Super funny short message selection daquan

1, friends are the jungle of life, the post station where the soul rests, the apartment where the soul is collected, and the luggage where the feelings are preserved. No matter how many storms there are on the road of life, friends are like umbrellas, and they will accompany you all the way to sunny Wan Li! May your sky be bluer and your life be the most beautiful!

Nothing is more painful than parting, but love is deeper and clearer in remote sensing and missing.

3. Hometown, how do wanderers miss their hometown? Miss hometown, in fact, is miss childhood partners, miss the old house, miss the land. However, what the wanderer misses most is his elderly parents.

4. Missing is painful. In countless nights, I stretched out my long arms and tried to get back yesterday's dream, but the steps went further and further, and the things I got back were beyond recognition; It still hurts me that I can't get it back. This will be my pain, a shadow that will haunt me all my life. Although it hurts every time I miss you, I still can't help but trace back. I was born in pain and reborn in pain.

5, the sun is still in the water, and half the river is rustling and half the river is red. On the third night of September, the dew is like a pearl and the moon is like a bow.

6. Loving you means missing you when I can't see you. To love you is to look at you stupidly when I see you; To love you is to love the tenderness in your eyes and the smile on your lips.

7. In my lost heart, you pulled me out of loneliness.

8. This yearning is so lingering. It hovers in front of my eyes, haunts my ears and precipitates in my heart.

9. How have you been recently? Struggle and miss, all afraid of you hearing, how to hide, madly love you, a gentle heartbeat sleeping alone in the dark, thinking of you, is my eternal language!

10, mother, I often stare at the familiar old house, lying on the hot heatable adobe sleeping platform, looking for me in the yellow paper on the roof.

1 1. My son later said, Mom, don't you want me? Why don't you always come back? If you don't come back, I'll call the police station to arrest you, put you in prison and tell you not to come back.

12, remember what you inspired, remember the years you accompanied with warmth. I will always remember you. Maybe my silence makes us strange, maybe my departure makes us strange, maybe my silence makes us no longer contact, maybe, maybe, just because of me, but I am a stubborn child and like to miss the past. Your leaving will only make me more silent and will only make me miss you more. It's good to have you. May you live happily all your lives! I don't know if you will still think of me, but you may have forgotten me long ago.

13. Walking in the dancing snow, dreaming that I can hug you tightly to drive away each other's freezing, and you, too, are thinking about me, with a slight heartache?

14, the ostrich stared at the giraffe for the first time, and the giraffe ran away shyly, and the ostrich chased it madly. Giraffe: Don't worry ... it's the first time to see you. Ostrich: I just want to ask … what brand of depilatory do you use?

15, how many times have I told you, be careful at night, don't run around, you just won't listen. No, I dreamed again last night, and I don't want to wake up again. ...

16. After watching the news, my wife excitedly asked: If you fly into space by Shenzhou 5, what do you want to say to me most? The husband grabbed his wife's hand and said: The earth is still good and attractive!

17, delete yesterday's troubles; Decide today's happiness; Set the happiness of tomorrow; Store eternal love; Eliminate hatred in the world; Paste a good mood; Copy the intoxicating scenery; Print your charming smile!

18, I'm not going to give you too much, just 50 million: happy, healthy, safe, content, never forget me!

19, you know? When I finished reading the short message you sent me, I suddenly realized how much affection you used for me! Memory is so unforgettable! You can't forget me! I finally decided: turn it off and piss you off!

20. The tortoise and the snake go to the park with only one ticket. The tortoise got the snake around its neck. When entering the park, the eagle checking in said, stop. The tortoise and the snake panicked. The eagle said, Look at your tortoise, wearing a tie!

2 1, I saw on the internet yesterday that your model of mobile phone radiated a lot, which scared me! I was just about to inform you that I was relieved to see that people with IQ below 20 were useless. Don't worry, keep using it!

22. Piggy set up a club and said: Members should call me Piggy's nickname! Dog: Call me puppy! Kitten: Call me kitten! The chicken blushed and said calmly that it was boring. I left first.

23, 6 meets 9 and says: Take two steps and practice handstand; 0 meets 8 and says: If you are fat, you will be fat. Why should you wear a belt? 7 Meet 2 and say: Come on, I won't marry you if you don't kneel!

