How to maintain an avoidant predecessor

How to maintain an avoidant predecessor

Feelings are like playing chess. You must have your own rhythm and sense of rhythm. It is best to take one step at a time and look at three steps. If you can't, at least make every step meaningful.

You can think about it, at present, the general requirements of women for men are. I hope you can go with me. You'd better be happy when you are with me.

For example, two people come home from work at night, and their girlfriends want to watch TV. She must want this man to watch it with them. If the man says I don't want to watch and I want to play games, the woman will be unhappy.

In this case, for this man, home has become a woman's power space, and he will feel exclusive to this space, which is equivalent to repeating the shadow of his childhood, so he will choose to escape, try not to go home, or break up directly.

Find out why we broke up, and I'll tell you how to get back to your avoidant attachment partner.

First, give him back his power.

This is the most basic and crucial step to dispel each other's psychological defense mechanism and restart your relationship.

For those who avoid sexual attachment, your apology, begging and crying have no effect in his heart.

What he cares about most is always the control of his "power space". If you can give him back this control, he will be willing to rebuild his relationship with you.

You can't give him back control. Even if you love him so much, he won't look at you again.

So, don't ask him why he broke up with you, don't ask him if he did something wrong, and don't even need your apology.

Tell him he wants to break up, you promise! He wants to be friends, you totally agree!

Let him clearly feel that he has independent power over this relationship. Well, the recovery has been 70% successful. Isn't that simple?

Second, push the emotional value to the highest value, including but not limited to accurately responding to the other party's waste test, expressing worship, and actively promoting the relationship upgrade.

Avoidant attachment is very sensitive to negative emotions, because he feels too many negative emotions from family of origin.

So when you ask him, you can't give him this negative emotion. And you should give him a lot of positive emotions.

The higher the value, the better. The purpose of this is to let him quickly fall into the "halo zone" you created. The day he fell. That was the day when you "turned over".

So I have prepared three very practical suggestions for you:

1. Respond to each other's waste test accurately.

Avoidant people actually like to test their partners. He wants to know if you are interested in the dominance of this relationship, so he will repeatedly test you after breaking up.

What do you mean by your previous mistake? I'm telling you, it's impossible for you to get back together, or even get along. It's all useless. You don't have to worry about it at all

You can tell him, "Let bygones be bygones. Now that we have broken up, I have let all the girls go. Why are you an adult? " Don't dwell on this and move on ... "Let him feel that you have no desire for your relationship and dispel his concerns.

Express worship

To put it bluntly, praise him to death! People, who don't like to listen to good words, especially to evasive people. "A kind word warms three winters", you know? However, praising others should be skillful, not boastful, too embarrassed or too deliberate.

It's best to ask him for help to solve a small matter first. You know it's within his power.

For example, help repair the computer, clean the water pipes at home, send the courier to the wrong address and ask him to help forward it.

When he helps, he must remember to praise and thank you in time!

"Professionals are just different. They have the ability to compete. "

"You are really something. Working at home for a long time didn't understand. You came here to solve this problem. Too awesome ~ "

"Thanks to your help today, it was sent by a friend. This is very important. I couldn't have received it without you. Thank you so much. "

Woman, dessert, be gentle, and the road to recovery will be much smoother than you think!

3. Actively promote relationships

Upgrade since the other party's attitude is avoidance. That's not important. Let's take the initiative, shall we But this initiative is not for you to say "let's make up" directly. In this case, you are equivalent to depriving him of his power again. You can keep exploring invitations to find out what the other person thinks of this relationship at present.

For example, after expressing high appreciation in the second step, you can immediately add an offline invitation:

Are you free this weekend? I invite you to dinner, that's all, just to thank you. Don't worry.

He promised you, which means he doesn't reject your closeness. He didn't promise, which means you haven't broken through his psychological defense mechanism, so just repeat the above two steps.

Third, let the other party become the "master" of power, and you are the "manipulator" behind the relationship. This is the core step of the whole recovery, and it is also the secret of your close relationship lasting.

This step may be a bit circuitous, don't worry, let me give you an example to understand. In fact, as you can see, in the early and early stages of recovery, we seem to have been accommodating each other, and now it is time to turn things around. How to reverse it is simple. Take back the "halo zone" you created for him and make him feel uncomfortable.

For example, change the chat frequency from one day to three days, but the social platform remains unchanged, and try not to initiate topics actively;

When the other person asks for you, reply as concisely as possible, and then tell him every other day, I'm sorry, I'm busy recently …

In a word, the purpose is to make him feel that your attitude is not as enthusiastic as before.

Think about it. He has been used to being directed since he was a child. When he grows up, because of his personality, he chooses to avoid problems, so his chances of really entering the "halo zone" and enjoying it are very, very small.

And you offered it to him, so it was very tempting for him.

In order to continue to enjoy this "halo", he will definitely take the initiative to upgrade his friendship to a partner.

Because only in this way will he feel that you can provide him with this "halo enjoyment" for a long time. At this time, you can say, "Actually, I'm not feeling well recently. I think it's fun to be your friend, but being a girlfriend will make you feel bound. Besides, I am very busy recently, so I may not be able to give you continuous attention, but I really hope you can live a good life. If you don't mind, I think we can start over. I just hope you can be happy ... "

Retreat for progress. Whether to get back together. Throw this option to the other side. But believe me, most men can't escape from you. This is the so-called "he is the owner of power and you are the manipulator of the relationship".

Good love is to help people heal their childhood and past wounds. In fact, each of us is an ordinary person, and we all have some big or small problems and troubles.

But as long as this person has no problem of principle, I firmly believe that he will become the object of love you want, which is only a matter of time and how you transform each other.

It is said that love is a practice, but in fact, redemption is also a way out of the ruins of the past. You have to understand that you are not alone. You love him to accompany you.