Let's tell me some cold jokes ... OK? ````

Send you a quick book of wisdom, and you can learn it after reading Me 250 ten times.

I used your tender body to drive me close to my naked body countless times. The gentle touch and irregular movements made me enjoy a thrill. While I was enjoying myself, you gradually lost weight. Oh, poor soap!

1. God knew you were thirsty and created water. God knew you were hungry and created rice. God knows you have no lovely friends, so he created me. However, God knows that there is no fool in the world, and he created you by the way.

3. When the Tang Priest took three disciples for a short rest, he went to Pig Bajie and said angrily, "You pig head, you still have leisure to read short messages!"

8. Bajie met an old man and asked, Shit! Yue Lao! Why did you separate me from Gao? Yue: She is a person, and you are a demon. I'm afraid your child will give birth to a shemale.

12. I saw you wandering in the supermarket the other day. You put your hand into the machine that can check the price, and the result shows: 8 yuan, pig's feet, you think there is something wrong with the machine, put your head in. I almost died laughing when I saw it: pig head 18 yuan!

13. Frankly speaking, I like you very much. Your eyes, walking posture, happy expression, coquetry and cuteness, and even the way you sleep fascinate me! But what annoys me most is that you don't catch mice.

1, Dad: "You only know how to spend money, but do you know that money is hard to come by?"

Me: "Why don't you know? Every time I ask you for money, I have to listen to a class. " ~~~~

2. Money spent is money; No flowers, just paper.

3. My family lives in the Loess Plateau ~ Oh ~

You live in the ladies' room ~

4. Ask what the world is like, and make people want to vomit. ~~~~~~~~~~

5. When dealing with handsome people, you must be more handsome than him; To deal with a handsome man, you must ... ruin his face! ~~~~~~~~

6. Someone posted: I only have 3 million. Do you think it's better to buy Mercedes or Ferrari?

Someone replied: It's best to buy 300 second-hand Otto, then hire 300 drivers and let them drive behind you, while S and B have a line "~ ~ ~ ~ ~".

7. Question: Why is summer vacation necessarily longer than winter vacation?

Answer: Because it expands with heat and contracts with cold ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

8. All software that can only be installed on drive C is shameful.

9. Fighter in 9.iphone, tractor in M8 mobile phone ~ ~ ~

10, your mobile phone is cheaper than the phone bill.

1 1, dad loves me like family! !

12, the world is so big, there is no grass like you ~ ~ ~

13. If tomorrow is the end of the world, why do people want to commit suicide today?

Answer: find a seat in heaven.

14, question: an intellectual question. What's behind 228? What is behind 103? What is behind 85? All three answers are the same! Just give me the answer.

Answer: Yes. ~~~~~~~~~~

15, the restaurant ordered cucumber skin and egg soup, and the result was cucumber skin and egg soup. ~~~~~~~~

16, a key suddenly said that I am Qu Yuan, and I want to lock it up and down ~ ~ ~ ~

17, Jianghu rumor: Aunt Qiong Yao is going to write about Princess Huanzhu-Schwarzenegger ~ ~

18, the inspiration is not Cao Cao, just say it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19, one day, I found my mobile phone missing. I searched my bag and every corner of my house, but I couldn't find it. I sat on the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket and sent a short message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone ~ ~ ~ ~ Sorry rz. .......

20. I grabbed a big cock by the neck but didn't dare to go under the knife. After hesitating for a long time, I still strangled the chicken ~ ~ ~ ~

2 1, people! You both know each other! ~~~~~~~~~

22. At the beginning of my career, I was successful at the age of 26 and was in debt of 100,000 yuan. Looking for life, ten years without rest, wearing a star Dai Yue holding a candle to Dan, storing 100,000. Not enough to buy a house, he invested in the stock market, and the next year it shrank to more than 10 thousand, and depression became a disease. The medical insurance said that it did not meet the requirements of serious illness and refused to pay. I spent all my money in the hospital and stayed for a week without taking medicine. My friend took pity on it, gave a pack of Sanlu on credit, drank it at once and died.

23. Two farmers play pigs ~

24, learning the sea is boundless, turning back is the shore. . .

25. What's on the Da Vinci Code? Answer: Da Vinci account ............. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

26. A passer-by ran over and patted a child on the shoulder and asked him: Where is this? The child replied: This is my shoulder ... 0.

One day, there was a fudge walking in the street.

