What are the funny jokes in 20 12?

My mother always said that good men are very, very hard to find. According to this logic, the best person in the history of the world is bin Laden.

After so many years of college entrance examination, we shouldn't hold an anniversary celebration. 350 for 400 exams, 30% off for one point, and two experience coupons for three exams!

Netizen: Copying homework is actually not called copying homework. Chinese is called learning, mathematics is called analogy, English is called copying, geography is called migration, biology is called copying, physics is called frame of reference, chemistry is called isomers, politics is called seeking common ground while reserving differences, and history is called cultural unity.

Reasons for being late for work: I had a dream this morning, in which some friends and I were hijacked. When everyone was thinking about how to get out, the alarm clock rang. I got up to get dressed. It suddenly occurred to me that if I slip away, will the rest of my buddies be killed? Brothers are like brothers. I can't leave my brothers, so I lie down and sleep ~

I'm from Jianzhu University. Today, I went to buy a house. Suddenly found that students are planning, development, construction, supervision, decoration. I dare not think about it, your sister, what a lie! It's all a bunch of assault goods that read books before the exam ...

Today, I asked a girl for her phone number, and then she said, "Let me give you my QQ." I said yes, I went back and added her QQ. Her QQ verification message is "What's my phone number"-can you not be so subtle!

The most unjust crossing: Chen Shimei is a real person, honest and honest. After Hu Mengdie, a classmate, was rejected for an official position, he felt vindictive, so he put all the blame on him, such as promotion and wealth, ingratitude and desertion of his wife and children, and put on a drama performance. Finally, Chen Shimei of the Qing Dynasty was captured by Bao Gong of the Song Dynasty.

A: It's raining heavily outside now, and just a flash of lightning struck the ground not far from me (while smoking on the balcony). Is God warning me because I am downloading some Japanese movies? Solve! B: He's reminding you to use thunder. ...

All the worries are about sex: these days, men are worried about private houses, women are worried about breasts, and they are always worried. College students are worried about opening a house, renting a house to work, worrying about hospital wards, worrying about having children, worrying about getting married, worrying about the demolition of ordinary people, worrying about the box office of filmmakers, worrying about the second house of rich people, and worrying about the jail of bad people. ...

There is one of the most ferocious people in China, whose name is Huozai, because we often see or hear: beating people alive, forcing people to die alive, beating people alive; I am anxious to death ... In China, there is a most pitiful person named alive, because we often see or hear: I was killed alive, I was anxious to die alive, I was forced to die alive, and I was angry alive. ...

By plane, a father and daughter. The father is 30 years old and the daughter is 6 to 7 years old. The stewardess was so beautiful that my father couldn't help taking a look. Daughter: "What are you looking at? Do you find it interesting? Why did you do this when my mother was away? " Father blushed: "eat quickly and cut the crap, or I won't take you out in the future!" " "Daughter murmured," I don't understand, my daughter was my father's lover in a previous life. How did I like you in my last life? "

One day, I took a biology exam, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trouser leg and said, "Guess!"

Young hot mom took her three-year-old son by bus. Hot mom holds her son in her lap, and her son has his back to hot mom. It was quiet all the way. After a long time, the son suddenly turned his head and asked loudly, "Mom, can I ask you a question?" Hot mom: "Ask." The son said, "What have you been doing with your hand on my penis?" ! I put up with it for a long time! "The whole car hilarious!

The gate of heaven is broken, ready to be rebuilt, and the tender is in progress. The Indian said, it will be done for only 3000 yuan. The reason is that the material cost 1 0,000, the labor cost 1 0,000, and I earn it myself 1. Another German came, and the German said, "I want 6000 yuan. The reason is that the material cost is 2000 yuan, the labor cost is 2000 yuan, and I earn 2000 yuan myself. " Finally, a man from China came, and a man from China said, This is 9,000 yuan, 3,000 yuan for you, 3,000 yuan for me and 3,000 yuan for Indians!

A gentleman's QQ is in good condition, which romantically reads: "You pay fifty cents, I pay fifty cents, then we can be together!" " "When everyone was envious, another woman said," If you give me sixty cents, you can earn a dollar and two cents. Then another woman received it: "You give me 70 cents and we can die together." ..."

The man wants to divorce his wife, but he is afraid of hurting his three-year-old daughter. So I coaxed my daughter and said, "Mom is old and not beautiful. Can I change your mother? " The daughter thought for a moment and said, "No! Your mother is so big, why don't you change your mother! "

A man sends a romantic message to his girlfriend: What are you doing? Are you dreaming? Send the dream and put it in my head; Are you laughing? Give me a smile and put it on your mouth; Are you crying? Send tears into my eyes. Girlfriend replied: I'm taking a shit. ...

