Daily funny jokes, classic jokes

When we feel idle every day, we can watch some jokes to increase the fun of life. The following is what I have arranged for you. I hope you will like it.

draw

1. I used to think that if I didn't know you, I wouldn't be so miserable, but now I know that if I don't have this, I will lose everything because I love you.

2. In a bar, a man was blowing in the sea: When I get rich, buy a plane and go for a ride in the sky! A drunk ran up and interjected, What are you doing? I'm driving the earth around the universe now, and all of you who haven't bought tickets are going to die!

The landlord is looking at the house with the new tenant. Tenant: "It seems that this house often leaks water." Landlord: "No, no, it only leaks when it rains."

Spend 200 yuan to buy a little pig, squeak water, eat beans, throw it over the wall, squeak, and guess what-dead!

5. Don't stop, keep chasing your dreams; If you don't admit defeat, there will be a sunrise after the night; Road is bitter, sweat is a beautiful blessing; Remember, success is the next step; Take a big step, yes, and then fall into the cesspit.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then I should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

7. A college student was arrested. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him: Where are you from? Don't electrocute you! The college student answered the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said: I am the father of TV University, and someone stole our car. Do you recognize this man's face? I didn't pay attention, but I remembered the car number!

8. I will have a son named "beautiful" in the future, and others will say "beautiful mother!" I gave birth to a son named Shuai Shuai, and others say: Shuai Shuai's father!

9. Today, when you woke up, there was a mosquito lying beside your pillow with a will: I struggled all night, and your impudence made me live in this world with shame. Lord! Forgive him. I killed myself.

10. I want to marry the seven fairies, buy RMB, climb a ladder and fight with God most! God was born today. Beat him when he is young, or wait for him to grow up.

1 1. I went to the toilet in the company early this morning, and the toilet door bolt was broken, so I pulled the toilet door. At this time, a very anxious buddy came over and pulled my door directly. Yes, I'm trying. He pulled me out directly. * * *, I got into a fight with him without wiping it.

12. In senior three, the chemistry teacher taught us organic chemistry. The teacher first drew a "peptide bond" on the blackboard, and then said to us, "This is a eunuch. Let's put a methyl group on it! Students, where do you say you want to settle down? " At this time, the audience has been laughing crazy.

13. Jordan: Build the motherland and serve the country faithfully. Nepal: The motherland is more precious than heaven. Myanmar: A harmonious and orderly life contains happiness. France: freedom, equality and fraternity. Holland: We must insist on wishing Belgium: Unity is strength. Andorra: If people don't attack me, I won't attack. Switzerland: Everything is for everyone, and everyone is a person. China: People's Bank of China

14. The purpose of learning from the scriptures is by no means to learn from the scriptures. In fact, the true identity of the four people headed by Tang Priest is the rectification dispatch group. Last time, the Bodhisattva showed off the mountain dew and connived at his subordinates' evil deeds. Because of each other's face, they couldn't do it. That's why we found four people with no foundation at the two sessions of Buddha and God, and used the Tang monk meat as bait to clean up all kinds of monsters in the name of learning from the scriptures. This is also easy to explain. People with backgrounds were taken away by God, and people without backgrounds were killed. ...

15. Someone found a job in a dairy farm. On his first day at work, the boss gave him a bucket and a stool to go to the milk shed for milking. He died happily. After work, the boss saw that he was splashed with milk and his stool leg was broken, so he asked him, "What happened? Is it difficult? " He replied with a sad face, "It is not difficult to milk, but it is difficult to let the cow sit on the stool."

16. Be a cat in the next life: always favored, graceful, and importantly, have nine lives.

17. I missed the bus at work, so I ran after it. A man riding an electric car shouted, "Come on!" I suddenly felt a warm current in my heart. I just wanted to feel the beauty of the world, and then the man shouted, "Come on, master, don't let this force catch up!" "

18. The same beauty: others have backgrounds, and we only have the back; Others are traveling and we are sleepwalking; Others drink Lafite, we make coffee; Others are rich, and we chose love rat; Others drive Mercedes, and we drive VIOS. ...

19. Wukong: The most painful thing in life is that a gust of wind has passed, pigs are here, horses are here, and people are gone! The most painful thing is that another idiot will shout at the top of his lungs: big brother! The master was taken away by the devil! In order to prove their existence, and then gawk.

