Funny dialogue segment of question and answer (100 classic funny dialogue segment)

Xiao Zhang is most afraid of being called fat. One day Xiao Li saw Xiao Zhang and said, "You have lost weight." Xiao Zhang is very happy. After parting, Xiao Li said to himself, "I'm talking about your sleeve."

When defending mechanical design, Z was asked by the teacher with drawings. Finally, the tutor was anxious and said, classmate, if you say something you really know about this design, I will let you pass.

My graduation project is to study the toxicity of copper ions and zinc ions to toads, and then when I reply, the teacher asks you what is the difference between this and the previous classmates. I replied: He is a tadpole and I am a toad.

The PE teacher should have announced the "dissolution" after a leader checked the exercises between classes. But when the PE teacher was nervous, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting, "Retreat!" " "

A friend replied to the undergraduate that in order to highlight its research importance, my first sentence on the stage: finite element method is out of date. A row of faces are professors studying finite element. So this guy was tortured all day!

There is a classmate in our class who is cruel when defending. The teacher asked how the buzzer sounded. He thought for a long time, but he didn't know why he blushed, and then he summoned up his courage to answer: Ding!

Some netizens said that they saw their host basking in the sun in the morning and saw through the unrestrained attitude of the world of mortals.

The bedroom is on the sixth floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again and found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by. "Look, your door is not closed. I will help you. "

After running 800 meters, I wanted to show off in front of MM. I originally wanted to say, "I am made of iron!" " "The result said," I'm working while the iron is hot! ""I thought I was wrong, so I corrected it and said, "I'll strike while the iron is hot!" "

As the saying goes, unrepentant festivals are not festivals. Today is the day of confession, so tell all your regrets. If you want to make amends, please choose to reply and invite me to dinner, watch a movie and send RMB directly!

On Valentine's Day night, my husband bathed his 3-year-old daughter. Just after putting her in the bathtub, the daughter shouted: Mom, look, Dad is picking up girls ... Go back to M to watch the lively Valentine's Day to pick up girls and date real people. The last one will definitely make you laugh.

1 A girl is dating her boyfriend in the park on Valentine's Day. Woman: It's so cold. I forgot to wear my coat. My boyfriend tightened his coat, shrank his neck into his collar and said, it's a good thing I wore it, otherwise I would freeze to death like you.

1 A yamen official's birthday. It is said that he is a mouse. His subordinate officials collected some gold and made him a mouse as a birthday present. When the official saw it, he said happily, "Do you know? My birthday is coming, and my wife is a cow. "

1' s friend has a long face. Once I sat opposite him at dinner. I told him what I thought when I saw your face, and he said, Don't say such disgusting things when eating!

1 q: I only have 2 yuan in my pocket. What should I do for the next three meals? A: Buy a broken bowl and squat on the street. Q: Monthly salary 1200 yuan. What car should I buy? Answer: buy two sets of chess and four cars! And four BMWs.

1 One day, while the teacher was in class, suddenly a cat was barking outside, and the sound was endless. The teacher was very angry and said, I'm bored to death. What's your name? A classmate replied: Today is Valentine's Day …

1 I miss you so much that I can't stop thinking about you. Sister Furong, Xifeng and Yue are all thinking about you. I don't want you anymore. The Spring Festival is almost over. I wish you a happy Year of the Rabbit!

1 A psychology professor said to the host: If you want to calm the women present at once, ask them a question: Ladies, who is the oldest? The meeting room immediately became silent.

1 it's my husband, just listen: I say it's convenient, otherwise there will be no good fruit to eat; To be honest, I will pay in the class; Don't look at other women when shopping. If you dare to say nothing, you will be severely punished.

1 The reporter interviewed A Dai at the news scene. Reporter: What do you think about setting off fireworks and firecrackers casually in the city? A Dai: What else can I see? I just climbed up the window and watched. ...

20. joke: a very picky guest goes to a restaurant to eat. He asked the waiter, "Are there any wild ducks?" The waiter thought for a moment and replied, "There are no wild ducks, but I can catch a domestic duck, drive it crazy and cook it for you."

A slap in the face

You have a mature face, a pair of squint eyes, a plaid shirt and an inherited property. It bubbled like a period. More importantly, I heard that you still live a long life, and the tortoise lives forever. Is it true?/You don't say.

