Want to joke! Speed! ! ! ! ! !

One day, I went shopping and just entered the first floor. As soon as the main entrance enters, there is our cosmetic cabinet.

(Shame begins)

This mouth is big: hey ~ ~ It's strange that cosmetics are also called "pricks"!

(The ladies around the counter are laughing.)

(drag it away if you want to cry)

Reading a newspaper at home one night, I suddenly got a call from GG.

(inexplicable)

What brand of soap did you buy me last time?

Me: ... Take a shower? A little old, because I always buy him a whole row of promotional clothes. )

Well, I'm in the supermarket and I'm out of soap.

Me: You use it every day, remember?

GG: I told you, the supermarket said there was no such thing.

Me: ... Never ... What card?

GG: "Kao Hua"

Me: ... How can you swear!

GG (sadly): No! I said you bought the brand!

Me: ... there is no such brand! (fire! Did I buy him this vulgar soap? ! ! )

(Three seconds epiphany)

Me: Kao! It's Kao! Look, smarty pants! Watch it together! ! !

Gabby: Oh!

(I don't live)

Go to eat mango ice one day, what a big bowl ~

GG, that dish has been swallowed by an instant whale. I really can't finish it.

GG is still helping me scrape the bottom of the bowl (he is a trash can, just pour all the leftovers to him).

I took Mentholatum lip balm out of my bag and put it on.

GG (suddenly looking at me with a little surprise): This ... can also be put on your mouth?

Me: Of course! Why did he take the initiative to care today? Cosmetics? )

GG: ... Isn't it commonly used to apply mosquito bites?

Me: This is lip balm! Lipstick! Idiot!

GG: ............ (silent)

I have a bad feeling.

Me: ............'s watch in a daze! Say something quickly!

GG: Didn't you give me one last time, saying it was bitten by a mosquito?

Me: That's a big jar! It's mint sauce! A brand!

GG: ............, I used yours yesterday. .........

Me (I gestured to the lip balm on my hand): This? Did you wipe your mouth? (This is acceptable! )

GG: ............ isn't.

Me: ............, where is that?

GG: ............'s feet.

(A bolt from the blue)

Me (crazy ING): Then why didn't you say so earlier! ! I can't believe you painted your feet with what I put on your mouth! My mouth will.

Will not rot? T_T！ ! )

GG (Innocent): I was bitten by a mosquito! Because it is very similar to what you gave me.

Me (losing my mind): What does it look like? ! ! !

GG: .......... is all the same color, one is big and the other is small. .......

Me: (on the verge of collapse): toilet brushes and toothbrushes are one big and one small, why don't they mix together! ! !

(A pair of GG and MM who catch a glimpse of the next table from the corner of their eyes are laughing at the table. )

Me: Let's eat! Let's go Watch and scrape the bottom of the bowl for me!

GG: .........................

Why do I always get hurt? )

Jay Chou: Do you howl?

Jolin: You're the one howling.

Jay Chou: It's a typo. I mean, how are you?

Jolin: Not bad.

Jay Chou: Who is it?

Qiu Lin: Taiwan Province Province.

Jay Chou: Is it cold there?

JOLIN: Snow is flying all over the sky, and the cold wind is like a knife.

Jay Chou: What's your name?

Qiu Lin: Qiu Lin

Jay Chou: I mean my real name.

Qiu Lin: On QQ.

Jay Chou: Say it, will you?

Jolin: Why?

Jay Chou: Just say it.

Jolin: What should I do?

Jay Chou: Because I asked.

Jolin: Can't you just say what you asked?

Jay Chou: I'm not a bad person.

Jolin: Did the bad guys label it?

Jay Chou: No. But I'm a good man.

Jolin: Please send me the certificate of being a good person.

Jay Chou: No. But you said this sentence to show your sincerity in making friends.

JOLIN:caiyilin^_^

Jay Chou: How about sweating?

Jolin: I don't sweat when typing.

Jay Chou: I mean typing your name.

Jolin: Does my name annoy you?

Jay Chou: No.

Jolin: Then why did you type my name?

Jay Chou: I mean typing.

Jolin: Which word annoys you?

Jay Chou: OK, tell me your phone number.

Jolin: Plastic, red.

Jay Chou: No, I want you to give me your phone number.

