Funny text messages in 2007

1 When a bowl fell down, there was a huge scar

2 When I was a kid, my sister asked me what time it was, and I answered: Three poles (3:30)!

3 Once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much does 47 kilograms cost?

4 In the past, the first thing I said when I returned to the dormitory was: "Is there anyone who can call me?"

5 When I was in high school, I went to a restaurant with my classmates to eat. After ordering a few dishes, I was still wondering whether to add another dish. I originally wanted to say scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I don’t know why, but what I blurted out was - fried tomatoes with tomatoes. Boss... I thought about it for a long time. .........

6 Once I was eating at home with my cousin. I accidentally poured the soup and ran out of tissue paper. My cousin hurriedly yelled, "Hurry up, hurry up, go get some toilet paper." "Toilet"

7's deskmate dropped something on the floor. He bent down to pick it up and stepped on it with his foot, but accidentally stepped on his hand.

He was furious: "Dare you step on my foot?" ! ”

8 At a literary evening, the host came on stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull!

Creepy!!!!

9 My test score was very low, and I complained bitterly: My score is too cheap!

10 If a tiger doesn’t give a cat, you think I’m critically ill!

11 When I was in high school! , the classroom discipline was chaotic, the teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said: XXX, stand on the wall! ~~~~~~~~~~The whole class was shocked

12 There was a foreign teacher. When I was showing off Mandarin in a large classroom, I originally wanted to give him a face and compliment him on how well he spoke Mandarin, but the way he spoke Mandarin became your standard.

His standard Mandarin speaking is really ordinary, Han~~

13 When MM and I were in front of a stall selling soy milk and fried dough sticks, I shouted: "Boss, I want a fried dough sticks with soy milk." MM burst into laughter.

14 One time, I was driving and sat next to me. My female colleague suddenly asked: “Why are you driving without a condom? ”

15 There were a lot of people in the restaurant, so I shouted loudly: Boss, please have some chili without seasoning...

The waiter also repeated loudly: Table 11, can you please add one? Seasoned pepper! . .

Me: What are you teaching? Chemistry...

17 In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher! "

18 Once, everyone was commenting on the back of a beautiful woman in front of me. I was going to say "Her legs are very thick", but ended up saying "Her legs are very brittle"

< p>19 Before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me: "Put all your clothes in the refrigerator and pick up all the dishes in the washing machine~~~~~

20 When I sat in the restaurant, , casually called, "The network manager serves the food."

One day my MM went shopping on 21!

Suddenly I saw a crow flying in the sky and cawing!

So a sentence burst out of her mouth: "This frog crows like a crow...$%^@#@%!

22 In high school, we The national flag is raised every Monday, and then someone speaks, mainly about daily behavioral rules. Once, I was honored to give a speech, but I accidentally pronounced "Don't make loud noises in the theater". "Don't make loud noises in the movie brothel." All the teachers and students in the school were present, and there were many school leaders. I wanted to say qq. Did you read it?

24 One time in junior high school, I read the text and it was XX wandering in the corridor. I read it as XX was lewd in the corridor... The teacher's face turned red.

25 When I was in high school, I went out with my classmates. There was a China Everbright Bank next to the school. It had just opened, so there was still a red cloth hanging on the sign... but the cloth was hanging there

I blocked the Chinese characters... I pronounced it as "Guoguang Bank"... My classmates laughed like crazy, and I couldn't hold my head up for several years!

26 A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine. ．

27 I once listened to the radio. It was some kind of shopping guide hotline. When someone called in, the host asked him: "What is your surname?

" He replied: "No surname." Your Majesty!~~~~~"

28 Buying oranges, boss: one dollar and five pounds. Me: It’s too expensive. It costs five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No, no.

