A redemption letter to an ex-boyfriend (practical skills of ex-boyfriend redemption)

It's no use trying to save your ex-boyfriend, begging, crying and retaining. Redemption is a real battle-grasping the core problem of breaking up, analyzing the other person's psychology, personality and behavior pattern, examining the current state, grasping the opportunity, and designing the words of reconnection ... Wisdom, patience and perseverance are indispensable. At the same time, we should have the ability to perceive emotions and be prepared for emergencies.

The core of redemption is to resolve the contradictions in feelings and rebuild a strong attraction. A stable and powerful mentality is the premise of redemption. Actual combat is not a skill or method, but a set of overall strategies.

First, the psychological construction before actual combat

"When you do something wholeheartedly, the whole universe will work together with Qi Xin to help you complete it."

This is what the law of attraction tells us. I believe it is a kind of strength. As long as you are optimistic, the whole thing will develop in a good direction.

For example, after a period of cold treatment, you contact him actively, but he ignores you. At this time, if your mentality collapses, it is easy to do things that you can't control. For example, crying and asking, "Why are you so embarrassed? I'm here to ask you to get back together! " And so on, broken pots and broken falls, then everything will be in vain.

You know, he is not the man you wrote. He does everything according to your idea.

Recovery is a long and painful process, and various problems will inevitably appear in actual combat. It doesn't matter if you lose once or twice, you should focus on the overall situation. The mentality must be stable, which is the premise of restoring success.

Second, the practical steps

Resolve the face of breaking up, without confrontation, explanation or interruption.

The core of redemption is to resolve contradictions and regain attraction, which is a change from the heart and an improvement in the ability of love.

At present, the biggest contradiction between you is "he said you don't want to break up", which is a contradiction that needs to be solved. If you keep asking for reconciliation, you can only add fuel to the fire and make his impression of you fall to the bottom.

On the contrary, if you agree to break up with respect, some of his negative emotions will be resolved at this time.

This is not really a default breakup, but a psychological preparation for the next step.

Laughing and crying, what is more touching than hysterical crying?

The least advantage of this is that he didn't stand on his own opposite side, but also reflected on his own emotional contradictions. Grateful to pay, leaving an anchor.

0 freshness and reverse rationalization, you have to live well.

At the beginning of the breakup, it was the period when his negative feelings for you broke out. At this time, you should avoid sharp edges and weaken the connection. You all know this.

At least one advantage of this practice is that it will not be hacked. When most men break up, they will say a conclusion: "We will still be friends in the future." Don't lose heart, just take this as the first step to recover and get along like ordinary friends.

The pain of lovelorn gives people the strength to grow up, which surprises you.

In this period of silence, perhaps things that I didn't understand before suddenly became clear; Little things that I used to care too much about are irrelevant; Looking at your relationship from an outsider's point of view, you should find your own problems. If you have shortcomings or wrong behaviors that caused you to break up, try to get rid of them. You can also thoroughly analyze some of his previously neglected hobbies or behaviors.

In short, before he appeared again, there was an optimized version of you, and there was an old relationship with each other. The impact of this familiar stranger is even more attractive than the moment I first liked you.

After breaking up, we all like to ask about our ex. I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

This is called "reverse rationalization" in psychology. Simply put, people will find reasonable reasons for their decisions.

Knowing that the ex is not doing well can prove the correctness of breaking up.

If he thinks that breaking up is reasonable, then your reaction should be decadent and painful. The circle of friends is gray, and you can cry when you see the rain.

On the contrary, if you are sad after breaking up, but you can't hide the sunshine, let the future come with the attitude of letting go of the past and regrouping, and your life arrangement will be colorful and the state will get better and better.

For example, such a circle of friends:

Everyone is curious about the working scene on the set, which is completely different from his previous understanding of you, and will also bring you a sense of high class. Anyone who sees this circle of friends will be curious: Hey, how did she go to the set? Change jobs? Short video or advertising related fields?

Reverse rationalization will quietly catalyze his psychology at this moment-she is getting better and better/excellent/full of energy after breaking up with me? Should I break up?

At first glance, it is reasonable to hide the demand.

Since you reappeared in his field of vision and brushed the first circle of friends, actual combat has begun. Every next step requires you to control your emotions and hide your needs. For example, "I miss you" and "Do you have a girlfriend?" This obvious affirmation can't be sent, and sensitive festivals like Valentine's Day should also be avoided.

For the first time, you can choose some important festivals, such as Dragon Boat Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival. Just greet them like ordinary friends. His birthday, you can simply say happy birthday.

After the signal is sent, just wait for his response.

It is very likely that he didn't respond, so don't worry, and don't catch up and continue chatting.

It is also possible that he will reply a perfunctory sentence, and you should not reply for a second. It was quiet for a while.

0 curiosity, the relationship between people is like a game. Either I project my inner world to you or your inner world to me.

People with light and love in their hearts will involuntarily accept your projection. You send an unexpected signal, and the initiative is in your hands.

If he didn't respond to your greetings in the previous stage, you can arouse his curiosity like this, for example:

This circle of friends seems to mean moving to another city, and it can also be understood as packing things and sending them to others.

After 2-3 days, you can send him a WeChat saying:

Don't go back to him at this time.

Do you know what your greatest strength is? It's an old love, and it's also the back of my handsome departure. Whether it's the first effect (first impression) or recency effect (last impression), you give him a high rating.

When you are frustrated, think about how he liked you at the beginning, not to mention upgrading and optimizing you now.

He said he would return something, but he didn't really return it. This matter is put aside for the time being.

About 10 days, you can send it like this:

As the predecessor of an ordinary friend, you must try your best to rationalize your partner.

