How to deal with a third party that threatens love?

Thanks for the invitation!

Xiao Mo comes to answer this question. The appearance of a third party in love. Based on the analysis of objective facts, whether it is a man or a woman, the appearance of a third party shows that your love is not strong enough.

Once you find out that the other party has a third party, don't get excited first, and don't quarrel or question the other party. From your own perspective, consider whether you still love him/her. If you don't love him/her, there is nothing to say. If you still love him/her, you need to analyze the cause of the problem. If you are already married, is there a bottleneck in your marriage? Some couples' trivial life after marriage will slowly wear away and weaken their feelings for each other. Find the problem and find the right opportunity to have a good chat with the other person.

In fact, Xiao Mo believes that the emergence of third parties is mostly due to loneliness or loneliness. The warmth that should be received from the lover is obtained from others, and over time, it is easy for a third party to take over. . Whether in an incestuous marriage or in love, please give your lover enough tolerance and warmth. Nip the possibility of a third party in the bud! Your love will last longer!

When a third party appears in your love, of course this is a very sad thing. If you only know anger and blame at this time, then nine times out of ten things will only get worse. Judging from our consulting experience, when you encounter third-party problems, it is best to follow the following operating ideas.

1. The first and most important thing is to control your emotions.

For women, if they know that a third party is present, the most natural reaction is to feel uncomfortable, angry and at a loss. These are the most normal reactions.

But if you want to solve the problem, you have to tell yourself, take a deep breath, take a deep breath again, don’t get angry, never get angry. Because to put it bluntly, when it comes to dealing with third party issues, getting angry is of no use at all and will only be counterproductive.

Many women will have two emotional complexes when encountering third-party problems.

The first emotional complex is that I want to find that woman and let everyone see the faces of this man and woman.

The specific form of expression is to yell at the woman and even go to the scene to catch the perpetrator. These behaviors can only make the situation worse.

Men generally pity the weak. If you use violence against a third party because you are angry, then he will be more disgusted with you, and you will become the wrong party. So if you do this, you will undoubtedly push him towards the other party.

The second emotional complex is the victim complex, that is, I am heartbroken for this family, why do you still treat me like this? Why am I so miserable!

This victim complex may arouse a man's sense of guilt in the beginning, and he will treat you slightly better than before. But it won't last long, because no one will continue to be kind to another person because of guilt.

Additional knowledge point: In an intimate relationship, only by continuously giving positive incentives to the other party can the other party have the motivation to continue to be good to you. And of course, stimulating his sense of guilt will not have any positive motivating effect.

2. After you learn to control your emotions, you have to judge why he cheated?

In our marriage counseling, male cheating is divided into three types.

That is, occasional infidelity, retaliatory infidelity and habitual infidelity.

The so-called occasional infidelity is similar to a man going to a "hair shampoo shop", a nightclub taking a girl to a hotel, etc. This kind of cheating has nothing to do with this question, and basically does not fall into the category of a third party.

Retaliatory cheating has a greater relationship with women. Women who experience retaliatory cheating usually have a bad temper, occupy a strong position in the family, and complain and accuse men more. Therefore, men will look for comfort outside, or even find a woman who is not as good as their wife to gain a sense of identity and accomplishment.

The third type of habitual cheating is a man who wants to cheat deep down in his heart. No matter how nice his wife is at home, he still wants to pick flowers outside, so it is called habitual cheating.

The advice we give is that those who commit revengeful cheating should first resolve the conflict between the couple and then try to recover. As for women who habitually cheat, it is better for them to get divorced if they have the conditions.

3. Decide whether to divorce or to save the marriage.

Many outsiders will say, he has betrayed you, why do you need him? Get a divorce!

However, when you are an insider and experience your husband's cheating and encounter a third party, you will not say the word divorce so easily.

Our clients often ask us, "Teacher, should I get a divorce?"

I often don't give a direct answer. After all, every family situation is different, and everyone attaches different importance to money, relationships, family, and children. The final decision to leave or not to leave must be made by yourself.

As for whether you should divorce, you can also check out my previous Q&A, "In marriage, if the other party betrays you, would you choose to divorce or forgive?" Why? 》

But one thing is, if you decide to divorce, don’t delay, leave completely, and don’t look back. If you decide to save your marriage, work hard to do it. Don't sigh and complain about your wife while doing the work of saving it.

4. If you decide to divorce, first find a good lawyer.

A good lawyer will help you deal with various divorce issues. Whether it's property division or child support, letting professionals handle it for you will definitely be much more efficient than doing it yourself. Regarding the specific divorce procedures, I won’t go into too much detail here. If you decide to divorce, a lawyer will naturally explain it to you in detail.

5. If you decide to save your marriage, use the three-step method to recover from infidelity.

The so-called three-step method to recover from an affair is simply to control your emotions, alienate the other person, and gain your husband's heart.

Step one: control your emotions.

We have already talked a lot about this step above, and many people seeking help understand this truth after listening to it. But when I got home and saw my husband sending messages, I couldn't help it. Go up and accuse him nagging, are you sending messages to that San'er again?

So, you must tell yourself in your heart that you are fighting a war now. Only by stabilizing your emotions can you win this battle.

Step two: alienate the other party.

Between the third party and your husband, they will be very happy when they get along at first, but as time goes by, there will be conflicts.

Their core contradiction is that the third party will want more and more, and even want marriage. And your husband usually doesn't want to divorce as long as you don't force him.