Classic humorous jokes about chasing girls

1. Looking at your smile, I suddenly found that I really am the happiest person in the world.

I always miss you, although we can't have every minute together.

3, the old saying goes: My fair lady, a gentleman is good. Now I finally understand what I'm missing. Is a confidante like a young lady who has the ability to sink fish and close the moon and feel ashamed of flowers.

I suffer from lovelorn all the time. I don't know what you can do to help me alleviate this torture!

5, but I immediately thought that such a beautiful woman, if others can't see it, isn't it a waste of God's hard work? After a painful ideological struggle, I finally made up my mind to sacrifice and dedicate myself. I want to take this jade photo out and dedicate it to the world!

6. It is raining, the wind is blowing, and someone is worried about you; Some people cry, some people laugh, some people can't sleep for you.

7. If you need me to love you for billions of years, I will accompany you forever! I'm sorry, I love you! ! !

If time permits me to come again, I will tell you I love you with a smile.

9. In this world, only I have your love! Only by loving you can I feel your loveliness; Only by kissing you can I feel your tenderness. I always hope you have my feelings!

10, when you read this message, you have been poisoned by love. The only antidote is to marry me. Forget it. Forev

1 1, I have no time to participate in your past, and I won't miss your future again! In sincerity, get to know you; Linxi is with you day and night.

12, do you know what I am doing? Give you five choices: A: I miss you B: I miss you C: I miss you D: I can't live without you E: All of the above.

13, I can't promise you anything, but I will do it: if one day you feel hungry, then you will smile and see that I have starved to death in your arms.

14, love plus love equals extraordinary love, love minus love equals the starting point of love, love born from love equals infinite love, and love minus love equals the only love. Maybe for you, my appearance in your life is just100+1=101. But for me, your appearance in my life is the formula of 0+ 1 = 1.

15, if the frog doesn't become a prince? What if the princess doesn't wake up? What if the little mermaid didn't turn into foam? Will I still believe in love? Do you believe it? Because I still have you around. The vast sea of people, navigate by your name; On a cold night, hold your name to keep warm; Live a long life and travel with your name.

16, love is the yearning of the heart, the ringing of feelings, the collision of inspiration, the shining of lightning, the sweet dew and the intoxicating pure wine. Happy Valentine's Day!

17, I'm afraid of getting an electric shock when I see you; I can't see you, I need to recharge; Without you, I think I will cut off the power. Love you is my career, miss you is my career, hug you is my specialty, kiss you is my specialty!

18, I really want to be your mobile phone, hold it in my arms, hold it in my hands, see it in my eyes and keep it in my heart!

19, baby: I have a toothache recently, because I often miss you at night. Too sweet will lead to tooth decay.

When my hero was young, a girl was willing to give her life for me. She said firmly, "If you pester me like this again, I will die."

2 1. A young man and his beloved girl walked arm in arm. When they passed the booth selling kebabs, the air was filled with intoxicating fragrance. The girl stopped and looked at the young man imploringly. The young man asked, do you like it? There is a longing in the girl's voice: of course. So, the young man said, let's go back and pass by! "

22. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try. The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him. The second is a bookworm, shouting "book, book, book!" " Then, he jumped into the valley and got books full of pits and valleys. The third is an indecisive person. He can't decide what he likes best after careful consideration. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the edge of the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

24. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening. Xiaoming's mother asked anxiously, Have you read all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it. Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

25. Pandas love deer deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

26. Have dinner with friends and couples, and they bring their children. The children are very clever. They are eight years old. Several women chatted again. Why are the children weaned so early? What are their experiences? In order to keep fit, the children intervened: "Dad smokes, and every time he eats milk, it smells like smoke!" " Make everyone stunned.

27. A younger sister wears makeup. Once she put on makeup for a young lady, and was about to put on lipstick or something after painting makeup and eyes. The lady said something I will never forget: I don't have to draw my mouth, I have to work.

28. There was no gas when eating the barbecue buffet. Several people shouted together: "Boss, come on!" The boss, who is busy in the kitchen, poked his head out and replied, "Thank you, I will try my best!" "

29. The man accosted a girl on the bus. "You look exactly like my ex-girlfriend." The woman bowed her head in shame and asked, "So ... why did you break up with her?" Man: "I think she is ugly."

