Ten humorous jokes

Ten humorous jokes, in real life, we can always meet such jokes, which can make our mood more pleasant and dispel our negative emotions. Here are ten humorous jokes to share with you.

Ten humorous jokes 1 1 One day, Pig Bajie asked Tang Priest sadly, "Master, am I the ugliest in the world?" The Tang Priest replied helplessly, "Ask Sister Guanyin." An hour later, Bajie came back happily and asked with a smile, "Master, who is that Xifeng?"

2. South Korean President: "We must build South Korea into the top seven countries in the world within ten years!" Audience A: "Which six of the other six countries will it be?" Audience B: "... Qi Chu Zhao Yan Qin Wei"

3, a worship of heaven and earth, from now on; Second, worship Gaotang and invite your mother-in-law; Husband and wife respect each other as guests, and then tighten their belts; Into the bridal chamber, I knelt on the floor and she slept on the bed; Alas, I am a sheep, she is a wolf, and she and her wife have a long sentence. . .

What's the big deal about running the Olympic Games well? What's the big deal about running the Asian Games well? What's the big deal about running the Universiade well? When will you do a good job in Spring Festival travel rush's first run, and then join us in taking credit!

5, you marry, or you don't marry; Your mother is always there, sad and happy; You are left, or you are not left; Youth is always there, either coming or leaving; You choose, or you are not picky; There are only a few commodities, and they will only decrease if they don't increase; You either accept it or you don't accept it; Love must be forgotten, it will be abandoned. Come to the arms of the leftover men, or let the leftover men live in your heart; Look at each other, speechless; Turn off the lights and take off your clothes.

It is said that there is a beautiful antithesis poem circulating in the Chinese Department of Peking University. It was written by a girl: Last night, walking on the playground, Lu Yu frog pretended to be cool, vomited, vomited, but hit his head on a tree! The boy below: Last night, when the stadium was cool, I saw a dinosaur hit a tree, KB, KB, pity that little tree! ! !

7. Ten standards of new white-collar workers in China: ① Monthly salary of more than 20,000 yuan; ② Insist on fitness exercise; ③ At least two bedrooms; ④ There are about 6.5438+0.5 million yuan scooters; ⑤ Have a fixed circle of friends; ⑥ Work is not limited to the office, telecommuting is the future trend; ⑦ Work from nine to five and have enough leisure time; ⑧ Have a unique way of entertainment; Pay attention to low-carbon life; Join a favorite fashion brand. See if you are a white-collar worker.

8. Examination week, a Mopper's QQ status: it is obviously a pad-sized examination paper, but it has a multi-purpose examination scope, which requires students to use extended review at night. But even so, it will still leak laterally.

9. Men regard naive women as simple, and women regard simple men as naive!

10, my husband drove out of town. While listening to the radio at home, my wife heard a report and quickly picked up the phone. Wife: "honey, I just heard on the radio that there is a car reversing on the expressway." You must be careful. " Husband: "Which one is it? I saw hundreds of cars going backwards. "

Ten humorous jokes 2 1, the mobile phone is broken

Suddenly someone knocked at the door before dinner. I opened the door and saw a young man with a lot of hairy crabs standing outside the door. I said, "You must be mistaken. I didn't order takeout. " "I know." The young man said: "This is what your WeChat friend asked me to show you. This is the food he wants to eat tonight. His mobile phone is broken and he can't send a circle of friends. Look, I have to run more than a dozen times! "

It's time to brag

Several married men in the office are discussing the miserable life after marriage, from 200 yuan pocket money every month to having to go home at 20:00 in the evening. They are filled with indignation. A colleague couldn't listen any longer. He patted the table and said, my family has the final say. She has to pay her salary every month and apply for it when she goes out. Taobao is not allowed to exceed 50, and she has no complaints about making mistakes and kneeling on instant noodles. Everyone admired this gentleman and asked for advice. The gentleman looked at his watch and said, no, let's take a rain check. Today is the time for my daughter-in-law to brag. ...

Why don't you go to heaven? !

Me: "What if my wife has a bad temper?" Good friend: "it's good to have a wife in this situation!" " You still want to have a good temper, why don't you go to heaven? ! "I ...

4. Not for sale

An aunt in the vegetable market bought two cabbages, paid the money, turned around and took out a scale from her tricycle to weigh the cabbages! The vendor saw it and took back the cabbage: Aunt, who dares to sell it to you if you buy food like this? I won't sell the money I gave you!

5, middle school class teacher

My boss has a bad temper and is a heavy smoker. On this day, he and I just walked out of the door of the company, and the boss just lit a cigarette. Suddenly, a lady dressed simply but with great temperament appeared in front of us. The boss shivered and quickly put out his cigarette. The lady walked up to the boss and greeted him with a smile. The boss bowed and said hello.