It is understandable to greet old acquaintances in cafes. And this is the place where you have been together, and the heart anchor has played a role.

There are always some things in life, such as a piece of jewelry and a song. When you touch it, you will be happy or sad. It's called a heart anchor. When we are together, there must be places like cafes, and all we think about is happiness. This kind of heart anchor has positive significance.

During this period, your social platform, circle of friends, Weibo, space, etc. Still need to continue to show in the direction mentioned before. 65438+ 0-2 times a week is appropriate. Too many screens cause disgust, and there is no sense of existence without it.

Then, the last time you talk about packing, normal people will guess that you are moving. Moving means many things, such as changing jobs, changing cities and making new boyfriends. ...

If he doesn't ask you, you can ask him a small favor first.

Tolstoy said: "We love others not because others are good to us, but because we are good to them." This is also the famous Franklin effect in psychology-people who helped you once will help you again and will have a good impression on you. Ask him for help if you want!

Help still follows the principle of rationalization. For example:

Although it is only a small favor, this process is also a subtle effort.

He will naturally think that you don't know much about setting up WiFi. He used to be in charge. What can I do for you now?

What is the account number? Since he set it up, it is his duty to find it. Help you fix it.

These are unconscious thoughts in his mind, which involve you, and he also involves your feelings invisibly.

Take help as an opportunity to restore offline contact. Everything is logical and not abrupt. It is natural to invite him to dinner to show his gratitude after helping, and it doesn't matter if he refuses. The calmer you are, the weaker his defense will be.

0 strengthening intermittent strengthening principle

Since we are friends, don't always think about the purpose of getting back together, because there will be a lot of scruples, and we won't let go if we have an estimate. Your attitude directly affects the atmosphere, and he will become nervous.

So learn to relax and don't go back.

Do you think if you are an ordinary friend, you will reply to every message every second?

Remember the principle of intermittent strengthening. For example, if you reply to his message, you reply 6 times out of 10 times, and he sends 10 times, not every time, not every time, and the reply is random. This is intermittent reinforcement. This psychological effect can especially arouse people's enthusiasm. Simply put, you can't keep him hopeful all the time, it will be boring.

If he asks you what you are doing once in a while. You'll be right back: nothing to do, let's have dinner tonight!

This not only exposes the demand, but also gives people a feeling of pressing step by step, which is a bit depressing.

But it should be like this, a relaxed rhythm:

Give a little, take a little, and guide his attention to increase bit by bit.

0 stimulation adopts psychological induction mechanism.

Men's DNA is born with the words plunder and possession, which is determined by our living environment hundreds of millions of years ago. Only progress can occupy more means of production.

Most men say that even if the ex-girlfriend they don't like finds a new boyfriend, they will still be unhappy.

This possessiveness is innate. And the more things you can't get, the stronger your possessiveness.

When he saw your change and your kindness, he resumed contact with you as an ordinary friend and used psychological induction mechanism to catalyze your relationship.

What do these friends circles mean? A new life, a new circle, I can live well without you.

Believe me, no man will be calm when he sees this.

At this time, the original calm state is equivalent to a sudden increase in resistance. Whenever feelings have external resistance, it will become more intense, even in do or die, butterfly lovers, Romeo and Juliet. Of course, this is just an example. The "third party resistance" you create is equivalent to a kind of catalysis, which makes your relationship leap forward. Greatly promote your reorganization process.

Men decide one thing and don't think about it. Almost everything was done in the early stage. It's too easy to wait for him to talk. It seems that you can't believe it. At this time, remember not to go back in seconds and grasp the progress. After all, reorganization is only the first step, and emotional management after that is more important.

There are many practical recovery methods, and the choice varies from person to person. The emotional situation of two people should be analyzed in detail, but the psychological basis of interpersonal relationship is unchangeable. One of the biggest variables is your mentality. It is very important to maintain a fairly confident and not radical mentality. Nothing is difficult in the world, if you put your mind to it, I wish you good luck!

If you are experiencing emotional difficulties or emotional crisis, try the following test!

Usually, according to your emotional state and your objective description of TA, I will infer the other person's current psychological thoughts, the real needs that the other person has not shown you, and what the other person's real personality is. Through many ways of personality and personality analysis that I am good at, I will help you better maintain a long-term intimate relationship.

Speaking habits, tone, such as tone, speech speed, and the degree of logical divergence of speech.

Is TA usually strong or dependent on you?

Do you usually doubt or trust?

Does TA usually give you freedom or control?

TA's hobbies.

TA reacts to hostile situations, such as conflicts. Or the way you look, react or behave when you are angry.

The relationship between TA and parents. And parents' personalities.

Why do you usually quarrel? For example: emotional problems/objective contradictions themselves/cold violence/external causes (parents object to different places, etc.). )

Types of books and movies that TA likes to watch.

Some special tips. For example, I like to roll my eyes when I talk.

1 consumption habits. The concept of money status.

The distance of 1 describes the dependence of TA on you 15 months before love.

1TA arrangement of leisure time at ordinary times.

1TA's friend's personality.

1TA's handling methods for troubles in work.

1TA ever tell you anything that bothered him when he was growing up?

1TA the most annoying thing.

Will TA make plans before 1 goes out for a trip?

1 Generally, who quarrels with whom first.

20.TA's dressing style

2TA Frequency of mood swings.

What do you think are the three words that best fit the emotional tone of TA?

A. sense of security

B. desire for control

C. possessiveness

D. Sense of identity

E. tacit understanding

F. sense of belonging

Which of you is more like a cat in love?

This is a description of your redemption object. Don't judge subjectively, try to describe objectively.

I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.