Valentine's day classic funny jokes daquan

Valentine's Day is coming, you have to believe that someone will come to you across Qian Shan and make you believe in love again. So what are the classic jokes about Valentine's Day? The following is a Valentine's Day joke about hilarious men and women. I hope you like it!

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Valentine's day classic funny jokes daquan

1, Tanabata Valentine's Day is approaching, and my husband affectionately asks his wife, baby, what should I give you? My wife said shyly, I like everything you gave me! Husband said affectionately, then I'll take you back to your mother's house!

2, Valentine's Day idea: Youth is like playing mahjong, shooting guns and touching yourself. How many otaku rotten women have been counted, just to enjoy the moment of being knocked down.

When Valentine's Day arrived, my brother asked my sister what flowers she liked and gave them to you. My sister replied shyly, "I like two kinds of flowers." My brother asked eagerly, "Which two kinds? I will give it to you. " My sister bowed her head and whispered, "If you have money, you can spend it casually." My brother said foolishly, "You are so beautiful." My sister asked charmingly, "Where am I beautiful?" My brother said affectionately, "Nice try."

4, 4, 6 failed! Spend my sister's Tanabata! Summer vacation is coming to an end! Spend my sister's Tanabata! Liu Xiang fell! Spend my sister's Tanabata! My stomach is going to become a life buoy! Spend my sister's Tanabata! The problem of fishing mountain has not been solved. After your sister's Tanabata, the motherland has not been reunified. Finish your sister's Tanabata!

5, Tanabata, Wei Zi: "Erkang, today is Valentine's Day, please sing me a song." "okay. Love really needs Yong Qi … "You MB."

6. If someone gives me a gift today, it will be Valentine's Day. If no one gives me a gift, it will be the Lantern Festival. It will be Friday if you don't eat Yuanxiao.

7. On Valentine's Day, my friend MM, who has been secretly in love for a long time, sent a message: "Come to my house, no one!" This guy ran away with excitement! I knocked on the door for more than an hour and found that there was really no one at MM's house. ...

8.m: "Is the chocolate I sent delicious?" Woman: "It's delicious. Boyfriend likes it very much.

9, to confess! March 14 confession! Also in April 1 confession! May 20, also want to confess! Graduation and confession in June!

10. What gift are you going to give your girlfriend on Valentine's Day? I bought a 1T mobile hard disk and changed my girlfriend to a big house for the holidays.

1 1. What is the most depressing thing about Tanabata? It was the time when the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl met once a year, and the Weaver Girl's aunt came.

12. So far, among the curses I have seen about Tanabata, this is the most vicious: curse the weaver girl to menstruate on Tanabata!

13. One day, four Tang Priest disciples came to Pansi Cave and saw seven beautiful women taking a bath in the pool. The pig drooled: "Seven fairies." The Tang Priest just glanced at it and immediately put his hands together: "Monster." ? Wukong said, "I admire you. These seven people are monsters, but how do you know they are not the seven fairies without fire eyes?" The Tang Priest said with a smile, "One of the seven fairies married Yong Dong. Where can there be seven people taking a bath?"

14. My room is full of Valentine's gifts. I'm not Gao Fushuai, I'm just a lazy tour guide.

15, Urgent Notice: According to a survey conducted by 2 14. com in 100 cities across the country, millions of wives have recently hired detectives to turn Valentine's Day into an arrest day!

16, the day before Valentine's Day, I bought my girlfriend 1000 roses, and she was moved as if her tears were worthless. On Valentine's Day, I sold 1000 roses, earned 1000 yuan, and then saved it for my wedding.

17, Chinese Valentine's Day, a leftover woman sent Weibo: I have been a master for more than 20 years, and I have never met a master. I beg to take it away. Then a friend replied at the bottom: You are not the best material. ...

18, on the first day of July, the magpie saw the crow, and the crow saw the magpie with a haggard face and asked, "Why are you so tired?" The magpie sighed, "Bridge". The crow wondered, "But why do you look so tired this year?" The magpie sighed again: "Bridge shock".