Jolin: I still need my home phone. You want to buy it yourself.

Jay Chou: No, I want you to give me your phone number.

Jolin: Where did the call come from? I thought it was made by the factory.

Jay Chou: No, I want your phone number.

Jolin: It's embedded in the mobile phone. I can't take it off.

Jay Chou: What's your phone number?

Jolin: Twelve, ten numeric keys, a diagonal key and a pound key.

Jay Chou: I asked what the phone number was. JOLIN: From 1 to 9, with 0 at the back.

Jay Chou: I'm devastated!

JOLIN:？ what happened to you

Jay Chou: No.

Jolin: Then how did it collapse? Terminal illness?

Jay Chou: I can't get your phone number.

Jolin: Is that important?

Jay Chou: What's the phone for? Isn't it just to chat? You have to tell others that the phone works.

Jolin: The telephone is used to surf the Internet.

Jay Chou: The telephone is still used for chatting.

Jolin: Yes, didn't we talk on the phone?

Jay Chou: Where were we? You haven't spoken for a long time.

JOLIN: I have said dozens of sentences.

Jay Chou: Oh, you make me dizzy. Maybe next time.

Jolin: Bye.

Once, a student wanted to give advice to his teacher.

"Teacher, you ..." In class, a beautiful woman was embarrassed.

"What's wrong with me?" The teacher quickly decided to lower her voice. "What are my advantages? Tell me. "

This time, the beauty is more and more hesitant.

The teacher continued to inspire: "Say it, don't be afraid, I can hold on!" " "

I don't know from which corner of the classroom came a sentence: "But we can't hold on."

The students all laughed.

After the laughter stopped, the teacher said seriously, "Remember this day, this is the only time I was speechless by you." Which strong man said that? "

I haven't heard back for a long time.

The teacher sighed at the sky: "So it is mature; It is more mature to say it if you don't admit it! I am very happy! "

The story of a wolf and three little pigs

One day, a wolf wanted to eat three little pigs.

Two are at the door and one is on the roof.

Wolf: Who are you?

Pig A: You're right!

Wolf: What?

Pig A: What's on the roof!

Wolf: I mean, "What's your name?"

Who am I? What's on the roof?

The wolf couldn't ask the result, so he asked pig b:

Wolf: Who are you?

Who am I? Who is he?

Wolf: You know him?

B: Yes!

Wolf: Who is he?

B: Yes!

Wolf: What?

What's on the roof!

Wolf: Where?

That's me!

Wolf: Who?

Who is he? & lt refers to a >

Wolf: How should I know?

B: Who are you looking for?

Wolf: What?

He's on the roof!

Wolf: Where?

B: It's me!

Wolf: Who?

I'm not who, who is he!

Wolf: My God.

Oh, my God, that's my dad.

Wolf: What does your father do?

No, he's on the roof!

Wolf: Where?

That's me!

The wolf couldn't stand it anymore and sighed: Why? !

All three pigs replied: Do you know my grandfather?

Wolf: What?

a； Grandpa is why!

Wolf: Why?

A: Yes.

Wolf: What's this?

A: No, why!

Wolf: Who?

B: That's me!

Wolf; Who are you?

a； That is me. Who is it?

Wolf: What?

Party A and Party B; He's on the roof!

The wolf and three pigs said.

Say that finish, the wolf committed suicide.

1, a priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed, and the priest scolded, "Damn, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" " "

The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest." As soon as the voice fell, I heard a thunder chop the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why did I split and die?

Where is the nun? At this time, I only heard the voice of God from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

2. Believer: "Almighty God, how long is 10,000 years for you?"

God: "I blinked."

Believer: "What about 654.38 billion?"

God: "It's just a hair of mine."

Believer: "Oh, merciful God, please give me a hair."

God: "No problem, I'll give it to you in a blink."

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears.

Come on: I won't watch it. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God was in tears: I didn't see it.

Here we are.

4. There was a man who had a middle-aged son and liked him very much. He worked hard to bring up his son and put him through college. His son is wearing a suit and tie, but he is in rags.