30. My friend's face is sallow, and his hands are covering his stomach, which is extremely painful. Young man: Sister, is there a toilet here? Woman: Yes! Young man: How can I get there? I can't hold on any longer! Woman: Sit here, take two stops, and then get off. ......

3 1, bananas are sold today. I joked with my brother that if someone came in the future, you would say that bananas are cheap, and they can be used as well as eaten. After a while, two beautiful women came, but I didn't expect this idiot to really shout. Two tough beauties actually asked how to use it. We blushed and said, "Give it to them." . .

Just now, a beautiful woman in black silk came to wash her hair. After the assistant finished washing, I went forward to blow-dry my hair and habitually asked, "Is it curly down there?" She asked me, "Is your ass straight?"

33. My classmates asked me how many people died on the day of weeding. I replied, one is noon. She said no, it was three, because it was noon on the day of weeding, sweat dripped and soil fell.

Even if a thousand people pass by me, I can still recognize you easily, because one of them stepped on my body and you stepped on my heart!

The conductor said to the passengers, "You can smoke only if all the passengers agree." Passenger: "But I'm the only one in the carriage." C: "In that case, you must wait until someone comes."

36. Mr. Chen: Last night was really unlucky. Lao Li: What's the matter? Mr. Chen: I went home early last night. I used to hug my maid in the dark, but it was my wife who hugged me last night. Lao Li: That doesn't matter! Mr. Chen: But my wife said, Xiao Feng, Mr. Chen will be back soon, so don't go!

37. One day, the hen was flying on the roof, and the owner said angrily, Come down, or I will kill all the cocks here and make your life worse than death. The hen smiled and said yes, haha, finally we can find the duck.

38. Go to dinner with colleagues after work today. We ordered a plate of scrambled eggs with Chili peppers and found a hair in it. Then my colleague picked up his hair with chopsticks and shouted, boss ~ ~ What is this? When the boss saw it, he shouted, Come on! Change a pair of chopsticks for this lady.

39. There is a boy who likes a girl very much! So the boy summoned up the courage to confess to the girl! But the girl turned him down mercilessly! Boys, don't give up! I have been expressing my love to girls. Finally, one day, the girl was entangled and couldn't stand it, so she said in a pleading tone: Where did I attract you? Can't I change it?

40. One day, the unit canteen opened the water. Accidentally, the water splashed on my hand, and a MM behind me took my hand and asked with concern, "Did you burn your hand?" Although it hurts, in order to show my manhood, I just bite my teeth and say, "Nothing, nothing." Pretend nothing happened. MM suddenly turned to the people waiting in line behind her and said, "Go home, the water didn't boil again today.

4 1, A: Long time no see, old classmate. What's your annual salary now? B: Wanjia: 200,000 to 300,000 a month. Yes, this is the basic salary. A: Not bad. What do you do? B: Dreaming.

42. "Didn't you say you always wanted to marry me?" "yes, I did it ... but it's not straight yet!"

43. When a buddy got married, he blocked the door with a red envelope. The groom directly shouted, "silly wife, this is all our family's money." As soon as the bride heard it, she understood. Well, she ran to open the door herself.

44. There is a handsome guy in the company. He is strong and tall. My MM, who once fell in love with the company, is also crazy about him. I am jealous that all aspects of his business have also been appreciated by the leaders. So one day I invited him to dinner. After dinner, I grabbed his hand and said, "Actually, I like you for a long time. I know this kind of love is right. You won't discriminate against homosexuals, will you? " He ran away in horror, and I was always kind to him for the next few days. Then he resigned, and I found that I was too fucking witty!

45. When I picked up my son in kindergarten, I found that he kept staring at the girl who was eating candied haws across the street, and his saliva almost fell to the ground. I asked him, "Do you like it?" The son nodded. I said, "then dad will buy it for you." The son hesitated. After a while, he finally made up his mind: "Dad, it's wrong to sell children."

