I just want to sleep with her.

Men like to think about the lower body, and women like to think about the lower body. I used to think that this sentence made many men sleep with many girls.

When I was in college, I talked about an airport. My lovely little sister always likes to hug me behind my back. At first, I thought this intimate contact between men and women made people blush and beat. Later, I felt that her chest was flat, and she hugged me behind my back, without any soft feeling, like a man.

When I felt this way, I began to have the idea of changing my mind. However, the girl's delicate and soft voice sounded so comforting that I finally decided to put her to sleep before I left.

I forgot how she was willing to be cheated into bed. I only remember accidentally knocking off the quilt when I was getting dressed in the morning. I picked it up for her after buttoning her shirt. At that moment, I found that she didn't know when to cry. I asked her what happened. She said it was gone the first time, and she was a little scared.

I have taken protective measures and won't let her get any harm. But I'm a fucking asshole. I can only guarantee that she won't get pregnant.

At that time, I was a prodigal son, and my friends around me slept with many virgins, which made me feel that I didn't feel guilty about hurting an unopened bud. After all, in the 2 1 century, I don't care if my future marriage partner is a virgin, so her future husband certainly doesn't care if she has slept with others.

I don't know why I broke up with her. Maybe I just felt that I didn't have enough waves, but she began to want to settle down. This feeling is terrible. I am delaying her, because I am good with her, and breaking up with her is delaying her.

Finally, I decided to break up with her. I can't give her a future. I'm still a little bored when I'm drunk late at night. I hurt a good girl hastily.

I don't regret breaking up with her. I'm just annoyed that I took something she shouldn't have taken.

What happened? There are many men in this world who want to set up a memorial arch after sex just like me, but they still can't give any comfort to those women who really pay the last empty-handed.

At that time, I educated my sister in "Seeds of Love": "I tell you, puppy love is not allowed. If you like a man who doesn't have enough waves, you will suffer. "

See, I don't think I'm sorry for her, but I taught my sister not to look for people like me in the future. It's fucking tangled.

I've always wondered how she agreed so easily when I broke up with her.

During the period when I began to get tired of her, some friends and I stole some bank cards at home. I know all the passwords. Father's password is mother's birthday, and mother's password is my birthday. We took the green leather train to another city.

The south and the north are just different. The air is so humid that people can't help but want to take off their clothes. The food in the south is also different from that in the north. The greasy noodles in the north have to be seasoned with Shanxi mature vinegar, while those in the south are crisp and spicy, which makes you shiver.

Just when we were as hot as pugs, I met a girl as hot as the hot pot we ate. She is exquisitely packaged and exquisite in figure. The key is that her breasts are big and her ass is big, which is not bad.

At that time, I forgot that I had a girlfriend and wanted to go up and chat up. But when I saw her designer bag, I was really fucking scared. This kind of woman can't sleep well, and the money in my bank card is not enough.

My buddy teased me and said, "It's the most cost-effective to play the emotional card and have sex for free. One-night stands are not acceptable unless you love me."

Tell me what the fuck was going on in our heads. We never thought about what to do next. We took it one step at a time and did everything according to our own mood. We didn't think about anything but telling the little girl a few words about lying to the gun when the sperm was in the brain.

It's just that I'm surprised at what I think. At that moment, I really thought it would be good to hold her for life. It's just that after I put on my clothes and walked into the world of flowers, I became another me.

During that time, she contacted me frequently as usual. After reading it, I was neither bored nor happy. After reading it, I forgot what she said and I forgot to reply.

Later, the number of times she contacted me began to decrease gradually, but I didn't feel uncomfortable. I think it's just right Maybe she is slowly trying to get me to leave. That's good. Unfamiliar, don't bother each other.

I was high at a bar in a different place late at night, and I saw the dynamics of her hair, which was very profound and difficult to understand. I have no time to pay attention to it. Think of it as a girl's affectation. During that time, my buddies and I stayed up late into the night, and we often saw her hair in the middle of the night, but it was gone the next morning.

I dreamed that it was bad for her to stay up late every day, but I didn't care and thought she could take care of herself.

