Campus humor jokes

The last thing we need in life is jokes, which are the spice of our life and make us feel good every day. The following is my collection of campus humor jokes. Welcome to read the collection.

Campus humor joke 1 1, college entrance examination, math exam, it was cold, I accidentally fell asleep and I was dreaming. The invigilator told me: wake up, students, there is still half an hour to hand in the papers. I'm too wet to tie it up ...

2. The teacher reprimanded Xiaoming: "Your handwriting is so scribbled that normal people can't recognize it." Xiao Ming said, "But if I want to write one stroke at a time, you will scold me for writing too many mistakes."

My parents came to see me at school and took them to the hotel at the school gate at night. When registering, the front desk casually asked, "Do you have a membership card?" ? I also casually replied ... "Yes". And then ... then there was a severe interrogation of the parents. ...

4. "I am a geography teacher in high school. Yesterday, I talked about the Volga River in Russia. I said: There was once a very famous painting. Do you know what it is? Student: Tracker on the Volga River. Student: Teacher, do you know another very famous song? Me: ... Student: The love of the tracker on the Volga River. "

5. "Xiao Xin made a new girlfriend online, and everyone bragged about how beautiful his girlfriend was ... One day, Xiao Xin looked at his girlfriend's photo and said in surprise," This is really like a fairy ... "

His roommate was curious for a moment and couldn't help but want to borrow photos to see the fairy who came to the world, ready to be "amazing"; As a result, there was only one question after reading it: "Did you land face first when you came down to earth?" ? 』"

6. A Qiang is always dozing off in class. The teacher can't bear to wake A Qiang up from his lethargy and ask him, "Do you know why the rabbit lost the race between the tortoise and the hare?" 」

"I don't know," A Qiang replied sleepily. 」

"Because the rabbit is dozing off," the teacher said angrily.

"oh! I see, "if A Qiang thought," all the turtles didn't doze off! "

7. When my classmate was lovelorn, I went to comfort her and said, I'm sorry for your loss. By the way ... after hearing this, the female classmate thought for three seconds to wipe her tears, and squeezed out a smile and said, you are a comfort to so many people. ...

When the bell rang, the classroom was still noisy. As soon as the teacher struck the table, he immediately became quiet. Then the teacher shouted, "didn't you hear the bell?" After a silence, a deep voice came from the corner of the classroom: "When did you hear the bell?"

9. There are six people in a dormitory. The fourth one snores, which often keeps us awake. Once the second one can't stand it, it's a slap in the face. After waking up, the fourth one looked at the second one in horror, and the second one said, Have a nightmare, and the second brother will cover you with a quilt. Old four said sadly, thank you, second brother.

10, Xiao Zhang doesn't like studying, and his grades are very poor. As the university was about to graduate, he asked the professor, "Teacher, what will you study after graduation?" Professor: "job advertisement."

1 1. The girlfriend of the math department wants to break up, and her boyfriend asks why. Woman: You are poor and have a bad personality. The first five people, you love learning, but your grades are in a mess! Man: You exaggerate! Woman: I'm almost there!

12. I have been teaching art and design for many years, and I often encourage students to be creative. Another painting exercise in junior high school is "Association of Hands". There is a black drawing paper in my homework. After reading it for a long time, I didn't draw anything on either side. Only on one side of the drawing paper, I vaguely found the name, class and proposition written in pencil: "I can't see my fingers."

13, people who go to college are sometimes naive. Last week, the new monitor of our class took office and announced at the class meeting that the whole class would be organized to travel on the first day of the New Year's Day, and the destination was decided by the whole class through voting. As soon as I opened my mouth, I discussed with my deskmate where to play, and finally we decided to go to the zoo. For convenience, I wrote a "zoo" on the ballot.

After receiving the tickets, the monitor sang in front of his classmates: "One vote for Nanshan Ski Resort, One vote for the Great Wall …" Suddenly, the monitor raised his hand and shouted: "Who wrote this 200? The funds for this activity are limited, so you can not play, but you can never send 200 yuan! "

14. Teacher knowledge of nature introduced all kinds of poisonous snakes in the forest to the students on the blackboard and taught them all kinds of emergency measures.

The teacher then asked, "What should you do if you meet a cobra?"