Hungry, frugal, bought a house for my son, married a wife, and got old. However, his son was unfilial and kicked him out of the house on a stormy night. The old man came to a ruined temple to take shelter from the rain. old people

Very sad, look up at the sky and sigh: God, why is it so unfair to me? After a flash of lightning, an old voice said, "This is karma." At this moment, the old man saw a man bigger than him.

Old people came in and out from the corner of the ruined temple. The old man was startled: "Are you a god?" The older man said, "asshole! You kicked me out more than twenty years ago. I am your father. you have

Do you know me? "

In the barber's shop, when the priest finished cutting his hair and paying the money, the barber said, "I won't accept your money, so I will serve God." The next morning, the barber saw a thank-you letter at the door of the shop.

Letters and some bibles.

A few days later, a policeman had to pay for a haircut. The barber said, "I don't accept your money. I only serve our community."

The next morning, the barber saw another thank-you letter and some community service manuals at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a government official came to have a haircut and paid for it. The barber said to him, "I will serve the government if I don't accept your money." The next morning, the barber saw the door standing.

A row of government officials

6. One day, Clinton's wife, Chirac, was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, some walking fast and some walking slowly. So she asked God

Servant: "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches don't go so fast? "

The servant of God said, "These watches represent human life. Everyone in the world has a watch. If he has a lot of business, his watch will go fast, but if he has no business, his watch will go slow. "

. "

Chirac looked around and said, "Why didn't I see my husband Clinton's watch?" The servant of God said, "Your husband's watch was taken to the office by God as an electric fan!

7. An old couple born in the same year and the same month lived together for 35 years. Today, they held a grand banquet to celebrate their 60th birthday. During the dinner, God came. God bless the old lady.

The wife is a real "loving couple" and promises to give each of them a wish. The old lady said excitedly, "We are poor. I just want to have a good look at the world and make a trip around the world.

"

God waved his hand, and with a bang, a dozen plane tickets fell into the old lady's hand from the air. It was the old man's turn to make a wish, only to see him meditate for a while and say, "I want to marry someone older than me."

A woman 30 years younger. "

Here comes God again. Bang! ……

The old man suddenly turned 90.

8. God pinched a person with mud, and from then on there was a human being;

There were white people first-because God put clay figurines on the fire and roasted them lightly;

Secondly, there are blacks-because they are worried that the heat will not reach the result;

Later, when we mastered the best temperature, we became yellow people, so we were God's most successful masterpiece.

9. Little Peter proudly said to his friend, "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him a respected priest."

Little Paul said, "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him your Excellency."

Rakus Jr. was unconvinced: "What's the big deal? My uncle weighs 150kg. "

When everyone saw him, they all shouted, "Oh! Oh, my God! "

How much does the earth weigh? "A boy in the second grade of elementary school asked, and the teacher didn't know the answer. She responded with the best teaching skills: "This question is very interesting. Let's go back and think about it and see who it will be tomorrow.

Can you go back? "

The next day, the teacher asked a question, but no one could answer. The teacher announced the answer, which she finally found in the library. The audience was silent. Suddenly, the little boy who asked the question asked, "Yes.

Not a person? "

A group of small animals in the village were chatting. A dog said, "Everyone in the village calls me a puppy. I think this name is very nice." Then the chicken next to him said, "You talk, I'll go first. "

The hilarious answer is 1. Geography tells us that Fushun, Liaoning Province produces the most coal and Anshan, Liaoning Province produces the most iron, so Fushun is called the "coal capital" of China and Anshan is called the "iron capital".

. Exam questions for a month: China's coal is (), and China's iron is (). As a result, on a test paper, the coal in China is (black) and the iron in China is (hard). After the exam, he also said

How did the teacher come up with such a simple question this time?

2. A geography exam: Hainan Province is rich in ()? I filled in (Mosquito).

3. There was a senior who only had 1 to write in the political exam, but he couldn't write the leader's question, and then he wrote "I". As a result, he became the graduate student with the highest score since the school was founded.

An additional question in a Chinese exam asked Prometheus what his literary works were, and a classmate actually wrote: Harry Potter. Another time, I asked Zuo what his name was.

Some students wrote: Zuo Lengchan.

Even in high school, the Chinese teacher left a composition entitled' When I first walked into the campus'. When evaluating the class, the teacher read a fairy's composition in the class: "When I first walked into the campus, I saw everything."

