Cambodia funny short message daquan

One day, a rabbit unfortunately fell into a box and came out as a duck. Do you know why? Because there is a transformer in the box. . .

In the evening self-study, the teacher said: Don't think that I don't know that you play mobile phones ~ no one will stare at their crotch and laugh. . .

In the evening, my daughter called her mother anxiously: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, maybe there was an accident!" " "

The puppet made a girlfriend and was filled with joy. A few days later, my girlfriend suddenly said, puppet, I don't want to ML with you anymore. It hurts to be poked by sawdust every time! The sad puppet went to the carpenter to find a way. The carpenter said to him, it's very simple. You just need to sand it with sandpaper. A few days later, the oral English teacher asked: Have you made up with your girlfriend? The puppet replied, "Who needs a girlfriend with sandpaper? “

I bought a notebook to show my grandmother. Grandma asked: What is this? Me: This thing is very good. It has everything you want to know. Grandma: Is it so delicious? Let me ask you a few questions. Me: OK. Then open Baidu. Grandma: How much hair do I have? Me:-! I can't find it. Grandma: Where did your dead grandfather go? Me: Can I ask one more question, Grandma: How long can I live? Me: …! Grandma: I can't find anything! ! !

Suddenly, I remembered a deskmate in junior high school. He is really a god. This god often doesn't wash his hands for days. His hands are black. Oh, my God. One day, the teacher asked me to check the overall hygiene, including personal hygiene. The next morning, the Great God still didn't wash as usual, and class was about to begin. I was holding hands with him when I saw this god borrowed a tape from his former classmates, wrapped his hand tightly, and then pulled it away … His hand was white! White! White!

I saw a magic sticker today: Are defecation and urination good friends? The first floor replied, no, they are not on the same road. The second floor replied, yes, but urinating is more loyal, defecation is not necessarily accompanied by urination, but defecation is always very strong! !

A couple snuggled up sweetly in the park. Men can't help sneaking around when they see that women's hair is so supple. The woman said coily, "Alas! I hate it! "

The man's heart itched more, so he stole it again. The woman said, "Well, no!" " "

Hearing this, the man's heart was about to fly, and he touched it again. Suddenly, the woman stood up and said rudely, "Don't touch it! My wig is falling off! ! ! "

A couple is traveling together. When their train came out through the long tunnel, the man said, "If I had known the tunnel was so long, I would have given you a kiss!" " "

"My God!" The woman exclaimed, "Didn't you just kiss me?"

Lao Zhang went for an injection, and many people were waiting in the hospital.

Lao Zhang waited for a long time and was a little anxious. He went to the door of the injection room and listened: "Today is the last day of your internship. Let's make an evaluation! "

Hearing this, Lao Zhang got a fright. I don't know what an intern nurse has. Let me hide!

He went out for a walk and found no one in the hospital when he came back. He approached the injection room and heard, "These children make the patient so miserable!" "

Lao Zhang was happy and went in and said, "Give me an injection!"

After seeing him, an old nurse smiled and shouted to the room, "The nurse who just failed the exam came out to make up the exam."

A girl in the class is very tough and her hair color is natural brown (you should have seen this).

One day, a group of bored people began to discuss why her hair was yellow, saying, "Because my mind overflowed ..." Everyone suddenly realized.

The woman then fled.

My best friend and her boyfriend are first love. They are extremely pure, but occasionally a little evil, very cute ~ ~

Two people get together at Christmas. Her boyfriend asked his best friend: his wife is like a notebook and his girlfriend is like a desktop. Do you know the difference?

The girlfriends have been puzzling for a long time, and consulting the sisters is fruitless.

Her boyfriend announced the answer: the notebook can be used in bed. ...

My best friend blushes, but my sister is black.

I'm bored with Christmas Eve. I rummaged through my best friend's mobile phone and found a note from my husband. I teased him and sent a short message: honey, I want it tomorrow night. The other party replied: OK, I'll cancel my appointment for tomorrow's Christmas first. Then, then my cell phone rang and BF told me that he couldn't accompany me tomorrow.

