3 1 non-mainstream funny sentences _ point your smile

The success of 1 is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.

The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you work hard but all you get is a fart.

If you have not been loved by others, you will cherish those who love you in the future.

Format yourself just to delete you.

Zhuge Liang never took a single soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

Do you think I'll watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card!

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then I should at least eat a pair of whales.

10 I drown my sorrows in wine, but I learned to swim in this damn pain.

1 1 An intelligence test is to see how stupid you really are.

12 Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is married.

13 damn, I've never seen such an archaeology. Can be used as a world heritage.

14 Even without distance, love is a long-distance race.

15 people don't attack me, I don't attack; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

16 My greatest skill is to use cheap things and expensive effects. Such as camera, microphone, and myself.

17 Comrade has not worked hard, and the revolution will still succeed.

18 old words don't eat your inner sleeve now, you can play with others.

19 People who are too rational will definitely miss the beautiful scenery along the way brought about by misguided opportunities and mistakes.

Smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

2 1 Ask yourself how much sadness you can have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

If you can't dress the woman you love, please stop your unbuttoning hand.

Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

I want to puppy love, but it's too late.

I am not a casual person! But whatever, it is not a person!

Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

27 piano, chess, calligraphy and painting are not good, and washing and cooking are too tiring.

The man in the dream wakes up and goes to find him.

Life is about being born and living.

3 1 A dinosaur that degenerates three times a day is the strongest waste in human history.

Don't look back, I only love your back.

A low-level sentence.

A low-level sentence.

1, those who come to post, Xifeng, to tell you the truth, your fucking looks are really wicked.

2. Men spend money to make women happy, while women spend money because men make them unhappy.

3. It's good to know what you are.

4, you are not a VIp, not even an Ip, you are just a P!

5. Is the child born to two people with type B blood type 2B?

6. Are you tired? Just tired. Comfort is for the dead.

7. When I came into this world, I didn't intend to go back alive.

When my mother turned into a swan, you were still an egg.

9. Your new love is someone else's whore.

10, girl, your fashionable dress, especially those black cotton socks with sandals, is really amazing!

1 1, a good man is to sleep with a girl repeatedly for a lifetime.

12, I miss those days when I ate single-celled animals.

13, Big Wolf, Big Stupid Wolf, can never beat Pleasant Goat, but can still serve red taro.

14, when you looked up at me, I finally understood why you lowered your head. Don't feel inferior!

15, I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

16, boycott breast enhancement surgery, and don't pollute the last safe milk source!

17 years later. I still remember that winter night, she was covered with big men.

18, take the initiative in everything, such as climbing the wall and other almonds.

19. When most people care about whether you fly high or not, only a few people care about whether you are tired or not. This is friendship.

20. If you are the one, if a female guest turns off another man's light, the aunt downstairs in the dormitory can turn off the whole floor! ! !

2 1, don't think you are Wu Dalang, just think that Yao Ming is made by two people.

22. The Phoenix that once played here, so that this place is named after them, failed to keep the appointment and waited all night. From then on, Wan Li cried.

23. Dude, you can't treat me like a holiday just because we have a holiday …

24. Put yourself in the right position, don't fart, and don't take yourself too seriously.

25. Bus crowding is a comprehensive sport, including Sanda, yoga, judo and balance beam.

There is no doubt that I am the poor man in your dream.

President Bush has a secretary named Wang Fugui.

28, money is not everything, sometimes you still need to use a credit card …

29, eat, I want, thin, I want, you can't have your cake and eat it, I went.

Don't wait until you can't hand in your work tomorrow to make excuses. Find it today.

3 1, ugly, but ugly is special, that is, very ugly.

32. Look at your five senses. This kind of art has caught up with the horror movie Emergency Room.

33. From heaven to hell, I passed by …

34. Beating is kissing, scolding is love, always scolding your mother, and it is almost emotional with your mother.

35. Don't take yourself seriously. May I ask who is speaking?

36. I'm going to get a haircut. I twisted my neck with bangs.

37. Don't put everything on the last life, when you are in love-the fate of the last life, when you are divorced-the injustice of the last life.