Flowers and applause ... "Pause for three seconds," Done ". Then the whole class burst into crazy applause! Hehe, this guy's composition teacher gave 80 points. The score is high.

6. When I was in the senior high school entrance examination for Chinese, I asked a question about a novel reflecting the corruption of officialdom in the Qing Dynasty. I should have filled in the officialdom in the sky, but one of my classmates couldn't remember. It happened to be in my house the day before.

I watched several pornographic films and filled in "Ten Cases of Torture in Manchu Dynasty". Later, our teacher read out his answers in class.

7. A political topic: China's research ship () went to the Arctic for investigation. My answer: Titanic. 8. Chinese test, word interpretation. Explain the word "death". I replied, "Go to hell.

"(I wanted to write" death ") The teacher was furious. ...

9. In high school, I was asked to write a descriptive article. The result was interpreted by students as an article describing "sex"-grade informed criticism!

10, a physics exam, the teacher asked to fill in "who do you think is the most influential physicist", three spaces. A cow in our class wrote the teacher's name in three spaces and came later.

top score

1 1, in primary school, a classmate recited poems, and the first three sentences were called hard work. The last sentence: "A line of egrets goes to the Western Heaven"-the whole class is dizzy!

12, Q: The next sentence "Xiao He just showed his sharp corner", and someone answered "An almond came out of the wall", which is also appropriate.

13, senior one Chinese exam, "How to cut candles in the west window", fill in the following sentence. I replied, "husband and wife sit until dawn." The Chinese teacher fainted while reading the paper. After class, I fainted again! straight

"The exact answer is," speaking of late rain. "

Dialogue between computer idiots and hackers

Hacker: I control your computer.

Xiao Bai: How is it controlled?

Hacker: Using Trojan Horse

Xiao Bai: Yes. . . . . . Where is it? I am not blind.

Hacker: Open your task manager.

Xiao Bai: Yes. . . . . . . Where is the task manager?

Hacker:. . . . . Under your computer! !

Xiao Bai: It's not in my computer.

Hacker: Forget it. I didn't do anything.

Hacker: I have taken control of your computer.

Xiao Bai: Oh

Hacker: Are you afraid? ! Hey hey.

Xiao Bai: Just in time. Help me kill the virus. Recently, my computer has had many problems.

Hacker:. . . . . .

Xiao Bai: Why do you always come in and out of my computer at will?

Hacker: You can install firewall.

Xiao Bai: Can you install a firewall? Temple?

Hacker: No, I just want to add some fun. Controlling your computer like this makes me feel stupid.

Xiao Bai: I heard that you can make viruses? !

Hacker: Hmm

Xiao Bai: You can control other people's computers? !

Hacker: General.

Xiao Bai: Then can you hack those websites?

Hacker: Of course, didn't you hear people call me a hacker?

Xiao Bai: Yes. . . . Oh ~ ~ ~ `I thought it was because you were black. . . . .

"Mao ~ ~"

Hacker: I'm here again! !

Xiao Bai: Don't you feel bored coming in every day?

Hacker: Yes, it is. Your machine is the worst I have ever seen.

Xiao Bai: No way, it's a famous brand.

Hacker: I mean, there are only viruses in your computer besides mentally retarded games.

Xiao Bai: Oh ~ ~ Have you seen my Lianliankan? I don't remember where it is. I've been looking for it for a long time.

Hacker:. . . . . See you again.

Hacker: Hi ~ ~ ~ I'm coming!

Xiao Bai: I haven't seen you for several days. Are you blocked by my firewall?

Hacker: Haha, just kidding, it's easier to access your computer than mine. You don't miss me, do you?

Xiao Bai: I want to ask you a favor.

Hacker: What is it?

Xiao Bai: Can you access the power system and modify some data?

Hacker:. . . . . . What do you want? !

Xiao Bai: Please help me settle my electricity bill this month. . . . . .

Hacker: Go to hell! !

Hacker: Where the hell have you been? ! ! !

Xiao Bai: Yes. . . . I have been out for a few days. What do you want from me?

Hacker: I want to find something.

Xiao Bai: What are you looking for here?

Hacker: Virus, find an old virus from a few years ago. Only your computer has the most complete virus.

Hacker: I'm coming! !

. . . . . .