29 Read the text aloud in junior high school. . . The joy of victory was on the faces of the soldiers: "We have worked so hard just to have a monument for each of us! (Commemorative coin)

30 Just returned to Chengdu, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up. When I was eating, I shouted as soon as I got in the car: Oops, I’m going to be hungry (actually, I wanted to say I was starving)

31 I wanted to say “the customer is God” but I said “the customer is heaven” so far. Ridiculed by my friends~~~

32 My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said the monitor was a color screen (I originally meant to say LCD)

33 I was discussing life with a friend, and the result was. He said that he now hopes to buy a piece of land in the countryside to farm and raise chickens. Life is so boring!! I said...why bother?

But living in the countryside is quite relaxing, breeding pigs. Ah, Yangyangdi...

34 When I was in high school, my class went for a physical examination, and when I was taking my blood pressure, my classmate discovered that the person who was taking my blood pressure was actually a male classmate from junior high school. It seemed that he was there. Internship

Well, that girl couldn’t roll up her sleeves. When she got anxious, she said to the boy: How about I take off my pants? The boy’s face immediately turned red.

mm is probably cold to death

35 I got anxious once and wanted to tell the truth, but ended up saying "the elephant is really white" and was laughed at

36 If you don't obey, you will Drag your butt and spank your pants...

37 A classmate went to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. We asked him which row he sat in?

He said: "Go, sit at the end of the row!"

38 At the Internet cafe, I was thinking about getting off the plane, but wanted to pay the bill, so I shouted: "Boss, check out the plane!" Khan...

39 Junior high school art party, question-and-answer session

Female host: "Everyone, be careful, don't rush too fast. Wait until I finish speaking and start raising your hands."

Then he started to read the questions, Said, "Open now..."

At this time, a contestant rushed to answer.

The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. My 'shi' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you snatch it away"

The whole audience burst into laughter< /p>

40 One morning when I woke up, my mother asked my brother: "Have you washed your face?" My brother heard it as "What time is it?", and my brother said "8 o'clock", who

< p>My mother heard it again as "wiping your face", and then said "wiping your face counts as washing your face", which made me laugh so hard that I couldn't stand up straight.

41 The tofu skin in Wuhan Laotongcheng is delicious.

When I went to eat, the cashier said: A bowl of "turf"!

42 Xi’an calls rice rice. When a classmate came back from Xi’an, he entered the restaurant and shouted: “Boss, get a bowl of rice!” Boss Han!

43 Master, give me some Pazhou Deji Chicken.

44 One time, my classmate stuttered, and I became anxious: I straightened your head and stuck your tongue out while you were talking! !

45 Once my friend and classmate said that he was really charming. My friend corrected him and said very loudly, "I am going to be charming!!"

46 Early morning self-study in junior high school, the Chinese class representative wrote on the blackboard

"Read the 15th lesson silently". After the deskmate came, he looked at the blackboard

while reading "Black Dog Reading Lesson 15 Text "

47 A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child. He said, among birds, I usually do not eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but often eat seafood.

48 One time I saw an old man sweeping the steps on the way to school. Because I often saw him sweeping and knew that he was obligated, I was really touched.

I thought as I walked up When I was having sex with the old man, I originally wanted to ask him how old he was, but he ended up asking, "How old are you?" As soon as the words came out, I was sweating. . . . . .

49 When I was still at school, I went to the canteen to eat. When ordering, I ordered a "pulled pork skin".

50 The politics teacher was talking about the inevitability of the development of things in class. When it came to human beings, he gave us an example and said: For example, if a man turns into an ape!

51 I heard a girl shouting in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of white powder~!"

52 When I was in school, I got a call one day

My classmate answered Then he handed it to me and said: "It belongs to your mother."

I took the phone and casually said: "Male or female"

Everyone laughed wildly and I was laughed at 4

In junior high school in 1953, we beat a man in a group and pushed him to the ground. He said: Scholars can be humiliated, but not killed!

61 When I was in junior high school, I bought a very beautiful cup. My deskmate told me that the cup looks nice. I said, no, I bought two specially, one for brushing teeth and one for gargling. . . .

