Humorous love story sharing

1. An old lady from China went to the United States to visit her daughter, and soon after she came back, she went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked every banknote to see if it was fake. This made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't help saying, "Trust me, sir, and please trust these bills, too. These are real dollars, brought back directly from the United States! " A drunk called the police station and reported that the thief had patronized his car. "They stole the dashboard, the steering wheel and even the brake pedal." However, before the police began to investigate, the phone rang again. "Never mind," said the drunk with a hiccup. "I accidentally sat in the back seat." Skill expert ▲ Is your Mandarin standard? Please repeat after me: look at it, look at it, look at it, forget it, look at it, look at it … OK, stop barking and eat the bones. ▲ After reading the following words, you will get a job with a monthly salary of 2 million. These problems are as follows: the problems are not solved. ▲ A pig and a penguin are kept in a cold storage at -20℃. The penguin died the next day, and the pig was fine. Why? You don't know? By the way, pigs don't know either! ▲ Hello: Today is International Women's Day. On behalf of the International Women's Federation, I formally inform you that all women's toilets and bathhouses are open to you free of charge. Please come here. ▲ Please read aloud:: Lying plum smells fragrant flowers, and lying branches hurt and hate low. Invited to smell the wet rubble lying in the spring green. ▲ I've always wanted to say something to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, I may not even be a friend, but I can't control my feelings! Now I summon up courage to say to you: When will you invite me to dinner? ▲ Remember, first, I am always right, and second, if I am wrong, please refer to the first one. ▲ Neither you nor I are wrong. It's all caused by bickering Don't say sorry. You pay for dinner together. ▲ You are angry. If you are angry, cry, come out. . Hee hee hee hee! Super funny ▲ Breaking the wife's lifelong system and implementing the aunt's shareholding system. Introduce the miss competition system and promote the lover contract system. ▲ Holding your wife's hand is like holding your right hand with your left hand; Holding the young lady's hand seems to have returned to 1899; Holding the hand of a female classmate, I regret not doing it. ▲ Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant. Give you a little flood, and you will flood. I'll make the old lady wear a red mouth and give you some color to see see. ▲ Hope: the leader follows you, the car lets you, the money sticks to you, the court dotes on you, the official transportation accompanies you, the school lets you, the real estate is whatever you want, and the lover loves you! ▲ Men are twenty Pentium, thirty Microsoft, forty Panasonic and fifty Lenovo. ▲ Being single is understanding, falling in love is wrong, breaking up is awakening, getting married is wrong, divorce is awakening, remarriage is stubborn, no lovers are waste, and more lovers are animals. ▲ My first love, goodbye infatuation. Take pains to win people's hearts all day. I took great pains to urge my heart. Don't you understand my heart! ▲ Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love; we? ▲ If you blink your eyes, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. Your eyes keep blinking, so I will die! ▲ If the wife goes out to follow, the order will be obeyed, and if she is wrong, she will blindly follow; The wife has to wait for makeup, remember her birthday, be willing to spend money, and endure beatings. ▲ I wish you a fortune and set foot on Marlboro. Your career is in Hongtashan, your lover is better than Ashima, and your financial resources are all over Greater China. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just watch you be impulsive and cooperate with you. Although I am not a gentleman, I will not take advantage of people's danger! ▲ Who said I was cross-eyed? I only focus on one thing to change my previous view of things! Funny SMS ▲ The king wants 100 pigs. The minister only brought 99 heads. The king said, "And 1 pig"? The minister said, "There are still 1 people reading text messages!" ▲ After system testing, your mobile phone has been infected with WAP virus. Please open the fuselage immediately and bend the circuit board 90 degrees! ▲ A king asked his minister to look for a hundred turtles, and the minister found 99. The king asked why, and the minister said, The other one is looking at the mobile phone! ▲ The rooster and hen are husband and wife, and they are busy incubating chickens all day. There is something wrong with