38. I got married because I liked it, and later divorced because I was wrong.

39. The story told today is not far from now. If you have an old man at home, you can go back and ask him-during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period. ...

40, even if you want to cry again, you should smile and say: you are a grandfather!

Super classic sentence, non-mainstream funny quotations.

Super classic sentence, non-mainstream funny quotations.

1. No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

The world belongs to our sons, but ultimately to those grandchildren.

Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.

4. If you reason with him, he will play hooligans with you; He will reason with you if you play hooligan. Who is he, please?

The difference between leaders and us is that they walk the red carpet and we walk the zebra crossing.

6. Durex's bankruptcy is not a tragedy, Durex's bankruptcy is a tragedy.

7. How do you know what is good if you don't miss some crooked melons and rotten dates?

8. Hello, Aunt. I am your son's boyfriend.

9. At first, I was completely stunned by the world.

10. Everyone says I'm ugly, but I'm just beautiful.

1 1.

12. Humans are heading for ~ ~ running all the way!

13. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem. The problem is that I am poor.

14. A scholar pretends to be a confidant and a woman pretends to be a lover.

15. A tailor who doesn't want to be a chef is not a good driver.

16. Go to the supermarket to knead instant noodles when you are in a bad mood.

17. Get out ...

18. Boss, come and take two catties of true love to feed the dog first!

19. Be patient or cruel.

20. Bajie, don't think you are a night pig standing under a street lamp.

2 1. I'll help you solve the problem that Confucius can't solve.

22. There are no windtight walls and no hanging beams.

23. I was pulled out before I could flirt.

24. There is a plan if you make trouble without reason!

25. Today, you woke up with a mosquito lying next to your pillow, and there is a will: I struggled all night, and your thick skin made me live in this world. Lord! Forgive him! I killed myself!

26. I couldn't outrun the BMW after all, so I watched it disappear in the sunset, not because my engine broke down, but because my chain fell off.

27. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static means sleeping, while dynamic means turning over …

28. I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without seasoning packets!

29. Don't thank me! Thanks. How dare you charge you?

30. I'm embarrassed to arrest you. How dare you steal?

3 1. My heart is broken, and I support it like dumpling stuffing.

32. Heroes don't ask the source, hooligans don't look at their age.

God will forgive me, because this is his profession.

34. If you land first, you can't do anything.

35. Those who always say that others are pretending to be forced are not even pretending to be forced.

36. Chris Lee and Yico Zeng are both my brothers.

37. There is no blood on the face, no injury on the body, and no one around.

38. You stubbornly turned Audrey Hepburn into a street girl.

39. In fact, in the end, we all log on and off on other people's MSN.

Kindness means that I don't eat meat when others are hungry.

4 1. Bad luck is a kind of luck that will never be missed.

Everyone eats shit sometimes, just don't chew it carefully.

43. Money is a good medicine with obvious effect.

44. I received a short message yesterday asking me to remit money to an account of China Agricultural Bank. I replied: Don't worry, I'll burn it for you right away!

45. Push me again and I'll play dead for you.

46. You are not just greedy. You are greedy. It's all open. It can't be called openness. It is in full bloom.

47. Some people say that the description of drugs has nothing to do with their functions, which is pure slander. Because once I went to see a doctor with a stomachache, the doctor actually prescribed cold medicine for me, and I caught a cold immediately.

48. When I get rich, we'll buy lollipops and two ... one for you to eat and the other for you to eat.

49. When cooking, a crab sticks out from the pot cover and says to you, "I'm hot!" " "answer: if you want to be red, you can bear it.

50. At the press conference held in Changsha, Hunan Province yesterday, Chris Lee responded positively to popular words such as "Believe in spring and live forever" which were widely circulated on the Internet for the first time. Chris Lee said, "Believe it or not, you will all die." Many reporters present shed tears of emotion!

Make a punch line in one sentence.

Make a punch line in one sentence.