46. I introduced an object to my colleague. The next day, she came to the company, threw her bag on my desk and shouted at me angrily, "What girlfriend, what do you recommend to me!" " I asked innocently, "What's the matter, is it not to my taste?" She roared: "What bird, I asked him if he had a room?" Do you know what he said? ! "I asked," he. . . What did he say! " Colleague said, "He said he was ready. Let's go! "

47. The female colleague complained in front of the computer: "It's been several days, why haven't you come yet? Really annoying? " A colleague suddenly replied, "Don't scare me. . . Was it not a safe period at that time? " "I mean express delivery. . . ""oh. . . "The air in the office is a little quiet now.

48. Recently, a beautiful woman came to the company and threw herself at the boss. She wants to have an affair. The boss said ungrateful to her, if I'm not married, I can still consider it. I'm married. Are you attracted by my money or by me? If you have a crush on my money, that's impossible. If you have a crush on me, I'll go home and discuss it with my wife and see if I can apply to sleep with you for one night. The beauty left with a black face and didn't come to work the next day. The boss hugged the female secretary in the office and said, demo, TM found out that she is my wife's best friend.

49. A female colleague in the office suddenly said, "I always feel that my son doesn't look like me. Could it be that my husband cheated on me? " Everyone didn't react at first, and suddenly they all looked at her in surprise. . .

50. I once went to the station to meet the account manager, but I was surprised to find that I also brought a beautiful woman. The beautiful woman dragged a suitcase behind the manager, and the account manager introduced: Financial Xiao Zhang. Talking about the hotel all the way, I decisively opened a large suite, and no one objected! On the way back, the driver said, "Boss, it's time for you to check in. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if you made a mistake? " Me: "silly, people are traveling with suitcases. How can they be wrong?" ! "

5 1. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

52. Don't express your feelings after you like a girl. Be sure to be calm and take a long line to catch big fish. Maybe there is a more beautiful "squid" on your girlfriend, so think twice!

53. Boys who are not tall, rich or handsome like us should understand a truth: chasing girls is not their perseverance or their luck, but how stupid, blind and stupid this girl is!

As a candidate for the crown prince, for the sake of the country's prosperity and stability, eunuchs have found thousands of beautiful women from all directions to test me. They tried their best to please me and throw themselves at me, but I was calm and unmoved in order to inherit the throne and enjoy prosperity. Finally, the minister in charge of selecting the prince sighed: "This baby is absolutely a waste! The misfortune of adults! "

55. I'm shy, and I've been afraid to tell you. Today I finally got up the courage: When will you invite me to dinner?

56. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

57, you little goblin, let me be poisoned by your love poison but refused to give me the antidote! Little villain! Oh! I'm dying! Help me! The solution is simple: give me your love!

58. I am not perfect, but I am real. In other words, I am not beautiful, but I am cool; I am not rich, but I am happy; I am not successful, but I am confident; I am not sentimental, but I know how to cherish.

59. To tell you a secret, please look at the back first, then at the left and then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

60, the new three from the four virtues: the wife must follow when she goes out, the wife obeys orders, and the wife must blindly follow when she is wrong; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings.

6 1, it's been a long time since I received your message, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death. I cut my pulse with potato chips and hit my head with tofu. I jumped off a building with a parachute and hung it on noodles, all dead. Please buy me a meal and support me to death.

62. Once upon a time, there was a girl named Jonina. She fell in love with a girl named Shade. They look at the stars together. When the meteor crossed the sky, they named it Jonina Shading Star.

I can't eat in the morning because I miss you. I can't eat at noon because I miss you more. I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily. I can't sleep at night because I am hungry.

64. A big wooden sign hung on the back of a truck, which read: "This truck collided with other vehicles 20 times, and the result was: 17 wins, 2 draws, only a slight loss. Please be careful! "

65. This is your first swimming lesson. An hour later, you said to the coach, "I think, is that enough for today?" "Why?" "I really can't drink any more."

66. Urgent reminder: There may be tornado weather in the near future. When you go out, you must carry two dumbbells weighing 10 kg with you to avoid being blown to the west by strong winds. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

67. Pigs can't talk, but hum songs with their noses. Just like some girls, they always say: Hum!

68. I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message to try. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not my SMS, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!

69. A jet fighter roared past in the sky, and the bird was surprised to see it. Bird: Mom, why does that bird fly so fast? Mother Bird: Try setting a fire on * * *!

70. It's really tiring to get married. I wash my feet, rub my legs, rub my back, and then sleep in bed with me. Just like the old society, all the handles are bitter tears!

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