20. People nowadays are really nosy! What does my girlfriend and I quarrel on the phone have to do with him? He doesn't know my girlfriend. To make matters worse, he called security! What a nuisance! I will never come to this cinema again.

appreciate

1. A little friend who has been practicing Sanda for three years thinks that I am tall and burly, so I have to practice with me. In less than two minutes, I knocked him down and beat him up. He stood up and said sadly, I practiced Sanda for three years, but you beat me to the ground. It's really a waste of practice. Have I practiced radio gymnastics for nine years? I'll tell you! Hum, people with real kung fu are so low-key

When my wife went to the toilet in the morning, she suddenly shouted and I rushed over. She said that she left her mobile phone in the toilet and could buy her an apple tomorrow. No, I said Nima underestimated my IQ. She dropped her cell phone in the toilet, so why does Nima still have the SIM card in her hand!

Just now, a car in front of me suddenly braked and stopped in the middle of the road, with various horns behind it. At this time, a hand stretched out from the window and waved a torn steering wheel. Everyone is quiet.

4. Roommate A: "Does my new dress look good?" Roommate B: "Wow, such a beautiful skirt, aren't you going to match it all over your face?" Roommate A: "..."

We just finished the monthly exam yesterday, and a classmate next to us handed in a blank paper. I asked him, do you want to live? There will be a parent-teacher conference after the exam. He said that today is the end of the world anyway, so he won't do it. Today I want to tell him that Monday is the end of the world.

6. I went home once in winter. My little niece is at home. She has just entered the first grade, and my brother and sister-in-law are discussing wearing school uniforms. Sister-in-law said helplessly: the school stipulates that you must wear school uniform every day. If the children are cold, you should add more clothes. Down jacket can't be worn outside. Just put on the school uniform outside, and as a result, the little guy loves beauty, saying that the school uniform is too fat to wear outside. My brother replied, don't you wear school uniforms and mourning clothes every day? Is your headmaster dead? After listening, I suddenly petrified!

7. A girl wrote a sensational signature: four years in college, single, waiting for you to appear. I feel a little tired recently. From today on, I don't expect you to appear. I'll be glad if you show up. If you still play hide-and-seek with me, then from now on, I will let myself live a full life and won't miss you any more. A boy replied: don't look for me, I will never go down the mountain in my life. The girl replied: So you have been wearing a wig and haven't seen it ~

8. Xiaohong put on makeup and asked Xiao Ming if it looked good. Xiaoming: "OK ... Look" Xiaohong: "You lied" Xiaoming: "I swear, if I lie outside the school, I will be killed by Lei P and killed by a car." Xiaohong: "I believe you" After school, Xiaoming took out his mobile phone: "Mom, I won't go home today. You come to school with clothes, quilts, pillows and food. Don't worry. " Xiaohong was very angry and pinched her schoolbag with her hand.

9. Before getting married, the man said to the woman, Marry me and I will give you a diamond necklace. Woman: Oh, dear, you are so kind to me! After the marriage, the man really gave the woman a necklace. W: There is no drill here either. Man: Necklaces, diamonds and so on. ...

10. There is a grandfather named Ai Guo. He is a patriotic man. The evidence is as follows: Son's name: Red Army, War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression, found the Party and founded the country. Daughter's name: to resist US aggression and aid Korea. Grandson's name: Hongkong, Australia, Taiwan Province, Australia, Ausun, Expo, Shishun. Granddaughters' names: Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying and Nini.

1 1. My son is doing his homework. He asked me, "Dad, what are the other three books besides The Analects?" I told her, "It's Mencius, The Doctrine of the Mean and The University." "Oh." He asked again, "What are the two sentences of Mencius?" I replied, "Assyrian Mencius' Mencius." He asked how to write The Doctrine of the Mean, and I told her. Finally, he asked me, "which university is it?" I told him casually, "that's the university you want to go to." He nodded and wrote. When he finished his homework, I found that her four books were The Analects of Confucius, Mencius, The Doctrine of the Mean and Tsinghua.

12. He was walking home with his wife on his back. Suddenly, he said to his wife gently, "Every time I carry you behind my back, I feel that I am responsible." She buried her head shyly on his back, and he stopped to catch his breath: "Responsibility is more important than Mount Tai!" " "

13. A miser carefully tore off the wallpaper in the room, sweating like a pig. "Do you want a new one?" The neighbor asked. "No, no, I want to move ..."