1. Xiaoming slept in class many times and was persuaded to go home by the teacher. Xiaoming: The teacher refused to let me go to school and told me to drop out. Ming Dad: Why Xiaoming: Sleeping in class Ming Dad: What happened to sleeping in class? Who hasn't slept in class? Dad is sleeping at school, too! Xiaoming: Dad, do you like sleeping naked, too?

Second, friends please go to eat crayfish, new shop, there are two kinds of wild and domestic, each asked for a pot. While peeling, ask a friend what is the difference between domestic and wild. He said: the domestic ones grew up eating antibiotics, and the wild ones are polluted by heavy metal precipitation. It depends on your tolerance.

3. A: I live at home with clothes in my hand! B: Damn it! So happy! Answer: Happiness is my ass! The clothes came, and I reached out to help my wife sign for them. When the meal is ready, I will open my mouth for my wife to eat! B:

Four, a person playing games in the dormitory, sleepy in the middle of the night, just want to climb the computer desk to sleep, just get down and suddenly find someone coming in to rummage through my bag, I think: I pretend to sleep, catch him red-handed, and then I sleep until dawn.

Fifth, the idiot man went to see a doctor. Man: Doctor, my wife's skin will crack in winter. What kind of disease is this? Doctor: Is she here? Let me have a look. Man: She didn't come, but I took some photos. The boy finished and handed the phone to the doctor. The doctor looked at it carefully and then said, this is rubber hardening.

6. The owner of the bus accidentally dropped his mobile phone at the foot of a girl. The girl was surprised and covered her skirt with her hand. I smiled indifferently and said, don't be afraid of my sister. I'll pick it up when you get off. The girl smiled. You are really a good man. After the girl left, I picked up my cell phone and turned off the photo function.

There is a seat vacant in the subway station for the elderly, the sick and pregnant women. A couple pushes each other, you sit, you sit. Then the man sat down. Woman: Oh, you are disabled. M: I'm just a little old. Woman: Yes, you are an idiot ... a gift.

Eight, my girlfriend went on a blind date and brought a 5-year-old niece. After dinner, the man went to pay the bill, and the little niece cried badly, asking for AA system and saying that men and women are equal, which made the two adults laugh and cry.

Come on, son. I bought you a gift online, the latest, white, ultra-thin and handwritten. Son: Yes, yes, what is it? Yes, you guessed it, the third set of simulation questions.

10. I met a junior high school female classmate in the restaurant. She didn't remember me, so I reminded her: Do you remember the boy who was punished for kissing you in the Woods in junior high school? Her little face turned red and said excitedly, are you the one I was ashamed of at that time? Yes, I was the one who told the secret!

Eleven, a sad anecdote, after the fruit cart rolled over, the aunts desperately grabbed the fruit, and as a result, a large group of women and children were unconsciously taken away by traffickers.

12. My son likes dinosaurs very much and always sits there and draws them. I'm afraid he's tired and says, let's play a game together. I've decided, so you can't move! You can't move until I say the solution! The son said, ok, but I'll start first. I was standing right there. Then the son said, now you can draw with peace of mind. I

Thirteen, buy watermelon, I saw a big sister next to me professionally pick up half a watermelon and put it next to her ear, listening and shooting. Brother hawker looked at her blankly for a while: Sister, my watermelon has been cut. Why are you still filming?

14. I was stopped by a woman when I went shopping, saying that I lost my wallet and asked me to take a few dollars to take the bus. I said I didn't bring any cash. As a result, she said that she could use WeChat Alipay. Damn it, liars keep up with the times now!

Teacher: Please make sentences with the enemy. Student A: I drank 100 tons of dichlorvos yesterday. It's delicious. Teacher: Get out! Here you are 100 bottle!

Sixteen, a friend who is an urban management invited seven or eight people to have a snack. While eating, they talked about their work. A friend of the urban management said: the urban management has been said to be broken, and it is not so easy to do now. Just moved chopsticks, I don't know what that brother said: the urban management itself is terrible! Now no one wants to check.

