A funny joke, the kind that makes people laugh.

1. A Chinese teacher from Shandong province read

an ancient poem by Lu You entitled "Wochun" to the students and asked them to dictate it. Please look left and right, haha! ! ! )

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following

Sleeping in Spring and I'm stupid

Dark plum smells flowers. I have no education.

Lying on branches hurts my bottom, and my IQ is very low.

I'm lying like water from afar. If you want to ask who I am,

I can easily reach Chun Lv. A big donkey.

the shore is green, I am a donkey,

the shore is green, I am a donkey,

the shore is dark green. I am a stupid donkey

2. A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report:

"Rabbits, shrimps, pig's tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ！"

(Translation: Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, the meeting is now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Sausages and pickles please!"

(Translation: Now please speak to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbits, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big tortoise!"

(Translation: Comrades, today's meal is enough. Let's make a big bowl! )

"No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. . 。"

(Translation: Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )

Taoyuan dialect is very strange, with a high ending, such as "ju", which is pronounced as "pig".

go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called to make an appointment for me, and put it on speaker.

Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (personnel bureau) "

The other party:" No, you are mistaken. I'm not a person, I'm a pig (personnel bureau), and my mother is a pig (grain bureau). "

I tried to hold back my laughter, and my stomach ached.

attend a county government briefing the next day. Roll call before the meeting.

Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"

So the participants reported themselves one by one:

"I am a boar (Public Security Bureau)."

"My name is Pig (Education Bureau)."

"I'm a little pig (post office)."

"I am a typical pig (telecommunication bureau)

3. Aunt!

hey!

here comes the potato. where is the beef?

it's in the basin.

why do you eat some sediment?

the rice has not been scoured!

why are all the potatoes sprouting in the bowl?

you just know!

beef, potatoes and rice are lucky families ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Uncle!

huh?

kung pao chicken with cucumber.

the food is long gone!

have some mutton, but not too spicy.

the meat is sold out!

so what can I eat at noon?

add it up by yourself!

An empty plate, bowl and basin is an auspicious family ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Students!

oh?

is the cooking in the canteen delicious?

you're lying!

what does it feel like to have food in your mouth?

pull out the cold and pull out the cold!

can that soup be used to wash your face and brush your teeth?

this is the truth!

cold rice, cold dishes and clear soup are auspicious families!

Four disciples of Tang Priest were flying. Suddenly, the plane broke down and they needed to parachute. Tang Priest said, disciples, there are three parachutes now. Whoever can't answer the question will jump by himself.

Tang Priest asked the Monkey King: How many suns are there in the sky? The Monkey King: A

Tang Priest asked Friar Sand: How many moons are there in the sky? Friar Sand: A

Tang Priest asked Pig: How many stars are there in the sky? Bajie: . . Jumped down.

Once again, the master and the apprentice flew by plane, and the plane broke down again, so we still had to skydive. The Tang Priest said, Let's answer the question.

Tang Priest asked the Monkey King: When was the People's Republic of China founded? The Monkey King:

In 1949, the Tang Priest asked Friar Sand: How many people died in the War of Liberation? Friar Sand: 2.5 million.

The Tang Priest asked Bajie: What are the names of the 2.5 million people? Bajie: . . Jumped down.

Once again, the master and the apprentice flew by plane, and the plane broke down again, so we still had to skydive. When Tang Priest was about to speak, Pig said, Master, I'd better jump directly. Then I jumped off the plane. .

The Tang Priest folded his hands. "Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time. . "

I want it back after reading it.

2. The devil has caught the princess.

The devil:" You can scream your throat ... no one will come to save you ... "

The princess:" Broken throat ... "

No one:" Princess ... I'm coming to save you ... "

Found .. "

Shit:" Ghost, you can see me ... "

Devil:" Oh,My God!

god: "who called me?

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody: "I didn't? Play dumb!

garlic: "who is pretending to be me?

who: "me again? Are you looking for trouble?

trouble: "which one wants to see me?

which one: looking for you? I didn't ... Gee, there are so many people here. "

Many people:" I just arrived ... Who are you?

which one: "I'm not who."

Who: "He's not me."

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me?

Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, but to watch the fun."

Fun: "What am I looking at?

God: "It's none of my business, so go first."

Devil: "Why do so many people save the princess before you go? How can I play this demon king?

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, why should you play me?"

Princess: "If there is no one to play the devil, I can go."

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How can I: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun."

Fun: "What am I doing?"

what: you want to fuck me? Rogue!

how dare you: "I didn't?

me: "What's it to me?"

devil: "shit! I'm going crazy ... "

Shit:" What are you calling me for! ... "

Crazy:" What do you want me to do?

you want me to say, I don't know anything!

I don't know anything: "I don't know!

I don't know: I'm here! Is someone calling me?

someone said, "I didn't call you!

I didn't: "Who called him?

who: "wronged ... I didn't ..."

I didn't: "I didn't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you."

I dare you: "Who said I didn't dare! ?

Who: "Please ... I didn't say anything"

I didn't say anything: "What do you want me to say?

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?"

My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my & is so long ... I will be called ..."

Who: "... I want to leave this place of trouble quickly"

Right and wrong: "So this is my place ..."