She doesn't need me anymore, and she doesn't contact me on her own initiative. When I came back, I broke up with her, and she agreed happily. I can't say I brought it up, but she called me and asked me if I wanted to break up. I said, let's break up, so we broke up and didn't stay.

I don't think I did anything wrong, but later it was said in the circle that I continued first, and it took a long time to force her to break up.

Right?

I don't know. I don't want to think about it, but I didn't mean to have a cold war. Men are not sentimental animals. I don't care about you anymore, so I don't remember caring about you. At the beginning, those greetings were only because there was still this person in my heart, and I lost someone and left her a heart.

She's gone, and I sincerely wish her to find a down-to-earth good man in the future.

We never contacted again. After graduation, she has a new relationship, and I am still single.

When I was single, I was particularly fascinated by Ma Di's "Proud Cold". I rode a single with my buddies in KTV and shouted:

"Aohan, let's get married, let's get married, in the early morning when the snow and ice melt."

"Forget those mistakes and unforgivable youth."

At that time, I was particularly surprised that Aohan was a woman with a story.

Later, I met a woman who really fascinated me. I wanted to sleep with her at first sight. I feel like the arrogant woman in Ma Di's mouth.

The first time I met her was in a very ordinary scene. Several buddies went to a theme restaurant for dinner, and the waiter who ordered was wearing the uniform of the store. Men are seduced by uniforms, and I found her charming at that time.

Later, they joked with me that they must have taken a fancy to their proud breasts. Yes, at that time I just saw the color and wanted to sleep with her.

We ate until the store got off work, and when she got dressed and walked out of the restaurant, I was going to strike up a conversation outside. As a result, I may look particularly like a hooligan. She saw me as if she had seen a ghost, and didn't want to know more about what I meant.

But I am persistent enough. I started to deliver breakfast, lunch, dinner and roses, so that I could take her home later.

But she still has no intention of being with me. Finally, my sincerity touched her. After such a long time of persistence, she decided to stay with me and hold the bag I bought with all my blood.

She is a girl from an ordinary family and a very kind and lovely girl. She has some material comforts, but she is willing to exchange her labor for what she wants. Of course, this was discovered later. After all, I just want to sleep with her.

However, after sleeping several times, I actually found myself wanting to sleep with her for the rest of my life.

Drinking with my buddies on the wine table, I mentioned this idea to them when I was drunk. The one with a girlfriend had a deep understanding: "It's time to settle down."

Another dead man disagreed: "She only stayed with you after she took your bag. Obviously, she is interested in your money and is spending money on guns to play with her feelings. "

Later, a buddy's girlfriend said:

"You men are so fucking shallow. Charging you a bag is money. Look where he is covered in clothes like a rich man. She agreed only because the man who spent a lot of money to buy her a bag made her feel that even if she had no money, she would not be wronged. "

Yes, this passage is like a wake-up call. I have decided to have her in my life.

I began to put away fooling around, began to think about the future and wanted to have a home with her.

She also has anxiety: "Do your buddies think that I am with you for other purposes? Will they speak ill of me behind my back? "

I touched her head and replied to her with Ma Di's lyrics:

"If the whole world is speaking ill of you, I will tell you love stories for the rest of my life."

She smiled gently and pulled my arm tightly.

She quit her job in the theme restaurant and came to other provinces with me. We started living together, and the two of us squeezed into a rented room with only one bed and one bathroom.

She got a job in the sales department, while I worked in a shop in 4S. At that time, I could feel the warm smell of home after work every day.

I promised her that I would let her live in a big house and live a good life in the future.

My buddy called me and said, "Your boy has really turned over a new leaf. That's enough. Well, the nightclub prince is ready to wash his hands of it. "

I warned them not to mention the bad things of the past. I want to be a good person now.

Life in a big city is not suitable for me who is used to eating old people. Reinforced concrete blocks the human touch between people.

I work hard, and the boss won't give you a few more wages because of human feelings. My hard-working friend can suddenly defect at the moment of meeting interests, and the increasingly tight life makes it impossible for her to buy herself a favorite gift on holidays.

