How to win back a man’s mind, emotions, 5-step interactive mind-attack for emotional repair

We often think that men are very cold and ruthless when breaking up, leaving no room for anything, as if it has nothing to do with him, but is this really the case?

In fact, many times men behave very rationally when breaking up, and they don't feel the fluctuation of emotions. They just say: "Let's break up", calm and indifferent, as if they are talking about other people's affairs.

This will give us the illusion that a man’s breakup is completely irreversible. In fact, this is not true. Men also have feelings. He will be sad and cry just like us, and boys will also be emotional and impulsive and regretful.

Many times men pretend to be cheery because the social positioning and environment do not allow them to show too much sadness and sadness, and they may even be sadder than you, because they can vent their anger and Not much, they may only get drunk late at night, or avoid thinking about it for a while, and you will feel that you will mistakenly think that they are cold, heartless, indifferent and have no concern for themselves.

Similarly, sometimes when a man breaks up with you, he doesn’t really want to break up. Perhaps he is forced by you to test his bottom line again and again. In fact, he also wants to gain your attention and care.

So how to express love, how to care for the other person correctly, how to communicate into his heart and restore your love?

There are some basic guidelines for chatting with him. As long as we follow these guidelines and maintain a relaxed atmosphere, we can continue the conversation smoothly and lay a good foundation for subsequent recovery.

First of all, we must maintain a good attitude when chatting. This is very important. When chatting, you must give yourself a positive psychological hint. For example, he is very willing to chat with you and he really wants to. Hearing your opinions and feelings, he still likes you.

An iron rule that needs to be paid attention to here is: when you start chatting, you should never mention your relationship. When you first establish a relationship, he is still wary of you and has not grown out of this relationship. After getting over the hurt, he doesn’t want to talk to you about these things at this time. He just wants to relax quietly by himself. Whenever you mention your relationship, he will only think of the negative things between you, which will ignite his negative thoughts. emotions, and you should not tell him about your current depression, pain and other negative emotions, or expose your needs too much. Doing so will only push him away, make him avoid you, and you will lose the best chance of recovery. .

For example:

Why don’t you reply? ah?

I can't live without you. Let's get along well!

Can you bear to abandon me like this? What did you tell me first?

Or frequently chat with him and have awkward conversations

As long as you send this kind of negative emotional speech and behavior, all that is waiting for you is the endless silence of the other party, or even another pull. Black delete.

Therefore, if you want to better restore him and restore your love, you have to chat with him relaxedly and happily, use positive emotions to guide him to see your advantages, and think of being with you The happy days together will guide him to constantly think of your goodness, so that he will miss you, think of you constantly, start to reflect on his own behavior, and stimulate his desire to get back together.

In the ideal situation we envision, you are willing to chat with each other every day about work, life and yourself. The relationship will heat up quickly and the other person will gradually have the urge to get back together with you.

This process needs to be done step by step. You can’t eat hot tofu in a hurry. Don’t be too eager for success and expose your need to scare him away. Control the frequency and keep the atmosphere relaxed and happy, so that the more he talks, the more he wants to talk to you. feeling.

If the atmosphere of chatting is good, the closer your relationship will be. If you follow this rule, he will slowly be attracted to you again and slowly achieve a successful reconciliation.

So how often should we chat with him? How to control it?

You can refer to the time arrangement template we have summarized below. When you use it, you can adjust it according to your own situation, combined with the actual situation of yourself and the other party, and the performance of the chat with the other party.

Day 1: Say hello and have a brief chat.

The next day: Don’t take the initiative to chat with the other person. If he takes the initiative to chat with you, respond briefly and calmly and don’t talk in depth.

Day 3: Stay the same as day 2 and don’t reveal your needs.

Day 4: Make the chat longer than before and talk about something that will make him think about it again and again.

Day 5: Don’t take the initiative to chat, be busy with your own business, and control your emotions.

Day Six: Same as Day Five.

