Classic story joke

Classic story joke one:

Find the gap

I was watching a TV program with relish and was interrupted by an advertisement. I muttered: it's really annoying. ?

Wife laughs:? What's bothering you? Look, handsome, find the gap. Time will pass quickly. ?

After the wife finished, the second advertisement came in, which was made by Lin Chi-ling.

I turned to look at my wife and said, you should find the gap this time. ?

Does the wife have a black line on her face?

Guess who I am.

Last night, I went out for a drink with my friends. I had so much fun and drank too much. I was at a loss and received a strange phone call. A woman on the other end of the phone said, Guess who I am?

I thought about it and said: Xiaoli is wrong, guess again. ? The woman replied.

? Xiao Tian is wrong. ?

? Xiao Mei was wrong. ?

? Xiaoxiao is wrong. ?

I said 13 female names in a row, and finally the other end of the phone said angrily: I am your wife! ?

Then the phone hung up.

have nothing at all

Once, I said to my wife, "Dear, if I suddenly have nothing and have to make a living by collecting garbage, will you still follow me?"?

My wife smiled and said to me, honey, how can you say that? Am I that kind of person?

I am so moved that I don't know what to say. My wife patted me on the shoulder and said, then you must work hard! ?

My eyes were red and I nodded hard.

Who knows, the wife then came over with a smile: Honey, as the saying goes? 360 lines, each line is a champion? Scavengers also have spring. Come to me when you become a millionaire, okay?

Affect aesthetics

Before going to bed every day, I ask my son: How is mom?

The son replied:? All right. ?

I asked again:? What's good about mom?

The son will habitually answer:? Mom looks good. ?

Then I told my son a story with satisfaction.

One night, when I asked this question again, my husband muttered: Always asking this question affects my son's aesthetics. ?

director

Kandy recently changed her laptop to a desktop, and she is very happy.

After work at noon today, Mo Yan said that Kandy was still working and told her to eat quickly. Mo Yanyan turned and just took two steps when she heard a loud noise behind her. I saw that Kandy covered the newly bought LCD monitor on the table.

Kandy looked embarrassed and said, I used to use a notebook.

bestie

Our editorial department has the habit of taking a walk after lunch. The weather was bad a few days ago, so it is rare to have a sunny day today. At lunch, I asked Luo Xing if he wanted to go out for a walk after dinner. Luo Xing said while picking up the dishes in the bowl. No, my best friend just went to work in the next building these two days, and she invited me to lunch. ?

Like a dream, he pointed to Luo Xing's bowl full of food with a puzzled face. So what are you eating now?

Luo xing replied:? Lunch! ?

? Can we eat later?

Luo Xing said calmly:? She eats and I watch.

missed call

Near the deadline, Yuan printed the manuscript in the art editing room, thinking that no one should call her for more than ten minutes, so she put her mobile phone on the desk of the editorial department.

When Yuan came back from printing the manuscript, he found that there were seven missed calls and a short message with money like a dream on his mobile phone: You left your mobile phone on the desk and the phone kept ringing. Do you want me to answer it for you?

Classic story joke 2:

Elevator taboo

One day, the section chief and the director took the elevator, and when they saw the director going downstairs, they said with a smile. Director, are you getting off? The director stared at the section chief, who turned pale with fear.

Another day, the section chief saw the director coming out of the elevator and thought, "Don't make a mistake this time." ? Boss, did you just get out?

punched card machine

A man was ordered by his parents to date a woman. After that, this woman's mobile phone will receive a text message every morning:? I go to work. ? I will receive a text message at night:? I'm off duty. ?

One day, the woman angrily texted back:? Think of me as a punching machine! ?

I just got here, too.

The drunk accidentally fell from the second floor and was slightly injured. The policeman pushed away the onlookers and went to the drunk and asked, what's the matter?

The drunk said:? I don't know. I just got here, too?

Classic story joke 3:

Animal romance

My 5-year-old son is clamoring for a story before going to bed, and I have to rack my brains to satisfy him every day. One night, he asked me to tell stories about animals. I'm so sleepy, I hope he can cut me some slack. ? I can't think of any animal stories now. Can you say something else?

? Don't,? The son complained. I want to hear animal stories. ?

? Let me tell you a story about the romance of the Three Kingdoms. Very nice! ? I still have a glimmer of hope.

? Ah, son, insist that I don't want any romance. I want to hear animal stories. ?

? All right. I sighed,? There was one before? The name of the horse is Liu Bei, the name of the eagle is Guan Gong, and the name of the monkey is Zhang Fei.

Judges are very important

A shoeshine is polishing the judge's shoes. In the process of shoeshine, the judge proudly asked the shoeshine worker: Many people don't know whether the law is important or the judge is important. Which do you think is more important?

The shoemaker answered without thinking:? Of course, the judge is very important! ?

