A classic copy of humor

1. A good relationship between husband and wife is called a lifelong relationship. A bad relationship is called fighting to the old!

The weather began to get hot, and I rummaged through the cupboard for a long time before I found the short sleeves. It turns out that they are all brand-name short sleeves! I'm afraid people will say I show off my wealth. Either China Telecom and China Mobile, or Mrs Chicken Essence and Haitian Soy Sauce. ...

3. A classmate sleeps in class. The teacher woke him up and deliberately asked, "What do you mean by going to find Liu Bei?" Idiot classmate: "3 Gu Maolu, of course, Liu Bei went to the toilet three times!" "

Girls nowadays are too realistic. I am so ugly, their first impression of me is still poor!

My father told me earnestly that day: Daughter, your mother said she would divorce me if she didn't change cars within three years. Strange to think about, is this appropriate. If you can't change cars, change your wife!

I feel sick to my stomach today. I went to the hospital to see a doctor. The doctor insisted on checking my stool. I went to the toilet for over an hour before I came out. As a result, the toilet flushed automatically again. I'm standing in front of the hospital now and I'm really confused. ...

7. A foreigner has never eaten lotus root. Once eating hot pot, he asked: Did you make these holes?

8. Friend: If your girlfriend and lover fell into the water at the same time, would you find another plump or petite one? Me: I didn't find that I can't swim.

Nine. I went to an old classmate's house that year. His daughter was watching TV and saw the advertisement of Youlemei. At this time, the daughter asked his father, father, father, what am I to you? I thought the goods would say you were my little darling or something, but the goods turned around and said bitterly: You are my impulsive punishment.

10. My father was washing dishes, and my mother turned to me and said, "Your father must have played cards again today."

1 1. While cooking, my wife came back to open the door and shouted: Honey, it's cold. I bought you gloves. A warm heart: my wife is still good to me. Look at it, rubber gloves for washing dishes!

Twelve. I saw a beautiful woman holding a child in the mall. The child cried and kept shouting: Mom is really bad! If dad were here, he would definitely buy me toys! ..... I can't bear to see it. I once comforted myself: Son, you can't be so willful. Come and call dad, and dad will buy it for you! ..... When the beauty's face changed, the child cried even harder: Mom, I don't want such an ugly father! I don't want toys. ...

13. I was beaten by my wife today, because I was caught reading an article "Teach you how to beat your wife".

Fourteen. When I was sleeping last night, I heard my mother say, "Dad, you told me that this cabbage in our family has been planted for more than 20 years and can't be sold. I won't be embarrassed by my family! " Dad said, "son, what are you talking about?" Now pigs are so picky about food? " I seem to understand something.

15. Grandpa called three brothers to bed before he died. He took out a chopstick, and the eldest brother broke it, and then took out another one. The three brothers broke up together and said to grandpa, I see, this is the reason why you taught our brothers to unite and cut off their profits. Finally, grandpa said with trepidation that this was once used by Qianlong. ...

In high school, I was a flag bearer because I was tall in the national flag team. The first time I raised the national flag, I kept it in mind that throwing the national flag should be taught with strength. As a result, the flag was punctured. From then on, Jianghu people called him a "strong flag bearer".

17. I passed a shoe repair stall today and saw a little boy. The little boy said, how much did the shoes repair? Master: 5 yuan. Boy: Isn't it usually 3 yuan? Master received: Your shoes are too pungent. Add 2 mental damage compensation.

18. Wedding anniversary. I bought a diamond ring behind my wife's back. I bought a small size, but I can't wear it. She scolded me angrily: she didn't take me to try such an expensive thing before buying it. What a loser! The son sitting by quickly put the ring back in the jewelry box: Mom, it doesn't matter. If you can't wear it, keep it for my wife!

19. When I was in college, I thought I would spend my college life quietly. One winter was particularly cold. I didn't want to get up for self-study in the morning, so I asked my roommate to make up an excuse for asking for leave. In the afternoon, the news of my heatstroke spread all over the campus. I saw a girl greeting a girl of four or five years old. The little girl politely called "auntie" to the girl. The girl said to the little girl, "be good, call me sister, not aunt. Am I that big?" The little girl thought for a long time and said, "if I call you sister, doesn't that make me look old?"

I went to apply for a job today, and when I arrived at the manager's office, the manager read my information for a long time. Faint said: "I know your father!" " "I'm so happy, this is very important! Then he said, "The one who used to beat me every day at school." My heart thumped and I wanted to turn around and leave. Then he sighed and said, "Come to work tomorrow! "What do you think I should go or not?

22. One day on the highway, I was idle and bored, and there happened to be a truck full of pigs next to me. I said to my husband next to me, "Look! A car is your relative! " Who knows, my husband said without looking back, "If I don't marry you, can I be related to them?"

Twenty-three I was watching the big shots in the class. When the teacher saw me, he said, you are really brave. Then I grabbed him by the collar and said, I didn't know I was so powerful until you told me. Teacher: This classmate did all the homework in the class today, screaming. I patted the teacher on the face and said, you are great. You are a real big shot.

Write a note to the goddess, the content is: I like you, if you don't like me, throw the note out of the window, if you like me, send it back. After a while, the note came back. He happily opened the note and saw that it said: the window can't be opened. By the way, I really don't like you. ...

Twenty-five When I went to the ATM to withdraw money, I saw a beautiful MM occupying the ATM for a long time and typing out a receipt from time to time. I looked up and found "insufficient balance" on the screen. But this MM kept pressing the button and collecting the typed receipts one by one. Five minutes later, I saw this MM rushing to the public toilet with a pile of bank receipts, and suddenly felt that all the languages were eclipsed at this moment.