24, mud is short! Mud is the smell of the nest! I look at the mud affectionately! I want to say to mud, I lack mud! (Please read aloud)

25. While waiting for the bus, a MM kept staring at me and laughing, thinking that she was handsome and heroic. After several laps, MM smiled more and more charming ... As a result, an aunt said: Young man, don't step on shit.

Don't tell anyone that I have contact with you, or you and I will be in danger. Do you have a spare room for me to hide for two days? I have three tons of gold, nine nuclear bombs, eighteen beautiful women and five thousand soldiers. I'm bin Laden, and I'm still alive.

27, 9 saw 6 and said: Nothing to play handstand. 0 sees 8 and says: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing? 7 See 2 and say: Don't think that I will marry you if you kneel. 2 See 5 and say: Hey, I haven't seen you for a few days, and I have breast augmentation.

28. "This child looks exactly like me!" Big brother proudly said to his friend. "Don't be sad," the friend comforted. "It doesn't matter if the child is ugly or not, as long as it is healthy and lively."

When the police received the complaint and stopped them, the couple were having a heated argument. An angry woman opened the door. Policeman: Who is the head of the family? W: I'll tell you later. My husband and I are deciding this matter!

30. The teacher asked the students: How to explain "sharing pain with others will halve the pain"? Xiao Lun replied: If my father hits me, I will hit my brother at once!

3 1. A father took his three-year-old son to a violin concert. Halfway through the writing, the son suddenly asked his father, Dad, when can that man saw off that big wooden box?

32. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? Nobody answered ... Teacher: Nobody knows? At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said: That's because it's calm and naturally cold ...

33. A peasant woman was counting tall buildings when a liar came: How many floors did she count? Okay, every floor, 5 yuan. Peasant women:15th floor. After paying the money, the bystander said: idiot. Peasant woman: He is stupid. Actually, I counted eighteen floors!

34. You sneaked into my room! Come to my bed quietly and play hide-and-seek with me. I can't sleep for you! Crazy about you, I have to play hide-and-seek with you. I know you love me, want to kiss me, want to hug me, want to bite me: Hum, dead mosquito!

35. Eight don't understand: you don't drink the toast of the leader, * * * * * * * * * *, the leader goes by car, the leader is verbose, the leader talks nonsense, the leader takes a shower first, the leader turns the table with food, and the leader listens to the cards and touches himself.

36. A professional consultant got a newly printed business card and called the manufacturer to protest: My business card was printed "Professional Home Care" and there was a hole missing! A few days later, I received a new business card with the words "Professional Door Care" printed on it.

37. The inventor boasted to his friend: I invented a robot, which is exactly like human beings! The friend asked: Does it never make mistakes? Inventor: No. But when it makes a mistake, it will put the blame on other robots!

38. I've always wanted to say thank you for appearing in my life. My life depends on you. For you, I can go through fire and water, at all costs ... money!

39. Spiders compete for the web. Foreign spiders weave a big web, proud: broadband! China spiders fly around weaving a delicate ornament and say with a smile: A unique combination of heaven and earth, a Chinese knot!

40. Dear God, please bless those friends who don't call me, send me messages and miss me, whether I am happy or healthy. I hope their cell phones fall into the toilet! Amen ~

4 1, you eat like a thief, pretend to be fat, have a big head and big ears, have strong limbs, carry a pen, can't settle accounts, buy a computer, can't surf the Internet, and are allowed to pee in the pit at night.

42. Singles Day is coming, birds are in love, ants live together, flies are pregnant, mosquitoes miscarry, butterflies divorce, caterpillars remarry, and frogs have children. What are you waiting for?

43. Once I took a bus, and there were quite a lot of people on it. Suddenly, an emergency stop. I saw a man lean forward and hit a very fashionable woman. The man hurriedly apologized. The woman turned to the man and said, "Look at your character." Just when everyone in the car thought a war was about to break out. The man spoke: "Miss, this is not virtue, but inertia."

44. A friend called me yesterday and asked if the mayor of Wuhan was called Jiangqiao. I saidno. He said that when I was crossing the river by train in Wuhan, I saw a billboard saying: Welcome to Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge!

45. Lovers should choose to be gentle as water and sweet as honey; Opponents should choose smart, capable and powerful; Colleagues should choose hard work and have no temper; Friends should choose pigs with runny noses. Stop looking and wipe your nose.

46. After the English exam, the English teacher said to the class representative: Let the students who failed stay. As a result, the class representative wrote on the blackboard: after school, stay and not be afraid of death.

