The story of a secret love for a girl

She is the first person I like and the first person I have a crush on.

She is the child of my mother’s colleague, one year younger than me. I forgot how we met for the first time. Maybe it was because my mother’s company held events. My mother often took me to participate in their company’s activities, so I had many opportunities to play with her, and then I gradually got to know each other better. she. In my impression, she is lively and cheerful, beautiful and generous, has good academic performance, and is also the school broadcaster. Every morning when the national flag is raised, you can always hear her clear voice. She wears a ponytail and an orange vest, looking fresh and capable.

My love for her may have been accumulated from such a little understanding.

The first memory should be when we were in the second grade, we were in the same class, she was the study committee member of the class, and we sat in the front and back seats. At that time, I was the most inconspicuous male classmate in the class. I had average grades, was fat, and had a plateau red face. I was an onlooker to everything. I didn’t dare to say anything if I had any thoughts, but I just liked them silently in my heart. she. (Actually, when I say "like", I didn't understand what "like" meant at that time, but I would just pay more attention to her)

Then came the summer vacation in the second grade, two months, what to do Woolen cloth? My dad wanted me to sign up for a calligraphy training class. My mom heard that the courtyard invited a martial arts coach, and many of my colleagues’ children signed up. I forgot about the process. Anyway, I finally started practicing martial arts for two months, and she Also there, haha.

My mother’s employer at the time was a seed company, and our training venue was in the compound of the seed company. We ran, stretched ligaments, pressed and kicked, and practiced martial arts routines every day. We were happiest during the breaks in between. , you can play games with your children. It's just a bunch of naughty kids chasing each other, shouting non-stop, not tired, just very happy.

Their home is in the yard of the seed company. I play until late every time after training. Sometimes her mother even lets me have dinner at their home. I watch cartoons with her. I still remember that the two of us watched Journey to the West together that night. "The white dragon horse, with its hooves facing west, carried Tang Sanzang and followed his three disciples to the west to learn scriptures on the road, which covered tens of thousands of miles..."

< p> During other winter and summer vacations, we often played together and attended various training classes and tutoring classes together. I can’t remember the details.

Later we both went to junior high school, she was in Class 1 and I was in Class 2. I remember that she was in my mind every day. I didn’t pay attention to the lectures in class and kept writing her name on the paper. After class, I would run out to play and keep scanning the windows of their class for fear of missing her appearance. .

I forgot how I found out about her birthday. From the day I found out about her birthday, I kept thinking about waiting until her birthday to buy her a thoughtful birthday gift. I didn’t have much money at the time. I saved money on breakfast and school supplies (I got up early for school at that time, and my parents didn’t have time to make breakfast, so I had money to buy breakfast by myself. I remember that I was full for only 9 cents for breakfast at that time. A bowl of Hu spicy soup and a sesame seed cake, just like this, I save a few cents every day).

Before her birthday, I rode my bicycle to choose from many stores in the county. What should I give her? I looked at the twenty dollars in my hand, and finally bought a crystal horse. It was very beautiful. Her surname was Ma. At that time, I thought she was a horse like me, and the Chinese New Year was supposed to be the Year of the Horse. I thought it was pretty It's memorable, and the horse happens to be very beautiful, I like it very much, and the budget is sufficient. Everything is such a coincidence, I am very happy to give her a gift.

I didn’t dare to have any delusions at the time, but I actually had delusions in my heart. It was a very contradictory mentality. I liked her, but I felt that I was not good enough for her. I didn’t dare to pursue her. I was worried that even my friends would do the same. No.

In this way, I give her a gift every year on her birthday. The gift I give is not necessarily expensive, but it must be very thoughtful and meaningful. I remember giving her a piece of cake on the second day of the new year. Watch, I guess, I forgot about it. I thought about it for a long time, what should I give? I bought a puzzle wooden box (it’s the kind of box that you can’t find the opening and you need to think of some ways to open it. It’s a bit like a nine-link puzzle game.

It feels hard-earned), and then I felt that it was just a wooden box and it was boring. It would be a surprise if there was music when I opened the wooden box, so I bought that kind of music greeting card. I was studying physics in the second grade of junior high school, and I thought of using it. One method is to fix the musical instrument in the box. When it is closed, the power is disconnected. When it is opened, the middle blocker is pulled out, the power is connected, and the music starts (I also adjusted a lot of music for greeting cards). After trying many times, I finally succeeded. I was so excited and felt a sense of accomplishment. I tried a few more times to make sure the quality was good and the chain would not fall off. Then I put the watch in and put a piece of velvet cloth on it to make the watch look more like it. Very nice.

There are also junior high school students, senior high school students, high school sophomores, etc. Anyway, one is given every year.

Unknowingly, I reached my third year of high school. (We were still in the same school in high school, but still not in the same class. She still had excellent grades and was pretty, and I was still the passer-by)

I don’t know where I got the courage, one winter. In the evening, I waited at the door of their class for her to study in the evening and took her home with her.

At the door of their house, I hesitated, summoned up the courage, and finally said, "Emily Ma, I like you."

I don't know why when I spoke, my head It was buzzing and I couldn't hear my own voice, but I was sure that I must have said it. This was the first time I told a girl that I like you. (I dare not say love, because I think love is a very sacred word and cannot be spoken easily) Then I handed her the first love letter I had written in my life. She took it, nodded slightly, and smiled at the corner of her mouth. , turned around and pushed the door open to go home.