Undercurrent: Anonymous pretends to be extraordinary and hangs a banner in the dormitory: "China girl today, successful woman tomorrow." As a result, a man hung the same banner in front of his dormitory.

The English teacher asked the students to translate KFC's advertisement "We are right to cook chicken!" (Chicken expert), the answers are varied: ① We are right to cook chicken. ② We make the right chicken. We cook chicken on the right. Our chicken is on the right. We are on the right side of the chicken. 6. We are the chickens on the right. ⑦ The chicken is on the right. We cook chickens, right? Shall we cook chicken? Attending right! Let's cook chicken!

The three-character classic of love: the beginning of life, love; If you don't know love, please go away; Don't come for fear of injury; Get up after injury; When you meet love, please come again; When you are in love, let go of your heart; Narrow-minded and uncomfortable; Don't pick flowers on the roadside; Loyal to feelings; Do not complain, do not cheat; If you don't love, let go; You don't love, someone loves; Laugh often when breaking up; This year, find true love, don't expect it; When you encounter something, you must think about it; Don't guess if you don't know her. ...

Funny joke: ① My heart is not a bus, so you can sit down when there is room. (2) Don't discharge me, because I have caller ID here. Life is like anxiety. Without accurate lyrics, it is thrilling. Who are the bad guys? Men who take off their pants during the day and women who don't take off their makeup at night. The difference between ambiguity and ambiguity is that the former engages in the latter. The most useless thing in the world is the salary slip, which makes me angry and wipes my ass too carefully.

Guide to life in the Mainland: Take care of children, dogs and wives, and forbid netizens. Walk around, get hit by a car and don't look back! The best food is underground, and processed food is strictly forbidden to eat. If you tear down your house, you can leave. It is easy to add fuel to the fire by staying! Leave one hand to supplement nutrition and raise your own cows. If you are sick, ask your patient. The doctor treats you like a dog. The house price is already a ghost. Tell your fortune first. Keep a low profile and sneak away. How far can I go to see the hukou?

My pursuit in this life is simple. I just want two flowers, which are "rich flowers" and "casual flowers".

They always say that as long as you wait, the right person will appear. What I want to say is, after waiting for so many years, please give me a fucking answer. Are you stuck in traffic or lost? ! !

A man likes big S, and a narcissistic woman disdains to say, "I am much better than big S!" " "Man:" You are no better than Big S, but you are indeed more than Big S. "What's more? "The man said slowly," You are more B than Big S ... "

When I woke up, I found myself a bruiser, dressed in the official uniform of the Qing Dynasty, with a high grade, standing in the main hall of the palace, with eunuchs, ladies-in-waiting and even the emperor respectful to themselves. I think it must be a generation of famous ministers, do something to expel the Tatars themselves, and the Han Dynasty can look forward to it! Just thinking about it, I heard the emperor say, "I have nothing to do these days, and I have trained a dozen little eunuchs to store cloth." If Ao Shaobao is interested, why not give them some advice? "

A female friend and a male friend share a house. One night she was very depressed, and that friend gave her a bowl of noodles very thoughtfully. She suddenly felt very warm and said, "Why don't we make do with it?" Unexpectedly, my friend's face changed greatly: "You don't have a man, but I can have one!" " "

After dinner, my husband and I went downstairs for a walk. Suddenly, I want to eat fruit. They searched all their pockets and found 30 cents for 2 yuan. Then they went into the supermarket for a long time, compared the prices, picked two cucumbers and weighed them. 2 yuan, money is 30 cents! In ecstasy, I lifted the cucumber high and shouted: Oh, my husband, I am so awesome, just the right size, cool! All the men around me looked askance, and I was petrified at once. ...

China's parents: 5 years old: Son, I signed you up for the Children's Palace. 7 years old: Son, I signed you up for the Olympic class. 15 years old: Son, I enrolled you in a key middle school. 18 years old: Son, I enrolled you in the college entrance examination surprise class. 23-year-old: Son, I signed you up as a civil servant. 32-year-old: Son, I signed up if you are the one. ...

The white snake deliberately cheated by raining, pretending to be crazy and selling silly to send Brother Liang to flirt with her when she went to the 18th National Congress. The seven fairies got in the way, and the cowherd took the clothes of the Weaver Girl while she was taking a shower ... These stories tell us that at the beginning of great love, you must play hooligans first. You don't have love, maybe you don't know how to play hooligans. ...

Confucius tells you what it means to teach with "wealth": you can only stand and listen to lectures when you stand for thirty taels of silver; 40 is not confused-42 can be asked until there is no doubt; Fifty knowing destiny-fifty knowing tomorrow's exam proposition; Sixty ears are obedient-sixty-two teachers will say what you like to hear, and seventy will follow your heart-it doesn't matter whether seventy-two will come or not.