As she was walking, she suddenly said, "Oh, dear! My legs are so soft! "

Once upon a time, there was a man named Yu,

One day, he was hungry,

I ate myself. ....

A classmate named Cai Xiao was walking on the road when he was suddenly stopped. ..

Mr banana is dating his girlfriend and walking down the street. It was very hot, so Mr. Banana took off his clothes.

After ...

His girlfriend fell down.

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. The penguin pulls off his hair one by one and pulls it out.

After ...

Say to the polar bear, "It's so cold!"

When the polar bear heard this, he tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold.

!

"

One day, mung beans jumped down from the fifth floor and shed a lot of blood, turning into red beans; Has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans.

The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

One day, bean paste buns were walking on the road, and suddenly they had an accident and their stomachs were broken. Before he died, he looked at himself.

own

My stomach says, "Oh, I'm a bean paste bag."

The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and said with a smile, Xiao Ming, your hairstyle.

okay

Like a kite Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

Once upon a time there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the birds fly by, ......

I thought it was snowing, so I froze. ...

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks. ..

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are.

On tiptoe

Goose. The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" ""Yes, you are a penguin.

how

Yao? ""But, but why do I feel so cold? "

There is a hide-and-seek club whose leader has not been found yet.

On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

A pair of corn fell in love.

So they decided to get married.

Wedding anniversary

A corn can't find another corn.

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

One day, a medium-rare steak was walking in the street. Suddenly, he saw a medium-rare steak in front of him, but it

no

Pay attention to him

Q: Why don't they say hello?

A: Because I am not familiar with it. ..

Excuse me:

Who is Amy's mother?

-flowers, because "peanuts."

Who is Amy's father?

-It's a butterfly, and the country is a "recent flower".

Who is Amy's grandmother?

-it's a wonderful pen, because "a wonderful pen makes flowers."

There is a fat man. ..........

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be .......

Fat bastard ..

One day, a green apple went out shopping and suddenly saw a red apple. He said to the red apple. ...

You have a crush on me, otherwise why are you blushing? ...

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

Xiao said to Xiao B: dig the plug ... it's raining outside! ! Have you seen it?

Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I see you.

Xiaoming has been begging his mother to let him become an artist.

Mother said, "You are still young, we will talk about it later." Xiao Ming didn't give up and kept begging her.

Finally, my mother couldn't stand it anymore and flew into a rage:

"We were born with red beans and can't be artists (barley). You should give up! 」

The little snake asked the big snake brother in a panic .. "Brother, are we poisonous?" The serpent said, "Why do you ask?

"

The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

Once upon a time, tomato A and tomato B went shopping together.

Then one day suddenly a truck rushed out.

Squeeze the tomato nails through.

Tomato b laughs at tomato a.

[hahaha ketchup ~]

Chocolate and tomatoes fight, and chocolate wins.

Why?

Because of the chocolate bar ~

Little white rabbit cold jokes daquan

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

There is a little white rabbit running happily in the forest.

On the way, it met a giraffe who was rolling marijuana.

The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe Giraffe, why did you do something that hurt yourself?"

Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "

The giraffe looked at the marijuana and the white rabbit and threw it behind him.

Running in the forest with rabbits.

Later, they met an elephant who was about to take cocaine.

The white rabbit said to the elephant, "elephant, elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?"

Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "

The elephant looked at the cocaine and the white rabbit and threw the cocaine behind him.

Running in the forest with rabbits and giraffes.

Later, they met a lion who was about to fight heroin.

The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?"

Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "

The lion looked at the syringe and the white rabbit and threw the syringe behind him.

Rushed over and gave the white rabbit a good beating.

The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "why did you hit the white rabbit?"

It is so kind, cares about our health and makes us close to nature. "

The lion said angrily, "This son of a bitch pulls me every time he eats ecstasy."

Running around the forest like an idiot. "

On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.

On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you use carrots as fucking bait again, I'll kill you!

In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first.

In front of the first forest is the American police. They first spent a whole half-day meeting to formulate a battle plan and strictly divide the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for a carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away and the task failed!

Then it's the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars to line up outside the forest. The leader shouted with a megaphone: "Rabbit, rabbit, you are surrounded, come out and surrender ..." Half a day passed, but nothing happened. Flying Tigers entered the forest to search again, and the mission failed!

Finally, there are only four policemen in China. They played mahjong all day. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Less than five minutes later, he heard an animal scream from the forest. The policeman in China came out laughing and talking with a cigarette in his mouth, dragging a black bear behind him. The bear was dying and said, "Stop playing, I'm a rabbit ..."