When I went to work in the morning, on the bus, I found several people around me looking at me strangely. I stubbornly ignored their eyes, fingers and whispers. At this time, my only thought is to show them a blockbuster "Above the Moon" with a small room inside. Finally, an old lady pointed to my brother and said, Son, are you wearing it backwards? I looked down, yes, I put the inside of the T-shirt on the outside, and then I realized that their strange eyes were just for looking at 2B. I want to be a seven-foot man, so I can't stand the eyes of these amateurs. So I made an earth-shattering decision now. I took off my clothes and turned them back to wear them in public. I just took off my clothes and found that everyone's eyes changed again. How can I describe it to you? For example, they just looked at 2B implicitly, but now this look is absolutely naked and not implicit. Gee, I took a contemptuous look at this group of laity, and then looked down at my clothes. With this bow, I finally understand why these laity eyes are so vivid. It turned out that the bra my daughter-in-law drew for me last night was still fresh in my mind ... so my head suddenly became empty, and there was only one voice left in my ear: horseshoe, horseshoe, Europe, Europe. ...

This buddy's family is from Inner Mongolia. It is said that an Ordos boss (hereinafter referred to as "the boss" for the time being) came to Beijing to buy a Mercedes-Benz.

The owner of the store asked: What model of Mercedes is the most expensive?

Mercedes-Benz Sales: We have the most expensive Mercedes-Benz S65 AMG.

Boss: How much is it?

Sales: 3 million.

Boss: OK! Take one and drive away today.

Mercedes-Benz Sales: Sorry, we don't have a car now, so we need to make a reservation.

The boss looked around and saw a Maibakh in the exhibition hall. It feels good.

The boss asked: What kind of car is this? how much is it?

Sales: 60 million yuan.

Boss: That's good. I'll take it.

Then he paid and drove away.

A month later, the boss came to this Mercedes-Benz store again.

Tell the salesman as soon as you enter the door: Has S65 arrived? Give me a S65.

The salesman asked: Can your Maibakh drive?

Boss: Forget it! Few people know each other when driving back. That's why they came to buy Mercedes-Benz again.

The boss of our dormitory is an awesome person. I saw the Jumping Egg Gate on the Internet some time ago, and I never knew what it was. I bought a cheap one at the supplies store at the school gate. Boy, it's no use. Everyone thinks his novelty will soon pass. But two days later, when we saw the boss making milk powder, he poured boiling water and put it in as a vibrator. . . After using it for about a week, we really got sick and stopped using it.

I thought life was calm again. Two days later, Xiaowu told us that when he saw the boss brushing his teeth, he tied the bouncing egg to the toothbrush.

I rented a house by myself. After taking a bath last night 10, I sent a message to my girlfriend lying in bed as usual. After sending one, I was so sleepy that I lay down for a while. When I woke up, I found it was 12 o'clock. There are several messages sent by her on my mobile phone, which are nothing more than "Why don't you reply" and "Are you asleep?" My brain shorted back a message.

As a result, my girlfriend's mobile phone has been turned off until now. ...

When I was in high school, my classmates bought a music teacup, and the base rang at the sight of light. As a result, the base fell off and had to be put in a drawer. One day in class, I forgot about it and opened the drawer to see that the light rang! The ring! The ring! Keep ... The teacher is angry. Whose mobile phone is this? Students, look here! I have no choice but to sit by the window and throw the base bag beautifully! The classroom was as quiet as death in an instant, and both students and teachers froze. After a few seconds, the teacher woke up and said, don't be so cruel, right? ! It's too difficult. . . Be cruel. . Worship in the eyes of sisters, entangled in class …

A few days ago, after work, I was hot and thirsty, drank four cans of iced coke and walked on my way home.

I got a call from my girlfriend and was told to go to her house for dinner at night. Let my future mother-in-law taste my cooking, so she bought food.

I took a taxi to my girlfriend's house. When I arrived at her home, I found some relatives besides her parents. After getting to know each other, I took food.

When I entered the kitchen, I heard my girlfriend's aunt educating her cousin at the door: Look, men can't cook now, and they won't in the future.