Two people chat. A: Boxing is really a great sport! I like this sport. I make a living by boxing, and I have a good income this year! B: So you are a famous boxer? No, I am a dentist.

Someone took part in the Gourmet Competition, swallowed a chicken, nine hamburgers and a big piece of apple pie, and finally won the championship. Before stepping down, he said to others: Don't tell my wife, or she won't let me eat again.

Judge: You stole a car last month. It is efficient, isn't it? Car thief: Yes. It is a big mistake for you to arrest me now. If you give me a few more weeks, I can guarantee that the traffic jam problem in our city will be completely solved.

A little pig went to the company for an interview. The boss asked, "What can you do?" He said: "There are only two things in the world that I can't do!" The boss said, "That's amazing! ? Which two won't? " The pig said, "neither this nor that!" " "

Student: Is there a sleeper and a hard seat in XX? Conductor: No more. Student: Do you have a standing ticket? Yes, but not for sale. Q: Why? A: The Ministry of Railways said that students are not allowed to go home standing this year!

One day, a lazy man took a bus to the town to receive the national minimum living allowance. The car is very crowded. He went directly to take care of the special seat and asked others to give him his seat. The man refused. The lazy man said, the country takes care of me. Shouldn't I take this small seat?

2 Year of the Rabbit happy event: One day, the little white rabbit told the big white rabbit that he was hungry, so the big white rabbit gave the little white rabbit a pot of carrots and said, "Come and help if you are hungry!" Go, cut this pot of carrots into diced meat! "

On the night of Lantern Festival, a group of fireflies flew over the busy city. The mosquito saw it and asked, "What are you doing?" A firefly should have arrived: everyone loves to watch lights. Although the wattage is a little low, at least it can shine!

30. When a recruit arrived at the mill, he asked an old man because the road was unfamiliar, and the old man pointed out the way. A few days later, the recruit went to the mill again, lost his way, and happened to meet the old man again, so he asked for directions again. The old man was startled: Little comrade, haven't you found it yet?

A man asked his friend, "why do you laugh when you smoke?" Is the cigarette delicious? " The friend replied, "No, I just read in the book that smoking a cigarette shortens life by 5 seconds, while smiling will prolong life by 10 seconds, so every time I smoke, I have to smile and earn back 5 seconds for my life."

A naked girl ran into a taxi and the driver looked at her all over. The girl scolded, "What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked woman? " ! "The driver said," I just want to see where your money comes from! " "

Two women in the car grabbed seats, and the one who didn't grab them said, "I can lay eggs if I'm not diligent." The lady who grabbed the seat quickly got up. "Sorry, you sat down and delayed your laying."

Reporter: "What contribution does football make to physical exercise?" "No." The coach replied. Reporter: "Why?" "Twenty-two people who need rest are running hard on the field, while 40 thousand people who need exercise are sitting and watching."

There are many applicants in the bodyguard company, and the examiner asks them to perform unique skills. He performs boxing, karate and China Kung Fu. The last one didn't move. The examiner asked: What are you waiting for? "I am manipulating the atomic bomb." The man said

A person applies for a lumberjack, and the logging speed is amazing. The manager was surprised: where did you learn to cut trees? Have you ever heard of the Sahara forest? Manager: You mean the Sahara desert, right? A: Yes, that's the name now!

When the priest held a wedding ceremony for a newly married couple, because both the bride and groom had long hair, he couldn't tell who was the bride and groom, so he smiled and said to them, "Please kiss the bride!" "

Today, my girlfriend of three years dumped her boyfriend! When her boyfriend asked her if there was another man, she replied, "You are the other man".

The bird said to the crow, it's amazing to wear braces, but it's still a bird The crow said to the bird that people's teeth have been knocked out and are still being pulled out. Tooth-to-tooth crow: You are a bird that grows in the back. Don't be ashamed here. The crow said to his teeth, you eunuch, how dare you speak of me?

40. The defendant promised the lawyer that if I could only be imprisoned for half a year, I would give you an extra 1000 dollars. As a result, he finally got his wish. When the lawyer received the money, he said, this is really tricky. The judges had hoped to be acquitted.

A millionaire went back to his hometown and went to the best hotel, but nobody paid attention to him. He shouted to the waiter: Give me a dish of 1000 yuan! Excuse me, sir. We don't buy half the food! The waiter said.