I watched her enter the house and then left. I was so happy. I felt refreshed and my body was very light. I felt like I was about to fly. I jumped back and walked back inadvertently. Suddenly I raised my head to look at the sky, and suddenly, a meteor flew by. It was really a meteor. I was sure I saw it right. I lowered my head and silently made a wish, hoping that my dream would come true.

The next day, there was no reply in the morning, no reply at noon, and no reply in the afternoon. My heart dropped from excitement to the lowest point. After evening self-study, I went to see her, and she gave me a note. We still Be friends.

Although my mood is very low, it is not unexpected. I still have a little bit of luck in my heart. I will work hard to get better. When I get better, you will definitely accept me.

I still like her silently.

After graduating from high school, we were admitted to different cities. I heard that she was in love, but my heart for her remained unchanged. I would think of her when I heard all kinds of emotional songs. I remember that the song I often sang during my freshman year was "I Believe" by Sun Nan. I sang this song at the freshman party, thinking of her.

I didn’t fall in love in college. Even though there were several very good opportunities, I could feel that there were some excellent girls who would still have a chance if I took the initiative, but I just didn’t have the motivation. Time and again, I deliberately alienated some girls who were close to me and closed myself off.

This situation lasted until the winter vacation of my sophomore year.

One afternoon, my mother and uncle and I went to the supermarket to buy gifts to visit relatives in the First People's Hospital. While choosing gifts, I inadvertently saw her working a part-time job. After making sure she didn't see me, I hid aside and watched her secretly. When I checked out and went out, I remembered the location of the supermarket where she worked. I still think of her all the time.

One day it snowed heavily. It started to fall at noon and kept falling. When I saw the heavy snow, I began to worry about her. How could she go home at night with such heavy snow? Riding a bicycle or a scooter? What to do if your hands are frozen? What should I do if I can’t see the road clearly due to wind and rain? The road is slippery in the snow, and the place where she works is so far away from her home. What should I do if I go from the south of the city to the north of the city?

I especially want to protect her, fearing that she will freeze or fall.

At about seven o'clock in the evening, I washed my feet obediently in my parents' room, then said good night to my parents, and went upstairs to sleep. In fact, I hid the car keys and garage keys at home early in my pocket. Going upstairs early was to create an illusion to confuse my parents. (Now that I think about it, I was quite clever at the time). I stood in the cold wind on the balcony upstairs and watched secretly. I watched my parents wash up, close the door and turn off the lights, go to bed, then climb over the wall and go out to the store to pick up the car. It should be around eight o'clock at that time. I jogged all the way, 5 Arrived at the store in minutes.

I inserted the key into the rolling shutter door of the store and couldn't twist it. It was so freezing that I felt dizzy. I tried to pull the key out and reinsert it, but it couldn't be pulled out and couldn't be twisted. , I couldn't pull it out, so I became anxious. I took the key and shook it hard on the lock cylinder, which made the door clang. 10 minutes passed, 20 minutes passed, and it still couldn't be opened or pulled out. I just ran away. The sweat I made was very cold in the cold wind, and my knees were red from the cold. My thumb and index finger were so painful that they were deformed from twisting the key.

What to do? I found a small stone from the side, smashed the key in, then wrapped the key in my clothes and pulled it out, but still couldn't get it out. 10 minutes, and then 20 minutes passed, because I knew that the supermarket at home closed at 9:30, and I could drive to her place in about 15 minutes at the fastest. I watched the time passing by, and the closer I got to 9:15, the sadder I became. I couldn't twist it, I couldn't pull it out, and I became more and more desperate as the time passed by.

I saw that the time was over 9:15. When I saw that the time was over 9:30, I was completely desperate. I sat down on the cold ground and didn’t want to twist it anymore. I kept changing my hands and shaking it. The key, around eleven o'clock, the key was finally taken out. I looked at myself in a panic, which was really funny. Step by step, I walked home as if I had lost my soul. I climbed over the wall and entered the house. I tiptoed and washed my hands again.

I went back to bed immersed in sadness. I couldn't sleep anymore. I didn't know how she was, whether she was cold or not, and whether she got home safely.

I couldn't resist the urge to send her a message, so I picked up my Nokia, lay on the bed, and sent her everything I wanted to say, until 3 o'clock in the morning.

When I woke up the next day, I felt relieved for some reason. If you like someone to the extreme, and then you pass that peak, you may feel relieved.

This feeling reminds me of the 5-minute narration in the third episode of "5 Centimeters per Second".

"I still like you." This is what a woman who has been dating for three years sent me in a text message, but even if we exchange a thousand text messages, our hearts are only one centimeter closer. Here For a few years, I kept my head down and just thought about getting something that was out of reach, but I didn't know what it was. This idea that came from nowhere gradually became a kind of oppression, and I had to immerse myself in work. In order to seek relief. When I woke up, my increasingly stiff heart could only feel pain. Then one morning, I found that those thoughts that were once so real and certain were no longer there, so I knew that I had reached my limit. , so I quit my job.”

From the second grade of elementary school to the winter vacation of my sophomore year, I have been in love with her for almost ten years, and then it ended here.

This is the story of my secret love. It is bitter and beautiful. It is also very happy when you truly like someone wholeheartedly.