The student said eagerly, "break its glasses first!" " "

15, the most charming short message: the meteor of love says to you: love+love = very love, love-love = the starting point of love, love * love = infinite love, love/love = the only love!

16, the teacher asked two unruly children to stay after school and wrote their names 100 times. One child has been writing home for a long time, and the other is still writing. The teacher asked, "What's going on?"

The child whimpered and replied, "This is really unfair! His name is Hankin Frank, and my name is Ali Zarour Bin Hassan Ibrahim La Boudoul Rajim. "

17. In the first class after the long vacation, the rogue teacher asked the students passionately, "Do you miss me?"

The students unanimously answered "No-".

"But I miss you!"

The student is puzzled: "Y?"

"Because I love you!" The teacher's passion remains the same.

There are many questions in the classroom.

"Don't believe it? Alas, it forced me to complain about the history of revolutionaries! " The teacher said sincerely, "It was the first time that I set foot on the glorious post of teacher, and an old teacher who devoted his life to education gave me lessons." . He said that the most important thing to be a good teacher is to love your students. "

The voice of doubt is gone, and the expression of doubt is still there.

"He also told me," the rogue teacher continued, "that if you can't do the above, you should at least do half of it, and that is the female student who loves you." ……

18, freshmen report to school.

Teacher: "Parents' names? "

Student: "Li Dameng."

Teacher: "Relationship with you?"

Student: "No, he often hits me!" " "

19, Toby's father bought Toby a small football. He took it to school and had a good time.

The teacher came over and touched Toby's head and said, "Toby, you are a primary school student, not a kindergarten child anymore. You should know how to care about your classmates." Lend your ball to that poor little boy who has no father, will you? "

Toby hesitated for a moment and said, "Can I lend my football to his father?"

20. Teacher: "Which tooth of a person appears at the latest?"

Student: "Dentures."

2 1, "The boiling room has always been an inconspicuous place, but the place where love takes place has always been irregular. Perhaps it is in this place that people will love each other all their lives, or at least meet the right person. Therefore, in the spirit of "Three Lights Policy", we will not let love run away anywhere. So, when you make up your mind to meet love, you can set off for the boiling water room! Premise: bring at least two bottles, otherwise it will make people feel insecure, at least not diligent enough. Time: After dinner is the peak time to turn on the water, so it is not recommended to act in winter, because it is easy to see foggy places in a boiling room, and then it is impossible to treat inferior girls as clowns, so ... "

22. One day, I asked my mother who was watching TV in the mirror, "Mom, do you think my face has lost weight recently?" My mother turned her head and studied it carefully for a long time. She said, "My face is not thin, but my eyes are thin."

23. Article 1: In high school, the whole school must wear school uniforms, and a repeat student never wears them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes? Second, an art teacher is famous. A newspaper has a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always told me that you are really good, and you have published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to take art classes. The third time: in Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was in a daze and could not speak. The teacher said helplessly, "you will." ...

24. The chemistry teacher did experiments on dilute hydrochloric acid and zinc. He prepared the test tube and poured some hydrochloric acid. I waited for a long time, but there was no response. I was puzzled and asked a classmate to answer: this classmate, please tell me why there is no bubble.

Classmate: Teacher, you didn't put zinc!

Teacher: This student answered very well!

25. A teacher gave an example when explaining the word "miracle": a man jumped from the eighth floor and escaped unscathed. He hoped that the students would work miracles.

But a classmate replied: lucky.

The teacher was disappointed and said that the man climbed to the eighth floor and jumped down, but he was still not injured.

A classmate replied: by chance.

The teacher was very angry and had to say, that man climbed the eighth floor again and jumped down again. ...

Before the teacher finished speaking, a classmate replied: He is used to it.

26. In the composition class, the teacher's topic is "the value of life".

A student who sells seafood at home wrote: "Live fish is 80 yuan per catty, and dead fish is 20 yuan per catty;" Live shrimp per catty 100 yuan, dead shrimp per catty 30 yuan; Live crabs are 40 yuan per catty, and dead crabs can only be thrown into the trash can. Therefore, life is precious and must be cherished.

27. A wise man taught one of his students, "When it rains, you rush into the rain, hands in the air, and you will find out the truth". A few days later, the student came back and said,' I did as you said, and the rain flowed into my neck, and I felt like a complete fool',' Yes', and the wise man said,' That's the truth'?

