A humorous and concise self-introduction

Name: Named by parents

Age: Not too young

Height: very tall

Weight: medium

< p>Residence: Home

Phone: On me

E-mail: A friend helped me apply

Working hours: 8 hours

< p>Position applied for: One

Education: High school diploma if graduated

Language ability: Yes

Interests: Many

Birthday: It’s not here yet!

Experience: I stepped on dog poop when I first came here, Shit!

Previous positions: I served as a picket in primary school!

Married but not married: Parents are married

Future expectations: Find a good job again

Hopeful treatment: I hope everyone will love me. I am a mature man

p>

But I look young

I have a burly body and give people the feeling of a big brother

I have a successful career and am a boss

Go to I carry my laptop everywhere

The car I ride in is roomier than a Lincoln

My cultural taste has been shaped by many years of education at Peking University

I am free. I study ancient Chinese history, especially Qing history

I also keep up with the trend of the times

I often watch American movies

Especially those that explore life Social ethics films

I like to speculate on the psychological activities of movie characters

I am tired of often dealing with the upper class society

So I often understand the lower situation

I am very concerned about the details of ordinary people's lives

I am concerned about the level of prosperity of ordinary people

I pay attention to adjusting the inequality of wealth

Cause strong response from society< /p>

I heard that someone wanted to interview me

I have done too many interviews like this before

So I went somewhere to hide and relax

It was a good time to cultivate myself.

You know, people at my level will definitely not take the train

But because I am so famous, the whole country knows me

Still Being asked to do an interview

I also took care of my food and housing

Free fitness

After I came back, I often went online

My thoughts on the ideal partner The requirements are not high

When you come here I will eat a lot of ice cream for you

I also want to build a family with you

I will never be right You are tough

I want to watch the stars with you at night

Come on, my dear, you will be very satisfied when you see me for the first time!

This description just happened to be the life partner you dreamed of, so we met on the same day.

After meeting, I discovered that what he said was different from reality. But when I asked him why he was lying, he took out his self-introduction and explained it to me sentence by sentence, and I discovered the truth. . . . . .

(Please read below)

Annotated version:

I am a mature man----------------------- ----57 years old

But I look younger-----------------------my face is full of acne

< p>He has a burly body and gives people the feeling of a big brother--------------Wu Song's eldest brother

I have a successful career and am a boss-------- ---------------The owner of the cold drink stall

Carrying a notebook wherever he goes------------------ --It's a notebook for recording sales of cold drinks

The car I ride in is roomier than a Lincoln------------------Bus*** car< /p>

Years of education at Peking University have shaped my cultural taste—I once sold cold drinks next to Weiming Lake

In my spare time, I studied ancient Chinese history, especially the history of the Qing Dynasty ----------I love watching "Huanzhugege"

I also keep up with the trend of the times------------------ --Know which cold drinks are best-selling this year

Watch American movies often---------------------------American porn movies

Especially the kind of social ethics film that explores life----incest porn film

I like to speculate on the psychological activities of movie characters---- ------------I often fantasize that I am the protagonist of porn movies

I am tired of often dealing with the upper class society--------There are many presidents of Peking University He told me this time:

"It is forbidden to set up stalls by the lake!"

So I always understand the situation----------------- -------I had no choice but to set up stalls in residential areas

I am very concerned about the details of ordinary people's lives--------------Look at whose doors and windows are not closed< /p>

Care about the affluence of the people------------------------After entering the house, look at what valuable things are there

I pay attention Adjusting the inequality between rich and poor---------------Take valuable things back to your own home

Cause strong response from society- -----------------------Residents in the community are both angry and frightened about the serial thefts

I heard that someone Want to interview me--------------------------The police are coming to arrest me for questioning

I have done this kind of interview before Too many------------------I was caught many times

So I went to hide somewhere for peace---------- ------------------Escape

Just in time for self-cultivation-------------Repair the wounds caused when you jumped out of the window and recuperate. A few sex partners

You know, people at my level will definitely not take the train--ride a tricycle to Tianjin

But because I am so famous, people all over the country Everyone knows that I----I went on the Ministry of Public Security's "National Fugitive Hunting" Internet

I was still invited to do an interview------------------ -------Finally caught

Still in charge of food and shelter---------------------------- ---Three years in prison

Free fitness---------------------------------- Re-education through labor

After I came back, I often went online--------------------------Continue to look for 419

The requirements for an ideal partner are not high -------------------As long as he is taller than me

I will give you a lot to eat after you come. Ice cream-------------I can't sell it that day, it will melt soon

I want to start a family with you------------ ----------You have to help me build a shack

I will never be tough on you

--------------------------I have been impotent for many years

I want to watch the stars with you at night------- ---------------The shack has no roof

Come on, my dear, you will be very satisfied when you see me for the first time! ----I don’t want to look at it a second time

Tenth place Wei Xiaobao’s “The Deer and the Cauldron”

Interesting index: 8

Practical index: 7.5

"My surname is Wu, and I work as a eunuch in the palace. Everyone calls me 'my husband'."

