Ask "I look down on the pig", "I don't look down on the pig" and "I can earn two taels" txt. Better have other joke books.

A foreigner holding a ticket for 50 yuan waved it in front of the conductor: See? Have you seen it? ..... The conductor was stupid, so he simply took out a 100 show: Have you seen it? Finally, I learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

charge

Going home by bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed. The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" I didn't explain it clearly in a few words. I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about anything else." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why? Dude? " I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw him take out his wallet from his pocket and hand it over. He said sadly, "boss, this is the only money I have." There are many of you. I'm sure. "

3 thief

A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day, before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. That was yesterday's envelope, which said: Please don't joke like this, it will affect his normal work. Thank you! [Follow-up Classic] It is said that thieves are rampant on the Beijing 300 bus. I want to see it.

1, I got on the bus and didn't bring anything except the bus fare of 1. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "A big man goes out without anything, and it is not shameful to lose it." Thief company. "

The second time, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession, thank you. -thief company. "

I broke my wallet for the third time, and it contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to hide large denomination counterfeit banknotes. Please consciously hand it over to the relevant departments. Thank you. -thief company. "

The fourth time, I took a leather bag with a worn-out PPG shirt in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found my wallet was still there. I took out my shirt and looked at it. The result was changed to the latest BONO exquisite series, 1 piece of paper: "Wear clothes politely. We are ashamed to steal you in ppg. Let's change it to bono. Put on your spirit, Belle has face and is polite to register. Suggest a prize! I wish you a happy mood! -thief company. "

The fifth time, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes and affect the normal work of our company, thank you. -thief company. "

The sixth time, I took a pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in my pants: "I hate you robbers most, you have no technical content at all!" " Confiscate the tools of crime! Thief company. "

The seventh time, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. Where do you want to take a taxi? Please don't mess with us again! " Thief company.

4 get off

When the bus was waiting for the red light, a man shouted, "driver, open the door, I want to get off." "Is this the bus stop?" The driver growled. "Just because this is not a bus stop, I will give you a chance-the driver is speechless.

5 chase the car

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Stop chasing Bajie."

6 pull ring

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!" "

7 seats

A beautiful lady took out a tissue from her bag and wiped her seat hard after getting on the bus. When she was about to sit down, she farted. A gentleman next to him listened and joked that the young lady really loves hygiene. After rubbing for so long, she still wants to blow!

8. I have a shy male classmate who goes to the canteen for breakfast. The man in the window asked him, what do you want? He lowered his head and said, I want ... I want ... a steamed stuffed bun. The guy stared at him for a long time and said, what do you want? Say it again? I want a steamed stuffed bun and a steamed stuffed bun ... Oh no! A bun and a loaf of bread! Dude, faint!

9. One day, I watched Muslim Funeral in my dormitory. The classmate asked, "What books are you so obsessed with?" I rushed to watch Stalin's Funeral, which made me laugh. Before I finished laughing, he said, "Hey, the author is Radar (Huo Da). At that time, we were just studying radar collision avoidance class, and I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt.

10, I am most afraid of my uncle. I saw him on the album one day. I was so scared that I blurted out: "Collection! Are you here to arrest my uncle, too? "

1 1. When I was young, my sister and I played at home. She pretended to be a chivalrous woman, pricked up her ears and listened to what was going on outside, and then said to me warily, "Hello? No, big head! "

12 once in a Chinese class, the teacher asked a PLMM in the class to get up and read the first paragraph of the text. MM got up and didn't even think about it: President Zhang of Xinhua News Agency reported on the front line of Jiang. The whole class burst into laughter. ...

13, when I was six, my sister was four. Once, I saw a donkey walking in the street at the entrance of the hotel, and there were no farmers next to it. I think I'm lost. I immediately turned to my parents excitedly and said, look, look, the donkey is walking alone. Hehe ...

14, my junior high school classmate slipped in history class, and the teacher asked him to read the text. He hurriedly picked up the book and read: "French Fleet Division, Hu Ling La ……" The whole class laughed.

15, when I was in the third year of military training, I just came back from taking a shower in the dormitory 1 MM ~ I pointed to my head and said proudly, "You guys, are my pants cold?" Everyone is dizzy.

16, I can't remember which stage of history I studied in primary school. There are matriarchal clans and paternal clans, but the teacher picked me up and asked questions. When I was excited, I replied: matriarchal clan, male clan. The teacher was the first to laugh and the whole class burst into laughter.

17, once described a person, I want to say: "that fellow's brain is really fat!" The result said, "that fellow is full of fat intestines!" " The listener was stunned, then burst into laughter and concluded: "His head is full of fat intestines!

18, when I was a child, I wrote: Our lives were bought by the blood of my uncle in the People's Liberation Army. As a result, when I got up and recited it, I read, "Our lives were bought by the uncle of the People's Liberation Army with fresh fish. ...

19, once my sister introduced me to a piece of music. She said it was called "girls' underwear". I'm surprised. I took the CD and looked at it. This is a "girl's prayer" ...

20. A student read "Wang Erxiao led the enemy into the ambush of the Eighth Route Army" as "Wang Erxiao led the Eighth Route Army into the ambush of the enemy". ...

2 1, one day my classmates and I watched TV in a bar and saw a very funny picture. She may want to say it's funny, but she said loudly, * * *, it's really funny (testicles? )!

22. On another occasion, I solemnly preached to a classmate: "I tell you, there is no such thing as a free lunch!" Seeing that he was about to laugh, he quickly changed his mouth: "Oh, there is no such thing as a free lunch!" "Each other laugh wildly, from now on it is easy to unreasonable to others.

23. My mother has cervical spondylosis and puts medicine on her neck every day. One day I asked her, "Did you kill yourself with drugs?" My mother stared at me doubtfully and said, "I'm not going to commit suicide yet!" " "

24. I was born with a corner missing from one ear. I asked my mother what happened, and her mother joked, "Your father bit it!" " Father ate the cake in the dining room and said, "I didn't bite, I ate it with tears!" " ! "Great cold! !

I remember when I was at school, there was a sports meeting. There are no girls enrolled in our class. Our sports committee members (boys) are in a hurry. They announced in the class with the registration form: Tell you, girls will "register" (compulsory registration) if they don't register. The girl is angry.

26. Once my mother's classmate came to my house for dinner, and after eating a bowl, my mother wanted to add another bowl to her. She said, don't give it to me, I'm not enough. ...

27. Once, when I called my classmate, the other person picked up the phone and rang. I suddenly forgot who I was calling. Well, I froze for a long time and said, who are you?

28. Once a classmate and I borrowed money to go home by bus. We should say "I borrowed money to go home by bus", but we said "I borrowed the bus to go home and get money". ...

29. Once I went to dinner with my friends, half of them said, "Miss, pack sanitary napkins!" "Miss said humorously," do you want to wear wings? "Faint on the spot!

30. One of my high school classmates called me and dialed the wrong number to the boys' dormitory. A man over there said, hey, who are you looking for? My classmate was stunned and asked: Excuse me, is this a girl's dormitory?

3 1, once, my classmate asked me which department my other classmate was in the hospital. I don't remember clearly. It feels like internal medicine and acupuncture. As a result, I said she was: guilty.

32. A boy saw his uncle: "Buy him two dishes!" Uncle: "This kid is so boastful that he can't even talk!" "

34. There is also a passage from a Russian writer's novel: all the houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich). As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live? & lt

References:

Laugh to death!