You can't get a wife. Guys, if you think this is the end, you are wrong.

When I poured the spoon, my mother-in-law led a group of women in to watch. Amid the praise, I feel that the coke just now seems to be starting to work.

There seems to be gas flowing out in the middle and back of the body. So I quickly spanked my ass on vibration, trying to be quiet.

But I was wrong! It's not loud, but my underwear is wet. A small yellow stream ran through my thigh. I was wearing shorts that day.

Later, in that alley; A fool went to his mother-in-law's house to cook because of the legend of nerve incontinence.

I went to eat in the school cafeteria at noon today. We have Shaxian snacks here (everyone knows what I have eaten). I ordered a steamed dumpling. While the waiter was still cooking, I poured a plate of vinegar, found an empty table in the canteen and went back to get steamed dumplings. When I came back, I looked at the table. God, I'm jealous! A clean uncle, I guess. Listen, nobody took it away. Ok, I'll go back and pour another plate! GC is here, and I came back with vinegar. Shit! Where are my steamed dumplings? ! ! !

There is a little nephew who loves to answer the phone. The following things make me never leave anyone's home phone number again. Once my girlfriend called me at home and my little nephew answered. My girlfriend suddenly became naive and remembered Doby's little nephew-nephew: Who are you looking for? Girlfriend: I'm looking for you, nephew: Who are you? Girlfriend: I'm your aunt. My nephew was silent for a few seconds: Aunt Xiaoli? -Then my phone crashed and my girlfriend ran away.-I called my nephew and told him to ask her before calling my uncle's girlfriend's name. He made it very clear.-I went to my girlfriend and explained that Xiaoli was my sister-in-law, and my second brother's wife and girlfriend didn't believe me. I was in a hurry, so I put through the phone and asked him to repeat the list. It's my nephew who answered the phone-nephew: Who are you looking for? Girlfriend: I'm looking for you, nephew: Who are you? Girlfriend: I am your aunt. After a few seconds of silence, my heart was lifted. Kid: My uncle's girlfriend-whoosh, I looked at her girlfriend with a smile, and her face turned better-girlfriend: I'm your uncle Guang Guang's girlfriend, and my nephew was silent for a few seconds. The girl came over and said, Oh, Xiao Li.

I go to college in a military medical school, and my classmates are generally strong.

There is a classmate J, although he is not that kind of muscular man.

But you can feel that he has almost no fat, similar to the "lean meat" type.

It is said that there are often mosquitoes in the dormitory. One day, while J was reading a book, a mosquito flew to his forearm to suck blood and was seen by J.

J students are very patient, visually observing that mosquitoes have put straws into their bodies, and drinking "Yi" wildly!

At the same time, clench your fist (you can try it, your forearm muscles are tight at this time)

As a result, the mosquito's needle-shaped mouth was firmly stuck under the muscle contraction force of J.

It's stuck ...

on one's pins ...

this ...

Listen to the wrong lyrics funny encyclopedia

1, the theme song of Japan. Take a break. Geji, Geji, Geji, Auntie washes the spittoon. . . . .

2. There is a saying: "Drums and gongs". My dad always listens to it as "big ass, get up" He still wants to know, why are you sticking your ass up?

3. When I first heard Zhao Yonghua's The Most Romantic Thing, I heard the sentence "The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you": "The most romantic thing I can think of is to sell computers with you!" I thought Zhongguancun was advertising at that time.

4. Cheng Lin's Journey to the Sky, "The geese heard my singing and the river kissed my face", was heard as "My uncle heard my singing and the boy kissed my face". I think what a woman this is!

5. The theme song "Make me sad, make me intoxicated ..." The Richie Jen version of The Legend of the Condor Heroes always sounds "Make me sad, make me intoxicated ..." Hey ~ Why do you always have a problem with the leading actor! ! !

6. Advertise weight loss on TV, put your hand on your waist, come out and shake it and say, "If you want to lose weight, why not use Sofitel?" I heard "if you want to lose weight, why don't you hold it in your hand?" I think, how can I lose weight just by holding it in my hand?

