Lao Li 1 SMS

1, I'll be there in five minutes. If I don't arrive, please read this message again. ...

2. "Mom, I 13 years old, and I want to wear a bra." "impossible." "I want to use sanitary napkins." "Not really." "Didn't my sister start using it when she was 13 years old?" "Shut up, son!"

3. A very old farmer believes that there are immortals in the world. He goes to the temple to worship God every day: Dear God, I have spent most of my life in poverty. Let me win the lottery once. Finally, one day the fairy appeared and said angrily, I beg you, go and buy a lottery ticket first.

4, the husband and wife are not harmonious, neither Xing life nor divorce, this common phenomenon is called: don't give up if you don't do it!

5. The English teacher asked the students to translate KFC's slogan: Wedochickenright! There are various answers: ① We are right to be birds. Are we doing the right thing? We are the birds on the right. We are on the right. We are on the right side of the bird. We are the birds on the right. On the right is a bird. Today we are birds again, aren't we? Shall we cook chicken? Attending right! Let's be another bird!

6. Me: Wife, do you know that you are my god? Wife: I am your what? Me: You are my formula! Wife: Why? Me: So I can infer you! Tough wife: For what? I'm not your formula! Your sister's formula has been deduced by others! What are you pushing after being interpreted by countless people? Me: Wife, I was wrong. ...

7. After the third grade parent-teacher conference, my sister changed her QQ signature: the parent-teacher conference is the same as the third grade, aiming at destroying family harmony.

8. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If I ... Woman: Is it over? Women's power is limited after all!

9. The last thing you want to happen during barbecue: 1. Cook the meat with you; 2. Charcoal plays cold; 3. Clams are autistic; 4. The barbecue grill is cracked; 5. There is no kindling; 6. Meat and shelves engage in small groups; 7. Sausage meat plays gangster with you; 8. Black wheel puncture; 9. Onions play dumb with you; 10. Corn will play hardball with you!

10, broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years! I got on a double-decker bus in the dark, and sitting next to a beautiful woman didn't interest me! The conductor has come to sell tickets. I thought it was an air-conditioned car, so I handed two. When the conductor saw us, he tore two one-dollar tickets for me. I paused, too lazy to explain, and continued to lean against the window to recall four years of feelings, tears streaming down my face unconsciously! The beauty suddenly spoke: just a dollar, as for it?

1 1, an alcoholic's work summary: there is a problem: delicious; Cause analysis: wine tastes good; Experience: drinking is good; Rectification measures: drink well; Direction of efforts: drink good wine.

12, Lao Li: How much salary did you get this month? Lao Wang: 8 million yuan after tax. I heard that you have a lot of bonuses this month. Lao Li: There are many things, just 2 million. I lost all the mahjong last night. At this time, Lao Wang's mobile phone suddenly rang, and he put his mouth to Lao Li's ear in horror less than 5 seconds after connecting the phone, saying, Carrefour, cabbage is on sale, 50 thousand a catty! Come on, keep quiet!

13, recently found a good way to vent and decompress, that is, go to the toilet. After going to the toilet, he looked ferocious and said to the toilet, "You shit for me!" " Then flush the toilet!

14, I just heard a pair of men and women singing in a square: looking for friends, looking for girlfriends, kissing and holding hands, having children tonight ... I never knew there was this version. ...

15, the boss slapped the employee, and the employees in different countries reacted differently. Japanese employee: First of all: Hi! American employee: I called my lawyer immediately. British employee: Call the police with a smile. Russian employee: backhand to Japanese boss. China employees: Roaring on the Internet.

16, it suddenly began to rain in the middle of last night, with lightning and thunder. It's noisy! My three-and-a-half-year-old son woke up from a beautiful dream, and I thought he would be afraid. I don't want him to sigh, get up slowly, calmly look at the heavy rain outside the window, and with the rumble of thunder, suddenly pose in a cool posture under the illumination of lightning, shouting: "Armored soldiers change!" "

17, February 14 to confess! March 14 confession! Also in April 1 confession! Nima will confess on May 20th! Confession is your period!

18. Today, after arriving at the station by bus, a man suddenly blocked the door, saying that his mobile phone was missing and he wouldn't let people get off, causing public outcry. At this time, some people say that it is a thief to call a man's mobile phone and see who is ringing on it. A girl took the initiative to borrow her mobile phone and dialed the number of the owner. Suddenly, a man near the car door squeezed out of the car and ran away. The man who lost his cell phone went after the girl without returning it, and suddenly his cell phone disappeared, so the girl really lost her cell phone. ...

19, the company worked overtime until midnight, and everyone was fighting with their eyelids. A girl sighed: I really want to be a "career" now. When people asked why, the girl said that she was lying flat on the big bed alone. Www.eduche.com's voice dropped, and a male colleague next to him muttered, I'm sleepy.

20: studious boys ask knowledgeable female professors for guidance! The boy said, "Excuse me, what does it mean to be tolerant without desire and righteously?" The female professor replied very learned: "The first half of the sentence means that no matter how good a girl is, she can't arouse our desire ..." Before the female professor finished, the boy blushed and said, "Thank you, Professor, I know the second half."

This article was compiled by www.eduche.com, Yuru's article network.