Seventeen, the classmate's mother buys things online and communicates with the shopkeeper. I was going to ask you if you could pay on delivery. Can you live long enough to pay? . . . . . After a long time, the host replied weakly: dear! I will fight for it. . .

Remember to ask a friend who has worked for three years, what impressed you most in high school? Answer: Aunt's trembling hand in the canteen. Can you read it?

Nineteen, all departments work overtime until late at night. A colleague and sister were called to the manager's office for some unknown reason and soon came out angrily. It seems that they have probably been criticized. I saw my sister blushing and coming over angrily, saying: adding a class is like a strong J. The key is a strong J. You are not tight enough!

Turn on the TV when you just smoke and see that smoking can lead to lung cancer and nasopharyngeal cancer. It's terrible. I was scared, so I made up my mind never to watch TV again, damn it, it was horrible.

Twenty-one, I quarreled with my mother at night, and suddenly she came to turn off the lights. I said, Mom, what are you doing? She said, I want to hack you!

Twenty-two, when I suddenly remembered the university, the teacher wrote a pair of couplets: the country is rich and strong, the family is rich and strong, and the country is rich and strong. Class Committee's couplet: the sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, and the world is magnificent! Later, I was kicked out of the classroom because my bottom line was: you MD, he MD, you MD!

Twenty-three, the ugly girl went on a blind date. The boy can't help drooling. Sorry, I can't help it! Ugly girl is very happy: you are the first man who drools when he sees me. I am so delicious. The boy said, no way. When I see your big face, I think of moon cakes, or Wuren moon cakes-acne is red beans, acne is sesame seeds, boils are peanuts, wrinkles are walnuts, black teeth are melon seeds ... The ugly girl left the door crying. . .

Son: I only got 25 points in the English exam, but the whole class scored very low. Mom: I don't care how many points others get. You can't be so low! The next day, son: I got 90 points in math. Mom: What about the others?

Twenty-five, our generation is getting old with the company of higher and higher pixel mobile phone cameras. I asked a girl: When do you think you are the most talented? She replied: when taking selfies, one person does lighting, camera shooting, action guidance, pre-layout, post-production, makeup artist, makeup artist and framing. There will be writers, directors and publicity group guests when it is released! Me!

Twenty-six, in primary school, I thought kissing would get pregnant. When I was in junior high school, I always thought my penis was used to pee. Just the year before last, I thought cucumbers were just vegetables and bananas were fruits. What makes me speechless is that last year I thought black fungus was for eating and chrysanthemum was for making tea.

Twenty-seven, an uncle was holding a lovely girl on the bus, obviously feeling that the old cow ate the tender grass. Sister Meng said: Have you ever thought about your wife's feelings when you hold me like this? Uncle: I'll go home and ask your mother.

Twenty-eight, gentleness is necessary, but not compromise. Life can't be without pursuit. Without pursuit, the motivation of life will be lost. But you can't force it. If you force yourself, you will put yourself in shoes and be unhappy everywhere. People who are pursuing, but not demanding, will become free and easy, happy and happy.

Twenty-nine Are you still angry? W: If you give me a box of ice cream, you may not be angry. M: Still breaking up? W: If you don't give me an apple, you may break up. M: Can we not quarrel next time? Woman: Then you have to give me another pack of spicy strips!

Wukong: Master, I saw a blind man walking on the road with a lantern. What's the use of a blind man playing lanterns? Master: If he is afraid that others can't see clearly, this is Confucianism. If he is afraid of being beaten by others, this is Mohism; If he thinks that he wants to play lanterns when he goes out at night, this is the Legalist school; If he thinks he wants to fight, why do you ask? This is Taoism. If he lets you guess, this is Buddhism; If he is pretending to be blind, this is a politician.

Thirty-one, beautiful female colleagues take special care of me. I can't help it, but I have to avoid it, because the whole department knows that she has a special relationship with her boss! Until the boss called me to the office and gave you two choices! Either leave immediately or become boyfriend and girlfriend with xx! Say that! Take out a bank card and put it in front of me! I felt very happy when I was single, but I was lost in thought at the thought of her slightly bulging abdomen!