Although this sentence was said when taking advantage of Fang Yi, it is Wei Xiaobao's legendary and contradictory one. Portrait of a life: Since he is a eunuch, how can he talk about his husband? Even if there is one, it is still empty.

Wei Xiaobao has a rich life experience. He is a eunuch, a prince, a Zen master, an incense master, and a white dragon envoy. He is also the disciple of Hai Dafu, Kangxi, Chen Jinnan, Hong Antong, Jiu Nan and others. Mediating in the palace, mixing in the three religions and nine streams, and traveling at home and abroad, Wei Xiaobao was really at home and at ease! His legendary experience is simply a textbook for learning and living in interpersonal communication!

This sentence is similar to what Yang Guo said to Guo Jing in "The Legend of the Condor Heroes": "My surname is Ni and my name is Laozi."

Fang Yi quickly came to his senses and replied, "I know your surname is Hu, your first name is Hu, and you have eight different words!", so the practicality index was low and ranked tenth.

This is the most narrow self-introduction!

”

Ninth place Zhu Ziliu’s “The Legend of the Condor Heroes”

Interesting index: 8

Practical index: 8

p>

“It’s not difficult, it’s not difficult. I have a poem here that talks about my origins. Type four words and you can take a guess. "

"The Six Classics have been stored in my chest for a long time, and a sword has been sharpened in my hand for ten years..." "There is a branch horizontally on the apricot flower head. I am afraid that the secret will be revealed. Don't reveal it." A bit tired is as big as a bucket, but half of the bed is covered with nothing. After finishing his name and waiting to be crowned, do you know his true face? "

Zhu Ziliu, one of the four great guards of Yuqiao, Woodcutter, Gengdu, boasted of being knowledgeable and talented, but he came up with such a shabby lantern riddle. As an introduction to his identity, Huang Rong did not expect that Huang Rong was so thoughtful that he blurted out: :

“Below the character ‘六’, there is a ‘一’ and a ‘十’, which is a ‘Xin’ character. The word "Xing" is added with a horizontal line and the word "口" at the bottom, which is the word "WE". Half of the word "bed" plus "大" plus a little bit, it's the word "like". "Wan" hangs the crown, which is the character "Yuan". Xin Wei was the number one scholar, disrespectful, it turned out to be Xin Weike's number one scholar. ”

I didn’t expect MM Huang to be a master of “SMS Puzzle” and “Swan Puzzle”!

This is the most obscure self-introduction!

The eighth place: Zhang San's "Xia Ke Xing"

Interesting index: 8.5

Practical index: 8

The fat man coughed and said: "My name is Zhang San. He is a bit older than the fourth brother Li. Little brother, you have no name, how can you sworn sworn friends with us? "

This fat man with a round face and big ears, wearing a bronze silk robe, smiling and amiable" is indeed cunning. He gave his name as "Zhang San Li Si", which is a general name that everyone can call, but he actually questioned him. Shi Potian had no name and no surname. He was completely unsincere when he made the oath. On the contrary, Shi Potian's sincere oath made the two envoys of rewarding good and punishing evil feel slightly apologetic towards Shi Potian. The hostility and vigilance turned into no longer vigilance, and then they truly became close friends, and staged a touching scene of drinking Laba porridge together on Xiake Island. This did not conceal the demeanor and magnanimity of the two masters in the world.

This! This is the most hypocritical self-introduction!

The seventh place is different from "Dragon Babu"

Interesting index: 8.5

Practical index: 8.5

"Well, is this the leader of the Beggar Clan, Qiao? Brother bag is different, you must have heard my name. "

Bao BuTong can definitely be called a "god man". He specializes in opposing others. He said, "As for me, he is handsome but not handsome. He is generally heroic, but extremely ugly. , can be called heroic and ugly." Arrogance and exaggeration are his true characteristics. Although he likes to talk nonsense, he is absolutely unambiguous in major matters. In the end, he died in vain after being raised and assisted since childhood. The hands of the young master make people sigh with regret.

