Three tricks teach you to politely refuse to borrow money from relatives and friends.

R: The original fragment "Speak Well: Fresh and Interesting Techniques of Speech Improvement" P.52-54

When a person who is really unwilling to borrow money asks us to borrow money, it often means that the amount we believe in him is not the same as the amount he feels. Therefore, once you focus on the amount of money borrowed, the relationship between them has basically broken down. Human feelings have become a bargaining transaction, and the two sides who borrow money will discuss a middle number in the embarrassing entanglement with each other, but both of them feel that they have lost. In addition, in the future, we will be unwilling to urge money and delay him, and this already fragile relationship will break sooner or later.

in a word, it is the easiest misunderstanding for people who want to refuse others to borrow money to focus on the amount of money.

tip

don't care about the amount, care about the reason first

when you meet relatives and friends to borrow money, the first step must be not to care about "how much to borrow" first, but to care about "why" first. Only in this way can we focus on each other and take the initiative in this conversation.

The difference is that the topic of "how much to borrow" falls on us; But for "why borrow", this topic falls on the other side. Don't forget, it is the obligation of the other party to give us a suitable reason when borrowing money. Asking the reason first, on the one hand, shows that we attach importance to feelings and care about each other's lives; On the other hand, it is easier to take the next step by transferring the pressure to the other party.

At this time, there are two reasons given by the other party to borrow money:

First, it is urgent. For example, if a family member is sick, we need to borrow money to save lives. At this time, our attitude is often to help if we can. If the amount of money borrowed by the other party is too large to borrow that much, or you don't want to be caught in endless reminders and debt delays at all, you can also give the amount you think is appropriate to the other party in the form of a red envelope, and relatives and friends who originally wanted to borrow money are unlikely to pick on you.

Second, it is interest-free. For example, the other party borrows money for all purchases such as buying a house and a car. The purpose is to save bank interest and treat us as an interest-free and indefinite repayment bank. Faced with this reason, once you start to borrow money, basically the relationship between the two sides will be a dunning relationship; If you don't borrow it, you may still have a chance.

When the other party gives reasons for borrowing money, such as buying a house, don't immediately say such embarrassing words as "buy a house, don't borrow it", but further determine the reasons for the other party's lack of money with a caring attitude, such as:

"The down payment on buying a house is not enough, understand, the house is really too expensive now."

Don't be silly and ask the other person directly why you buy a house that you can't afford, which is very impolite. As long as we start to lament that the house is too expensive and act as if we are in the same boat with the other party, the other party will certainly take advantage of the situation to further explain that it is not that we have to spend ahead of time, but that our mother-in-law or wife forced us, which indirectly helped us to determine the root cause and pressure of the other party's borrowing money, and also laid the foundation for putting forward the reasons for refusing.

after finding out the reasons, we can give a similar reason for not borrowing according to the other party's reasons, such as:

"I borrowed money because I want to plan to buy a house recently. Do you think you can help me turn around?"

"Oh, what a coincidence. I happen to be planning to buy a car recently, and I am under great financial pressure. I am powerless to help you."

At this time, everyone is trying to save money for their own good life. No matter how thick-skinned, the other party won't say, "Your good life will wait, my good life is more urgent", right?

Another example:

"Recently, the bonus promised by the boss has not been in place, and life is really a bit difficult. Can you help me?"

"ah? You have the same problem! Our boss is the same, the salary is delayed, and now the boss is like this! "

it directly shows that you are in the same predicament as the other party, and you can also take advantage of the situation to complain about the boss with the other party, and you can also get down the stairs emotionally.

This trick is ingenious: when the other party borrows money from you for some reason, the other party will feel that the reason itself is very convincing, and others can't refuse it. When rejecting the other party for the same reason, he can't pester him any more, or the reason for denying you is not important.

I: restate the original text in my own words

what: How to politely refuse to borrow money from relatives and friends.

why: in our daily life, it is inevitable that we will encounter situations in which other people borrow money from us. If the relationship is not good, we can refuse it directly, but if the relationship is relatives or friends, it will appear that the emotional intelligence is very low. So, how can we refuse those relatives and friends who don't want to hurt our feelings but don't want to borrow money?

how: we can do this in the following three ways.