19, Last year, on Valentine's Day, four bachelors ate hot pot together. I swear I'll leave you next year, but I did, and now I'm the only bachelor left ... it's a tragedy.

20. You should be able to shake WeChat at home at night and find all kinds of girls to comfort you. That's right. Don't ask me who I am, please call me Lei Feng!

2 1, Tanabata, she updated her status: I received hundreds of flowers today, so happy. Looking at the envious and touted comments of her friends, she suddenly felt that it was good to be the front desk of the company.

22, the reason for lovelorn ordinary youth: because of the disharmony of personality; Literary youth: because what I said is too profound, my girlfriend doesn't understand, and I don't know how to say it; 2B Youth: Because her husband doesn't agree.

23. The Cowherd handed the Weaver Girl a cup of mellow drink, and the Weaver Girl tasted it: "It's a little bitter, a little sweet and mellow. What is this? " Cowherd smiled and said, "This is the taste of missing. What you drink is the ash on this magpie bridge, which is formed by my endless yearning for you. I gave him a name, Queqiao Kahui. "

24. What are you playing? B: It depends. A: That's all for little girls. Do you play this for the big guy Isn't today Valentine's Day? Single people hate these one-on-one couples. Get rid of them all

25, Tanabata, when I went to work in the morning, suddenly a courier came in to send flowers, and the recipient was one of our male colleagues! We all guessed that he was gay or really chased by girls, only to see that he was confused for a while with flowers and suddenly patted his head and said, "Shit, the recipient and the sender filled it in backwards!" " "

26. Before Valentine's Day, a policeman patrolled by car at night and found a car parked on a remote road. There is a man and a woman in the car. Men are reading newspapers and women are knitting sweaters. The police were very surprised. He opened the car door and asked the man, "What are you doing?" The man replied: I am reading the newspaper and she is knitting a sweater. The policeman asked, How old are you? Man's answer: I am 18. Then he looked at his watch and said, She will be here in 10 minutes 18.

27. Two couples are chatting. The woman asked, honey, people say that women in love will become stupid. You think I'm stupid? Male affectionate style: fool, you are so stupid, how can I think you are stupid?

28. Q: What if you don't have a lover on Valentine's Day? God replied: How many people did Tomb-Sweeping Day have to kill who didn't die at home?

29. Today is Valentine's Day in China. Do you know what pain is? It was a festival. You haven't prepared a present yet. What is more painful is that all the gifts are ready and there is no lover to spend the holidays with. The most painful thing is that I prepared a gift, and my wife found it before I could give it to my lover ... The most painful thing is that I took it home to my wife and found that her wife had been to Tanabata with someone else.

30. When Valentine's Day arrived, my wife said, "Husband, let's get a couple tattoo!" ! The husband said, "What is the tattoo like?" The wife said, "You can tattoo one: My wife loves you and will never change her mind. I will always buy delicious food for you. If I change my mind, I will break my hands and feet and end up buried in cow dung, and I will never live! " Husband: "I want to go, I can't die of pain." Then what do you tattoo? "Wife:" I just tattooed one: Hmm! " "

3 1, oh! Dear friends, let me inform you that I didn't come home on Valentine's Day in China one thousand years ago. You think I'm fooling around, so don't bother me, because there was no text message at that time. So I have to inform you in a thousand years that I went to buy flowers.

Please contact me if you need light bulbs during Valentine's Day. I am located in a beautiful suburb, covering an area of 70kg. I am a leading high-tech enterprise, the executive director of China Lighting Association, and one of the largest manufacturers of energy-saving lighting products in China, with energy-saving lamps and low-frequency electrodeless lamps as the leading products, which sell well at home and abroad.

A: After being single for so many years, I finally had a meaningful Valentine's Day. Ah, I'm seeing someone else. Didn't I hear you say that? No, I mean I can eat Yuanxiao at home with my family.