This person is not here, but the voice of "No! No!" is still in my ears.

This is the most arrogant self-introduction!

Sixth place Qiu Qianzhang's "The Legend of the Condor Heroes"

Interesting index: 8

Practical index: 9

"My last name is "Qiu, his name is Qian Ren."

This ridiculous elder brother pretended to be the second brother and pretended to be deceitful. I’ve forgotten it a long time ago!” He is so thick-skinned that he is thicker than a city wall!

The tyrannical third sister is even more unreasonable. She thinks that "the eldest brother sometimes borrows the second brother's name for convenience when he is out walking. They have the same appearance and are brothers, so I borrow the name." What’s the big deal?”

I was puzzled: we are three brothers and sisters who live together, how come there is such a big gap in their lives?

This is the most shameless self-introduction!

Fifth place Blue Phoenix "Swordsman"

Interesting index: 8.5

Practical index: 9

"I am Yunnan The members of the Five Immortals Sect are not subordinate to Leader Lan."

The sanctimonious Yue Buqun did not understand that "except for Lan Fenghuang himself, who among the Five Immortals Sect is not a subordinate of Lan Fenghuang. "Down?"

Lan Fenghuang fought hard to win, and with the help of the Six Immortals of Peach Valley, Yue Buqun was squeezed so hard that he almost lost his face as a hypocrite!

Lan Fenghuang does not appear much in the book, but his straightforward and enthusiastic nature made me full of longing for visiting Miao Village. I hope the reality will not be too different, ha!

This is the funniest self-introduction!

The fourth place is Gai Yiming's "Yuanyang Knife"

Interesting index: 9

Practical index: 9

"Just below is Catch the toad with eight steps, race Zhuan Zhu, walk on the snow without leaving a trace, fly on water with one leg, cover the seven provinces with double thorns and sing one song! He is a living treasure who knows things like a god and speaks with reason. He is mentally retarded but does not lose his loyalty. He does not blame himself for his low kung fu, but blames "these fools for being so confused. Even after hearing the famous reputation of our Taiyue Four Heroes, they still do not retreat. Then Is there any way?"

When Xiao Zhonghui pretended to kill their eldest brother Xiaoyaozi, he actually stopped being timid and "walked up to Xiaoyaozi and stood straight, waiting for him to be killed. "The girl killed my eldest brother," he said. "My three brothers didn't want to be alone, so they asked the girl to kill him together."

He is a "good man". So much desire!

This is the funniest self-introduction!

Third place Ding Dian's "The Secret of the City"

Interesting index: 9

Practical index: 9.5

"My surname is Ding. "Ignorance of Ding's eyes, Ding of three graves and five canons"

"Ignorance of eyes and Ding of three graves and five canons" are two completely opposite words, but they are actually used for the same person!

Ding Dian himself is also such a contradictory unity. He possesses superb martial arts and has extraordinary love. He is willing to go to jail for the one he loves, which is admirable!

This extraordinary introduction already shows the clues of his shocking life.

This is the most contrasting self-introduction!

Second place Gongsun Lu'e's "The Legend of the Condor Heroes"

Interesting index: 9.5

Practical index: 9.5

"I My father's surname is Gongsun..." "My father once named his only daughter Green E.

”

Girl Gongsun, who is “elegant and refined, with a refreshing air of her own”, has a beautiful name, a beautiful person, and an even more beautiful heart. She has no worldly atmosphere at all, and she introduces herself in a unique way, but in a roundabout way. , the image of a pure and lovely little girl immediately appeared in front of him!

Why is Jin Yong so cruel? He also has feelings for Yang Guo: Guo Fu finally found a home, Cheng Lu Shang was able to live in seclusion, why was Gongsun Lu'e so unlucky!

This is the most playful self-introduction!

First place: "The Deer and the Cauldron" by Chen Jinnan

Interesting Index: 0

Practical Index: 1000000

“My real name is Chen Yonghua, forever, the flower of China! ”

There are no ornaments, nothing exaggerated, just simplicity and dignity!

This sentence is a glorious portrayal of Chen Jinnan’s life, and it deserves to be ranked first!

May every Chinese person remember this sentence: Forever, the beauty of China!

This is the most touching self-introduction! Take a look, there are a lot of recruitment information for fresh graduates and self-introduction materials for various job interviews. You can take a look. I believe these can help you!