Please help me to see if there are any grammar, format and other mistakes in this English short message. If there are any, please point them out and ask for advice with an open mind. thank you

there is something wrong with the first sentence.

after my name is XXX, I'm 18 years old, a girl from xx city, xx province, China.an18-year-old, the object is missing, and the clause behind it is a bit wordy. Just make it appositive

in the second sentence, I am totally fall in love with it is changed to I have totally fall in love with it

getting together to celebrate each other is changed to getting together. R to greet each other

I expect you to come to China for a visit changed to I expect that you can come to China for a visit

That's probably all, and it's all about grammar. LS said there was nothing wrong and obviously irresponsible.