62 Once the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me

I am used to saying "he is not here", but this time what I want to say is "he has gone out"

p>

The result was: "He is no longer..."

63 One time my mother asked me to go to the balcony to collect clothes. I collected the clothes and asked her where to put them. While cooking, I said without looking back: "Put some clothes on the sand!" I just stayed there.

64 gg handed me a piece of ice cream, I took a bite and shouted: "It burned me to death!"

65 Go to eat noodles~~~ said to the boss: the soup bowl has two sides . . . . . The boss was stunned. . .

66 I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?"

67 One time I patted the belly of my dormitory classmate. She said loudly: "Don't shoot, I have pee in my stomach."

68 My classmate went to buy a ticket. When we came back, we asked her what ticket she bought and whether there were seats. She said she bought standing seats, so we Confused, I asked her whether she was standing or sitting.

69 The prices for surfing the Internet in our different Internet cafes are different. Once I went to an Internet cafe I had never been to. As soon as I entered the door, I asked, "Boss, how much is one hour here?" "Actually, I wanted to ask how much it costs per hour.

70 I remember that my classmate was bargaining with a girl in the class over a meal. He said: "As the saying goes: You can't have both the bear and the fish paw." I fainted on the spot

< p>71 I went to a restaurant to eat and there were not enough spoons on the table, so I yelled: Boss!! Bring me a plate of spoons...~~!

72 When I went out with my friends, I locked my bicycle and forgot to take the key. After walking for a while, I remembered that I still hadn’t picked up the key, so I said to my friend: "==, my Yiguan Zi

The key is still hanging on when driving..."

73 Teacher : No clothes are allowed in class!

74 One day, a girl in the dormitory suggested that we all go out to eat hot pot in the evening. I immediately objected, "If I don't go, hemorrhoids will grow out if I eat any more." Another mm immediately responded, "That's right, that's right, you can see that I have a lot of growth on my face."

Everyone is stunned. . .

75 The teacher who went to collect the textbooks from the library said that there were a few missing textbooks and said they are no longer available here

Let me see if there are any in the inner library (probably the internal warehouse)=_=

76 Teacher: This question looks very simple, but in fact, it is not difficult.

77 In high school, everyone is given a name badge. . Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly, everyone, please put on your bras quickly and come for a check-up. . The whole place was silent. . .

78 One time we were eating porridge and sesame biscuits at home

I asked my mother: Are the sesame biscuits sweet or with added sugar?

79 There is a classmate who likes to smoke while pooping

Once he just came out of the toilet and said loudly to us: "Ah~~it feels so good to smoke cigarettes and poop."

Crazy

80 When Kende Chicken just came out with the hot chicken popcorn, an old lady ran over and said to the waiter: Let’s get some hot chicken.

81 This is what really happened to me. In junior high school, we did an experiment in biology class and we had to dissect a frog. But what was actually being dissected was a toad. It's really disgusting

Ah, I feel like I'm going to faint. After returning to the classroom, I said: "No, no, no, I have to take birth control pills (actually I mean pills to avoid fainting). It's too disgusting." A male classmate heard it.

They laughed for a long time and I didn’t react. Alas, after understanding what it meant, I couldn't even lift my head all afternoon.

82 On the National Day in 1999, our department organized a flag-raising ceremony. A cadre of the student union led everyone to take the oath. After that, the guy said:

"The oath is complete!" Square A thousand people laughed wildly.

83 I once asked MM what kind of food you can cook~

MM answered quickly... Stir-fried tomatoes with tomatoes...

I don’t know anything now. It's a tomato~~I don't even know what a tomato is...

84 One day in junior high school, I heard a conversation between two classmates in class, as follows:

...

A: Where is your family?

B: Oh, my dad took a motorcycle to ride and my mom went out...

85 In the dormitory, Zhu Zhu picked up the phone and said to his sister: "Fuck you. Phone!", mm suddenly burst into laughter when she picked up the phone. It turned out that her mother blurted out on the other end of the phone: "Mom!"