A sick child shouted to drive with a letter card. Come and buy tickets! Patients came to buy tickets one after another, but one child didn't move. The dean asked you why you didn't buy a ticket. The children took out their mental health badges and said, well, I have a monthly pass!

The CIA issued an orange alert 02 14: Millions of wives and husbands have hired private detectives, and tomorrow they will investigate their spouses' behavior and turn Valentine's Day into a day of arresting people. Please raise your awareness and correct yourself to ensure a happy Valentine's Day!

Popular in April: I once told a girl that I wanted to become a monk before I met you, but I met you and you changed my life! But the girl said she wanted to be a nun all her life when she met me!

Last night, I saw a UFO. It said it was to find my compatriots left behind and then robbed my mobile phone. I dialed and said happily that I finally found it! I looked at it doubtfully, only to find that it was your mobile phone number!

Man: Honey, marry me! W: Why did you tell me until now? Man: Because I'm afraid of death! W: Then why did you tell me? Man: According to statistics, married people should live longer!

The girl dated the boy. Although it was very cold, she deliberately didn't wear a coat. The girl said: it's so cold, I forgot to wear my coat! The boy tightened his clothes and said, it's a good thing I wore them, otherwise I would freeze to death like you.

The wife complains that her husband doesn't understand a woman's heart and won't say what she likes to hear. Mr. Wang asked what she wanted to hear. The wife said, at least change the name. Don't address your wife in three words to show intimacy. I see, old woman.

Ants and elephants compete for strength, and elephants proudly say, give up, I don't want to bully the weak! The ant said, I won't give up! You know, concentrated is the essence!

50. There were so many people on the bus today that a MM who came up from behind stepped on my foot. She didn't respond at all, so I said to her: Beauty! Sorry, I stepped on your foot. ...

Did you eat something wrong today?

The girl said that you can be my alarm clock and wake me up every day. I said yes, I am willing to help, the girl said, what about the alarm clock? Sometimes when I don't remember, I get bored and throw it away. ......

After Xiaohua Mall hooked up with the puppy, he ignored the pig. Piggy couldn't figure it out, so he asked Xiaohua Mall, "Look at its untidy appearance. How can you like it? " Xiaohua Mall: "Hair dyeing and long hair are out of fashion now. Why do you still have straight hair? It looks boring! "

Guanyin said to Venus, "Dear, shall we make a bet?" Venus smiled and said, "Well, what if we lose?" Guanyin sneered: "Then slap in the face!"

When the fire broke out and the parents escaped, the mother shouted, "Son, what are you doing?" "Wear socks" and "What socks should I wear in case of fire?" After a while, my mother got angry: "Why don't you come out?" Son: "I'm taking off my socks."

5 Lao Zhang loves to get stuck when he speaks. One day, his colleague joked with him and said, "Hey! Lao Zhang, you bark like a duck and I'll let you eat watermelon. Lao Zhang: I I won't eat your watermelon! Gung! Gung! I don't bark like a duck either. "

I am a low-key person, really, I have told many people, but some people still don't believe me. I sent this message to reiterate that I am a low-key person and waste your electricity by the way.

The boss yelled at a new employee: Not only are you late, but you also make up excuses. Do you know how the boss lies to his employees? The clerk said unhurriedly, Yes-send him as a product salesman.

5 Lao Li's wife is learning to drive, and he is not a coach on the roadside. Someone said to him, "wouldn't it be better for you to teach her in the car?" "That's true, Lao Li said, but she and her car are insured, but I'm not!"

A young man didn't believe in God and asked, Can you make the world peaceful? The emperor replied: It's easy. The young man pleaded, then you must give me a ticket home, right? God is ashamed to say: Let the world be peaceful!

60. The three prisoners defended together and proved that they were the first to come to prison. The first one said he didn't have a car when he came in; The second said that when he came in, people were still riding horses; What does the third one say about horses?

6 Jiangsu people caught a cold and said: nose football is very good, but the blue ball depends on it. The registration is volleyball for half a day, the thermometer ice hockey is still very good, and the doctor water polo is very good. It is better to handball at home than to run.

Who is more stupid than who? She always calls me stupid. Because I always step on her feet when I dance. But I think she is more stupid than me. Eating is much easier than dancing. But she kept stepping on my foot under the table. It's still silly to think about it now.