the chicken's brain. It doesn't eat, drink or rest. The rooster and hen are in a hurry, so they hide to see the chicken. Silly chickens secretly look at their mobile phones when people are not looking. The funniest text message [1] Animal: ▲ I ran into you and was at a loss. I can't avoid your affectionate eyes. I know your heart. I ran as fast as I could, but you followed me closely. I cried, "Whose dog is nobody's business?" I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You look up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof woof woof ● The crow said: I am burning charcoal in the swan; The sparrow said: I am an opium smoker among peacocks; The parrot said: I am the one sitting on the stage among the swallows; The roast duck said, "I'm a disgusting person who set myself on fire." ▲ I'll give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since I had shit, and you will definitely eat a catty and be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself! ◆ Who has no shit in his life and whose shit doesn't use paper? If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers? [3] Adult group: ▲ A Japanese competition lineup: Male players include Masao and Ichiro of Kojiro, and female players include Hisako Meichuan and Takoko Jianjun. The referee is South Korean socio-economic tycoon Park Sung-sung. A nun went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound, and the careless nurse gave her a test sheet for pregnant women. After reading it, the nun sighed and said, "These days, even carrots are unreliable. Is "●" tight? " "It doesn't matter!" "Can you go in a little more?" "Be careful, it should work!" "Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt! It feels so cool! Just buy this pair. " ▲ "Hello, sir, after verification, your stem has passed the retirement period after tens of thousands of frictions. Please bring your household registration book to the * * * Association of this city for scrapping. If it is not handled, it will be forcibly removed according to law. I wish you a happy "leftover egg"! " [4] Love: ▲ We should miss each other every day, but don't meet each other every day. I am in charge of beauty, and you are in charge of making money. You can love someone else, but don't let me find out. If I meet you, hum ... cook noodles with rat poison! Seeing this message, you owe me a hug; Delete this message and owe me a kiss; Save this message and owe me an appointment; If you reply, you owe me everything; If you don't reply, you are mine. Lovely, you stole my love and my heart, so I decided to take it to court? After the judge searched all the records and cases, the jury unanimously passed: sentence you to accompany me for life! [5] Demote human beings: ▲ I heard that you were trafficked, which really scared me. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it! ◆ Do you know? I have been secretly in love with you, missing your face, your lips, your tongue and your ears, but I am too poor to confess. Now that I have money, I can say loudly, "Boss, help me cut that pig's head in half" ● Honey, do you know? You have lost a lot of weight recently! I see it in my eyes, but it hurts in my heart. It's almost the Spring Festival, but your health is worrying ... who doesn't want to let their pigs kill a few kilograms more! [6] All mankind: ▲ Congratulations on winning the grand prize. Please come to the People's Bank of China with sabre, shotgun and soil cannon at 10 this evening. ◆ Naturally useful, but I can't understand it! One day, Wang Di woke up from a dream. Get up at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning, and he will understand after eating the cake (it will be a surprise to try to read the third word of each sentence) ● Warning: Hey! Because your mobile phone is ugly and outdated, which seriously affects the city appearance, we decided to send a signal to destroy it. [7] Everything in the world: ▲ On a crowded bus, a girl suddenly cried: Don't squeeze! Stop squeezing! Squeeze all the milk out! (She is holding yogurt) ◆ A toilet couplet: Heroes all over the world bow their heads and bend their knees here; A virtuous woman, a virgin in the world, came in to untie the bandwidth skirt; Horizontal approval: heaven and earth are upright ● Chief: Hello comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: report to the chief, I am a female soldier [8] fool: ▲ I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; Write your name on the beach, but it is swept away by the waves; Write your name in the street, but I was taken away by the police A farmer asked a veterinarian to raise pigs, and the veterinarian said, it seems that it is necessary to raise pigs artificially. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me. [9] Blessing category: ▲ Send you a snack: the first floor, considerate! Second floor, care! Third floor, romantic! Fourth floor, warm! Sandwiches, great! I wish you a good mood every day! ◆ When the New Year arrives, I wish you smooth sailing, the two dragons take off, the three sheep open Thailand, the four seasons are safe, five blessings, June is the sixth, the seven stars are shining high, and money comes from all directions, ninety-nine are United, perfect ● I wish you good health and tooth loss; Bon voyage, missing halfway; Go the whole way, give up halfway; Happy every day, often abnormal; Laugh often, laugh anyway! Wonderful football commentary ▲ Now the score on the field is 0: 0, and the XX team is in the lead. ▲ China scored a goal and was bravely saved by Chuliang Ou ... ▲ Team XX is like a computer, with a large memory, as big as Pentium II, but it doesn't run fast and may be infected with a virus. It seems that the head coach needs an anti-virus hard disk! ! ... ▲ "... Ladies and gentlemen, just after the Mid-Autumn Festival, I want to pay tribute to your old age ... "▲ Now there is a strong smell of gunpowder on the court, and the players of the two teams are fighting for each other on the court, and the coaches of the two teams are also jealous off the court. ▲ XX kicked the ball into the gate, ... Let's look at slow motion, ... Oh, ... with the top of your head. ▲ It's like a spring breeze, coming up in the dark, the top three defenders in Serie A ... ▲ I just calculated, and I was surprised to find that the total number of goals scored was exactly the same as the total number of goals conceded! ▲ XX still had a high fever a few days ago, with a high fever of 36 degrees 8; The goalkeeper is1.82m tall and weighs 28kg.. ▲ As the goalkeeper whistled, the game was over. ▲ The goalkeeper passes the ball back to the goalkeeper ... ▲ The XX player shoots 30 kilometers away! "China Good Network" represents you and me! ▲▲▲ Players must strengthen their physical fitness and antagonistic training in normal training to adapt to the intensity of the game, otherwise they will fall like a tumbler ... ▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲ ▲ The defender of XX team made a serious foul, and the referee sent forward XX off. ▲ Because XX is shorter than the opponent's team, its elbow touched the opponent's face during the fight. ▲ SMS in 2004 1. Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you ... so ... I'll pull weeds for you in my next life ... 2. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm telling you, it's okay. You didn't press a fart! I miss you very much, but I am embarrassed to call you. I'm afraid you're busy, you ignore me, and you think I'm harassing me. I'd like to contact you, but the phone bill is really expensive. Please call me! If you are a meteor, I will chase you. If you are a satellite, I will wait for you. If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. Unfortunately ... you are an orangutan ~ I can only see you in the zoo! ! Oh, what a pity! ! Now I'm confused ... I don't know what I'm thinking ... My mind is bored to death ... I really don't know what to do. ... can you tell me ... I really don't know whether to eat Regan Noodles or Ah Q bucket noodles! 6. Thank you for being with me when I was most frustrated and helping me when I needed help most. I just want to tell you, "nothing good has happened since I met you!" You are a loser! 7. I'm sorry to text you so late ~ ~ If I disturb you ~ ~ I'm here to say ~ ~ You deserve it ~ ~ Who told you to go to bed earlier than me ~ ~ Hehe! ! 8. Meeting you ~ It was my heart that began to fall in love with you ~ Having you was my happy choice ~ It was my most precious wealth when I set foot on the red carpet ~ It was my eternal motivation to love forever ~ It was your regret that I sent the wrong person 10. Because of you, I believe in fate; Because of you, I believe in past lives. Maybe all this is predestined by heaven, pulling us together, and now I really want to say … what evil did I do in my last life! 1 1. Starting from tomorrow, the city * * * decided to drive away all the mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detrimental to the city! Hurry up and pack your things, go out and take shelter, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You are welcome! 12. God saw your desire and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice. God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that the world did not create you by the way. 13. If * * * stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I would rather that person is you. Till death do us part, I have no regrets! But it happened that * * * didn't stipulate … then forget it! 14. It is a happy thing to miss you! Nice to meet you! Loving you is what I will always do! Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing! But I lied to you, and it just happened! Huh? Ha! 15. The phone is ringing, which means I am thinking of you! Two voices mean I like you! Three voices mean I love you! When the seventh sound rings … damn it, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone! 16. According to statistics, people over 99.9 years old who look like pig heads use thumb buttons to read short messages! Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late. Pig head! Hahaha 17. I wrote your name in the sky, but it was blown away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea; I wrote your name in every corner ... * *, I was taken away by the police! 18. If it's a mistake to look good … then I'm all wet. If loveliness is a crime … I have committed a heinous crime. It's hard to be a man! ... you will be fine ~ Yes, there is no sin ... I really envy you 19. When the white clouds pass by, it is the trace of my missing you; When the sun shines, that's my miss for you; When it rains, it is proof that I miss you; When it thunders, I pray to heaven that you will be hit ... haha 20. If I can meet you if I burn incense for one year, I can know you if I burn incense for three years, and I can cherish you if I burn incense for ten years. For the happiness of my next life, I am willing to ... convert to Christianity 1. Father and son passed by a five-star hotel and saw a very luxurious imported car. The son disdainfully said to his father, "People who ride this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs! The father replied airily: "People who say such things must have no money in their pockets! (Note: Does your view of things also reflect your true attitude? After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together, and father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence. The son looked at his father and said, "Mom must have broken it." "How do you know?" "She didn't swear. (Note: We are used to treating others and ourselves with different standards, so that we are often strict with ourselves. ) 3. There are two Taiwan sightseeing groups traveling to Izu Peninsula in Japan. The road conditions are poor, and there are potholes everywhere. One of the tour guides repeatedly apologized and said that the road was just like pockmarked. Another tour guide said poetically to the tourists: Ladies and gentlemen, the road we are taking now is the famous Izu charming dimple avenue. (Note: Although it is the same situation, different ideas will produce different attitudes. How beautiful your thoughts are and how you think about them are up to you. ) 4. Students who are also in the third grade of primary school said in their composition that their future wish is to be a clown. China's teacher denounced it as: "Without ambition, you can't teach a boy! "! The foreign church said, "May you bring laughter to the whole world! (Note: As elders, we not only tend to demand more than encourage, but also have a narrower definition of success. ) 6. An Obasan saw two identical bracelets in a jewelry store. One is priced in 550 yuan, and the other is only priced in 250 yuan. She was so happy that she immediately bought a bracelet from 250 yuan and proudly walked out of the shop. Before going out, I heard the clerk inside quietly say to another clerk, "Look, this trick works every time. (Note: Temptation, like bait, can easily make many people show their greedy nature, but that is often the beginning of being cheated. ) 7. Beggar: "Can you give me a hundred dollars? Passerby: I only have eighty dollars. Beggar: Then you owe me twenty dollars! (Note: Some people always feel that God owes them, and that God has not given them enough or good enough. Greed has replaced gratitude. In the Palace Museum, a lady said impatiently to her husband, "I asked you why you walked so slowly. So you always stop to look at these things. (Note: Some people only know how to rush on the road of life, and as a result, they lose the opportunity to see beautiful flowers on both sides. My wife is cooking in the kitchen. Her husband has been nagging: slow down. Watch out! The fire is too big. Turn the fish over quickly. Shovel it up quickly, there is too much oil! Straighten the tofu. Oh, the pot is crooked! " "Please shut up!" My wife blurted out, "I know how to cook." "Of course you know, madam," the husband replied calmly. I just want you to know how I feel when you are chattering around while I am driving. (Note: It is not difficult to learn to be considerate of others, as long as you are willing to seriously stand in the other person's perspective and position. ) Look at me ... Do you want to laugh ... Very ... Very ... Hee hee.