86 Next program: The Duzi Flute< /p>

87 The basketball team in the department lost, and a friend lamented: "The team broke up, and people's hearts are not in good spirits."

88 When I was in school, I went home on the weekends and got addicted to cigarettes after dinner. , planning to take an excuse to go for a walk. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked why we were going? I casually said:

"Let's go smoke!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and beat me severely.

89 What a wonderful New Year sister-in-law. . . .

90. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said: "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

91. While eating, reading posts and reading classics I told my wife to listen to it, and she laughed to death, so she said to me: "Read it after you finish eating, otherwise your brain will suffer from indigestion!"

92. An Education Bureau meeting The leader inspected the recess exercise. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "dismissal", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time

, and shouted: "Retreat!"

< p>93 There was a teacher in high school whose surname was Jiang, who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question...

..."

94 I have a colleague. One day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where I could get inflated tires. My colleague said, "There are tire abortists everywhere on the street!"

95 Once I went to eat and paid the bill. I said to the boss: "Husband, check out!" The boss's wife was nearby...

96 There was a teacher who stayed up all night at mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who is playing banker today? The blackboard was not even wiped. ! ”

97 Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: “You have such good skin, why do you still use Hushubao?”

98 The teacher left When I gave homework, I couldn’t do it so I copied other people’s work. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework. When I saw the teacher, I said, “I’ve finished copying it!”

99 On the day when I took the driver’s license test, I was very nervous. The examiner gave him a hard time and asked him to stop at a fire hydrant on the side of the road. This gentleman said nervously:

"Report the fire hydrant, there is an examiner on the roadside, parking is not allowed!"

Two men in the 100 unit made a bet, whoever loses will be treated to Liangzi The Foot Washing City invited guests to wash their feet, and we all watched the fun at that time.

Just when the winner was decided,

everyone was making preparations to go downstairs. A girl next to them shouted: "I'll go too, I'll go too, I've never washed my feet!" As a result, everyone stood still and brushed their hands< /p>

Brush's eyes turned to her feet.

101 When I was in high school, my history teacher was a pretty girl. Her Mandarin was very good, except for the word "Mou" which I always pronounced as "Mao". Every time I said "Chiang Kai-shek"

The conspiracy (Mao) was crushed by our People's Liberation Army again." The whole class was shocked! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

102 During our military training, we organized karaoke activities in the evening, but basically we were still required to remain seated. The girl in the class was in charge of announcing: "Now, so-and-so will bring you a song "Buffalo"!" The girl returned to the scene and hurried out after a moment: "I'm sorry, so-and-so is dedicating it to everyone. It's "Water

Car"." As a result, the music started playing "Sailor" by Zheng Zhihua. That guy was so depressed that he was off-key on stage...

102 Once, we went to Huangshan for a trip, and the tour guide happened to introduce: The Hundred-step Ladder was Liu Xiaoqing's attraction back then. Suddenly a man in our group blurted out: "Director..." Everyone was stunned.

103 That time some female classmates came to my house to play. I went to get water. They turned on the DVD player to watch a movie. I heard it in the back room and it was in Cantonese, and then I shouted the tune

< p>The lower tone was wrong, and I was speechless. My face turned red and purple~~I almost fainted~~

105 I told a story to my colleagues, saying "the 180-pound man" "Fat man" became "a big fat man weighing 180 pounds per pound". My colleagues burst into laughter, but I still persisted in the laughter.

I finished speaking. . .

106 When the high school teacher talked about the discipline when raising the flag, he solemnly said to us, "When you are playing the national flag and raising the national anthem..."

107 We often say this in our dormitory : No one can even say such big words! ! ~

108 One day it was windy and I became blinded. I hurriedly asked for help from an old lady nearby: Sand got into my eyes~!

109 When I was riding a bicycle with my friend and turning at the entrance of an alley, I almost knocked down an old man selling old ginger. The old man was shouting, and he shouted nervously: "Sell

... you bastard."