I have nothing & No: "Stop arguing that Allah is talking ..."

Stop arguing that Allah: "I'm not talking ..."

I'm not: "I'm not talking! ... "

I don't have anything:"--... let's go ... let's talk outside ... "

Go:" I'm embarrassed ... (wriggle) "

I don't have anything:" It's none of your business ... go away ... "(The two brothers go out angrily) < Did someone call me?

Someone: "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... t.t"

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... *V.V*" (who is tired)

It's none of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?"

It's none of my business: "... cousin ... long time no see ..."

Long time: "I was here ..."

Devil: "Are you finished?"

Endless: "He didn't have me"

You: "I didn't have him"

I did: "Who said that?

who: "why do you want me?

: You want to fuck me?

you: "I won't fuck him"

I will: "Who says I won't?

who: "wronged! I didn't say ... "

said," What do you want me to do?

: You two are shameless!

you two: "I want it! I want it!

face: "who wants me?

Who: "I don't want it"

Devil: "Hurry up, and I'm going to kick people out"

People: "Kick me out? Looking for k

k: Who is looking for me?

who: aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, and mention me again!

He: "Don't fuck with me"

I: "Who wants to fuck with me?

who: "I finally caught one, kill it .............................................................................................."

One: "Don't catch me"

I: "I've had enough, anyone who mentions my name again will never let you go!

who: "Look at my eighteen palms of dragon!

me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws!

eighteen palms of the dragon: "what am I looking at?

Jiuyin Bones Claw: What am I looking at?

What's to see: Brother, I finally found you!

What's good to see: "Brother, let's go out and talk."

Devil: "ma's ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

3. I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and the teacher took us to the wild to do natural practice classes. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green, I asked, students, do you know how to identify the wind direction? I know, a little girl in my class picked up a leaf and floated into the air: pick up a leaf and float into the air, and see where it floats. The teacher praised, very good, so who else would like to show you again? Me. I volunteered to come out, picked up half a brick from the ground and floated into the air ...

Report to the teacher, it's blowing up and down now!

I can't remember clearly what the teacher's expression was like at that time. I only remember that he struggled desperately for a few times and then died. In this way, I killed a people's teacher

in grade one, the teacher taught us about poultry.

Teacher: There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and tell you to get up. What kind of animal is this?

I answered: Mom! The teacher almost died laughing!

When I have Chinese class in primary school, all Chinese teachers in the school go to attend Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, do you know this word? I answered that I don't know.

The teacher began to enlighten me, do you have a bed at home?

I answered, yes.

teacher: what's on the bed?

me: mom.

Teacher Ni thought, that's right, too. Mother is a quilt, so she went on to inspire: What about mother?

I answered: my father.

Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this, making a fool of myself in front of so many teachers. In a hurry, she asked: What about the quilt?

I replied: The quilt is on the ground! Teacher Ni was so angry with me that she was hospitalized with lamb disease ...

Later, there was a new teacher in the school, so we made sentences. I finished my homework calmly and the teacher looked at me with new eyes.

My sentence is:

Sad-the big ditch in front of our house is very sad.

if-canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.

naive-it's really hot today, and it's a good day for swimming.

ten points-my sister only got ten points in the math exam. It's a shame.

take it easy-I always start with the easy things.

ginseng-the teacher said that everyone must try their best when they take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow.

quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen.

bento-Xiao Ming regards defecation as the first thing to do when he gets up every morning.

the new teacher was miserable!

I was woken up by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked who Princess Wencheng had married, and the deskmate suggested: Song Zan Gan Bu! I didn't catch it clearly at the moment, so I opened my mouth and answered: Song Dynasty cadres! Later, I failed in history class.

The next day, in the biology exam, the teacher brought a bird covered with a cloth, and then he exposed the bird's legs for the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really didn't know, so I handed in a blank paper. When the teacher saw it, he was very angry and asked, Why did you hand in a blank paper? What's your name? As soon as I heard this, I angrily rolled up my trouser legs and showed my legs. Now it's your turn to guess who I am, right? The biology teacher fell down at once!

1. Money is not the problem, but no money.

2. If diamonds last forever, one will go bankrupt.

3. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

When riding a motorcycle, a person likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, button the back to keep out the wind. One day, he was driving under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the roadside.

After the police arrived ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he is still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

police officer b: ok ... one, two, push hard, and turn back.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ...

4. "Mom, how did I grow up?" Lele looked at her childhood photos and asked curiously. As soon as my mother heard that the opportunity for education came, she said, "You were raised by your mother with a handful of excrement and urine."

Lele cried: "Why did you give me this? Oooo ~ ~ "

Five boys were taught to talk about smoking by the informer teacher one by one:

The first boy truthfully admitted that he was scolded; After returning to the dormitory, I said,

Buddy, I've undertaken it all by myself, so don't admit it when you do.

[Scene 1]

Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke?

boy a: no.

teacher: no? Well, have a French fries.

naturally, Boy A puts out two fingers and takes it ..............................................................................................................................................................

boy b: no.

teacher: no? Well, have a French fries.

Boy B took the French fries carefully because he heard about A.

Teacher: No ketchup?

b accidentally touches it.