Begging for jokes, okay,

1. The priest plays golf and the nun watches. The first shot missed. The priest scolded: "TMD, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" "The nun said," God will punish you for swearing as a priest. " As soon as the voice fell, a thunder chopped the nun to death. The priest wondered: I am the one who cursed. Why should I chop her to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of god from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!"

2. A male college student, living with his girlfriend outside, got pregnant unexpectedly. The male classmate panicked and asked for help at home. The family is so popular that we simply ignore him. On Father's Day, the male classmate thought it was a good opportunity, so he immediately wrote a short message to his father: "Happy Father's Day". In less than five minutes, his father answered two words: "Le Tong". .

Someone was sleeping in class, but the teacher got angry and asked him to solve the problem on the blackboard, ready to humiliate him in public. Just stood up, the teacher began to sour him: "Your grades are not good, and you dare to sleep in class. You are shameless, you sleep ... "As a result, someone solved the problem beautifully. The teacher suddenly felt a little embarrassed. As a result, he walked back to his seat, sat down gently and said, "I'm going to sleep first." Will you ask me again? " ...

4. Students are dragged to the corridor for education by the teacher while sleeping in class. The angry teacher took a few bites and wanted to hit him. The classmate shouted: "Do you dare to hit people? ! "Teacher:" What should I do if I hit you? Does anyone know that I hit you? " ? Does anyone know I hit you? "The students thought about it ... and then the teacher was taken to the hospital! ! !

5. Always absent from class at the same table. One day, he secretly played with his mobile phone again, which happened to be discovered by the class teacher who was patrolling outside the classroom. The class teacher took out his mobile phone and sent him a message: Why don't you listen carefully? The deskmate replied doubtfully: Who are you? The class teacher sent him another short message: Look out of the window. My deskmate glanced out of the window and replied, thank you for reminding me. I'll talk to you later ... The head teacher was stunned. . .

6. Wukong! Don't be rude Old man, I am a poor monk from the east of Datang. I wonder if I can open the door for convenience ... Old man, please don't insult me. I apologize for my big disciple ... Old man, please don't drive away the poor monk with crutches ... Old man, please calm down ... Old man, can you touch me again? ... oh * *? Wukong! Cut him! When Bajie realizes that you are leaving, your teeth will be knocked out, your eyes will be blinded and your legs will be broken! Very good!

7. At three o'clock at noon, when the sun was shining, the supervisor ordered, "Hello!" Suddenly, the man sentenced to death burst out laughing! ! ! The supervisor asked, "What are you laughing at?" The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, "The experts are right. A smile can prolong life by 5 seconds! " "

8. The official said: I am honest; The star said: I am innocent; Urban management said: I am kind; The rich man said: I pay taxes; Xiaosan said: I am self-reliant; The director said: I'm serious; The teacher said: I am noble; * * said: I am fair; Mobile said: I am honest; The bank said: I am disciplined; PetroChina said: I lost money; The hospital said: I treat diseases; The court said: I am fair; The people said: Oh. . .

9. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. ...。 At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, eldest brother, you strangled me! It's fucking horrible. ...

10. Bin Laden said that China is the only country that can't be provoked: Al Qaeda sent five terrorists to attack China, and one bombed the overpass and turned dizzy; A man blew up the bus and didn't squeeze in; One person bombed the supermarket and the bomb was stolen; A person bombed the train without buying a ticket; The last person successfully bombed the mine, killing and injuring hundreds of people. After sneaking back to the base, I didn't see any news reports for half a year and was executed by Al Qaeda for lying!

1 1. A little girl called the radio station and ordered a song for her mother. Moderator: Why do you want to order songs for your mother? Little girl: Mom works hard every day and can't have a good rest on Sundays. She needs to find me various exercise books. The host was very moved and said that she was very sensible and a good boy of her mother. So I asked what song I wanted. Little girl: Why do women bother women?

12. This question has been asked many times, is there too many girlfriends? My new girlfriend also asked me, "Your mother and I fell into the water. Who will you save first? " I said, "I begged my mother to save you. When she was a child, she could swim twice on both sides of the Yangtze River. " My girlfriend was a little unhappy and said, "Why don't you come down and save me?" I said, "If I come down, you are hopeless, because I can't swim, and my mother will definitely save me first."

13. One day several colleagues went to a restaurant for dinner. A buddy called the waiter: tea. Attendant: 1234567. : pour tea. Attendant: 765432 1. Dude: What are you? I am a dog. Call your manager. Manager: Hello. Dude: What is your waiter? Manager: It's a dog. Buddy: Call your boss. Manager: The boss called her. She is also a dog. playboy ...

14. Two hens were chatting when they saw a rooster coming listlessly. The hens asked, "What happened? No spirit? " The rooster said, "Do some business!" The hen asked, "What business are you tired of?" The rooster said shyly, "Well ... sell some chicken essence ..."