14. A pair of mosquitoes came to the toilet with a little mosquito. Mosquito's parents quickly threw themselves on a piece of feces, and the little mosquito asked weakly behind: Mom, why do we eat Baba? Mother mosquito slapped the little mosquito angrily and said, don't say such disgusting things when eating.

15. My sister in the dormitory asked her sisters in the mirror, "Have I become very old?" Little sister said, "I'm not old, but I'm getting more and more anxious ..."

16. Listening to a group of men in the company talking about private money, everyone feels that their wives will find out anyway; Angkor across from me said firmly, "I keep everything in the bank." They asked, "Where is the passbook or card?" Angkor smiled innocently: "Burn it. When you want to use it, take your ID card to make it up. "

17. Our foreign colleagues suddenly asked me: What's your favorite foreign language mantra in China? I feel that you often say "what‘s up" when you meet, and sometimes you talk to yourself in front of the computer. Is it influenced by American culture? I thought about it for a long time, and then it suddenly dawned on me and said to her, damn it!

18. I had a terrible dream last night. When I was sleeping, I dreamed that I was chased by a group of big men who were five big and three thick. After catching up, I hit the sack on my head, and then I woke up immediately. Oh, I went. I broke out in a cold sweat and then fell asleep. * * * Yes, after sleeping for a while, I saw the big man holding a sack and saying, "Do you dare to come back?" I dare not sleep all night. ...

19. Q: It's also a woman. Why is girlfriend so easy and mother-in-law so difficult? A: Because my mother-in-law was cheated once. ...

20. One day, in the dormitory. Head nurse: "My perfume is gone! Help me find it! " Everyone: "What brand of perfume do you still use?" Head nurse: "Liushen, I only use that." Everyone: "awesome, I have never heard of it. What is it like?" The head nurse said, "Which one of you took the Liushen toilet water?" Everyone: ".........."

Careful selection

1. I am a medical student. One day, the teacher said in class that in the future, if a patient cuts you with a knife in the hospital, you should hide behind the hospital equipment, which is expensive no matter where it is. Because the equipment is broken, the hospital will come forward. If you are cut, no one will care. ...

2. I saw a joke today and laughed at me. . If you have a button on you, if you press it, it will erase your memory and forget those painful or worrying things. Can you press it? The man of god replied: this is not a question of yes or no. It must be: Hey, here's a button, press it ... Hey, here's a button, press it ... I admit, the joke has been getting lower and lower recently. ...

3. When one foodie says to another foodie, "Let's eat together", a natural tacit understanding will bloom above their heads like fireworks, and two pairs of eyes full of saliva will shine. Just waiting for another foodie to say excitedly, "Sounds delicious", the tacit understanding reached * * *, and then they went out hand in hand, and the scene was as touching as a wedding.

4. "Master, why do you always say Amitabha?" "benefactor, I think it's too vulgar for a monk to express his feelings with hehe. Amitabha. "

A cricket bet a pig that you couldn't see me when I jumped into the grass. I want to see you, said the pig. So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching?

6. The young couple were very happy when their college classmates gave birth to their children, but they couldn't agree on the name of their children. My classmate should take his surname according to tradition, and his daughter-in-law should take her surname. After quarreling for two days, I finally decided to adopt a double surname. So they named their daughter Wang. Went to the hukou ...

It is said that Tang Zhongzong Li Xian is the most awesome emperor in history. Why is this? Because he is an emperor, his father is an emperor, his younger brother is an emperor, his son is an emperor, his nephew is an emperor, and more importantly, his mother is an emperor, so history has given him a glorious name: Liuhuangwan.

8. Tang Sanzang: Bajie, run two steps for the teacher. Pig Bajie: Master, why do you suddenly want to watch your apprentice run? Tang Sanzang: Hey! Shame! I have been a teacher in a temple since I was a child. I have never eaten pork or seen a pig run.

9. The Buddhist Pavilion in Shaolin Temple caught fire. As a result, many scriptures were burned, and the abbot couldn't help crying ... The young monk didn't know why the abbot was crying, so he asked, "Why did the abbot suffer?" The abbot continued to cry and said, "I have dysmenorrhea ..."

10. I was in a daze at home that day. Suddenly a bird flew in and ran into the window. I thought: God is playing Angry Birds, but it's not right ... Does God think I'm a pig?

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