Husband: Honey, I'm fired. Because of a little thing, it's so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after work last night. But they don't want to think, who dares to steal a tiger!

48. On the first day of an obstetrician's internship, his wife asked him, "How was today?" The doctor said, "It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved. "

49. The defendant promised his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to let me only go to prison for half a year, then you will get an extra reward of $65,438 +0 ooo." As a result, he finally got his wish. While collecting money, the lawyer said, "This is really a chore. The judges had hoped to be acquitted. "

50. A lady went to take pictures. After the photo shoot, I'll get the auto-developed photos. After reading it, I exclaimed: Why do I look like a monkey? A woman in the back said coldly, that's mine. Yours will have to wait for five minutes.

5 1, Wife: Hey, honey, today is Sunday, please wash the sheets. Husband: What's the hurry? Just turn it upside down. Wife: Alas, you are too lazy. I reversed it once yesterday.

52. God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

53. Life is limited, but texting you is unlimited. I want to devote my limited life to the cause of unlimited SMS harassment. Please accept my heartfelt harassment of the lovely 0 15 yuan every day!

54. Zhu Bajie burst into tears. Wukong asked what was going on. Bajie: I fell in love with a girl the other day, and I saw her at the meat case in the vegetable market today.

55, April silk: debut at the age of 0, 30 basic orientation, 60 retirement, 70 playing mahjong, 80 sunbathing, 90 lying in bed, 100 hanging on the wall.

56. I miss you very much. You can't cover Yao Ming when you play ball. I can't keep up with Lenin in thinking. Without contacting you, my heart has secretly stopped beating.

57. Trained bin Laden, used Bush, played Spider-Man, and welded aircraft carriers! I'm not a cow. I taught it by reading short messages.

58, monkeys eat, eat first! Because it ate a big peach last year and finally pulled out the core, now it measures everything first.

Wife: You used to send me roses. Why don't you send me some now? Husband: Have you ever seen a fisherman feed him bait after catching a fish?

60. Being alive is really tiring. You have to walk on your legs, grin, drink water, get rich and pay bribes. I want to be one year older in the New Year, and I want to flatter you by texting when I miss you.

6 1, Wife: Am I pretty? Husband blurted out: very beautiful. After ten minutes, my wife asked, are you afraid of hurting me when you say I am beautiful? Husband smiled and shook his head: no, I'm afraid you'll hurt me.

62. The wife prepared dinner and said to her husband, "Honey, you can choose the dishes tonight." "What dishes are they?" "asparagus." "What are the options?" "Eat or not."

63. You can better reflect people's shortcomings than a mirror, and you are more knowledgeable than Zhuangzi and grandson, so people affectionately call you the grandson of Jingzhuang.

64. If your phone bill balance is insufficient, please recharge it according to the prompt: burn a 100 yuan bill to ashes, open the back cover of the mobile phone, pour the ashes in and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation.

65. The mother mouse suspects that the male mouse is having an affair. One day, she followed him The male mouse got into the grass, and soon a hedgehog came out. The mother mouse grabbed it and said that she had no affair. Who did she seduce with so many mousses?

66, the new three from the four virtues: the wife must go out, the wife obeys orders, and the wife must blindly follow the mistakes; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings.

67. When someone went to the laboratory, the nurse pointed to the card in front and said: Non-undergraduate personnel are not allowed to enter. The visitor was furious and scolded, "I'll take a urine test and get a fucking bachelor's degree."

68. There are two kinds of pigs in the world: one is to send me text messages! First, don't reply to me ... haha laughed ... I think you must commit suicide. ...

69, the wind and rain send spring home, flying snow did not see. It's holidays again, and text messages start to make trouble. If it's noisy, don't forward it again. The original blessing is wonderful. Delete mine if there are too many text messages!

70, looking for inspiration, a tattered eyes without god, three meals without limbs weakness, five tones without six gods, seven holes bleeding gossip very much, a narrow escape is very similar to you.

7 1. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

72. I said: You are a pig. You said: I am a pig. I've been calling you a "pig monster" ever since, and finally one day you couldn't bear it and shouted at me loudly: I'm not a pig monster!

73. Do you know that the most painful thing on the day of work is Lisa? I just got off work and haven't finished my work yet. The most painful thing is: I haven't finished my work after work. The most painful thing is: there is no job at work, and you have to live after work.