34. On Valentine's Day, my wife called her husband as a programmer: "Buy a catty of steamed buns and bring them back from work. When you see a watermelon seller, buy one. " That night, the programmer's husband came into the house with a steamed bun in his hand ... The wife said angrily, "Why did you buy steamed buns?" ! "The husband replied," Because I saw the watermelon seller. "

35. Tanabata is coming. I asked the Xinyi girl to come out and sit on the Ferris wheel together. After several appointments, I finally agreed. I was waiting for her at the gate of the park, and a handsome guy came to see her and told me it was her boyfriend. boyfriend ...

36. Walking in the street on Valentine's Day, a little girl selling flowers came up and said, "Uncle, buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend." I said, "Uncle doesn't have a girlfriend yet." Little Lori blinked her eyes and said, "Liar, how can you be so handsome without a girlfriend!" " "I smiled and teased her and said," Since my uncle is so handsome, please send me a bunch of flowers for free. " Little loli quickly waved her hand: "No, it costs money!" I said, "So is my girlfriend. "

37. There are more festivals, more greetings and my blessings. With more friends and more entertainment, my thoughts will not decrease; There are more telephones and more business, and my information will not be less. Here comes 520, and my blessing comes as promised: I wish you a happy breakup.

38. On Valentine's Day, someone wants to ask PLMM out to play and chat about QQ. Have you eaten? I have already eaten. A: It's too early. Can I talk to you for a moment? I'm going to eat. I'll talk to you another day.

39. I asked my friend what it was like to change from a boyfriend to a boyfriend. My friend replied solemnly, nothing, just upgrading from an ordinary member to a VIP, enjoying more services and privileges and paying more fees.

40. Just after Valentine's Day, the circle of friends is full of dazzling gifts and show love. Is it interesting? Do you dare to show your lover if there are any duplicates?

Last Valentine's Day, four bachelors ate hot pot together. I swear I will leave them next year. As a result, I did it today on Valentine's Day. Now I'm the only bachelor. Oh yeah ~ ~ ~

42. On Valentine's Day, all hotels will be full and countless girls will lose their virginity. Happily, someone else's future wife is lying in bed. Sadly, your future wife doesn't know whose bed she is lying in. To make matters worse, she married you when she lost her virginity in a hotel in 80 yuan for one night and asked you for a flat three-bedroom apartment of 20,000 yuan.

43. It's almost Valentine's Day on Qixi. Just now, I went downstairs to finish shopping. The boss asked me, "Does Mr. Wang buy flowers?" "Why buy flowers?" "Buy flowers for my girlfriend." "Oh, how many flowers can you buy for your girlfriend?" Then the boss silently took the flowers back.

44. Valentine's Day is the best gift for your lover. This is an obscure advertisement. But it is definitely the favorite love signal between lovers.

45. When 7-up arrived, the hotel owner smiled. The next day, the owner of the drugstore also smiled. A month later, the doctors in the hospital should also laugh.

46. Female: "Your mother and I are at the same time …" Male: "You won't fall into the water. Don't ask such questions. " Woman: "Your mother and I are going to have a holiday at the same time today. Who will you accompany? " Male "..."

47. Valentine's Day and Lantern Festival have been added today. Students who feel unlucky to eat "fate" can eat "sleeping fate" instead. Remember, remember.

48.w: Valentine's Day and Lantern Festival are on the same day this year. How to be romantic? Man: When you sign in, you should wave your hand and I should slow down. ...

49. W: Husband, do you have any gifts for Valentine's Day this year? You are not my lover. Woman: That's your wife! Man: Today is not Wife's Day. Female: ...

50, Valentine's Day emergency notice: only heartbeat, no action. Only serenades are allowed, not marches. Eyes only, no big waves. Only the internet, no sex. No moaning, no screaming. You can only send text messages and make phone calls, but you can't go deep into the den to fight tunnel warfare!

Valentine's day mood sentence

1, Valentine's Day is not terrible. What is terrible is that the person you like is spending Valentine's Day with someone else.

Use this life time to love the time spent with you and spend the rest of my life with you.

Please put down your mobile phone, put your computer in front of you and look out the window. That's the world you live in. Go out and prepare a Valentine's Day gift for me.

I am not afraid to spend Valentine's Day alone. I'm afraid that the person I like will spend it with others.