The little white rabbit met a wolf while walking in the forest. He came up and put two big ear stickers on the little white rabbit and said, "I told you not to wear a hat." The little white rabbit left very grievance.

The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat."

Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter, so trust the organization." On the same day, the tiger found his partner wolf. "It is wrong for you to do so. It is very difficult for me. " Then he wiped the dust off the table: "Do you think this will work?" You can say, Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found the fat one, and you said you wanted the thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. It is both reasonable and powerful. "The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." Tutu said, "So, do you want to be fat or thin?" The wolf listened, his heart sank and he was happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B. He added, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tutu asked, "So, do you like plump or slim?" The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat."

Bears and rabbits shit in the forest. After that, the bear asked the rabbit, "Have you lost your hair?" The rabbit said, "Don't drop it ~"

So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass.

A rabbit molested a wolf (this rabbit is very strong).

Then he ran away and the wolf chased him angrily.

The rabbit will catch up with the wolf when it sees it.

He sat under a tree,

Put on sunglasses and read the newspaper.

Pretend nothing happened,

Then the wolf came and saw the rabbit sitting under the tree.

Q: "Did you see a rabbit running past!"

The rabbit replied, "Did the rabbit tease the wolf?"

The wolf shouted, "No way! It's in the newspaper so soon! ! ! "

One day, a little white rabbit came to a shop and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

The next day, the little white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

On the third day, the white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shouted angrily, "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

The fourth day, the little white rabbit came to this shop again and asked timidly, "Boss, do you have pliers?"

The boss said, "No."

The white rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"

I don't know how many days later, a little black rabbit came to this shop and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.

The next day, the little black rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss was very angry: "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.

On the third day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly, "boss, do you have pliers?"

The boss said angrily, "No."

The little black rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"

The boss got angry, grabbed the little black rabbit, took out a small hammer and knocked out the little black rabbit's teeth.

The fourth day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked vaguely, "Boss, do you have carrot juice?"

Giraffe said, "Little Rabbit, I hope you know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. "

The rabbit looked at him blankly.

"Also, in summer, rabbits, cold water slowly flows through my long neck, which is delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? "

The rabbit said slowly, "Have you ever vomited?"

One day, a kangaroo was driving on a country road, and suddenly he saw a white rabbit in the middle of the road, with his ears and body almost on the ground, as if listening to something. ...

So .. Kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "What are you listening to, Little White Rabbit?"

"A big truck passed here half an hour ago ..."

"Wow .. so God! .. how do you know? .."

"He XX! That's how my neck and legs are broken .. "

Walking in the forest, the ant suddenly met an elephant. The ant burrowed into the soil and stretched out a leg.

The little white rabbit was curious and asked, What are you doing?

The ant whispered to it:

Shh ... don't make a sound, watch me trip. ...

One day, the rabbit was writing in front of a cave, and a wolf came up and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?"

The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper."

The wolf asked again, "What topic?"

The rabbit replied, "I'm writing about how rabbits eat wolves."

The wolf laughed and said he didn't believe it.

The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave and the rabbit continued to write in front of the cave. Then another fox came over and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?"

The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper."

The fox asked, "What topic?"

The rabbit replied, "How does the rabbit eat the fox?"

The fox laughed after hearing this, expressing disbelief.

The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave. After a while, the rabbit went out of the cave alone and continued to write his paper.

At this time, in the cave, a lion is sitting on a pile of bones and picking his teeth, while reading the rabbit's paper: the ability of an animal depends not on its strength, but on who is its boss behind the scenes!

In a mental hospital, one day the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its ass and said, "Chase it for me". The dean sighed. The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " Dean fell down and passed out. ...

The white rabbit and the big bear squatted under the tree and shit.

Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You can tell when it's dirty. That's disgusting!

The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Isn't it?

Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass and walked away.

The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a jar.

An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes.

The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.

The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.

The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.

The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.

The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!

The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual. ...

Three white rabbits picked a mushroom.

The two big ones let the small one get some wild vegetables to eat together.

The younger one said I wouldn't go. If I leave, you will eat my mushrooms.

The two older ones said no and went ~ ~ ~

Half a year has passed, and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The big one can't come back. Let's eat.

The other big one said wait ~ ~ ~

A year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. Don't wait for us to eat.

Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, Look! I know you want to eat my mushrooms.