74. I've been meaning to ask you a question, but I'm afraid to ask. Especially on quiet and lonely nights, so many thoughts make me insomnia, so I want to send a text message to ask you … do you still wet the bed?

75. Times have changed! Pigs can also read mobile phone messages with their hooves! Hey, pig, stop looking. It is you! Pig head, why are you still watching? Call you a pig. You are such a pig, alas …

Do you know how I know you? I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: 3 yuan was fined for wetting the bed once; Wet the bed twice, 5 yuan; 7 yuan was fined for wetting the bed three times. You suddenly stood up and said, teacher, how much is the monthly subscription?

77. Give you a holiday to make you happy, give you a little sunshine to make you brilliant, give you a greeting to keep you warm, and give you a hat to float? I wish you a happy new year and step by step promotion!

78. Qianshan has been in love. Can you contact me? It's love to travel all over China, and only ten short messages are one!

79. It is useless to be silent, blind, unable to eat three meals, weak limbs, abnormal facial features, disowned by six relatives, ignorant, imposing on all sides and unable to sit still for nine times.

80. I would like to be a winged bird in the sky, because the air pollution is too bad; Make branches on the ground again, and deforestation is not reliable; People in the world should be happy, and environmental protection should come first!

8 1, men's love is affection, women's love is duty, men's playboy is talent, and women's playboy is nameless.

82. I was glad to see you just now. I didn't realize you were a playboy. I am so cruel after cheating. I'm fascinated by you. I'm worried about not seeing you. I'm so sad that I can't keep you.

83. I am crazy about you, crazy about you, and I am heartbroken for you. Crazy for you, crazy for you, the sea of suffering is always endless.

84, flat, no temper, sage also; Have a level, a temper, and a sage; No level, no temper, mediocrity; No level, no temper, bad guy.

85. The secret of finding a job: age is a fortune; Diploma is essential; Relationship is the most important; Reference ability.

86. Four flowers in the hospital: queuing for registration, dizziness; The doctor diagnosed that the goddess scattered flowers; Drug charges, looking at flowers in the fog; If it doesn't heal for a long time, the cost of medicine will be wasted.

87. Online years are like flying knives, and knives are ruthless and make people old. Revolutionary health is the most important. Don't stay up late surfing the Internet.

88. To stay healthy, go to bed before two o'clock.

89. If the score is not high, pass the exam. Knowledge is not deep, and copying is spiritual; Thinking is the classroom, only I meditate; If you can't learn, just listen to it in music class; Drink Sprite when you are thirsty, and disco when you are sleepy.

90. If you don't bow your head for one day, you will be more worried for two days and jump off a building for three days.

9 1, an opportunity to know you, pay attention to you after two meetings, miss you for three times and four dates, 90% should like you, and I'm sure I love you.

92. I am single-minded, with my eyes on money, three meals at public expense, cheating everywhere, all kinds of poisons, disowning my six relatives, deceiving my superiors and deceiving my subordinates, being exquisite in all directions, occupying nine important positions, and being a corrupt official.

93. Ten million is a hero, one million can, one hundred thousand is ordinary, and ten thousand is an idiot.

94. Chatting online is very interesting. Dreaming how beautiful you are. Can't sleep at midnight. Get up and send text messages.

95. I am very tired on the road of love, and I am also very tired in love. Even if you don't care about me, I love you without regrets.

96. How do you say love? The glass is full of wine. I take one bite after another, and I won't let go when I'm drunk!

97. What I wish you before marriage is mine, and what I want is yours. What is sure of you after marriage is mine, and what is mine is yours. After the divorce, you are still yours, and I am still mine. .

98. Looking for you in the southeast and northwest, I will follow you, love you in spring, summer, autumn and winter, and hold you tight.

99. There is a crescent moon hanging in the dark night sky, with flowers in white hands. Your acquaintance with me is a myth. Since we care about each other, let's get married!

100, you were happy and worried about you, and you were sad and infatuated. You dare not change your mind. Don't doubt. I am worried about writing it. I am most afraid that you are unintentional.

10 1, I'm afraid of the teacher coming to my house. Sitting on my pier and drinking my tea, my mother beat me as soon as the teacher left.

102, m: Miss, I think your eyes are like the moon. Woman: Really! Thank you for your compliment! What are they like? Man: One eye looks like fifteen, and the other eye looks like the first day.

