Are there any classic funny sentences?

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: *, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. I feel very distressed when I received your message for a long time.

I thought that I had cut my pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu and jumped over the building with a parachute.

If I hung myself with noodles, I died of ink.

Please invite me to have a meal to support me to death.

3. If you feel cold in your heart, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce someone to me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

4. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live this kind of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: Leave! Who has ever seen a kiss and climb a tree!

5. The fish said, "I keep my eyes open all the time in order to leave by your side." The water said, "I flow tirelessly all day long to surround you and hold you tight." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and there's still so much nonsense."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put the shit in the middle of the road, and an ant happened to pass by. It looked up at the misty peak and couldn't help singing: Yalaso, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~ ~ ~

7. You have grown up, and there are some things you should know: the sky is used for windy and rainy days; Land is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring any paper when you are near the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry when you go to the toilet by the river without paper, the frog will tell you: stick scraping, stick scraping, stick scraping!

9. Money can buy a house but not a home, marriage but not love, clocks but not time. Money is not everything, but the root of pain. Give me your money and let me bear the pain alone!

1. God, it's so blue! The sea, too salty! Life is too difficult! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! Well, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

11. I send you 12 zodiac signs. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, lovely as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

13. The lion and the bear defecated beside the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion excrement is better than bear excrement!

14. Think of a number in your mind, add 52.8 to it, multiply it by 5, then subtract 3.9343, divide it by .5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your mind. The answer is very romantic!

15. You always fart in the office, and your colleagues can't help but ask if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shaking and asking what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!