Mrs. 6 went to a coffee shop to buy coffee: I want to buy the worst quality! The clerk asked inexplicably: Why do you want the worst quality? The wife replied angrily: so you can't shoddy!

Foreigners have been bitten by dogs, so they have to go to the hospital for treatment. The doctor pointed to the wound and asked, what's the matter? The foreigner didn't know how to say "bite" in Chinese, so he explained: A dog ate something on my leg.

You have an irresistible charm (Kym chocolate), and you are a fairy in my eyes. I am willing to follow you all my life, with no regrets, and you will be the choice of a new generation (Pepsi). Where are you going? I mean my Barbie doll, not you!

When Xiao Wang saw a beautiful woman, he looked around, only to be found by her. Beauty asks: What do you want to do? Xiao Wang Xiao: Life is better because of you! Surprise everything and give it to you again and again! The beauty replied angrily: mosquitoes kill and kill.

I made a wish in front of the Buddha, hoping to find my own blessing as soon as possible, but the Buddha said: a hundred years of harmony has long been arranged! I said: I have already arranged it, so how can I be late? Buddha said: What will happen to the world if human beings lose association? God, my marriage is in my imagination! Dizzy!

Holding you in your hand, I feel "creamy and silky". I have been exercising with you for a long time, and the sweat on my body is "dripping and fragrant", giving off "delicious" ... What am I thinking? I am talking about the socks I am wearing, and your smelly feet will only smoke everyone away.

6 "Outside the examination room, a candidate asked a classmate next to him," Hey, buddy, how was the exam? " Answer: "Cool! (Sprite drink) "Hui Yue:" "The road to success starts from scratch. (Rejoice shampoo) "

70. Don't ask me why I sent you a message. It's too hot. I say hello to you. Do you need a reason? Mm-hmm, it's really good. When you are good, you can leave a message. You deserve it.

My brother is a tiger. On the occasion of the Year of the Ox, he happily said to his family, "I'm finally going to be a cow!" " "Grandma asked why, and he said seriously," My classmate is one year older than me. 12 years old is a cow. I'm 12 years old this year, and I'm going to be a cow! "

One day, I was singing "The Big Sedan". "Hug hug hug that girl." My neighbor's five-year-old brother said, "Sister, you are wrong. It should be: hug, hug, hug that sister, go to sleep. "

When a thief snatched a girl's necklace, the girl grabbed the man by the collar and tried to stop him. Afterwards, the girl described to the police that the necklace he robbed was fake. I caught his real gold necklace.

A couple went to a restaurant for dinner. When a woman sees that all her favorite dishes on the menu are in the high-end column, she asks: How much do you love me? My boyfriend looked at the menu and said, it's more than corned beef, but it's not grilled lobster!

After receiving the report, the Price Bureau went to the bathroom opened by Baozi: Baozi, jiaozi also opened a noodle bathroom. Why is your price so high? The steamed stuffed bun said aggrieved: they are all ordinary bathrooms, but my family has a steam sauna!

Traffic accident, two cars collided head-on. One of the drivers shouted angrily, are you blind? Unwilling to be humiliated, another driver retorted, Who said that? I thought I ran into you.

A friend said to the patient who had just finished the operation: How are you? Patient: Not bad, but I took out a piece of gauze from my stomach the next day after operation, and I opened it yesterday and took out a racket. Suddenly a nurse asked, "Where is my hat?"

One day, Xiaogang came to the food stall he frequented and saw a kind of food similar to the old lady's cake. But he didn't dare to confirm, and timidly asked the waiter, "Aunt, is this the little old woman's cake?"

A: My wife finished reading Brothers and gave birth to twins. B: My wife went to three musketeers and gave birth to triplets. C: Well, my wife is watching Alibaba and the Forty Thieves.

80. When a designer designed a building with a round room, people asked him what inspired him to do this design. "When I was a child, I was often punished to sit in the corner." The great architect said frankly.

One day, I went to a friend's house in the countryside as a guest, which coincided with the delivery of sows at home, and more than a dozen piglets were nursing around the sows. My son was surprised and asked me, Dad, why do sows have so many nipples and why do mothers only have two?