103, how to treat a man correctly: help him spend money if he has money; Avoid him when you have no money; Follow him if you succeed; Abandon him when frustrated; Hit him when you are lonely; Let him despair; Help him when he commits suicide; Torture him when he's old!

104, I fell in love with you at first sight at 1, and I had no heart at all. I am willing to take care of you for three generations. I dreamed of you four times last night, and you swept me off my feet. A broken heart can't be calm. Say 10: I was wrong!

105, lovely, you stole my love and my heart. I've decided to sue you in court. What should I sentence you to? The judge searched all criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

106, wine is a delicious food, and the more you drink, the younger you get; Wine is Yangtze River water, the more you drink, the more beautiful it is. Wine is dichlorvos. You are not drunk, and I am not drunk. Who will sleep on such a wide road?

107, the slogan of the rear window of the hilarious car: "You are a master." "The first time a female driver came in = the devil in a hat", a small face was labeled as "face in the middle" and an aunt was labeled as "Do you think I am a red light"

108, I am blue when you are upset; If your heart is bitter, I am sweet; If you are sad, I am smiling; If you are cold, I am spring.

109. Here's how to tell the direction: When you are in Pan Meichen, facing the dawn, Chen Xiaodong is in front, Edison Chen is behind, and Sun Nan is on the right. If you don't know the left, please ask the beautiful girl!

You are my sun, but it is raining. You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are the Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first …

1 1 1. I wrote your name in the sky and was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and the police took you away.

1 12, love empty feelings, wandering the streets; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

1 13. When the emperor saw the princess's sad face, he called the imperial doctor. The prescription is: eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went out to visit the palace. He was overjoyed when he saw the princess radiant. Suddenly, he saw eight thin people standing in front of the temple. Who was surprised? The doctor replied: scum!

1 14, remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

1 15, gold necklace, buy three! Inlaid with jadeite and agate. Gold ring? Buy ten! All fingers love beauty. Gold earrings? Not much! Seven against eight is easier said than done. It is said that my little sister loves "gold" too much, and one of this generation will not get married.

1 16, Lao Wang watched TV advertisements to buy bicycles. I found that all the bicycles in the shop had no headlights. Ask, "Isn't the car in the advertisement equipped with headlights?" The salesman said, "There is a beautiful girl in the car in the advertisement."

1 17, the street was bustling, and suddenly there was a BP machine ringing, and everyone stopped, not themselves. While I was wondering, I saw an old woman pick up the paper, lift the torn cotton-padded jacket, and reveal a Chinese sign that said: There is paper in the park, call quickly.

I decided to have a vasectomy. Does your wife agree? There is nothing wrong with my wife. I asked the children's opinions yesterday, and they finally agreed 10 to 3!

1 19, a student in an agricultural college saw an old farmer transplanting fruit trees and said, your method is unscientific. I think it would be nice if you could bear 10 apples. Old farmer: Of course. This is a pear tree!

120, my brother has three testicles. I really want to ask my brother if this is sick, so I hinted that my brother said, "Brother, we have five testicles back." The elder brother said, "Ah, you only have one?"

John: Let me ask you something. Can you keep it a secret for me? David: Of course. John: I'm a little short of money. Can you lend me some money? David: Don't worry, I'll pretend I didn't hear you!

122. At the buffet, Party A said to Party B, "You have bought ice cream for the fourth time, aren't you embarrassed?" Party B said, "What are you embarrassed about? I always tell them that I am helping you. "

123, the wall says "No defecation anywhere, offenders will be fined", which can be repeatedly banned. No one has violated it since it was changed to "No defecation is allowed here, and tools will be confiscated on offenders".

124, a "I suffered, and someone wrote to me saying that if I pestered his wife again, I would be killed." B "Then you have to avoid her." "That's easy for you to say. This letter is unsigned. How do I know who to avoid?"

125, students had a dinner party, and the first plate of chicken was immediately robbed, leaving only the head of the chicken and the chicken. A classmate had a whim, "Guess what happened to this chicken now". After no one answered, he announced the answer "infidelity".

126, Lao Wang swore "Damn, officials are like beggars" and the people next to him shouted "Why did you insult me?" Lao Wang said angrily, "You are a politician" and "No, I am a beggar".

127, two cows are talking. Do you think mad cow disease in Britain will infect us? B: What are you afraid of? We are kangaroos. How did we get infected? A: Damn it! Already crazy!

Finishing: zhl20 16 12