Day 7: Chat with the other person for a while, about life and work, but don’t talk about your feelings, and take the initiative to end the topic.

Day 8: Same as Day 5.

Day 9: Have a brief chat with him about life, and take the initiative to end the topic.

Day 10: Same as Day 5.

Day 11: Chat with him for more than an hour. The topics revolve around life, work, dreams, travel, etc. Keep the atmosphere relaxed.

Day 12: Same as day 9.

Day 13: Same as Day 5.

Day 14: Chat with him for about half an hour in the morning, chat for a while longer in the evening, and take the initiative to end the topic.

After reading the above examples, have you discovered any patterns? As long as you gradually increase the frequency of chatting, be neither too proactive nor too distant, maintain a reasonable and comfortable chatting atmosphere, and talk about some easy topics that both parties are interested in, the other party will gradually like chatting with you, form a habit, and eventually rely on you.

If you encounter indifference or embarrassment from the other party during the chat, or the other party vents negative emotions to you, this actually proves that they have deep feelings for you and they care about you. So when you encounter negative emotions, don't run away or lose control of your emotions. You have to deal with it how you want. If you deal with it well, the depth of the relationship will be improved.

For example, when you start to feel that the atmosphere of the topic is not right and becomes bad, you have the following options to resolve it: Try to end the chat first, and stop chatting for the time being. After a while, a few days will pass. When chatting with him, the chat starts with a simple chat about life, and then ends the topic proactively. Try to solve the problem without expanding the topic of discussion. (Change the topic, etc.) Discuss the core contradiction of the issue in detail, try to make things clear, but first soothe his emotions. Let him calm down so that he can continue to listen to you. At the same time, you must control your own emotions and don't start arguing, because you must know that you want to solve the problem and the ultimate goal is to recover. And if you provide stable and high emotions at this time, he will feel your changes.

Scenario 1

You and he have just established a relationship, and he is still in a hypothetical calm period with negative emotions. He is not yet ready to discuss the problem with you calmly. Prepare. You can first soothe his emotions, express your approval of his feelings at this time, and express some apology, and then politely end the conversation.

For example, the other party said: "I think you are very selfish. I am always there when you need me, but you are never there when I need you. You never care about my feelings, you are just here I feel like I'm just giving too much, and I don't feel that you love me."

At this time, you can reply: "Yes, I understand your feelings now, and I feel the same. I am quite selfish sometimes. I apologize for the things that have hurt you. Now I reflect on myself every day and understand myself better. I have begun to change myself and am no longer the same as before. I think maybe we still need to Take some time to resume chatting with each other and get to know each other again. I hope you can be happier."

Situation 2

If he vents his negative emotions when chatting, but his words are not particularly intense. , you can acknowledge Jean's feelings and then change the subject and continue the conversation.

For example, if the other party says: "Yes, I am drinking with my friends, why don't you negotiate a big deal with your big customer!"

In fact, from this sentence, you It can be seen that he is complaining emotionally that you were busy with work and ignored him, did not pay attention to his inner feelings, and gave him less care and companionship. At this time, you should speak according to the other person's emotions and focus on comforting his emotions. , calm him down, and then change the subject.

You can reply: "Ah, I really have to see clients later, but I fell ill recently and realized what you said before is so right. I just want to make money. I no longer have a life of my own. I try to give myself more personal time now so that I can spend time with you and myself. Who are you with? ”

Situation 3

It is a serious problem for the other party to vent their emotions when chatting with you, and the emotions are out of control. You can explain the problem clearly to avoid deeper misunderstandings, which will become obstacles on the road to recovery in the future.

For example, if the other person says: "Can you really change? I really hate the days when you accused me of controlling me and never gave me personal space. I don't believe you, a domineering and selfish person like you." You can change!”

“So when I fell in love with you, I felt that you were my only one, my true love in the world, and no one could replace your place in my heart. No one can separate us, I want to hold you tightly, I want to love you with all my strength, and I hope you love me like this, so I always blame you, I hope you are better and more perfect, I always control You, you are afraid of losing love.”