The judge was very happy to hear that. After tipping the shoeshine boy a lot, he asked again. Can you tell me why you think so?

The shoeshine man answered seriously:? Because the law doesn't require me to shine his shoes. ?

The police subdued the devil.

A friend's husband works as a policeman in Ontario, Canada. Emily, the friend's 5-year-old daughter, is afraid of monsters at night, so she often runs to her parents' room. Her mother said there were no ghosts and monsters in the bedroom.

Emily replied:? Of course you would say that. You sleep with the police! ?

feel puzzled

A little polar bear felt something was wrong and asked his mother, Mom, am I a polar bear?

? Of course you are. Why?

? It's nothing. ? Bear goes to his father again: Dad, am I a polar bear 100%?

? Yes, your mother is a polar bear, so am I. Why do you ask?

The son replied:? Because I'm freezing! ?

superior

Mike is a professor of botany. He is proud of his work and always tries to convince his students that botany is superior to other disciplines.

One day in the experimental class, Mike began to talk about the superiority of botany again. He said: plants never run, eat less and don't bite. ?

Seeing that the students didn't respond, he picked up a pear and said, Today's experiment is to observe the cells in plant fruits. ? Then, he cut a small piece of pear for micro-slicing, then picked up the rest of the pear and swallowed it, saying, You see, in other experimental classes, you can never do this. ?

Make great progress

The mother of a child who is always in trouble got depressed and went to see a psychiatrist.

Psychologist's suggestion: Because of your children, you are always worried and depressed. I'll prescribe some sedatives for you. Don't worry about your child, he will come to his senses. ?

A week later, the psychologist called his mother to ask about the situation: what is the effect after taking the medicine?

Mom replied:? That's good. The effect is very good. ?

The psychologist then asked:? Where are the children? Any progress?

Mom replied:? Who cares? Who cares? ?

Buy it all at once

Once, I took my two-year-old son Lucas out shopping. He just wants to buy new toys. After carefully selecting a toy golf club, I took him to the checkout line, but he suddenly said, Mom, we forgot to buy something! ?

? What is this? I asked.

? A hole in the golf ball! ?

Modern blue and white porcelain

Lao Zhou, who loves antiques, asked his son: Have you sent the modern blue-and-white porcelain U disk you bought online? Bring it to dad for appreciation.

Son: I just got home today.

Lao Zhou took a look at it: hey, isn't it a plate? Why is it such a small thing? It's not blue and white porcelain at all, it's a USB flash drive. It is purely a modern imitation plastic product. Son, you bought a fake!

The son gave Lao Zhou a white look: Dad, Hyundai is the name of a Korean company, and the USB flash drive is an electronic product. The theme of this USB flash drive is blue and white porcelain, not an antique you often fiddle with.

As the water ebbs, stones will appear ― the whole thing becomes obvious.

I am the director of the sleep clinic, but I can't diagnose why an old man has daytime sleepiness. All his test results are normal.

After several twists and turns, his granddaughter finally let me know the answer. ? My grandfather took all the medicine this morning? Including sleeping pills. ?

Stomach explosion

A little boy has been eating cookies, and his father is afraid that he will eat too much, so he threatens to say, honey, stop eating. If you eat again, your stomach will explode. ?

The little boy said, it doesn't matter You can avoid it when I eat. ?

false tooth

Mom got a new denture, and my brother and I scrambled to pay for it. Finally, after mom made the final decision, we paid half of the money.

My brother and I are both very happy that my mother looks younger and eats more after she has dentures.

Yesterday, my mother said that her lower teeth were a little uncomfortable and she was going to see a dentist. My dad said aside: I said I wouldn't let you ask for money from your children, but you didn't listen. My daughter and my son have quarreled since childhood. Now the upper teeth listen to the daughter and the lower teeth listen to the son, and the coordination is definitely poor. ?

Monkeys look, monkeys do.

In order to prevent my two children from eating sweets, I hide candy and chocolate in the corner, such as the fruit and vegetable freezer, cupboard and tableware in the refrigerator. One day, I couldn't find tomatoes in the fruit and vegetable freezer of the refrigerator, and I was very anxious. The daughter said:? Why don't you tell me what you need, so as not to waste time looking for something that may not exist. ?

Changing star method

? Mrs Bilsen, how is your husband sleeping now? The doctor asked, did you give him the sleeping pills I prescribed?

? Yes, doctor. You said you would give him 10 so much powder. But I didn't have any coins of 10 cents, so I measured them for him with 10 pence. He is still sleeping. ?

That sounds reasonable.

When I was working in a shop, a mother came to see me with her children. I draw pictures for my child with crayons and paper so that his mother can go shopping.

Later, I went back to check, and he drew some crooked lines. I said:? Nice painting. What are you drawing?

? Rats?

? Is this your favorite animal?

? No, I like elephants best, but I'm too young to draw something that big.

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