I want a funny joke.

The panda met a kangaroo who came out of the supermarket angrily and asked, "What's the matter? Angry like this? " The kangaroo gasped and said, "I'm not allowed in his room." I have to save the bag first! " "

A girl came to the classroom. She introduced herself: "She said that I might not be the smartest, the most beautiful and the best-I might not be the most humorous". Just as all her classmates praised her modesty, she suddenly said, "Hello, my name is Wei.

* When I was in junior high school, two classmates (deskmates) cursed inexplicably. One scolded the other and said, "My deskmate is an S*B!" The other party was anxious and scolded: "Your deskmate is an S*B!" "A group of students next to me froze for a few seconds, and then burst into laughter.

Someone was practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psychopath came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned and ran until he reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's the knife. It's your turn to chase me.

A gentleman caught a cold and went to the hospital for intravenous drip. The nurse quickly inserted the needle into Mr. Wang's body and hung physiological saline. 1 more hours passed, and the normal saline was finished. When the nurse came, she put on the bottle at once. The gentleman was puzzled and asked the nurse, "Miss, isn't there only one bottle on the prescription list?" The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap behind the salt water and said, Sir, you are so lucky. This bottle won the lottery-another bottle!

* In the evening, my daughter and I watched TV in the living room, and my husband surfed the Internet in the study. I was a little thirsty, but I didn't want to move, so I said, honey, give me a bottle of coke. My husband came out of the study and brought me a bottle and ran back to the study. At this time, the five-year-old daughter also shouted: Dad, I want to drink, too. The husband said impatiently: take it yourself! The daughter paused and shouted, honey, I want to drink, too

Xiaoming was not good at math and was transferred to a missionary school by his parents. Six months later, I got straight A's in math. Mother asked, "Is the nun teaching well? Is it a good textbook? Is it a prayer? " "Neither," Xiao Ming said. On the first day of school, I saw a person nailed to the plus sign, and I knew ... they were serious. "

One day, I took a biology exam, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trouser legs and said, "You guess, you guess.

* On the way, the traffic police asked a female driver to show her driver's license, and the beauty asked what was going on. The traffic police said that you pressed the yellow line, and the beauty said anxiously, "What's the matter, is it broken?"

* A boy has had a crush on a girl for a long time. One day in the self-study class, the boy finally got up the courage to write a note to the girl, which read: In fact, I have been paying attention to you for a long time. After a while, the note came back, which read: Please don't tell the teacher, I promise I will never eat melon seeds in class again.

* Two cows are eating grass together. The green cow asked the black cow, "Hello! What's the smell of your grass? " The black cow said, "Strawberry flavor!" The green cow leaned down and took a bite, and shouted angrily, "You lied to me!" " The black cow gave him a contemptuous look and replied, "Idiot, I said grass is tasteless."

* An old man who is bored after retirement teaches parrots to talk every day! Teach it to say "good morning!" Every morning. But after several months, the parrot still didn't speak. The old man was so depressed that he stopped teaching this morning. At this moment, I heard the parrot shout at the old man: "old man!" Great day! Don't say hello to me? ! "

* There are two lovers in the park who are very sweet. The girl said coquetry, "Husband, I have a toothache." The boy kissed the girl and said, "Does it still hurt?" The girl said, "It doesn't hurt." Later, the girl said, "My neck hurts." So the boy kissed the girl's neck and said, "Does it still hurt?" The girl said happily, "It doesn't hurt anymore." An old lady saw it and couldn't help saying, "Young man, you are really amazing. Can you treat hemorrhoids?

* The doctor said: Give a sedative to the patient who will be discharged today. The nurse was puzzled and asked, why are you sedated when you can leave the hospital? The doctor said: I have to pay the bill later, I'm afraid he can't stand it!

A millionaire was told that he was terminally ill, and there was only half a year left. He was very sad and found a killer to kill him at the happiest time. A few days later, the millionaire was told that he was misdiagnosed, laughed happily and was killed by the killer.

The only difference between a friend and an assassin is that the assassin stabbed you in the back and you turned around and said painfully, Ah, who are you? A friend stabbed you in the back. You turned around and said in surprise, Ah, it's you!

Zorro is dating his mistress. Mistress: What if my husband comes back? Zorro: If he comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will catch me. Mistress: If he hears a knock at the door, he will come back. After a while, it rained heavily. Suddenly someone knocked at the door. Just then, Zorro jumped out of bed and jumped out of the window. The hostess opened the door and saw a horse standing in front of it. Ma said, tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor!

* I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago and agreed not to contact again. The next day, I checked the monthly subscription of my mobile phone and found that there were still 499 minutes left in the monthly subscription of our point-to-point call, so I sent her a short message: there were still 499 minutes left in our couple's monthly subscription. Why don't we cooperate for another month and divide it up next month? She said: Yes, it can't be cheaper. China mobile.

Several little boys scraped together a dozen dollars to buy toys, but they didn't know what to buy. One suggestion: go and buy sanitary napkins! People don't understand, why? The boy said, I don't know, but it is said on TV that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball and skate, and be happy and worry-free.

* An American reporter said, "We have the freedom to interview." China reporter said: "We also have the freedom to interview!" . The American reporter said: "I dare to question the president, do you dare?" China reporter said: "Of course!" . Then, Rui Chenggang questioned Obama at the G20 summit.

A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat a panda. "You have a cold," cried the panda. Why do you want to eat me? " The tiger said: "the advertisement says that you should eat white and black when you have a cold!" " "

Two ants were walking on the road when they suddenly saw a big pear with the names of N countries written on it. An ant said, "Hey, big pear" (Italy); Another ant said, "Oh, big pear" (Australia) Hey, move it (Spain); Housekeeping (Bulgaria); Eat pears (Kenya); Pears are not tender (Lebanon).

* XX went to a car sales center, only to see him take out 2000 yuan and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santana." The salesman was surprised: "You don't have enough money!" XX is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "Oh-turn right when you go out. That company's Mercedes is only 600! " "

* Latest awesome signature: 1. When I came into this world, I didn't intend to go back alive! 2. Isn't equality between men and women implemented? Why can't I go to the ladies' room? Hey, excuse me. Is your coffin sliding or turning over? Your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ! A little girl once said to me upstairs: Brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just grow!

* A lady who just finished her driver's license test suddenly turned off at the intersection and watched the red light change.