“I realize now that this desire to control makes you so unhappy. I know that I have many bad habits. But no matter what. I want to make this issue clear to you. Although we are separated, this is my most cherished relationship. I want to make a phone call to make it clear to you."

You should pay attention at this time, because now is the time. When the other person's negative emotions are at their peak, he wants to hear what you have to say, and he also wants to be comforted, so when you call him, you first have to give him a reason that he can't refuse, and then make him believe it with your sincere emotions. You really realize the seriousness of the problem and you really are changing.

Don’t be afraid to call at this time, for fear of losing him if he is in a bad mood. In fact, the stronger his mood is at this time, the higher his sense of need at this time. When he vents to you like this, he hopes that you will give him something. If he gives a good explanation and good comfort, then you should comfort him properly. So at this time, the other party will basically pick up the call.

But you have to be careful, you must not mention getting back together with him at this time. Otherwise, all the efforts will fall short.

The first message after establishing a relationship is very important, but if you become bombarded with text messages and WeChat after a breakup, it will become excessive entanglement and stalking, which will only make the situation worse and worse. Oops. When disconnected, you need to make some positive changes in yourself.

So what is the first message of the Reunion and Construction of the United Nations?

You can guide him to establish a connection through some *** and good memories, and say that these memories remind you of him, and then write some interesting things about your memories. Remember this message is to keep it relaxed attitude. This way he will be more willing to reply.

For example: "I passed by Shanghai Road today and saw the restaurant we went to before. Their new product is Ju Xiang Fried Chicken, which is quite good. I remember that the last time we went there together was back from Nezha. On the way, how are you doing lately? "

In addition to *** and memory guidance, you can also lead the topic by linking interesting things that happened recently to create topic dimensions. expand.

For example: "I recently had time to watch The Little Prince. I didn't watch the ones you recommended to me before. Now that I've watched it, I feel it's so good, warm and touching, so sincere and emotional, that The little fox is so cute. Hey, is your corgi still so naughty? Its short legs twist and turn, haha. ”

We can be here at the right time. Asking the other person for help and advice in areas in which the other person is very confident and proud of, and to enhance his or her pride and recognition, is a very simple and effective way to bring the two people closer and increase their goodwill.

For example: "I want to buy a mobile phone. Which one is more cost-effective and better? Which one has better performance?"

He replied: "What price do you want? Huawei's Nowadays, high-end and high-end models are pretty good.

"

You can say: "Oh, you know best about electronic products. Let me go and check out Huawei's. What have you been busy with recently? "

Or you say: "How did you make Guobao Pork before? What you make is the most delicious. I recently wanted to make it for myself, but the sweetness is different for you. What I made is not delicious. He said that fructose should be used for Guobao Pork. Only fructose is used to make it delicious, not white sugar. You said: Oh, you are too stupid. Expert, how do you make the pickled pepper fish head from Hunan cuisine? So awesome! ”

When you want to ask him a question, be real, natural and close to life. Don’t let him think that you are having an embarrassing conversation because you have nothing to say. The questions you ask can eventually bring back the beautiful memories of your past. , let him recall the good times in your past and stimulate the anchor.

If you have made a lot of mistakes after breaking up with the other person and have been stalking and making trouble with the other person unreasonably, then the above method is not suitable. .

At this time, we can use the trick of playing hard to get to make a sincere apology for your negative behavior during the breakup and express frankly that you have accepted the breakup and you only want to be with him. As friends, there is no need to ignore each other even after breaking up. Tell him how you have changed, such as expressing yourself in the correct way of communication, and how you worked hard to change yourself when you first met him. After he sends a message and he replies to you, you have to start building your attraction to him. Trust is the cornerstone of relationships.

