Hey, hey, a few jokes, not cold. .

A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over to ask it: I am a police dog. What are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

The cannibal father and son hunted, and the son caught a thin man. His father said, let go, there is no meat! His son also caught a fat man, and his father said, let go, it's too tired! His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, take it home and eat your mother at night!

You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world to find you, and I went through a lot of hardships to find you: TMD! Our wings are on the same side!

A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl, and the girl said to the boy, you will be responsible for me if you kiss me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old!

The monkey picked up a card. It wants to see what it is, so it climbs to the branch to see. At this moment, a flash of lightning hit it. The monkey cried and said that it was an IP card!

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and the children will live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cat. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

When wolves invaded, small animals set up death squads to fight. Mantis: I have two knives. Hedgehog: I'm covered in hidden weapons. The longicorn sings while swinging its tentacles: Hum! I have nunchakus! Nunchakus! Hum, hum, haha!

The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Does nobody know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

I saw a small frontispiece in the street today. There is a piece of paper on the door and window, which reads: "The country is in a hurry and closed."

My eyes were bad, so I took two steps forward to get better. Oh, it says, "Business is suspended due to family emergency."

My father expressed his opinion about my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but he had Han Hong's disease.

Now you scold me because you don't know me yet, and when you know me later. . . . . . .

You will definitely hit me.

If she (he) says to you, "forget me." You tell each other, "I never remember."

If I marry you, the first thing I will do is blow up the divorce office.

On the bus this morning, I saw a man reaching for his mobile phone from his bag to check the time, and then said, "I'm Cao", thinking that he was running out of time. Looking closely, he has an air conditioner remote control in his hand.

"Doctor, I always have the same nightmare recently. What's wrong? " The doctor asked, "What nightmare did you have?" The patient said, "I always dreamed that I came to a door, so I pushed and pushed, but I couldn't push it open!" " ""What's on the door? "The doctor asked eagerly." There is a word "pull" ...

In a literature exam, there was such a question: noun explanation: Shakespeare had a classmate who answered it like this: Shakespeare, a strange bird.

I brought my son to my friend's birthday. The younger son volunteered to play the leading role. Applause is everywhere. I sang a birthday song for my uncle. A public outcry. I looked back at the screen: pray.

There is a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it is said that the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in it. When one of my female classmates was reading aloud, she was also reading aloud: I was shocked when I climbed over this mountain, and there was a rag hanging on the mountain. The whole class was stunned.

Some time ago, the men's basketball world championship. When cooking in the canteen. The canteen master saw me (I am taller). Say: alas. Seeing you reminds me that the men's basketball team lost.

Me:. . .

Then he gave me three bowls of rice. Say in a tone of hating iron not to produce: You give me more. Don't lose again

Another drunk came to handle business and forgot his password. The bank clerk prompted him to call his family. He said "Oh", immediately picked up the password keyboard and pressed a string of numbers, and asked, "Where's the microphone?" Laugh angrily.

When the customer saves money, the teller asks, "Do you save money regularly?" He immediately turned his head and asked his wife, "Are we going to die regularly?" The wife replied, "Let's die for three years first!" Hold back from laughing.

Once I took a bus, there was a beautiful mm next to me, and a pervert harassed mm. When I saw MM, I shouted back: "You squeeze a JB!" " "The whole car was silent, only to hear the abnormal timidly said," a JB. "The whole car burst into laughter, and then get off at the next stop.

Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was really hot.

Can't stand it, one person said, "Turn on the electric fan, it's so hot." Another interface: "I can't open it, open it."

You will blow out the candles. "

The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "You can come back later."

Sample, don't blame me for not being human! "

When the house was just delivered, there were many people coming and going, and every time the security guard asked questions.

Originally, I wanted to say that I am the landlord, but I often say that I am the landlord.

I took advantage of the security guard's short circuit and ran away.

I bought an evil graduation book when I graduated from primary school, because it says that the constellation of 65438+1October 20th-February 18 is Aquarius. Later, when people asked me what constellation you were, I always said Aquarius!

The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Often Go Home" ... I don't know what my family thinks. ...

On Tanabata, I took the opportunity to confess to a boy I like. He is an otaku and often watches cartoons and cartoons. After I confessed to him, he said to me, "I'm sorry, in fact, I only like two-dimensional beautiful girls, but I'm not interested in three-dimensional creatures." ...

It took me twice to understand what he meant. ...

It was very cold in the winter of the second year of high school. One of my classmates was very active, dragging the corridor with a wet mop and freezing. The math teacher at that time was a young man, so he sneaked into the classroom while figure skating. I saw him in no hurry, wearing clothes and holding a book, calmly saying, fortunately, my feet are solid.

When I have money,

Let's buy lollipops,

Buy two,

1 root, you see, I eat,

I'll show you another one 1.

Sleep at the same table in class. The teacher saw it. "Sleeping students, please answer this question."

My deskmate woke up with a tingle. "I won't ..."

Teacher: "concentrate on the class and stop sleeping."

Sit down! Then student 53 comes to answer this question. "

The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I won't ..."

The teacher fainted. "Sit down, and then the students will answer!"

The deskmate stood up and said, "Teacher, I really can't!" "

"Sit down! The representative of the Chinese class answered me! "

The deskmate stood up again: "Teacher, I am the representative of Chinese class ..."

A couple got married in the church. When it was time to exchange rings, the nervous groom forgot about it.

The priest raised his finger anxiously, made a snapping gesture and winked at the groom.

I saw the groom blushing and stammered, "Reverend, isn't this the wedding night tonight?"

A country woman called the operator for the first time in town and said, "Pick up my husband, I want to talk to him."

The operator asked, "What's your husband's phone number?"

The woman was furious: "How can I have so many husbands to make up the numbers?"

My wife and I went to the reclining Buddha Temple. My wife can't walk on the road, so I carry her on my back.

An old woman saw it and said seriously, you see, you are also a scholar. My wife is ill, so it's no use going to the hospital earlier.

The breakfast seller in the morning market saw the car with "administrative law enforcement" coming, and everyone immediately said hello and ran away. When the car stopped, two people got off and looked at each other helplessly. One of them said, I said don't drive. You have to drive. Look, there is no breakfast!