Hacker: Why don't you talk?

Xiao Bai: In a bad mood.

Hacker: Who bullied you?

Xiao Bai: I lost a Q number with my first love in it.

Hacker: This is simple. I'll get it back for you.

Xiaobai: I can't get it back.

Hacker: Impossible. Tell me, what number?

Xiao Bai: Woo ~ ~ ~ I just don't remember.

Xiao Bai: Come out! ! ! !

Hacker: What's the matter? !

Xiaobai: Did you use my id to play in the forum? ! !

Hacker:. . . . Sorry, I forgot to tell you that I didn't do anything wrong, so I added a post, and I promise I won't play again next time.

Xiao Bai: That won't do! ! !

Hacker: What else do you want?

Xiao Bai: Your post is red in the face. First blush. I'm so happy. You must make me another one.

Hacker: Get down!

Hacker: Hey, I just did something very interesting.

Xiao Bai: What's this?

Hacker: I sent it to the forum.

Xiao Bai: This is normal.

Hacker: I insist as soon as I see it, and I will call the landlord a pig.

Xiao Bai: Wow, it's so pleasant. I never dared. I'll be burned!

Hacker: Yes, it has been banned.

Xiao Bai: Is this still interesting? !

Hacker: Yes, because I used your ID.

Xiao Bai: Are you an expert?

Hacker: It can be said that it is.

Xiao Bai: How high is it?

Hacker: Well, I hack myself when I'm bored.

Xiao Bai: Ha, I can do it too!

Hacker: # $%! You can, too? !

Xiao Bai: Yes, it turned black as soon as it was turned off. . . . .

Hacker: Get out!

One day, the little white rabbit MM went out to play and got lost when she came home. When she came to a fork in the road, a little gray rabbit happened to come over. The white rabbit sister asked, "Brother Grey Rabbit, my sister is lost.". Can you tell me? "

How can I get there? "When the grey rabbit saw the white rabbit's sister alone, she said with malicious intent," Do you want to know? "The white rabbit said," of course you want to know. Let's go. " Grey rabbit said, "I want to know,

Just make me happy! "。 So the white rabbit made the gray rabbit happy. After that, the gray rabbit pointed to the left and the white rabbit walked forward. After a while, the white rabbit came to a fork in the road.

what can I do? Just as another little black rabbit came, the white rabbit's sister asked, "Brother Little Black Rabbit, my sister is lost." Can you tell me how to get there? " The black rabbit sees the white rabbit's sister alone.

Then he said unkindly, "Do you want to know?" The white rabbit said, "Of course you want to know. Come on. " The black rabbit said, "Let me be happy if you want to know!" " . So the white rabbit asked Blake

The rabbit is happy and happy. Say that finish, the gray rabbit pointed to the left, and the white rabbit walked forward. The white rabbit went home. Soon after, she gave birth to a litter of rabbits. Can you guess what color the rabbit is? guess

My treat.

Some people guess it's white, you say it's wrong, some people guess it's black, you say it's wrong, guess again,

Guess it's gray, but you are wrong. I guess it is variegated, but you are wrong. .........

Someone asked, what color did you say it was? Do you want to know?

He said, I want to know

You said: Want to know?

Joke: A man follows two nuns.

There are two nuns, one is called a math nun and the other is called a logic nun. It's dark now, but they are still a long way from the monastery.

Math: Have you noticed that there is a man who has been following us for 38 minutes and 30 seconds? I wonder what he wants to do.

Logic: That makes sense. He wants to invade us.

Math: Oh, my God! At this rate, he will catch up with us in fifteen minutes. What should we do?

Logic: Of course, the only reasonable way is to walk faster.

Math: It seems useless!

Logic: of course it's useless. That man walks faster and faster reasonably.

Math: So what should we do? At this rate, he will catch up with us in a minute.

Logic: The only reasonable way is for us to split up and go that way, and I'll go this way. He can't catch both.

Men continue to follow Luo Ji elder sister.

The math nun arrived at the monastery safely, but she was worried that something would happen to Sister Logic, and then she saw Sister Logic enter the door.

Math: Sister Logic, you are back at last! Thank god! Tell me what happened.

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. The man couldn't follow them both at the same time, so he followed me.