Feng: Dear magician, please make me more beautiful! Magician: Why don't you see a doctor? Xifeng: The doctor can't help it. Now we can only hope for magic. Magician.

Thirty-three I quarreled with my girlfriend some time ago and hit her. I found that she started watching Conan, a famous detective. She has watched more than 500 episodes, and her eyes are not quite right. I don't know if it's too late to apologize.

A couple were reading together in a coffee shop, and the man began to hum along with the long music. Woman: Hey, has anyone ever told you that you sing beautifully? Man: No woman: Don't sing without it!

Thirty-five years old, Lao Zhang is dark and short, but he married a beautiful daughter-in-law, but the daughter-in-law cheated on him. Lao Zhang told his friend after learning about it: "I was born at the wrong time. If I had been born in the Song Dynasty, I would have been like this. My daughter-in-law was having an affair. Maybe I am Song Jiang! " ! The friend said that Song Jiang still wanted to kill his wife. You are a Wu Dalang at best!

I plucked up the courage to break up with my girlfriend of two years. She looked blank, indicating that she had never been with me. Me: But obviously, we often watch dinner, go shopping, watch movies and chat together. She was puzzled and said, aren't all good friends like this?

Thirty-seven, going out shopping, a woman walked in front of me. This is normal. Suddenly, it's like a ghost. I scratched my hands everywhere, stomped my feet there desperately, and shouted nonsense that it was terrible to hurt Nima at night. So I told my friend to go away quickly. I have a bad feeling that I just dropped my cigarette butt on someone else.

Thirty-eight, a pair of twin brothers, Zhao Zhao and Chao Chao! Zhaozhao made an appointment with a beautiful woman. After that, she said she would go out for a cigarette. After a few minutes, Chao Chao went in, and so on! Chaochao complained to me: You said you had a father! Climb out of the same belly at the same time! Temper and personality are the same! Why is that different? What are you talking about? He cried even harder: when it was my turn, the woman said that my chicken lost a lot of weight after I finished smoking a cigarette!

39. Reporter: What is economy? Hotel purchasing: saving is to recycle the dishes that others don't want in the vegetable market. Hotel chef: Saving means serving leftovers to guests. Hotel manager: Saving means passing on the dishes that the last guest can't finish to the next guest. Hotel Attendant: Economy is the dishes that are picked up. ......

40. You said, it's summer, why do you still buy a small sun in the supermarket? B: It should be an off-season promotion. Don't listen to his nonsense This product goes out without glasses. They sell electric fans.

Forty-one, walking on the journey of life, we touch a life with many edges and corners. There is no need to lament for difficulties, only the words of frustration and sadness; We are looking at an elegant soul, so we don't have to be emotional for nothingness and lose our voice for sinking. Seeing is not equal to seeing; Seeing is not equal to seeing clearly; Seeing clearly does not mean understanding; Understanding is not equal to seeing through; Seeing through is different from seeing through. When we know that face is the least important, we really grow up.

Forty-two, junior high school has a crush on a beautiful woman at the same table. I like watching her laugh, reading books and answering questions. I pay attention to her all the time. She likes to wear skirts. Once she stood up to answer a question. I saw her skirt caught in her ass, so I pulled it out for her, but she said, don't touch my skirt, rascal. I felt bored, so I stuffed it back for her.

Forty-three, the weather is good, I'm going to buy a New Pants to wear! After shopping for a long time, I finally took a fancy to it, so I went to the fitting room to change my pants. Because I lost my balance when I was standing, I broke the door and fell out. I will never forget the eyes of people around me when I wear pants with one leg showing half my ass.

44. When a man loves you, even if someone tells him that you sleep at home every day, he will refute others and say, I just want to raise my daughter-in-law to be fat for nothing, huh? When he doesn't love you, even if you clean the window, he will step on it and say that you didn't even mop the floor.

Forty-five, the sports meeting runs1000 m. Snickers eat, pulse drinks, red bull drinks, Gatorade drinks and Nike wears. . . As a result, I sprained my ankle while warming up. .