What jokes can you laugh at all your life?

1) I chatted with my husband at night and said, "My colleague Xiao Liu bought a new house. When will our family buy a new house? " My husband casually said, "It costs a lot of money to buy a house. Are you going to rob a bank? " Hearing this, the daughter rushed over and said happily, "Dad, I'll go too!" " "Revelation: Children talk without restraint.

2) Let my husband accompany me to the mall and walk to the door of the mall. Husband pushes shopping cart: wife, hurry up, it's too tired to walk. If you sit on it, I will push you in. Me: I am such an adult, how dare I? Husband: What are you afraid of? You are not heavy. Come on, let me push you! After listening to my husband, I went up. My husband pushed all the way quickly, and soon the first floor, the second floor and the third floor ..................................................................................................................................................... I: Stop, stop! Husband: What's the matter? Is it uncomfortable to sit in the car? Me: Nima, this is a routine. 10 minutes and you're done?

3) The couple are quarreling, and the man sighs, "What's the matter? I've only been unemployed for a month, and you dislike me? " The woman roared, "You are lazy and self-motivated. If I say something unpleasant, it is better to live with you than with a beggar! " The man was speechless and the scene was very embarrassing. I really can't stand it. I stood up, held my chest high and threw away the bowl: "Sister, what do you think of me?"

4) Seeing my husband lying on the floor drunk and unable to get up, I angrily scolded, "Don't come back next time you drink like this!" My husband looked at me calmly and said, "If it weren't for drinking like this, who would?" . . Who the fuck wants to come back! "

5) The tiger and the fox enter the restaurant together. Fox: A bowl of beef noodles. The waiter turns to the tiger: What about you? The fox interjected, don't say hello to him. If he is hungry, how dare I go with him!

6) Xifeng: Almost all men are interested in me? Xifeng's mother: How do you know? Xi Feng: Think about it. If they were not moved, why did they walk past me with their heads down shyly as soon as they saw me?

7) Liu Bei said to Zhao Yun: Zilong, you see that Yun Chang and Yide have become sworn brothers. Please join us! Zhao Yun thought for a moment and said, No, I don't think Zhao Si is suitable for me. ...

8) A young woman coaxed her children to sleep with your grandfather at night, but the children didn't want to go. The young woman said, I can go without you. Grandpa said in a positive tone: educate children to be honest. You can't fool children and old people at the same time.

9) Ask my mom why you want to marry my dad, because he is so ugly ... My mom said that when I went shopping with your dad for the first time, your dad insisted on buying me a pair of shoes, and I said I didn't buy anything. Your father left angrily … after a while, he brought back a pair of socks … and asked me if the socks were broken … Do you think it's easy to find such a cautious man … Er ~ Dad turned out to be a pair of socks that won his mother's favor … Revelation: there are many men.

10) before marriage, men are cocky, but after marriage, men bow their heads; Before marriage, women are gentle and dignified, after marriage, women are bold and unrestrained.

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If you don't laugh all your life, you lose.

I can't promise to laugh all my life, but your smile is enough.

This is a joke I heard with my own ears. I think it's funny!

It was 1985, and I just got married. When the farm is busy, the school has a holiday to weed, and my husband and I go back to my husband's house to shovel the ground.

One day, when we were working in the field, we suddenly heard the voice of shouting in the distance. Li Er's newly-married sister-in-law who turned out to be Dongtou kept shouting, "I can talk, I can talk, I can talk-". Everyone was cheated. I don't know what she is going to say. She shouted all the way to the ground and picked up a water bottle to drink. Next to her husband, it turns out that she is. Just because she just got married, she was embarrassed to call her husband's name, and she was not interested in calling her husband at that time. She called "I said", and a group of people laughed their heads off! All the fatigue is gone! From then on, everyone called her "I said" yisow.

This is a joke I experienced personally, and I still want to laugh when I think about it now. ...

Two old friends met in heaven.

"What a coincidence, you are dead ..."

"Yes, ah, how did you die? Why did you come up here naked? "

"I fell naked from the balcony on the 20th floor and died ... What about you?"