Math: Yes, yes, but what happened later?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. I ran like hell, and he chased like hell.

Math: Then what?

Logic: The only reasonable thing happened. He caught me.

Math: Oh, my God! then what

Logic: I did the only reasonable thing, pulling up my skirt.

Math: Oh, my God, Sister Logic! What about that guy?

Logic: He did the only reasonable thing. He took off his trousers.

Math: Oh, my God! What happened afterwards?

Logic: Is it unreasonable? A math nun, a nun who pulls up her skirt, must run much faster than a man who pulls down his pants! ! !

2. Joke: A reporter interviewed 100 penguins and asked them what they do all day. The first one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas, and the second one said: Eat and sleep to fight peas. I've already asked 99.

In this way, when asked about 100, he only said: eat and sleep. The reporter asked: Why not fight peas? Penguin said: I'm fucking peas, your grandmother.

The most classic joke and cunning sentence in the world.

More than 60 years ago, a friend told me a joke and made me laugh. Later, I was admitted to the hospital because my stomach hurt too much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I smiled like this, so I told him.

He listens. He laughed hysterically and finally died laughing.

I was taken to court. The judge asked me to tell a joke, and the jury decided whether it met the factual elements of manslaughter. I want to sign an exemption contract. The judge announced a one-day recess.

After the trial resumed, I announced that I accepted my opinion. So, I told this joke in court, and as a result, some people knocked on the table with a smile and some people rolled on the ground with a smile. Later, everyone who heard this that day

The joker died laughing.

I became a celebrity in an instant, and reporters from all walks of life asked to interview me. I know that telling this joke may constitute public infringement, so I vaguely said something to the effect of ""

The reason is always a lie, and faith is always masturbation. After the program was broadcast, it caused great repercussions. Unexpectedly, one day, some mysterious plain clothes broke into my bedroom and dragged me to a place.

In the dark room. After a long time, a strong light shone on my face. I barely opened my eyes and was shocked. The man sitting in front of me is the only person as famous as me-the president.

The president roughly explained the purpose of arresting me, which was simple: record this joke and send it to the dictator of a hostile country in the Middle East, laughing him to death. I have to agree to his request and put forward at the same time

This joke belongs to weapons of mass destruction and cannot be aimed at civilians. The president agreed.

Two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology of the joke and successfully tested it in the desert area. This caused an uproar in the international community, and many countries panicked, and international military

Scientists call it "laughter deterrence". At this moment, some eastern country suddenly announced that it had mastered this joke, and the buddy who told me this joke had taken refuge in that country. So, between us.

It has become a "laughing deterrent balance."

Three years later, on April 1 day, what I was worried about all day finally happened: a terrorist organization in the Middle East stole the original technology of that joke. As a result, civilization has been destroyed as never before, and governments all over the world are embarrassed.

Don't worry all day. The United Nations had to hold a global summit and finally designated April 1 day as April Fool's Day.

More than 60 years have passed, and I am dying. Before leaving this world, as a historical witness, I feel it necessary to tell this joke to everyone. My friend told me this joke the other day.

Simple, very short, just one sentence:

Hide:

This section has been hidden. You must reply before you can view it.

Funny SMS: You don't have to laugh, but you must laugh. Please indicate which one to start laughing from. g

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. You can all die, please.

I died after a meal.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me to someone, and please tell me directly when I eat.

If you borrow money from me, please hang up.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's all him.

Mom is almost ripe and still so stubborn. "

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alaso, this is green.

Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You use it to stew meat.

Vermicelli

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you pee by the river without paper, the frog will tell you: scratch with a stick,

Scrape, scrape, scrape!

9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me.

I suffer alone!

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can eat it.

If you can't swallow chopsticks, you can't swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey and beautiful as a chicken.

Loyal as a dog, looks like a pig!

12, the beauty of learning is that people are confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in her stupidity.

No regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

13 I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? Listen, little guy.

Faint you!

14, have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in my last life, I brushed it in my life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, but H turned his fucking head!

15, two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with face value of 15 yuan. They decided to take them to a remote mountain area. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmers looked for them.

Gave them two seven-dollar bills.

16, your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant ―― a pig.

Servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs!

How to tell the authenticity of RMB?

Prepare 100 yuan. Fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If there is, it is true. number