She doesn't care. She knows I want her to have a good life.

But I care. I blame myself for being incompetent. I blame myself for being humble and difficult to get ahead.

I was depressed and even a little violent during that time.

I hate that she smiles obsequiously at customers in the sales office just to sign a bill. I hate that she goes out early and comes back late in revealing clothes every day. I hate it when she pretends not to care when she really wants a gift.

You said, you want it, you said, as long as you tell me to steal it, I'll get it back for you without complaint.

But she didn't. She didn't want it. She didn't speak.

This makes me feel that a man's face has been greatly hurt. I began to feel that she was not sincere to me, she looked down on me, and she began to plan to leave me.

The thought of it makes my head explode. I feel like I'm losing the whole world. I began to monitor her more crazily, and even wanted to lock her up.

However, when I was crazy, I had nothing to complain about when I saw her crying.

She took me to the hospital, and the doctor said I had mild depression, which was a bit funny. In which big city, young people don't live like ants. They live under pressure and are relieved by alcohol anesthesia. Does everyone have depression?

However, she asked me to take medicine, so I took medicine. Maybe I saw the concern in her eyes. I actually feel much better after taking the medicine.

However, I will still be intermittent. I struggled for a long time, repeatedly for a long time, and finally I admitted that I was a depressed patient.

I really thought I was just a psychological imbalance caused by the huge gap between reality and ideal. I struggled in the whirlpool and finally fell down step by step.

Most of the causes of this disease come from the inner imbalance caused by external attacks, such as lovelorn, bereavement, great failure, and long-term physical and mental contusion.

I am a proud and competitive person. This huge gap between reality and ideal is silent and painless, but it wraps my whole heart like poison.

I seem to see clearly that the net in my heart is getting thicker and thicker between waking and dreaming, and I have less and less strength to break free from it.

That summer, I didn't know whether it was my imagination or what clues I was looking for. I don't think she loves me anymore. It was the first time I had despair, but I supported myself with such weak and uncertain hopes.

During that time, I saw the sun at two o'clock in the afternoon every day and felt that life was extremely dark.

Why is the sun at two in the afternoon? When she is busiest at work, she sends text messages every lunch break. This seemingly harmless greeting from others was silently engraved in my heart like sugar and poison until it became a murder weapon.

Later, the frequency of this kind of short message decreased, and it came once in a while. The first thing I do when I wake up every day is to reach under the quilt and touch my mobile phone to see if there is any unread information.

If not, I will wait in silence at noon until I fall asleep and wake up, and so on.

I will go downstairs for a walk, and I will pass a long corridor outside the rental house, which is backlit and very dark. After the corridor, it is the exit door. Every time I go here, I really see the afternoon sunshine, straight through the square gap in the opposite public toilet.

I can't see this scene. It is like a gloomy hint, a symbol of sunset, which will make me uninterested in everything behind.

And all this, I thought, was just a subconscious loss because I didn't receive her text messages and phone calls.

As a result, this kind of mood has been tossing and turning for several months, which made me fall into a state of confusion all afternoon. I tried to adjust my posture, but found it useless.

I fell into a state of inexplicable self-abuse. Tossing and turning in each other's deep sleep in the middle of the night, remembering my past with her over and over again like a movie, and then being rough on her over and over again.

Long-term insomnia and dreaminess make me seem to have no spirit at all. About all kinds of trivial matters in work and life, the conditions are densely entangled in my mind, like inextricable hemp, which is getting tighter and tighter.

People with depression are likely to always wear subtle disguises. On the surface, they are in a calm or even quiet state, but inside they are struggling in endless despair. Those calmness and calmness are the reaction of stagnant water.

If you lose interest in this world, of course, nothing can make waves!

So, after insomnia and many dreams, I started a new round of pain and suffering, chose a closed world and started endless sleepiness. No matter how noisy and lively the outside world is, it doesn't interest me.