Campus humor joke 2 Normal sleep

The professor is a kind and humorous old man, and there is a tall and strong PE student in his class. Every time the professor's voice rings in class, the PE students start to sleep until they wake up on time after class. One day, the sports student was late, and the professor kindly said to him, Jack, please don't be late in the future, it will affect your normal sleep.

What are these children's shoes?

In Chinese class, after the teacher finished the article "Bian Que meets Cai Huangong".

Ask the students, "Why does Bian Que want to see Cai Huangong again and again? And Cai Huangong always refuses to see a doctor? "

Student: "The reason why Bian Que wants to see Cai Huangong again and again is because he wants to get a kickback on medicine;"

Cai Huangong always refused to see a doctor because there was no public medical system at that time. "

Ask questions to the book.

The teacher said, "Students, learn to ask questions from books. When reading, you should think, ask questions and remember. "

Soon, the teacher found two students whispering in class.

The teacher woke them up and asked, "What are you doing?"

The two students said in unison, "I'm asking questions from the book."

Causes of sweating in human body

In science class, the teacher asked, "What causes people to sweat?"

Student: "Your question, teacher."

There is a woman worth seeing.

There are few girls in our school. Recently, many newcomers have joined our club, including many girls.

Come back and say to your roommate, "Come to our club when you are free."

The roommate said, "What's the matter? There are beautiful women? "

I said, "There are no beautiful women, but there are women."

The roommate said, "Yes, there is a woman worth seeing."

Continue to secretly love

Men secretly love women, men are timid, and they drink too much to express their love.

Confession, female shock, promise in surprise, male ecstasy.

Dai Ri's man was drunk, and he didn't remember yesterday at all, and he continued to secretly love his daughter.

You think too much.

I had a roommate who was a branch representative in college. What teaches us is a young female teacher.

In other words, one day my buddy was walking on the road with a cigarette in his mouth when he suddenly saw the teacher. He stepped forward to say hello, but the teacher took two steps back and said, "I'm pregnant! The female teacher is afraid of smoke.

My buddy didn't understand the meaning, and suddenly he petrified and the smoke fell out. He said trembling, "It's not mine!" .

Children's shoes, the future development of the country depends on you.

Just now, a schoolmate sent me a message saying that I couldn't buy a ticket back to Hangzhou.

I comforted him out of common sense.

I didn't know that he actually told me: Senior, I signed up for a two-day tour of Xitang, Hangzhou, so that I could go home directly. ......

Tall! Really high! !

If you ask me how much my sadness has increased.

Today is the last mock exam for senior three.

The first Chinese class. There is a saying in ancient poetry called "How much sorrow can there be?" Let's write the next sentence.

My first reaction at that time was "going upstairs like a group of eunuchs".

As a result, I really can't remember what the original match is. Sin ~

No

Teacher Wang, the headmaster asked the head teacher, I heard that a student in your class came to school yesterday and didn't wash his face. You blew him home. How effective is this method?

This method seems to be unworkable. The head teacher said that more than half of the students in the class didn't wash their faces today.

deceiver

In the senior three English review class, the teacher sent another set of questions, which were completed in 80 minutes. But I heard someone shouting fake, fake, and then I looked at the test paper. There were several big words in it. I see.

Pinyin is really good, so I knelt down decisively.

When I was in college, online shopping was only popular in the dormitory.

The third son bought something for the first time and asked, "The seller asked for express delivery. What is st? "

I said, "Shentong."

"What about SF?"

"SF."

"Are they all abbreviations?"

"Probably."

"Well, choose ems, that's what I heard."

"Have you ever used it?"

"No, Mount Emei is definitely more authoritative."

Have authority ......

Top students and poor students

The teacher was giving a lecture and saw two students sleeping with their books on the pillows. One of them is an excellent student, and the other is a poor student. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded him: "You lazy guy, you sleep as soon as you read. You see people are reading books when they sleep. "

Because I don't have another hand.

The teacher asked a child, "Why do you always come to school with two dirty hands?"

The child replied, "teacher, because I don't have other hands."

Today is not a good day for school.

On the first day of school, the national flag was raised very early, and the national anthem was only raised by half.

This is not a gc. gc is a national flag that rises halfway and falls directly.

The whole school is in a mess. At this time, a buddy said: it is not appropriate to start school today. ......

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