7. When I was a child, Donald Duck's "Ah-oh, the performance started" was heard as: "Ah-oh, the wild boar shit!

8. After listening to Jeff Chang Shin-Che Shen Che's Love Like Tide, my colleagues asked me in confusion: "Why did he sing' Promise me you won't line up in the middle of the night'?"

9. When I first listened to Tong Ange's Girl in Jelja, I was taken aback and heard: "Wild donkey, mysterious wild donkey ~ ~ ~".

10, "Listen to my mother's story about the past": We sat beside the high grain pile ~ ~ ~

Listen to it: we are sitting next to a pile of tall bones ~ ~ The scene of piles of bones floats in our minds, sweating profusely!

1 1. Listen to "Unforgettable Tonight": Goodbye, goodbye, see you in the morgue. .................................................................................................................................

I used to listen to Elva Hsiao's love theme song for a long time. "I feel everything when I sing, so you are my title song." At that time, I always mistook this "title song" for "Brother Zhu" or "Brother Pig". I don't know what this lyric means.

13, Eason Chan; There is a saying like this: "There must be one person in front of thousands of households", and every time I hear it, "From the street to the door, there must be one person in front".

14, there is a saying in Jay Chou's "Li Qixiang" that it rained all night, and I always hear this sentence "You are blind".

15, Stephanie's "Magic" song has a sentence "We are both wearing cloth gauze ..." How can I hear it is "We are all wearing underwear. . 。”

There is a song in Jiang Meiqi that says "It's not easy to laugh", but suddenly it becomes "It's not easy to pee". I want to know what happened to this MM!

17, Jay Chou's "Love before BC" and "Staring at my painting", I always listen: You are my bowl of noodles!

18, Sammi Kao's Waiting for a Thousand Years, Water of West Lake, My Tears were listened to as Water of Daughter-in-law, My Tears, and I listened to Water of Washing Clothes, My Tears, alas!

19, Tao Jingying's "Sister, stand up" and "Just wait for the fall" are really easy to be heard as "Just wait for J" ~ ~ ~ sweating like a pig! !

20. The first sentence of Song of Macao, which was a smash hit when Macao returned to China, was: "You know Macao is not my real surname". I always thought it was: "A sesame cake, it's good not to eat me!"

2 1. Recently, I listened to "All my joys and sorrows are mine" by super girl Baby Zhang, and heard that "... it's really me, and my desire is fresh every day" ... I was shocked. What a bold little girl consciousness! ! ! Later, I listened to it several times and found that "every day is new to me"

22. There is a sentence in Listening to Fish Leong: "I fell asleep when I knew it, and I slept very quietly." When I heard that it was "eating and sleeping", I exclaimed at that time: How can there be such vivid lyrics!

23, Sun Nan's "Be there or be square", I don't know what happened to my ears during that time. Every time I hear "Oh, be there or be square" at the climax of the video store, I always think it's-"Oh, Cambodia" ....

24. There is also a fire wind song that is played outside the university dormitory every day: "Big red sail, good for the wind". I always hear it as "Big red sail, good for herding sheep."

25. Listen to Zhang Mingmin's Country Road: Walking on a country road, the old cow who came back at dusk is my companion. I used to think that walking on a country road, the tortoise and the old cow were my companions.

Boyfriend and girlfriend have a showdown. W: Give me a reason to break up. M: We are not suitable. Woman: What's the matter? M: The gender is inappropriate.

Today, I spent 150 yuan cutting a very abstract hairstyle. After returning to the dormitory, I was strongly criticized by several roommates! At this time, a classmate who was silent for a long time concluded: "This hairstyle is very cost-effective! I only spent 150 yuan and got a haircut from 250 yuan. "

Children at risk are being taught how to deal with it on TV. I want to test my two-year-old son, so I pretend to faint and see what he can do! The son shouted, "Mom, Mom, what's wrong with you?" I broke my eyes with my hand and said, "Mom, are you really dead?" After waiting for a long time, I didn't hear anything from him. Through my narrowed eyes, I saw my son counting the money in my wallet. . .