It seems that only sleeping will not be disturbed by those mediocre people outside, and will not be forced to tell their own experiences. I don't want to tell you what's wrong with me, and no one will understand if I do.

I clearly remember a scene. One day, when she was about to get off work, the doorbell rang. I was about to open the door when I heard the sound of the key turning the door lock, and I collapsed on the table. Yes, I collapsed on the table.

If you stand up, you will use all your strength. This kind of motivation to support yourself is really lacking. It seems that in one more second, you will be broken in the real world where you can barely survive.

She seems to be too used to me to bother me. Just ask in a low voice, "shall we order takeout?"

Only then did I remember that I needed to eat. At that time, I vaguely realized that my heart might be sick and I needed to overcome it. The first step to overcome it is to make yourself strong.

At this moment, I have an inexplicable excitement, yes, an excitement of seeing the dawn.

I handed her my mobile phone and asked her to order it. I tried to adjust my state and pretended not to see any ups and downs.

Sometimes, I feel like a separatist and enjoy her accommodating to me, but I always feel that she will look down on me and she wants to leave me.

I began to pay close attention to her whereabouts, and finally found a clue that a man drove her back. That night, I beat her mouth to blood. That was the first time I hit a woman and the last time.

I shouted and cursed: "I thought you were a bad person the first time I saw you." I was going to dump you after sleeping with you. I want to take care of you after fucking you. I am really blind. "

"You don't want to ride, don't want to worship money, you roll. Roll. "

"No way. You can't roll, I won't let you roll, I will imprison you and torture you. "

She collapsed to the ground, motionless. I thought she was leaving, but I was a little scared. I began to hug her and begged her, "Don't go, don't go."

She stood up silently and let me take medicine, reassuring me that she wouldn't leave. After taking the medicine, I really feel that I should be killed. I am a man who can't beat women. Damn it.

From then on, she tried not to wear revealing clothes, came back as early as possible, and never took a bus again.

It was only after I really survived that crazy year that I really realized what I had done. Those scenes like acting actually happened in my life.

I began to work harder to make money and began to have some savings. I am overwhelmed by staying up late and working overtime for a long time, but I have no regrets. I can't let this woman who accompanied me through the hard times be wronged any more.

However, just as our life was getting better and better, she broke up with me.

I thought I would go crazy, but I calmly made myself feel terrible.

I asked her why.

She said, "I'm so tired, and so are you."

"Then why don't you leave early?"

"I'm afraid you can't make it."

"Then why are you leaving now?"

"Because you can't give me the life I want."

She left after all, but I didn't stay. I wonder if there is anyone else besides her.

I put all my salary on her bank card, which is compensation for her and comfort for my anxiety that my promise has not been realized for so many years.

Later, I found her bank card in my pocket. I know the password is my birthday.

At that moment, I was a little sad. We all think that we have no debts, but how can we calculate the accounts between us with money?

Later, when I heard that she was with the sales office manager, I felt, "She left me for money after all."

Later, the two brothers had a dinner party, and they strongly opposed the two of us.

"I told you that she is a gold digger, but you still don't believe it. No, you have no money, so she ran away with others. "

Later, I quietly inquired about her news, and the comments I heard were inconsistent. Some people say that she had an affair with the manager soon after she went there. Some people say that the man was just an employee and later became a manager. Some people say that they have been together for a long time, and some people say that they have just made progress recently and announced that they are together.

I quit my job in that city and came back to open a theme restaurant with my buddies.

On the opening night, several people went to KTV again. I still sang the song "Proud Cold" in a single cycle, and when I sang the sentence "The whole world is scolding you, I will tell you a lifelong love story", I thought of her again.

My eyes are a little blurred, and my singing continues, but I still sing silently.

"There is another story about you and me, from beginning to end."

I don't know who to trust about her, but there's no need to force myself to trust anyone. I'm guilty anyway.

If she is a good girl, I will resent missing her all my life. I'll never be able to repay what I owe her.

If she was a gold digger from the beginning, then I still have no regrets. It turned out that my original purpose was just to sleep with her.

Who knows, I finally lost myself.

Shit, I fucking quit.