The lady asked the boss, smoking again? The boss waved again and again, no, no, no. The lady smiled and smoked less in the future. The boss bowed, uh-huh, I remember. After the lady left, I asked my boss who she was. The boss said it was the head teacher of his middle school. ...

6. Lawyer's fees

Lawyer: "I stipulate here that I have to pay 100 yuan to answer two questions."

Customer: "Is it too expensive?"

Lawyer: "No, it's not expensive. Ok, the second question, please. "

Customer: "What?"

Lawyer: "Nothing. Please pay one hundred yuan. "

7. It is difficult to issue a ticket

The policeman stopped the speeding man, took out a fine notice and asked, "What's your name?" Foreigner: "My name is Sadil Rizos, Tom Dimitrisz and Kelly Angelopoulos." Policeman: "Forget it, don't drive too fast in the future."

8. What is Zhuge Liang's mother's surname? ...

There is an old man who likes the Three Kingdoms very much. He is familiar with every detail of the Three Kingdoms and often shows off in front of people. For a long time, no one could really bother him. ...

On this day, the old man began to show off again. ...

A young man jokingly asked the old man, "Since you are so familiar with the Three Kingdoms, do you know the surname of Zhuge Liang's mother?" ...

The old man instinctively opened his mouth, but his brain got stuck: I thought about all the details of the Three Kingdoms, but I really didn't say Zhuge Liang's mother's surname, so I didn't spit out a word for a long time. ...

The young man laughed to himself when he saw the old man like this and said, It seems that the old man doesn't know. ...

The old man didn't say he was kind, so you know! ?

The young man said solemnly: there is a sentence in the book, "If you were born in Sri Lanka, how could you be born in Sri Lanka?" Of course, Zhuge Liang's mother's surname is He …

9. Please keep the distance between cars.

One day, nearsighted Xiao Li was walking slowly on the road by bike. Suddenly, he saw a line on the back of a car. Because he forgot to wear his eyes, he couldn't see the words behind him clearly, but his curiosity drove him to find out what this sentence was! So, with great effort, he finally caught up with the car parked on the side of the road. After carefully looking at the cars in the aisle, it actually said: Please keep the distance between cars.

10 motivation to lose weight

When my son came home from school, he saw his father eating greasy braised elbows with relish as soon as he entered the door. The son can't help wondering, "Dad, haven't you been taking diet pills for a week?" How come now ... "

Dad licked his lips and interrupted his son: "Silly boy, Dad, if I don't eat this big elbow, I'm afraid I'll never lose weight again."

Ten humorous jokes and three humorous jokes.

1, when you were walking on the road, the bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach!

I sent you this short message to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this ten-cent message is my birthday present to you.

3, men, always smiling, eyes discharge, not sick, or derailed! Women with breasts and waist are coquettish and coquettish, either take out your pocket or let you have a black knife! These days, freaks and banshees, be careful!

The old couple went to take photos. The photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, back light or full light?" My uncle said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

5, the sky is blue, the sea is deep, and none of the words of men are true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for men not to fight; If a person is rich, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees.

6. The magpie came, and my mother said it was a happy bird or a guest. Swallow came, and mother said it was a good bird or guest; When the crow came, the child asked, Are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker!

7. The ant is lying lazily in the soil, stretching out a leg. A friend asks you why. Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him.

8. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat has tears in his eyes, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Viagra, with strong firepower, jumped on the ceiling and gave him a hand.

Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could grant a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change it. I took out your photo and said I hope this person is beautiful. He mused.

10, it is said that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost of the whole network address hear my call and come to your head in the middle of the night, with pale face, green eyes and dry hands touching your face and saying good night to you for me!

1 1, two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! After undressing, the old lady said, I still have a reaction! Still as hot as when I was young! The old man glanced sideways and said, it's hanging in the soup!

12, the long road of life, whoever walks is fine! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a good seat at the table, and a person who misses the address of Netcom in the distance! Raise two, raise one, develop three, four, five, six and seven! (classic joke)

13, a group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were shaken down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, small sample, what a fucking retrogression!

14, the mouse is particularly depressed without a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

15, wife's quotation: You are allowed to get drunk and hook up with girls, but you must return to the team at night. If you dare to break my heart and my lungs, I will definitely nullify your cheating third leg and let your bird sleep forever.

16, two couples got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly: yuck, you don't know anyone when you take off your clothes!

17, a puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are angry and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I dare to do anything to you. The dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The dog said, let's see who is cruel.

18, four mice brag: a: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I feel itchy without stepping on a mouse for a day; C: I don't go shopping several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

19, a beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up with him and said, girl, this ultra-thin thing is easy to fake and fall off!

20. Women are ugly, can't get married, and want to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, we don't want the car.