"When I came home, I heard my wife talking to a man. I searched the door again and didn't see anyone. Later, when I saw other men's clothes in bed, I had a heart attack and I was so angry! "

"If you come back ten minutes late and don't open the bedroom window, we won't have to die ..."

A rich second generation was walking his dog in the park when a killer suddenly appeared and killed his dog.

"Why did you kill my dog?" Rich second generation asked angrily.

"Someone offered me 1 10,000 to kill you!"

"Wow!" The rich second generation took out two checks: "You really should thank your Chinese teacher. This is100000, 5 million for you and 5 million for your Chinese teacher. "

"No, where not bashful to your money ..."

"Want to want to go, something, no matter what's the use of this money, you see I'm so rich, I don't have a girlfriend at the age of thirty, and single dog is a ..."

The murderer shot the rich second generation before he finished. ...

I just saw it. I almost died laughing.

I went to Dianchi Cinema yesterday and saw a couple quarreling at the door. The woman complained: I want to see Wolverine, not King Kong, and I can't do anything well.

The man's defense: the name is too similar. You have been urging me. You can't blame me!

The woman is angry: it's my fault. My sister and I have similar names and are twins. How can you tell the difference?

The man was also anxious and said, your sister has a red mole on her chest, but you don't!

The woman was so angry that she spilled milk tea on the man and scolded him: bastard, my sister's red mole grows under her chest. How did you know?

The man was angry, too. He pushed the woman to the ground and shouted, You are crazy in front of me. Don't forget that I am still your brother-in-law!

This is the funniest story I have ever seen, hahahahahahaha, really laughing till my stomach hurts! The sense of picture was so strong that I followed my brain to make up the scene at that time, and the whole person couldn't stop laughing! See for yourself if you don't believe me, hahahahahahaha.

You want to laugh all your life, then I'll go straight to the killer.

1. Once I went to the gym, a muscular man came up to me and said derisively, "Hello, Mom." I politely replied, "Hello son ..."

I drank too much yesterday and called a Didi taxi. It was dark and windy at night, and we looked at each other for a long time, much like the scenes in martial arts movies. I asked: Where is your car? He asked me: Where is your car? I said, didn't you take a taxi? He: Laozi is dripping.

I remember when I was in junior high school, I came home from school and was stopped by several gangsters on the way. I used my quick wits and rushed to an uncle on the roadside and shouted, uncle, someone bullied me. Unexpectedly, gangsters are not afraid of adults, so they beat me up and beat this uncle up again. After the gangster left, this uncle beat me up again.

4. A buddy got married and went to the bridal chamber after the banquet. It seems wrong to lift the veil of the bride and say, you, you, who are you? The woman replied: The bride drank too much. I got married after drinking. .

Teacher: Why is it inappropriate for people to eat too many eggs every day?

Xiaoming: Eating too many eggs is not good for hens. It has no time to lay eggs. .

Funny jokes are of great benefit to mental health, and you will feel better when you laugh. Carefully edit a few jokes, although you can't laugh for a lifetime, but it's absolutely no problem to laugh for a while.

1。 I just received a short message from a classmate: "Haha, my girlfriend's mother came back just after having sex! I hid in her closet with clothes, like a movie, so exciting … "After reading this message, I silently dialed his number … Let the story develop in a more exciting direction!

2。 In the evening massage, the female technician called a beautiful one. Unfortunately, people said they wouldn't do it, and she finally agreed to touch it. Just about to start, I suddenly received a phone call from my wife and said a few words. The female technician was impatient: "Are you still touching?" How long have I been waiting! "At this moment, the wife's deafening roar came from the other end of the phone:" You damn fool! Didn't you say that customers talk about things? Lie to me to play mahjong again! "

3。

My wife won't let me smoke. Every time she finds me smoking, she pinches my arm. As a dignified man, I couldn't bear it anymore, so I went to complain to my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law looked at my pinched arm. Stop scolding my daughter-in-law, and my wife will soon be much more honest and will never pinch my arm again. Pinch the inner thigh instead. ...

It's not easy to sort out, welcome comments.