1. It is better not to borrow less. When someone makes up his mind to borrow money from us, he must think that he has a high amount in our mind, but we also know that other people have an approved amount in our own mind, but generally speaking, it is much lower than those who borrow money from us. So if our relatives and friends borrow money from us, but you can't bear to borrow a lot, it's better not to borrow it, so as not to break the relationship.

2. ask the reason first and ignore the amount. When others borrow money from us. Our first reaction is how much to borrow. But this time our initiative has been taken away. But after all, we are the borrowers, so we should take the initiative in our own hands. At this time, we should ask the reason, not the amount.

3. Give similar reasons for not borrowing. There are generally two reasons for borrowing money, one is to save lives, and the other is to save lives. If it's about saving lives, we should help if we can. And if it is an emergency, similar to buying a car and buying a house, we can respond with similar reasons.

where:

politely refuse to borrow money from relatives and friends. Generally speaking, it is in an emergency situation, similar to the enjoyment behavior of buying a car, buying a house and buying stocks. But in our life, we are all working hard for our own good life. Of course, I don't want to give my hard-earned money to others first. So at this time, we can politely refuse relatives and friends to borrow money through the above three ways.

A1: Describe your relevant experience

Story:

On Wednesday, a friend who had not contacted me for a long time suddenly contacted me. He met by doing activities in college before. Because of the end of college life, there is little contact. But last month, I went to chat with a friend of ours, and this friend reminded me that he is borrowing money from people everywhere, and he has borrowed tens of thousands from this friend, but he has not paid it back. In this way, I became alert.

He contacted me before this Wednesday, but he just made an expression and then he didn't speak again, so I didn't pay any attention.

On Wednesday, he suddenly said: Sisi, borrow 1 red envelopes, and I'll pay you back in two or three days at the most. I'm back in my hometown with only a little cash on me.

I don't know the truth of this matter, but after all, my former friend reminded me, so I don't want to waste 1 yuan casually. So I remembered the way I received a short message to borrow money on QQ because of hacking, so I replied to him: liar, I won't be fooled, don't deceive people. I haven't talked to him since.

Reflection:

I don't know if he really met with difficulties, but I refused him directly based on the information mentioned by our previous friend. This is really not a very wise move. It is possible that we may not be friends anymore because of my words.

But being cheated or losing friends is not what I want, so I can politely refuse according to the following three methods.

1. You see, it's the end of the month, and I haven't been paid yet. Now I'm living on my parents, not to mention 1 yuan, and I can't even take out 5 yuan.

2. You're home, and you haven't got any money. Have you encountered any difficulties recently?

3. Oh, it's not that I don't want to help you. It's just that I just got a fitness card last month, which cost me more than 1, yuan, even my small coffers. We don't get paid until 15 days later. Now I'm really poor and I wanted to borrow some money from you. I didn't expect you to be so poor. I'm too embarrassed to ask you.

A2: my application (goals and actions)

goal:

before November 3th. For all my relatives and friends who borrow money from me but I don't want to borrow it, use these three euphemisms to refuse to borrow money. Even if none of the three skills are used, at least one should be used. Finally, after 3 days, relatives and friends who don't want to borrow money don't lend a penny.

plan:

I don't know whether it will happen in the next 28 days because of borrowing money. So, I can only predict what may happen now.

Xiang Xiang, a colleague in my department, is a college student who has just graduated and entered the workplace. Usually, she doesn't have any expenses, and she doesn't necessarily have any out-of-line behavior. Suppose that she wants to buy a lot of things during the double 11 Festival, but she finds that the money is far from enough. If she borrows money from me, I can adopt the following skills.

1. Don't you just buy something from double 11 and just need to borrow another 1 yuan? In this case, why don't you borrow money from the ant flower buds in Alipay? The interest inside is low, and it's still Ma's dad's thing, which saves me a handling fee for transferring it to you through WeChat.

2. Shopping in double 11. You have bought a lot of things recently. Did something happen?

3. Don't say that you want to buy something in double 11. I want to buy it, too. Many things have been in the shopping cart for half a year. I want to buy it in double 11 now, but I don't have enough money myself. I thought you usually don't spend much, and I wanted to borrow money from you.