking for trouble?"

Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't... Hey, there are so many people here."

Many people: "I just Yeah...who are you?"

Which one: "I am not who."

Who: "He is not me."

Princess : "Are you all here to save me?"

Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the excitement."

Excitement: "What do I have? Good-looking?"

God: "It's none of my business, let's go first."

Devil: "You answer one question before you leave. Why are so many people saving the princess? I How can you continue to play this devil?"

Go on: "If you don't want to play the devil, why do you want to play me?"

Princess: "If there is no one to play the devil, I can leave. "

No one said: "If I played the devil, how could I let you go..."

How could it be: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun. .

"

Lively: "Look what I do?"

What: "You actually want to "fuck" me? Rogue!"

You actually: "Where am I?" Yes?"

Me: "What does it have to do with me?"

Devil: "Damn! I'm going crazy..."

Damn: "Why are you calling me!..."

Crazy: "What do you want me to do?"

You want me: "I don't know anything!"

I don’t know anything: “I didn’t know!”

I didn’t know: “I’m here! Is someone calling me?”

Someone : "I didn't call you!"

I didn't: "Who called him?"

Who: "It's unfair...I didn't..."

p>

I didn't: "I didn't accuse you wrongly..."

You: "I'm sorry you don't dare either.

”

Forgive you: “Who said I dare not!?”

Who: “Please...I didn’t say anything”

Me Nothing: "What do you want me to say?"

I have nothing: "...You...aren't you my long-lost brother?"

My long-lost brother: "Hao... even if I have such a long name... I will be called too

ah..."

Who: "I want Hurry up and leave this place of right and wrong."

Right and wrong: "So this is my territory."

I don't mean anything. No: "Don't make any noise, Allah is talking."

Don’t make any noise, Alas: "I’m not talking..."

I’m not: "I’m not talking!..."

I Nothing: "-_-\\\"...Let's go...go outside and chat..."

Go: "I'm sorry...(cowardly)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business... Flash..." (The two brothers walked out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Ugh... .Why did you drive me away..."

Why: "I didn't drive you away...be good...don't cry"

I didn't: "Oh... "What does it have to do with me?"

What does it have to do with me: "What? Is someone calling me?"

Someone: "Who wants to call you..."

Who: "I really have to leave...T.T"

Leave: "I'm really sorry...*V.V*" (\\\"Who\\ \"Fell to the ground)

None of your business: "...Aren't you my cousin?"

It's none of my business: "...Cousin... Long time no see..."

Long time: "I'm not here..."

Devil King: "Are you finished?"

End Endless: "He doesn't have me"

You: "I don't have him"

I: "Who said that?"

Who: "Called What should I do?"

You: "You actually want to fuck me?"

You: "I won't fuck him"

I: "Who "Say I don't know how?"

Who said: "It's unfair! I didn't say..."

Said: "Why did you ask me to do it?"

Who said: "You guys You two are so shameless!"

Both of you: "I want it! I want it!"

Face: "Who wants me?"

Who: "Me No."

Devil: "Hurry up, I'm going to chase you away."

Human: "Drive me out? Find K."

K : "Who is looking for me?"

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name. If you mention me again, I'll kill him! "

Him: "Don't kill me"

Me: "Who wants to kill me?"

Who: "Finally let me catch one, kill him "Yeah..."

One said: "Don't catch me"

Me: "I've had enough. If anyone mentions my name again, I will never let you go!" ”

Who: “Look at my Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms!”

Me: “Look at my Nine-Yin White Bone Claws!”

Ten Dragon-Subduing Palms Eight Palms: "What's good about me?"

Nine Yin White Bone Claw: "What's good about me?"

What's good about me: "Brother, I finally found you La! ”

What’s cool: “Brother, let’s go out and talk.”

Devil King: “Damn it...this is a wedding ceremony...”

From then on, the devil really suffered from schizophrenia...

In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet, you go to relieve yourself, fall into the pit, fight with maggots, compete with shit, no one saves you, heroic Sacrifice, greatness of life, silence of death, in memory of you, lights are installed in the toilet.

A gecko got lost at the entrance of a securities company. At this time, a large crocodile crawled over from a distance, ready to eat it in one bite. In desperation, the little gecko stepped forward and grabbed it. He hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted: "Mom!" The big crocodile was stunned for a moment, and then burst into tears: "Son, I've only been in the stock market for half a month and I'm so thin!