Valentine's Day without lover is no different from the past. I don't want to go out, I just want to stay at home alone.

6. This planet is fragile occasionally, and I want to sink with you occasionally. Dear, Happy Valentine's Day!

7. I'm not afraid that I can't spend Valentine's Day. I'm afraid that someone I like will spend Valentine's Day with someone else.

8. On Valentine's Day this year, I just feel sad that others are having a good time.

9. I don't want anything for Valentine's Day, as long as you tell me: I will take care of your Valentine's Day in the future.

10, Valentine's Day is coming. Is there any girlfriend missing? If not, I'll ask later.

How to spend Valentine's Day without a lover?

12, I still spend Valentine's Day alone, but it doesn't matter, even if I am alone, I have to live beautifully.

Love is kindness. Love is patience. Love never stops.

14, I really love you. I closed my eyes and thought I could forget, but the tears I shed didn't deceive myself.

15, Valentine's Day, there is no need to lust after roses, and there is no need to stay.

16. After Valentine's Day, a person will celebrate Singles Day. What about a good boyfriend?

17, let my love surround you like sunshine and give you brilliant freedom.

18, Valentine's Day, I'm still waiting.

19, no matter how you look at me, I will smile. Don't think I am proud. I just don't want to freeze myself so small.

20. Lonely as ever, Valentine's Day has nothing to do with me.

2 1, Valentine's Day, spend a lover's robbery with yourself.

22. People who don't know how to love themselves are incapable of loving others.

23. Valentine's Day is coming. Welcome friends to invite me to be a third wheel and take care of the rice. Shut up when it's time to shut up, and tell jokes when the atmosphere is awkward.

24, love the wrong person, every day is April Fool's Day; Love the right person, every day is Valentine's Day.

The most terrible thing about Valentine's Day is not being alone, but being alone when you have a lover.

26. Friendly reminder: Valentine's Day is coming. Give gifts if you don't break up!

27. There is no Valentine's Day. I only know that the exam before school is my do or die.

28. Valentine's Day is only a few days away. If you like me, it's no use. I like studying as much as last year.

29. Beautiful people have begun to receive Valentine's Day gifts. I looked in the mirror and gave up.

30. I used to cheat my feelings, but now I want to cheat my life!

3 1, my love for you has long been fragmented.

32. Happy breakup. I wish you happiness. You can find something better on Valentine's Day.

33. You said you would spend every Valentine's Day with me, but who are you with?

I can see you and sunshine when I wake up every morning. This is the future I want.

35. I really don't mind spending Valentine's Day alone. I can save all the peaches and wait for the right person.

As long as you show your love, this person will not count me next year.

37. The epidemic is ruthless, but I really love you. Thank you for meeting you at the most beautiful time. I will cherish you more for the rest of my life.

I don't like many things, only this blue sky and that silly girl.

39. The flower show will be held every year, but will it be held every year?

40. In fact, if you love the right person, every day is Valentine's Day; If you love the wrong person, every day is Tomb-Sweeping Day.

4 1, many people love someone by mistake because they are lonely, but more people are lonely for life because they love someone by mistake.

42. The sweet words of Valentine's Day lied to you, but the truth of April Fool's Day didn't impress you!

Sometimes what I care about is not what you said, but what you didn't say.

44. Don't think that without you, I will stop loving. Don't think that I have nowhere to go without your world.

45. Hope can also be the star you are looking at. Happy Valentine's Day!

46. Cross the street alone, spend Valentine's Day alone, eat a couple package, watch a romantic movie alone, listen to love songs alone, cry alone, laugh alone, make fun alone and practice alone.

47, just admit it, this year's Valentine's Day is still a special person.

48. I thought I could pretend not to listen or watch, but on Valentine's Day, everything will stop silently in the year when you accompany me.

49. Qian Shan is separated by thousands of waters, and I can't stop thinking of you day and night. When the epidemic is over and spring is blooming, I will take you to see the beautiful scenery and taste the delicious food on earth.

50. Valentine's Day is a holiday that I don't have to celebrate. Valentine's Day is my taboo day.

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