A netizen took this photo in the corner of a game hall marked "/kloc-people under 0/8 are forbidden to set foot in this area". . .

My nephew wants to keep everything he saw. One day, I teased him: "What school do you want to go to?" Answer: "I went to two universities, one in Tsinghua and the other in Peking University!" Alexander!

When I was 8 years old, I followed my mother to buy flowers and birds calligraphy and painting. The painter said, "I sell handicrafts, and this drawing paper is free." I said, "Great, uncle, bring me ten pieces of drawing paper."

One day, I read my son's homework. The content of the homework is "Like Dad". The son wrote: Dad is as fat as a pig. I asked my son why he wrote this. The son asked, don't you like it?

The baby asked his mother, "Why is it thundering in the sky and I am afraid?" Mother said, "That's because the child is disobedient and God is angry." Baby: "then I'm angry, too." Why didn't it thunder? "

I told my baby the story of Kong Rong Qinli, and then I asked him,' Baby, what do you think of this little friend Kong Rong? The baby curled his mouth and said,' What's wrong with the silly child? I ...'

I always use mousse to arrange my hair before going to work. The son saw it and asked, Dad, what are the benefits of Mu Si? I casually replied: nice. After coming back from work, my son happily said to me: Dad, I have made our puppy look good. As soon as I saw it, the pet dog turned into a monster.

The son saw that the grandmother who was bound feet was struggling to walk, and asked curiously: Why do you want to bind feet? Grandma said: the old society was like this. The kind son gave his grandmother a trick: Grandma, it will be fast for you to put on your skates and walk in the future.

My wife used a new perfume. After the husband got off work, the wife said excitedly, smell it quickly. What's the different taste today? I didn't expect my husband to rush into the kitchen at once: Did you make my favorite braised pork ribs today?

90. A woman went for breast augmentation surgery and asked the doctor how much it cost. The doctor said, 2700 yuan. The woman asked: What about I only do one side? The doctor said at once, 900 yuan. The woman doesn't understand: why do you charge like this? Doctor: full of twists and turns!

My husband is going to repair the mobile phone, and my wife reminds me: don't forget to bring the invoice, warranty and charger. In his wife's nagging, the husband found everything before going out. When I arrived at the maintenance department, I found that I didn't bring my broken mobile phone.

The hospital hung a transfusion bottle, and the nurse gave the man a transfusion bottle. 1 more hours passed, the infusion bottle was finished, and the nurse came over and made another bottle. The man asked, nurse, didn't you just open a bottle? The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap after drinking salt water and said that this bottle won the prize. Let's have another bottle!

My screen name is Cowherd and yours is Weaver Girl. Every night, one of us is on this side of the phone line and the other is on the other side of the phone line, but I want to say that this is much better than the Milky Way!

A teacher teaches inspirational cheats, saying that when reading books in the future, he always carries a small mirror with him. When he can't stand reading, he looks at himself in the mirror and says to himself: After all this, he still can't read well!

Xiao Ming and his mother won the prize in shopping at the mall and went to the counter to receive the prize. The winner asked for nine dollars or an apple. Xiaoming's mother took it for granted that she wanted money and said she wanted nine dollars. So the man began to cut the apple into nine pieces.

Jing cheng si Shao

The panda expressed his love to the kangaroo affectionately, but the kangaroo refused. Panda doesn't understand. Why? Kangaroo patiently replied: I like people who live a regular life and don't like each other staying up late every day. ......

On the 9th, Gray grabbed Meiyangyang hard and knocked on Meiyangyang's stomach. Hongtaro was very angry when he learned about it. He slapped the ash with a pan. "Wife, in fact, I just want you to eat one more lamb."

The dog said to the pig, it is better to be a dog and never get the flu. Pig said: Look at your worthless appearance. You'll never make the Forbes Animal List, so you'll be a paparazzi, or at most a presidential bodyguard.

9 The tortoise jokes that the weasel says, "If you are furtive, you will do something to steal the chicken and touch the dog." The weasel said, "You'd better mind your own business!" Wearing a green hat and laughing at others all day. "

100, a model contest was held in the zoo, and Cobra won the first place. The elephant said unconvinced, "I am so plump and you are so thin, which is less than one-fifth of mine." I am not satisfied. " Cobra: "Brother, you are out. I don't know if skinny beauty is popular in society now? "