So how do you send a message to build attraction and trust? /p>

You need to think about a few points first: What do you think is the most attractive thing about him? (Character? etc.) Do you know what his ideal type is (appearance, personality, three views), his personality ( Introversion or extroversion)

Different personalities have different attraction points. What is the most attractive thing about his personality?

When you send a message, you should cater to his interests, guide the topic, and promote the content and atmosphere of your chat. Show your positive emotions in the message, and let him imagine what you are like at this time. He will think of you repeatedly in his mind, laying an anchor in his heart.

How to send messages to build trust?

In fact, although you are separated from him, you have a deep emotional foundation. Intimate relationships involve deep trust, and you must grasp this.

I suggest that you must be sincere and honest with him when you are in contact. If he asks you, you have always taken the initiative to contact him. Yes. Don’t you still want to get back together? This is impossible!

You can answer honestly but cleverly. I thought about it in my heart at first, but I respect what is happening now and I will accept it bravely. Regarding the facts, I understand the reason for our breakup, and I also think that it was a good choice to separate based on the situation at that time. I have now moved on from the breakup and started my own life. I am sending you a message because I just think we are friends. It's normal to talk.

If you say this, you will find that he will not make you look passive or helpless or pessimistic, and he will let go of his guard because he sees your changes and positive attitude. , he may want to continue to contact you.

In addition, you can also:

Talk about what you have learned and understood after the breakup. ? What did you do?

Talk about your inner thoughts, your uneasiness and anxiety, and how you thought about the wrong things you did in the past because of your uneasiness and anxiety.

Talk about how you feel about major life events, such as relationships, love, partners, careers, etc.

You should encourage him, agree with him, and praise him.

When he talks, listen to him, put yourself in his shoes, understand his psychology, his thoughts, understand his feelings, and try to see things from his perspective.

When you and he are reunited and have just established a relationship, sending a WeChat message is the best and most appropriate choice. Of course, the effect is far less effective than making a phone call or chatting in person, because when you are talking to him on the phone or in person, In the room, you will feel like you are talking like a boyfriend and girlfriend when you were sweet before. The intonation and rhythm of your voice can better and more intuitively express your positive emotions and attitudes.

The atmosphere of our chat on WeChat is better. After your relationship has warmed up to a certain extent, find an opportunity to make a phone call.

For example: If you have been chatting with him more frequently recently and the atmosphere is better and he takes the initiative, you can try to make a phone call. But you need to find a good reason, such as:

You: Doudou (your best friend and his middle school classmate) found a boyfriend who looked like Li Xian. They were very funny when they confessed their love.

Him: Ah, what happened? Tell me! Ahaha

You: Let me call you and tell you, my typing is slow and I need to learn her intonation haha.

This kind of introduction is very natural. What you need is a natural introduction, then get on the phone with the other party, and then start chatting.

So what’s next on the phone? After the phone call, when the atmosphere between you two gets better and better and the relationship develops, you are about to start inviting people out. So how do you invite someone?

Asking him out is a very important step, and he will usually be very cautious at this time, because they are afraid of giving you the wrong signal or hint, or that you will pester him. So that's what I mentioned about you and him building enough trust.

So before you prepare to invite someone, you have already called several times before, and the chat frequency is high and the atmosphere is similar to how you are in love.

After you have established enough trust with him, he will take the initiative to invite you, but if he does not, you can simply guide him.

For example: Joker was released recently. I heard it was good and I plan to go and see it.

He will say: I want to go too? Who are you going with?

You said: Oh, maybe myself.

He said: Then let’s go together.

After a pleasant invitation, your relationship will have a breakthrough and you will get back together. If he is more proactive, it may directly lead to the reunion

When trying to recover, you must have courage and determination. , act immediately after determining the correct way to recover. Don't worry too much, the opportunity is fleeting, seize the opportunity to win your own true love.

Everyone has the right to love and be loved, but love and courage alone are not enough. We must learn to love and express love in the right way. Let us grow and change ourselves and work hard for love. Come on.

May we become better versions of ourselves every day!