A short and funny joke

Short and funny jokes are generally short, but the stories designed by jokes are often simple and ingenious, which will make people unexpected, and some digestion is ironic, so I will share some short and funny jokes with you today, and welcome everyone to read them ~

Short and funny joke 1 1, I'll give you a watermelon. When you are in a bad mood, you can cut and peel it with a small knife. At the same time, you can vent your anger and shout loudly: I kill melons, I kill melons, I kill melons.

I met a beggar at the station. He has a piece of paper in his hand, which says: I am deaf and dumb, please give me some charity. I suspected that he was a liar, so I said, sorry, I can't read. Then he spoke: Brother, my wallet was stolen and I have no money to buy a ticket home. Please lend me some money. I'm surprised: aren't you deaf? He was also surprised: can't you read?

3. Someone just learned to ride a bike when he was a child, and ran into the street unconsciously. When he saw an old man walking in front of him, he felt he was going to hit him and shouted, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a while without moving, and as a result, he turned around and ran into it. The old man stood up and said, you aimed.

4. Just walking on the road, I received a strange phone call. A woman said, "Hello! Congratulations on winning the second prize of 300,000 yuan in our company! " Before I could speak, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, I lied for the first time." Then she hung up and left me standing in the wind.

A girl was punished for running laps in the playground for being late for class. Unexpectedly, it began to rain and the girl had to run in the rain. This is a boy running after her with an umbrella and moving it to the girl's head. The girl recognized that the boy stared at her for a long time, and her face turned red in an instant. She whispered shyly, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend ..." The boy bowed his head and said to the girl affectionately, "Do you want it? This umbrella is ten dollars ........................................ "

Short and funny joke 2 cold joke text message

1, the teacher criticized Xiaoming: It was also taught by the teacher. Why do others study well and you study so badly?

Xiao Ming: You are a father, too. Why are you a woman and your brother a man?

Xiaoming was caught by the teacher playing truant.

Teacher: "What did you do?" Xiaoming: "I went to eat." Teacher: "Just eat!" Xiao Ming: "teacher, my grades are not good and my health is no longer good." What can I do? "

3. The teacher asked the students: "If one day. A robber stabbed me, what would you do? "

Xiao Ming: "I don't think he stabbed it." The teacher said, "What if I miss?" Xiao Ming: "Then give him a bottle of pulse and be ready for a better state at any time." Teacher: "What if I get stabbed?" Xiao Ming: "Then give him a performance. Can't stop-"

4. Teacher: If you don't do it, who knows what it means?

Xiaoming: On the surface, you never do anything ungrateful. In secret, you have two mistresses ... Teacher: ... Get out.

5. One day, Xiao Ming took a book and asked the teacher, "Teacher, why is the tongue as long as the foot?"

The teacher was surprised and asked, "Who told you that your tongue is as long as your feet?" Xiao Ming quickly said, "It's in the book. I read it from this book. Look, isn't the three-inch golden lotus a golden tongue? " teacher ...

6. Teacher: How do you explain Xiaoming's nine Niu Yi hairs?

Xiaoming: A drop in the bucket means bringing a cup of tea to work at ordinary times and escorting people by car when going out. The salary is right. teacher ...

7. Xiao Ming: Teacher, I usually see women calling them sisters and old men calling them uncles, which makes me look young!

Teacher: Is that why you call me grandson?

8. "Why do trucks run faster than cars?"

"Because of the card."

9. One day, a chameleon was looking for food in a tree, which disturbed the life of ants.

The ant found the neighbor magpie and bug and said, "As long as we work together in Qi Xin in Qi Xin! I'm sure I can drive it away! " The magpie said, "It's none of my business!" The bug said, "It's none of my business!" "

10, Bai: Hahaha, Tang Priest, you are finally in my hands. I can live forever after eating you!

Tang Priest: The donor poor monk went to the Western Heaven to learn from Purdue sentient beings. Please cut me some slack! Bai: All right-somebody, let it go. Tang Seng ...

1 1. The girl made coke chicken wings for the boy. The boy tasted it and said it was delicious. The girl also took a bite and said, liar, I don't know him at all.

The boy said softly, fool, everything you do is delicious to me. A few days later, boys and girls died of bird flu. This story tells us that Hugh Ai En died quickly!

12, I dreamed of losing 6 yuan last night. Didn't you say that dreams are the opposite? I was happy as soon as I got up, and it was hard. Finally, it's my turn to pick up the money.

I went out without thinking, and dropped 9 yuan. ...

13, a woman asked: Master, I am so beautiful that I am pestered by a group of men to give gifts every Valentine's Day. It's hard for me to refuse others. What should I do?

The master silently bowed his head and scooped a ladle of water from the pond and poured it on the woman's head. The woman was angry and asked, what does master mean? The master replied: As long as you take off your makeup, the world will be quiet immediately.

14, "It's not sad to eat by face, it's sad to eat by talent". It is our kind of "not enough to eat by face, not enough to eat by talent".

15, friendship, the more familiar you are, the more you feel that the other person is a fool.

16, don't always come from single dog and single dog. You should be a single turtle by age, and a single pig by size and IQ.

17, if you can't learn to be shameless, then you must learn how to tolerate the shameless of others.

18, when you go to work or study, you will find that your hair is particularly forked, your nails are particularly long, your body is particularly itchy, and your shoes are particularly dirty. It's like fucking going to the bathroom without a cell phone.

19, "Your son has the same vision as his father and can pick people", which is really great, and all four people praise it!

Wang Feng, in her twenties and forties, proposed to Zhang Ziyi, 36. Then when you go home for the Spring Festival this year, your relatives will tell you a truth: don't be too picky, or even if you are as beautiful as Zhang Ziyi when you are old, you should marry a divorced woman and bring up two children. ...

2 1, I'm afraid the most successful man in China is the father with a small head. He has a full-time wife, a precious son and a villa on the second floor. He doesn't need to go to work very much, just accompany his son to have convulsions every day. ...

22. Is unrequited love the stupidest thing in the world? No, there is something more stupid than unrequited love, called mutual unrequited love.

23. Be nice to your boyfriend when you find him. Don't bully him and hurt him. After all, he is blind.

24. A man who desperately earns money but doesn't pay attention to his health is equivalent to working for another man!

If a woman desperately earns money to support her family, but she doesn't know how to be beautiful, then she is making room for another woman!

25. I just went to the bank to deposit money and lined up to get the number. The security guard came over and asked me what business I was doing. I said, save money.

The security guard looked at me and said, go to the ATM. It's fast there. Me: I can't use it. Security guard: I'll teach you. Walking to the ATM, the security guard taught me step by step. When I put money in, I took out a handful of coins. I saw the security guard's face was wrong. ...

26. Diaosi: Goddess, will you accompany me this Valentine's Day?

Goddess: Poor B, get out! Diaosi: Who said I was poor? I'll give you 200 bucks if it's a big deal. Hold on. Goddess: I'll give you 300. Can't you come out? Diaosi: Good! It's a deal. This is my bank card number XXXXXXXXXX…… ... ...

27. When I went to the hospital today, the nurse cleaned and bandaged my wound.

I said to the nurse, seeing your skilled operation, I always feel that I am with you. The nurse said, are you a nurse? I said no, I patched the tire.

28. Aunt next door: "Are you looking at someone?"

Me: "What's the matter, you want to be with me?"

29. Just after listening to the conversation between two colleagues, the colleague said, "My girlfriend is angry."

Another colleague said, "Borrow the pump again!"